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Last Visit 2018-12-15 14:47:37 |Start Date 2006-02-26 22:31:48 |Comments 618 |Entries 596 |Images 1,547 |Videos 113 |Mobl 2 |

Category: anxiety

12/11/06 07:48 - 42ºF - ID#37193

just balled up right now

Full of a wide range of emotions that I can't really pinpoint. Finals week for starters and to be honest I don't know where that is going to go. I have an open book compressive exam tomorrow and I have no clue on what or where to study.

A friend of mine that is getting laid off from the SBA has come up with an interesting business plan and I'm doing my best to make sure I can put a couple extra bucks in my pocket.

I'm totally anxious about Las Vegas.

It's not that i need to get laid but currently I have that raw energy similar to it that could be quenched by breaking out of my comfort zone and taking a gamble. The feeling of your stomach dropping down to the floor a la roller coaster style is something I wish I could have at the moment. It's just that finding it at the moment is a bit ambiguous.

It's just that need for an endorphin rush. I could get it by landing a new job, hooking up with a hot woman or betting $10000 and winning.

Oh, and I have Howie Day's "She Says" stuck in my head at the moment. Why I don't know!
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Permalink: just_balled_up_right_now.html
Words: 208
Location: Youngstown, NY

12/10/06 04:35 - 47ºF - ID#37192

last night's party

It was a blast. Although I did not stay as long as I wished leaving last night really gave my spirit a lift. Meeting PMT's roomie Anna was quite interesting. I really found her frank perspective on things very refreshing and quite interesting. (e:metapeter) and (e:jenks) very nice pictures as always.

While I'm still stuck at work and hearing emotionally deflated players coming down from the tournament telling me about how they were sucked out of $580 dollars on a bad beat in the tourney I have to thank (e:lilho) for giving me that small lift last night. Believe me it has been a while and my day has gone quite well despite the circumstances of being here on a Sunday. it makes up for the Hardware blowoff ;-) J/K It's always good to clarify that you're not somone else? :-)hee hee

All I can say is the vibe that I had leaving and even into today was just one positive glow and it's not from any scandalous thing either. It was just good people and great energy from a great party for a good guy that is getting a bit closer to us old foggies on other side of a that milestone...ISH!!! That was a funny sign.

To more nights like that in the future.

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Permalink: last_night_s_party.html
Words: 221
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: (ouch)

12/05/06 08:33 - 27ºF - ID#37191

Lack of game

I just had a (e:jenks) moment. There was this woman in my tax class that I joined along with my group partner in the smoking section during the break of this night class. Now i have been an ex-smoker for about 3 years now. It's just that once in a while I miss the comradery of being the social outcasts and being part of a circle of people sharing something.

Needless to say I was just so close to just saying F-it and asking if she had a boyfriend. She is pretty cute. Now I feel like a lame ass saying see you next semester in Audit...

Yea, with my luck she'll tell me on the first day of class that she meet her new boyfriend on Myspace!

Really all I had to do was ask, and the suspense would have been gone. But I saw her on her phone calling someone and I assumed that it was a guy...

I need some game...ARG!
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Permalink: Lack_of_game.html
Words: 165
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: numb

12/05/06 04:24 - 28ºF - ID#37190

What rabbit hole did I fall into?

I started off this day with a really surreal dream. It involved my late best friend's widow, the Notorious B.I.G. and myself! I really don't want to explain it as it was needless to say really creepy, disturbing and f'd up !

I took today off of work just to get my head squared away for a test that I'm about to take in a hour. I am just looking around and wondering who the hell are these people around me and what makes them tick? I'm just really curious and bewildered at the same time.

For some reason going to Europe is in my head. Running over the logistics right now and they look pretty good. For some reason Frankfurt is stuck in my mind. Although a friend of mine talked about Denmark the last time I ran into him.

OK I need to get back to what i was doing.
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Permalink: What_rabbit_hole_did_I_fall_into_.html
Words: 153
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: sleep

12/03/06 11:42 - 28ºF - ID#37189

sleep yes sleep

I am pretty convinced that is all I did this weekend. Other than going out on Friday night locally with my "International Businessman" buddy Peter I just slept and slept.

The highlight was going over to a friend's house @ 1am to do no other than sleep. The only stress was running over a bunch of scattered flatrocks on the I-190. It just scared me to think that i may have blown out 2 tires 2 days before I am going in to replace all 4 of my horrible Michelin's.

So this morning when I ended up going to Perkins I ended up running into an old acquaintance of mine Chuck. I have known this guy for all of my life. It was just a bigtime reality check to see his new wife and 4 kids. Yea, he's loaded bigtime but I just feel real old and inadequate on so many weird levels. The biggest being that although I really never wanted any kids back then it is just scary to think that I would have to go through a decade of fun times before they are semi functioning people. If I started now then... I shouldn't go there right now with that train of logic.

But yea I ended up going home at 1Pm and sleeping until 7. Came and studied for my exam on Tuesday and now I'm back to Bed.

Dam S.A.D???
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Permalink: sleep_yes_sleep.html
Words: 231
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: boring

12/02/06 06:51 - ID#37188

one of those days

I just really had a weird night last night. My friend Peter and I just stayed out in Lewiston last night. It was a bit out of the ordinary as most of the usual crowd went of the road last night to Broadway Joe's to see the local Radiohead cover band play. They're playing Rochester tonight but I just don't have any motivation or energy to do anything really meaningful at the moment. I just don't know what is wrong me.

Here are a couple of examples of how blah I am at the moment. I was actually thinking of heading up to Alumni Arena to catch the NU/U@B game but ah I know they're going to get smoked by the Bulls. NU still is having those "discipline" problems with some of their players sitting out suspensions. Reggie has his team firing on all cylinders despite losing all those seniors.

I have a Nintendo Wii sitting on my kitchen table. It's just not for me but my boss at work. I obtained one for her as a thank you for letting me get out of town for my Vegas trip in 23 days! Can't wait as it is just filling me head up with anticipation. I actually messaged a guy I used to work with that is living out there on myspace today just to see if he wanted to go out or play some cards when I'm out there.

Now I have to do something with my time tonight.
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Permalink: one_of_those_days.html
Words: 251
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: attitude?

11/30/06 09:51 - ID#37187

Something a bit out of the ordinary

I was downtown today for a bit. Not usually down during business hours but I had to stop by one HSBC this afternoon. As I was leaving I felt a need to have a nice beverage for the ride home. So I stopped into Spot on Delaware. I'm pretty much a tea drinker, so not having been in a Spot in a while I asked to check out their menu. I decided on a Blackberry Sage and for the 30 seconds I get asked, "Nice Jacket; Do you snowboard or hike?" Now it was about 5PM and the nice weather has clocked out now until March. Before I parked and walked to Spot, I put on my Columbia jacket that I had in my trunk due to the rainy weather. Was he implying that I only wore my jacket because it is the "cool" brand at the moment for winter apparel and I do not partake in any of the activities of the hardcore enthusiasts originally wore the Columbia brand?

Anyway I am starting to see some descent things coming down the pipe for me. Now if I can only keep from being distracted by Vegas in 25 days!
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Permalink: Something_a_bit_out_of_the_ordinary.html
Words: 197
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: true faith

11/29/06 06:15 - ID#37186

Too much on my mind

I have a class that I need to get stuff done for, but at the same time a couple of things are consuming my mind.

Las Vegas from Dec 25-30. I can't wait and I'm pumped! I just booked a room @ the Hard Rock for $69! Never been there even in a gambling fashion for all the years I have been going to Vegas so I'll try crashing there for a bit. BTW anyone is welcome to join me if you happen to be out there ;-)

My stinking Job. I am beyond annoyed. So I am taking an exploratory step tomorrow to do something about that situation.

You can't beat days like this. I went to the "old dock" today that was featured in a former ((e:theecarey)) post I just stood there feeling the breeze coming off of the water, looking at the light fog and just savored the moment. Actually I prayed to "God" for the first time in years. It is strange but I feel closer to that entity in a setting like above than as opposed to any church building I have ever entered.
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Permalink: Too_much_on_my_mind.html
Words: 195
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: going out

11/24/06 08:08 - ID#37185

Transmission Dance party

I'm still stuck at work. I've been here since 8am and even then I wa late by a half hour. The Blue Nun did me in last night but it wasn't bad for the price. Getting a warm fuzzy nostalgia feeling and with the Turkey, Sauerkraut, Stuffing, Mashed Potato's it was a descent time.

Then someone called in for the Swing shift and I'm here until 9 or 10:30 at the latest. Somehow I am not feeling too bad about this and actually getting a full paycheck this week isn't a bad thing. Since my Vegas plans are almost finalized for late December I am almost of cloud Nine!

Now all that is on my mind is my physical ability to go out to Mohawk Place tonight for the Transmission Dance Party. At this point I really don't care if my Friends blow me off tonight. I just want to go period. How I feel when I actually get back home and unwind for a bit is going to decide if I am going or not. I have to debate if I am going to meet up with my Friend Steve B. tonight or tomorrow night. He's 30 and in the process of getting himself into Cornell Med School so he has a ton of homework that must be done this weekend. I'm thinking I'll pass on him tonight in favor of tomorrow night and a possible Allen St. romp.

Right now my legs are getting sore, the disgruntled amateur gamblers are just annoying the heck out of me. The only thing going is I'm working with "The Guys" tonight meaning it is a drama free zone!
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Permalink: Transmission_Dance_party.html
Words: 274
Location: Youngstown, NY

Category: holiday

11/22/06 10:33 - ID#37184

Cheap Wine

For some reason I have it in my head that I need to consume some retro branded wine from the 70's and 80's. It could have been the mention of the good ole gallon jug of Carlo Rossi from the (e:chat) last night. Then again I think nostalgia and memories have such a big part of the holiday season.

So I ended up hitting Premier as they were closing and bought a bottle of (WIKIPEDIA - Blue Nun). To match it off before New Years I am going to have to hit a bottle of as well.

Other than that I did have a mini date this evening. After a utterly shitty day at work [the end may be coming soon] I ended up meeting a co-worker at the Orange Cat. She's from NT and had a tough time finding the place. It was a descent time, but long term I just don't want it to happen. We get along great but there is just always going to be something missing.

X-Mas comes early for me as my Dad ended up going to the Hockey game tonight. I guess he felt sorry for me up in the suite he was sitting in and bought me some official merchandise, Sweet.
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Permalink: Cheap_Wine.html
Words: 216
Location: Youngstown, NY



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