(WIKIPEDIA - )So I spent the evening over in Canada tonight. I had dinner over at Fallsview and just puttered around enjoying the roar of the falls. I'm posting my Falls Pics since everyone else seems to be doing it lately, Ha Ha





So (WIKIPEDIA - Ricky WIlliams) is now a Toronto Argonaught! I actually love the guy. We're about the same age and both had out bouts with shyness/social anxiety disorder. I never quite got into Yoga, but could. I just can generally relate to the being the quiet "weird" guy. It is just funny that he is now going to play in my "home and native land." Being from Hamilton he is playing for the arch rivals of my Hamilton Tiger Cats, but I can put that aside. I did when Raghib Ismail played for Toronto when he bailed on the NFL.

But the irony is just killing me. He is only playing up here because he violate the NFL drug police (Smoking Weed) and is suspended from the Dolphins for a year. Well Ricky Marijuana is ALMOST legal in Canada so we will just look at you as a Political Asylum Seeker. It is just in less than an hour you won't be able to smoke anything indoors in Ontario as the COMPLETE Smoking ban takes effect. You better be 9 meters away from the door after midnight.

When I was walking around Casino Niagara I was ALMOST tempted to smoke one last cigarette. Then I realized that I didn't want to smell or push the envelope of falling off the wagon. So I just walked through the place sucking in second hand smoke for the last time ever indoors in Ontario. Oh the memories of almost 10 years ago. When I was in the process of blowing my big money from the 90's sucking down a Export 'A' or whatever I smoked back then, maybe a Salem Ultra Light?

SO here is to Ricky Williams coming up to Canada to play football and smoke...but not indoors.

Went for a descent skate this afternoon. I just love the heat and to me there is nothing greater than the feeling you get when you come in out of the sun and just wash all of the salty slim off of your body in a hot shower.

I popped in the new Tool when I was blading and now it is finally growing on me. I skated by this house along the way to Old Fort Niagara where i did quite a few exploratory things when I was in High School. I was just realized that I was smoking herb and listening to Tool about 13 years ago at the house. Now I am just whizzing by with their latest CD from the mind of Maynard. Didn't care for it too much at first, now I just can't get enough of it.

Had dinner tonight with my Dad @ my place of employment.
The Italian Meal @ LA CASCATA. It was a descent meal, but I bit down on an olive pit in this garlic paste and it is just annoying the heck out of me right now. Hopefully it will just fade away. I have taken bigger chomps on bigger pits before.

If anyone would to Rollerblade or go for a descent walk on Wednesday let me know.

I had a intense conversation with a former fling on Friday and it really got me to analyze everything in what I was doing and how honest I am with my latest ex-girlfriend.

In my LJ I posted this:

"talked to a friend last night begging me to cut off
the relationship that i have with my ex-girlfriend. In
some ways she is right in the fact that we are not
going to get married or should not period. While at
the same time i am pathetic in being afraid to be
totally alone. It is just i really dislike having
people instruct me on my personal life. Then at the
same time, finding someone else at this juncture is a
pretty heavy task."

Now I guess in a big way I feel like she is a buffer zone for me. Someone that I call upon to do things at the last minute. For example she accompanied me on Friday night when I went to Fallsview Casino to see the "Turkish River Dance" set to the Greek legend of Pandora and Prometheus.






After the party last night I went and checked out my favorite cover band in the world, The Karma Police at the Brickyard in Lewiston. It was a blast, yea I really became drawn to the songs off of The Bends but the whole social interaction of people that I knew for years was just mind blowing. I even ran into my cousin's wife Cindy.

The condensed story is she really wanted to act life my girlfriend. We haven't been "together" since January. So I just didn't feel the connection to PDA in a bar full of people that I see once once in a long while.

She obviously is wanting a closer connection that we currently have, although she was the one that dumped me in the first place. It is just making me sad that although this is going to really hurt and suck for a while it may be the best for both of us to cut off seeing each other and put the pressure on ourselves to move along and find other people (Seriously, not the half hearted attempts to find a new S.O.)

It just kills me since I just don't want to go a year or so without even landing a date let along something more. Yea, thinking like that may be setting myself up for a self fulling prophecy, but I did go almost 2 years without......

Yea after working for 7 days straight I think my mind went a little loopy. The most important thing out of this is I think finally after years of being stubborn I think I may be finally experiencing a breakthrough. On my 7th Day I went early to see my "shrink" on my last day and afternoon shift. Something he said to me actually got through for once. The state that I am in currently is a bit uncomfortable, but for the longest time I actually logically believed that I could not do anything about it. So I just stayed where I was stewed and festered. Being restless and uncomfortable but unable to move, but knowing with that there is so much more potential out there. I guess it would be like waking up during a surgery consciously aware but unable to move or communicate.

I don't feel that way today and hopefully it was stay and resonate through my life.

Going to pick up my new specs if I can get away from doing a productive endeavor at the moment. I will take a pic as soon as I can.

Just trying to figure out if the weather is going to cooperate for TATS.

At least I know what day is actually is today!

EDIT I'm going, heading up to the Square now. Yea a bit early but I have nothing better to do at the moment. No sense of working out right before the show. I'm going to be standing for 3 hours.

So I make a deal and work a 7th day today. My relief never shows up and I'm there for another hour until they figured out what to do. So I get out of there at 12. I'm contemplating going out to a bar on 3rd street. I drive by and there are a few people out. Nothing special but nothing dead. I just come home and shy away from drinking from my crazy brethren.

I come home to an empty house. My Dad is not back from his Germany/Florida trip. He comes home at 2am. From my place of employment!!! At least he brought home some leftovers from La Cascata!!!

All I can say is I'm really exciting when my Dad is living it up and I'm home in front of the computer....

Oh it is way too late and I am just too blurry to be posting anything. Haven't been home in 2 days. This is not special in and of itself except for the fact that I thought it was spring and turned off the heat. Temperature when I returned home from work this afternoon in my house....54 degrees!!!!! Needless to say it inspired me to clean the downstairs since it the conditions would physically prevent me from breaking a sweat in cleaning, and it did! :-)

But back to the topic logged on to my much useless match.com account to find that 3 people have "winked" or whatever they do to let you know that they have been checking you out. The first person was 19 and currently resides in Warner, New Hampshire...OUT and it also looks pretty fake.

The second is 4 years older than me and lives in NF Ontario. Not too attractive, but not a deal breaker...Kids and they sometimes live at home....Not too good, although not a total deal breaker...TV Show PRISON BREAK...........OUT, Totally.....Delete
That show caused way too many problems with my Ex. I can't stand sitcom TV drama. She loves that kind of stuff. That was the total deal breaker. Yea, I'm totally weird and harsh!

Third lives in Lancaster, quite a distance..Not good but not a totally out of the running. Not too bad in her pics. Looks halfway intelligent. Pic of her and her cat, same color as my Ex's......OUT
As a disc lamer I am most pretty sure I'm allergic to cats in the first place, but the same color.....Too close to home.

Yea I am probaly being weird and unreasonable, but deep down I know they just weren't for me at all.

As in the conversation I was having with someone at work this afternoon, "Where do people meet these days anyway?"

I'm not particularly looking at the moment but if I was I think I would feel really nervous right about now about any potential prospects or any kind of opportunity to have reasonable chance encounter.

Scary Stuff.

So I am just updating for the sake of getting to the half century mark. This weekend was pretty much shot. I have been working like a total fool so far this week and will until Sat. All I am focused on right now is that Karma Police Show @ the brickyard on the 27th. Anything else right now is just something that is just getting me by until then.

What is really doing the job right now is the CD from The Twilight Singers "Powder Burns." Just what I needed, a nice soundtrack to the drama that I have been going through with my Ex's over the last month. I just love that man Greg D.

It is just way too late or early and I need to grab some more sleep before I head off to work at 7:30 this morning.


Another random though, why is my myspace page getting hits all of a sudden? For the longest time I was lucky to get 2 or 3 every 5 days. Now it's 15-20 a day! What is the deal?

So after 4 days off I return to work sick. I'm battling this viscous head cold that is just making my nose run, run and run...
The upside on this is that I have just zonked out when I have returned home from work and just slept for 6 hours. I wake up around 9 or so and grab some leftovers in my fridge and then try to go back to bed. Sleep to me is a comforting drug right about now. Nothing bothers or hurts me when I'm just layed out. In some ways I think that is how I have done a descent job in the effort to stay young. Yea, sleeping for 8-10 hours a day is pretty big luxury in today's world. Just for me it's a requirement not a privilege. If I find myself going for 2 or 3 days with only 6 or so I just want to crash on the nearest couch and take a cat nap. I know this is not normal or typical of people today. Does it give me a complex of being lazy of some sort? Yes, but at the same time a good solid sleep on a dreary, rainy, chilly day like today for 8 hours is like a good weed buzz.

Then again I have always felt like it's a coping thing. Just like the old Ben Folds Five song "Narcolepsy" I just can't post lyrics, for some reason I just can't stand it when people do it.

To sum up this post, I feel great when I get some killer sleep but feel quite guilty in doing so.

It's just one of those day's where it isn't good or bad but pretty much is...

On a more interesting thread, I AM PUMPED RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!

band's website

Their Myspace

The Twilight Singers new CD "Powder Burns" came out today.
Just called New World Record in Buffalo and saved my copy.
Going to get my copy in 10 minutes.
YES, I am getting excited about a CD coming out.
I feel like I'm 17
That sick MF Greg Dulli takes me to a special place every time I play any of his stuff.

On another note I finally taken the initiative and got a new pair of glasses. It's going to be one of those trendy half frame things in bronze. I just need a change right now in just about everything about me right about now. Not a bad obvious place to start.

Finally joined the 21st century and got high speed Internet. It was a real pain in the ass to get everything installed. The whole process took about an hour and a half. My house is a freaking mess and stuck in the 1970's. So he had to drill a hole from the outside :-/

This is really nothing to compared to the raw emotion I am still reeling from right now. My conscience got the best of me and I had to tell someone something. I'm not too sure if they will ever speak to me again, and I really can't blame them it they never do.

Just what the hell am I doing with my IRL friends lately? I am either breaking it off with them or doing something incredibly stupid to force the issue into default.

Could it be that the universe is telling me to just pick up my roots and get out of town?