Did some 4-wheeling today. Oh how I want to do more of that this summer. Gliding through the woods, smell of locust trees in full bloom, the spray of last nights rain splashing up on my legs and face, leaning as I wound around puddles, I felt so free. I had to keep a full smile from forming across my face (dirt yes, but I don't think Orbit can get bugs out of teeth!). This yet another facet of my interests, yet something I hadn't done in years. It was simply, a lot of fun.

I thought of past times-- insanely long bike rides as only means of transportation, being chased by wild dogs, hitchhiking during some of those times, owning trucks for the purpose of off-roading and "mudding" with other friends with trucks, racing cars, living 'poor' even with bank accounts, living richly without a dime, a time of meeting strangers and making fast friends of them- sharing in that days adventure. Always carrying a tent and setting up whenever and wherever as needed. Following train tracks for miles on foot, exploring dilapidated buildings and warehouses (think floors broken through), scaling dangerous hillsides (one later killed a friend), breaking into abandoned houses when tenting was not an option, eating what we could find, "cleaning up" in public bathrooms, embracing the darkness without fear. We had jobs and/or college- but that was the extent of responsibility. All free time was our time. Life is to be explored. Risks to be taken. Nights to be wasted drinking bad coffee at Dennys. Drawing, painting, writing, flirting with all that life had to offer. Other times were spent dressing to the nines, trying neat restaurants, dancing the night away in gay clubs. Sometimes gothic, sometimes, techno, sometimes country, sometimes "Chippewa", but always whatever and wherever we felt like. No stone in our life left unturned- other than those pertaining to the expectations of others.

"You don't have to like it" becoming the motto and told to those who didn't understand or approve. Why can't we have it all, have anything we want? We, adventurous, life educated, responsible young men and ladies- having fun, living, experiencing, learning, unlearning, creating our realities as we saw fit. Living a multitude of juxtapositions. Oh such fun!

Most of us broke away from that intense life exploring freedom- or so it seemed at the time. Significant others came into the picture, jobs and school took us across the country, effects of 'defining who we are in relation to everyone else' taking their toll. All of that included myself; focused on school, lived with boyfriend long term, friends moved far away, after college job responsibilities soon followed. Yet it is really just all part of life- the different paths we chose to take- you need to explore to figure out who you are and to remember who you are. Sometimes you need to experience things you truly dislike to appreciate all that you do. Meet people that are toxic to you to cherish those that compliment you.

Overall, distance and time have little effect on the foundation that we all came from. I've seen that with my closest friends- so many maintaining their wondrous ways, while others who had been fumbling toward it, finally finding it. I never wandered far away from my core-being; the adventurous, passionate, playful, loyal, upbeat, deep thinking little girl, young lady, woman. When I have wandered, its been a great learning experience, something to add to the life 'tool box'.

Ive done so many things in my life and there is plenty more to explore! I mean being open to new situations and environments. Doing what feels good, feels right. Being honest, and confident in abiltiies- and comfortable with outcomes, knowing that I had a direct effect on it. Letting people in. Loving others without grand, unrealistic, unfair expectations. Withholding as much judgment as possible, allowing people to be. Being considerate. Laughing at myself, dusting myself off when I trip, lending a hand to those who can use the boost. Taking other peoples hand to help me up. Dropping the ego (when I can!), Living by, 'its all about me' - because by doing that, it will be all about you too. Cant do anhything for anyone, really be there for anyone else until you know, love and have a bit of an understanding about yourself, right? (hehe, I love me)- Accepting my faults (oh my dearest 'sarcasm', I'll never let you go- I accept you with open arms!) acknowledging my strengths, understanding my weaknesses (don't do eveything above at all times, but best intentions exist) etc. So, "exploring" to me, means so many things- and those listed above may sound cliche, but its what Ive got.

I don't live in the past, yet Ive learned from it. I try not to fret over the future, as the present moment too easily passes by. With this, Ive spent time integrating the many facets of my life. Sometimes on purpose, other times by accident. Like today, the trek on the four wheeler was something I entirely forgot about. The friends, lifestyle, interests and generally where I was at at that point of life came rushing back. Its something to think about. Some of those things were part of what felt like a really old chapter in my life, and as they creep back in, as I allow them back in, I find myself curious of why I let it out of my life to begin with. I know that was a different time. I know on many levels things were different. I am comfortable and confident in who I am. I have my moments, but thats just it.. life moments. Times to question and reflect- but not in anyway a summation of life baggage. You know, the baggage that keeps people so weighed down that they are paralyzed from moving- they just can't get past a moment in time- and it effects everything and everyone? Well, I never quite understood that, and thats ok. Guess I'm a bit of a light traveler- I pack only what I need- what will enhance the adventure. ;)

I think about how tweaking my perspective (thats the systems thinker in me) will effect future choices. I think too much, yet not enough. *sigh*

As I returned with my friend from the 4-wheeling adventure, we began figuring out what we need to do before this coming weekends campout/gathering. I have been seriously looking forward to since the last one, just a short month ago. That was a weekend spent talking animatedly about how we always created our realities and continue to do so. For some it seems that life is random, but for our experience, we created and continue to create much of it. There was something we wanted, needed, thought about, we got it. It was simply the expectation that something is real and it easily materialized (manifested). Perhaps it is (was) drive, determination. Maybe its all relation rather than being exclusive. Funny to know all this and to hear more and more about it in the media. The lot of us were always on to something and it was nice to talk about it. I think about this subject often (creating reality).. not much opportunity to talk about it... And during that weekend, we decided that another camp out was in order. We played a lot of Ski-Bo too.

So after my buddy picked me up and after the 4 wheeling, we went out to her cabin/wooded area that the campout will take place. There is a little bit of pre work to be done before hand, which I will gladly participate in ie; mowing, spray land to kill off mosquitoes, retrieve and set up camping/party gear and chop wood. Well, not sure if I trust myself with either an axe or a chainsaw, but I've used both in the past for short projects- though not full on weekend supply of wood chop fest. My little tent is ready to go..

So the itch to just head out somewhere with no particular destination is getting stronger. I need to fulfill a camping excursion that includes some hiking, fishing, nature exploring, and thinking. Or hop in a car (just not mine, ok?) and head out somewhere.. no map- just a good attitude and a desire to relax, laugh.. have a good time.

No fishing required..'cause really, I don't fish much as I don't know what to do with it once caught, other than toss 'em back- and I don't know how to get the hook out-- but I like the idea of it. Sitting in a stream, cooler attached to chair to keep from floating away, thinking, relaxing and not paying any mind to what the time is. The position of the sun is all that is needed to figure that out (and Ive got skills in that). Not much of a planner- rather much more spontaneous. I'm and 'ideas' person and will gladly leave the detailed planning and prep to someone else; not that I don't do a good job of it. I just like to focus on my strengths when I can :)

Last night was chill at the LC bash- I very much enjoyed every single silly minute of it. Thinking back on conversations continue to tickle me. Awesome to see everyone*; its funny that (e:peeps) tend to segregate themselves from The Others. Guess thats just how we roll. Wow, so many highlights, so not enough brain cells to reiterate the experience.
I forgot to have a s'more.

• (e:ladycroft) (ofcourse), (e:decoyisryan) , (e:kangarooboi) , (e:Kaerains), (not that she ever post anymore *kicks*) (e:metalpeter) , (e:mrmike) , (e:soma) , (e:paul) , (e:terry) , (e:matthew) , (e:lilho) , (e:mike) , (e:kookcity2000) , (e:vincent) , (e:carolinian) , (e:chico) , I'm sure (e:salvatore) was around somewhere..

who else..?

Sitting around a bonfire, even if its already plenty toasty out is always a nice atmosphere. Especially when I snag a super comfy lounge chair. Thanks to those who offered to buy a time share even if they did not have cash on hand. ;)

I hope I am finally coming off of a bout of insomnia. Hitting an all night low of exactly one hour of sleep, after several days of close to the same, I finally fell asleep a couple of times this afternoon. I actually dreampt too, which was nice and so very needful. I feel like I could fall back to sleep now...

My apartment has been stuffy too- hanging in at 87 degrees. It would probably bother me more if I was actually able to sleep and the stuffiness was just disruptive, but this is annoyingly straight up insomnia and my brain is way too active. There is a whole process going into and coming out of this stage. ho hum.

Its just after 8pm and I am working on an iced coffee to consume, so that may screw with a decent bedtime, but damn, I don't want to be groggy the rest of the evening- as exciting Sundays tend to be...


heh, forgot to hit "publish".. two hours later..

In no particular order other than how they came off the camera and onto here..






Swamp Sludge Milkshake from McDonalds. It is a really scary green color. The pic is here somewhere..


















$16 and a bag full later.. My pile of book booty. I stayed away from the tables of classics and such, as they were all hardcover and I didn't want to go broke paying for them. I have a decent collection at the moment, and I also wanted to find books that will offer "instant gratification"- books I can easily tear through. Nice summer reading. You get the idea. So I found the author, Evanovich that other people had told me about. A light humorous brain free mystery series. I now have all but one book (I think there are 11? maybe more.. ). I totally scored. I hope I like them..
I dig Dr. Andrew Weil, so I picked up, "Spontaneous Healing". and a couple of philosophy/existentialist/metaphysics books. North African music CD and an audio book.







felt a little nerd elation over this find. Would prefer the book over the tape, as I am more visual than auditory.. but I'll take it :)






























An assortment from NYC

(e:pyrcedgrrl) and I went at 1am just because we could.


Badr


Bowery Savings

Missing Image ;(

Missing Image ;(

I need to do a camera 'dump' as (e:jenks) had done in a previous entry and as I sometimes see in (e:paul) 's journals. Well, maybe its not so much a dump but rather he takes a variety through the day and is good about loading them to the site. I have such a back up that I don't know what to do with them or where to put them. Yet I don't want to just file them and never look at them again. Posting makes them more real and I do go back through old journals.

So, a future random dump might just be the idea. thanks!


other tidbits:

It smells really good outside, well, other than outside my front door*. The night temp is really nice right now. I wish that air would make its way into my apartment.

My apartment is really muggy at the moment. I could scrounge up a box fan perhaps, just to get better air flow, but I wont. I'm not hot, its just not as nice feeling as outside right now. The house I grew up in has a full house fan that when the windows are open and you flip the switch, a thing in the ceiling opens up into the attic space and sucks all the air in. Its fabulous. I have never come across this feature in any other house since.

I placed mulch down. It smells like a zoo. Its only mulch as ordered. Unless the truck had remains of manure in the bed. icky. I hope the smell goes away. I have mulch down in the little spot along the front of my porch- not the aroma I wish to have linger into my apartment.

I should be tired, but I am not. I couldn't sleep last night and most of today I felt zombiesque because of it. And that is with taking tylenol pm- not the kind with vanilla. Seriously, I feel like climbing a mountain. I'll try the sleep inducers again shortly..

and play some games on pogo.com till the zzzzzzzzzs come.

do we still have hangman on here somewhere..?

g'night

Firefox crashed or something or other on my computer this evening. It stopped responding and now just won't pull up at all. I did not realize how much I have gotton used to and have come to rely on Firefox for everything.

So I open up Internet Explorer. While I have never had any problems with using it, once I tried Firefox, I quickly got used to all the bells and whistles it has to offer.

With the crach of tonights Firefox session, my needing to use IE left me feeling like I was walking blind folded in traffic. mmm, not that i know quite how that is. I suddenly could not remember any of my passwords, my toolbar has things on it that I never use anymore, and what I do need I could barely recall the web address for. I just sat and stared for a moment, fumbling to get to what I need. It just feels weird.

I even had to remember the addy to (e:strip)!!

OK, so that should be the easiest one of all to type in, right?

well, sure.. www.estrip.org

but my fingers always punch in www.estrip.com

always.

damn that dot com.

and whatshisnuts for sitting on it without actually having it in use..

So after the initial accident (shame on me), I find myself trying to remember my password for here. After a few attempts, I got it.
I would write (draw), "I will not forget www.estrip.org" 50 times on the chalkboard, but it isn't pulling up in IE. bleh.

So yeh, passwords and trying to remember them until Fireox comes back...goodness, I either need to have IE remember this for me, which would mean accessing it more often (not likely)- writing it down (I'd lose that too)- or committing it all to memory better (not doing too bad so far).


got it. couldn't do it 50 times though...

The Transit Drive in is now open every night of the week. As part of my niece's visit, we talked about going out to catch a couple of movies, like 'old' times. She has had a busy weekend, and I am grateful that we spent time together on Friday and today.

It was tonight that we ventured out to the Transit Drive in located in the Lockport- Pendleton area.
We watched Shrek 3 and Blades of Glory. Both had me giggling a lot. I was thrilled that both were playing together. I had really wanted to see 'Blades of Glory' when it came out in theaters back in March, though never did (as with most movies new to the theater). It was a good combo of 'in-your-face' and subtle humor. Will Farrell and Jon Heder made a good comic team.


I also light up over the appearance of characters played by Nick Swardson (In Blades of Glory, he played Hector, stalker of Jimmy, played by Heder). I have seen him in various movies, each of his characters either cracking me up or grossing me out. A creepy, kinky, silly, warped, talented comedian (And actor, writer, producer). Ive seen him in The Benchwarmers, Reno 911, Grandma's Boy and Click, and possibly more. It took me awhile to figure out who he is (I finally paid attention to credits). Recently I saw him doing stand up on Comedy Central; I was quite impressed.










check this video (funny!):
A Normal Day in the Life of Down to Earth Nick Swardson


Reno 911 "Tug Jobs"


On Jimmy Kimmel 4/07


Going to the drive-in was fun. I have spent a lot of time there watching movies and not watching movies. Although the price has gone up since I have last been there, $8 is still a good deal for two flicks.

My niece will leave early in the morning. Although we had arranged a way for her to extend her stay awhile longer, her friend whom she drove up with did not want to make the return trip on their own. Bummer. I respect that--even though we would like her to be here longer.

Its late, time for bed, don't want to sleep the day away. My official Memorial day post will come later. My father had sent me pics of family members, and some excerpts from books, memorandums and a web site he maintains pertaining to Veterans of various wars, primarily the one he and his buddies were in, the Vietnam War. Fascinating, interesting, disturbing and inspirational stuff. I try to place my mind in theirs.. its truly daunting to try to wrap my mind around.

Signing off..

Good: We are arranging for my niece to stay for a little longer. Three days is not enough for anyone. She missed coming up from N.C./Tennessee during Christmas time due to a royal screw up with cheap tickets.com
So I havent seen her since last June. I have always considered her to be my little sis and have missed her greatly. I'm very pleased that she is here. We did a lot of catching up yesterday, which was most excellent!

Bad: Havent driven my car; really do not want to seeing as I am not able to get it officially checked out yet. I'm working on finding another now. Not sure when that will happen. Also don't know when I will be able to get car into shop. Hmm, lots of problem solving to do surrounding this issue. bleh

Good: Local (Y-Town) book sale is happening soon. I go to that every year. I try to be very selective, but I always leave with more than I really need. I usually have a game plan. Last year is was locating pieces of work written prior 20th century. Other times the search was for particular authors. Sometimes certain knowledge/subject books. I have nothing specific in mind for this years book sale. Toni Morrison and Chuck Palaniuck are two I usually keep an eye open for. I had been recently recommended the author, Evanovich (?) for light brainless summer reading- little sleuth novels from what i have been told. Perhaps I will look for old copies. The books are insanely cheap- .10 to 1.00 if I recall correctly. I know I typically walk out with several bags for a grand total of less than $20. I'll limit myself to $5 this time around.

Bad: Phone rang at 7:53 this morning. Caller Id tells me it is J*, guy I deemed in previous posts as 'Stalker'. It is really limited to phone calls, that I never answer. But it has gone on for over 2.5 years. I did answer once in the past year to tell him to stop calling and to claim that I am not available for any sort of relations with him. That seemed fruitful until this morning. I write about it in here to track the calls/documentation purposes. There are prior posts of this nature.

Amusing: (e:pyrcedgrrl) stopped by for awhile earlier. I have talked her into going camping this year with me. There is a local party in the woods coming up that I have invited her to. Since there will be the typical camping set up, I figured this would be a good introduction to the whole experience. Later on in the season and/or fall, I'd like to really pack it up and head out somewhere to set up camp/hiking excursion.

In college, I was part of an Outdoor Adventures club. It was a lot of fun to plan and participate in activities with a whole bunch of other students. Horseback riding, hiking and camping were my favorites. I also remember sledding, skiing, iceskating and snowman building. There were frequent outings- all of which were fun. The best was just making new friends- hanging out with people with similar interests. It might be fun to have a slew of people go camping again or having more activities planned. perhaps an e peep adventure club!

well, while the sun is still shining, my automobile-less butt will now go back outside and do something semi-productive. Maybe read, draw and/or chat it up with my neighbors. Nights wide open!

later!

1. absinthe is gross. I hate black licorice taste, so anything anise will not be enjoyed. Also, does not matter how many sugar cubes its poured over. ack!
1a. '99' schnapps in any flavor will most certainly be en joyed. yums

2. car is acting ill. Have the issues somewhat pegged, like I am some sort of car whisperer. I think its time for a different car. Ive been saying that for a year. I'll drive it today to see what happens, but I just might have to go without until I save up for another beater. gah.

3. niece is visiting for a few days. I haven't seen her since she left about a year ago. I miss her, and we haven't kept in contact like we should. I wish she would stay here, or be here more often.

4. Its that time of year that hookups seem particularly appealing. Applications are now being accepted, lol.

5. Lilacs do not last long enough. They have an amazing fragrance. There is a bush outside my bedroom window, which the smell works its way through. It seems like they just bloomed and they die already.

6. I've dug up and relocated 42 plants and shrubs in my yard. I do nice work. I'm glad to have gotten most of that done prior to the heat. I love the temps, but I can't imagine doing all that digging, raking, etc. Well, I'd have done it anyways..

7. Lots of parties coming up. I have two that I intend to go to, even if I have to borrow a car.

8. Mojitos. One (or two) would taste good today. I have everything I need for them too!

9. big nasty spiders are everywhere. I hate when I find them in my car while driving. yuck.

10. Jennifer Lancaster's 2nd book will be out any second. The titles are insanely long, so I'm not writing it out. She cracks me up and I can relate on so many levels. Good stuff. Cant wait!

I have been doing a lot of digging in hard dirt. Today was more intense than other days and in doing so, I am feeling sore already. I also tend to get super energized afterwards, so I want to make sure I am good and knocked out for the night. I had recently purchased a travel size bottle (6 caplets) of tylenol pm to have on hand during my most recent NYC excursion. I didn't need it then but I sure need it now.

After opening the bottle, I noticed that the caplets smell. Well, they smell good. I then actually looked at the bottle and noticed that it is labeled as, Tylenol PM Vanilla Caplets.

Why the vanilla? I didn't really care, so I popped two in my mouth and swallowed with a good chug of cool water. There was a slight vanilla taste before the swallow. I still wondered why a caplet has a vanilla flavor- it isn't in the mouth long enough to need to be flavored. Never thought the caplets needed flavoring before.

I am about set to get to sleep, when the vanilla in questions gnaws at my brain enough to need to look it up.

My questioned isn't answered (I originally wrote, "my answer isn't questioned" caps are kicking in, vanilla flavor or not), but I did dig up some dirt.

kinda.

Tylenol makes a liquid version; Tylenol PM Liquid Crack. Ok, so the company doesn't call it crack, but the reviews of the product say otherwise. I found this blog entry to describe it best:



It must taste super yummy and work really well. People can't seem to put the bottle down. lol, I should have written this before the pill popping, there is so much to be said. I am tempted to suck on a caplet to get a good taste of the coveted sleep enhancer.

Just wait till all the pre teens get wind of this. They can toss the ill flavored Nyquil for a must tastier loopy buzz.

I still don't get why vanilla caplets. Vanilla isn't even listed as an ingredient, just the random term of "flavor".

but whatever, now Im intrigued enough to want to go buy a bottle of the Tylenol PM Liquid.

maybe thats exactly Tylenol's point in making the caps with vanilla flavor- make yo want to know, make you want to try the liquid and become an addict. I can see it.

I'll be buying mine tomorrow.

get your 2$ coupon here, haha



nighty night

its that time of year.. in just a couple more weeks, it all begins:

Thursday at the Square!! YAY!




wow, come to think of it, I have not been in attendance in two summers. I always had a class on Thursday evenings.