I was just looking over on LJ when I came across a journal that I haven't read in over a year. This author was once on my friends list a long while back and took her self off for whatever reason. To be honest I'm not quite sure but from my guess it must seem weird to have a single guy on your friends list when you're with a guy for over 1.5 years and all of the rainbows and puppies are floating around your head. I guess at some level I was jealous and wished my life was so young and innocent, ect.

Well I cam across her blog today. Basically it stated on a early Jan entry that 2006 was a miserable year, she got engagged and it fell apart and her life was karmically bad last year.

For some reason I got some satisfaction out of reading about her troubles. Then I realized that I don't know anyone who is happy that gets joy out of someone elses misery.

Yea, I felt like a total asshole.

In the grand scheme of things I donb't think it would have mattered much, except for the fact that she was one of the first journals I stumbled across on LJ about 4 years ago.

It's insane how you can measure someone's life from their blog if they keep it up consistently.

I have come to terms with my bad initial reaction and now have some empathy...

But Damn, Where did that nasty inital reaction come from?

I hope I'm not really an asshat deep down inside :-/

It was a interesting game last night. I ended up going with my Allentown friend last night and had a descent time. The Leafs pulled out a moral victory over a tired Sabres team that just hit E on the gas tank. All I can say is I love the seats that I do get get from time to time. There's nothing like people watching in the 200 level and watching the Lexus Shootout live.

So after droping off my friend and stopping by spot to grab a decaf tea for the ride home I find myself awake at 4am this morning. I had a really bad nightmare.

It started out in my friend Tom's '94 Dodge Caravan and I think we had another friend of ours in the backseat. We were someplace warm and the windows were open. I noticed a car of three women about 19 or so in a Honda Civic next to us on a gravel parking strip. They were singing to the top of their lungs some really braindead pop song about love & relationships in the bubble gum drama type of way. I turned to Tom and said, "They actually take that shit seriously!" As I said that an beefy in an athletic way Italian woman cop comes out of a convience store across the street and says something along of the lines of "You boys better watch it!" We speed out of there, make a right and a left and come to a dead end street with what looked like a washed out road. We hit the brakes and skid on this white sea shell Florida beach type of roadway.

Our momentum keeps going as we skid and then teeter on the ledge of the end of this sudden dead end street. Then we fall over rear over front and fall into this small beach and then the water. As we are falling I am just thinkg, "This is what I get for not driving myself and leaving it up to someone else." Then after I brace myself for the impact I felt my head bump the ceiling. As I then feel the water rush into the van I can't find the seatbelt to get out and I just think to myself, "So this is how it ends? My parents are really going to love getting this call of their other kid dying in the passenger seat."

I obviously woke up at that moment and in a blury daze checked my email on my phone to read (e:carolinian) and his comment that he left me on my previous journal.

So all I can take from this dream is just my subconscious is telling me to take charge in some way. The falling and drowning I'll have to look up I suppose. But Yea, I pretty disturbing dream sequence I never had or remember a falling and drowning dream before.

I was bored today @ work and I was basically trolling around the Buffalo CL and came across this What really hit home was

[box]4) Most people there, have been there, for a very, very long time, and yet, they are afraid of "commitments". When it comes to people on Match.com, the ones who are there for what seems like an eternity, there is reasoning you need to be aware of. First of all, there are far too many people on the site who simply do not have the TIME to devote to serious dating or serious relationships. They know this, and yet, they continue to troll around on Match, having the occasional interaction that usually leads no where. For them, this is the 'best' they can do as far as 'dating' goes. For them, it's not the same as being 'single', and, it's all an illusion they are very comfortable being a part of. Next we have the ones who are never happy with anyone. These people will talk to and make dates with several people at one time. They will keep a 'line up' of potential mates going at all times, so that they are forever 'upgrading' and keeping themselves in the 'life is too short to settle' scenario. Sadly, what happens with all these people, is none of their dates pan out, and they wind up being on the site longer than any other people. Some of them are probably eligible for free lifetime memberships.[/box]

Basically I was thinking that sometime soon I just should settle down and take a "full court press" in getting myself married, again. The last time I got into this mindset I found myself in a bit of trouble. Well actually it wasn't too bad until the skeletons started flying out of her ass.

Seriously, I'm starting to realize that I just don't want to be some single zombie walking through life messing with someone here and there when it is convient for me. There are two imprints that are fueling this round of me thinking to myself, "Maybe Eharmony is a good idea kind of logic." The first being that I am currently surrounded by 3 pregnant women at work, 19, 24 and 30 all of them on their 2 or 3rd kid. Then there is this 31 year old that has been after me ever since her "boyfriend" loose term there was fired about 7 months ago. Now she is a nice person but in terms of life made me realize that I'm really not all that inadequate. Yes, there are many things that am not even close to being on par with most societal norms and expectations, but I'm not pathetic. Although I did get a jabbing from my shift manager today about: being younger, married, making more money, owning 3 houses, having 2 kids, ect... Although I am pretty sure he was setting me up in getting me to buy his 2nd house on Grand Island.

The kicker today was when I stopped by the Orange Cat I overhead a conversation these two guys were having about relationships. The short of it was they were discussing if it was prudent for this guy to continue in a relationship with a woman 10 years older than him [she's 45, he's 35] if he wanted a shot at having kids. The older guys basically told the younger guy to just take the person at face value and ignore everything else. To me that's a tough one. Everyone has some kind of criteria and basic standards. Although it seems that every guy in every part of the country wants that skinny 20 year old, no matter what he looks like or is as a person, women have their own hangups in their own ways. The lifetime members to match.com are equally split down both genders, there is no right or wrong.

My own personal question is: What is in my head that has kept me single for a whiile now?

With the team's sucess I haven't been able to get as many tickets as I have in the past. So when I end up going to the game against my native Toronto Maple Leafs on Thursday it may be the only game that I end up attending. So with that in mind the other ticket that I possess became quite a stressful problem. So in regards to my nature of being someone who thinks way too much I ended up doing something that probaly should not have done.

So I ended up posting a CL ad to see if there were any takers for a guy with a extra 200 level ticket. Well the responses I got freaked me out. I consider myself about above average in regards to attractiveness but I was shocked to see what kind of pepple resonded and what they had in mind for me. Talk about leverage and parlaying material things into an interesting date. It made me think of that Good Charlotte lyric, "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money..."

Damn

I am taking a friend of mine that I owe a favor/makeup event for having to bail on her back in October during that snow hurricane.

Now my only problem is not getting too depressed as Toronto gets beat for the upteenth time @ HSBC ;-/

Being that most of my friends still think I'm out in Vegas I had no plans last night. So when my Ex called and expressed an interest in doing something I jumped at the opportunity. In discussing on where to go we decided upon Faherty's, since she hates Allen St. It was the first time in the place for me and to be honest I really didn't feel it. Other than having Stella on tap and the impression of the bartenders knowing how to mix a mean drink [saw this one bartender mix a bad ass long island ice tea] I'm not sure I can get into that place. If it was warmer and the garage doors were open or if we had arrived earlier when a game was on it may have been different. Then again I was craving the Pink last night but couldn't get down there due to my deal. I swear I'm a better boyfriend when we are not together then I was when we actually were a couple.

The highlight of the night was actually towards then end. After we decided to leave I just had to get a jumbo dog from Louies. As we were waiting for our late night fuel I noticed a mid-ninties town car pull up and a distinguished gentleman make his way inside Louies. It was Lance Diamond and he ended up sitting next to up up front in the row of stools in the front window. Naturally he was in good spirits, and we had quite a good conversation about his gigs. Since I work with his sister we discussed the casino and the shows that he plays there on Friday's. The sore subject on how screwed up that place is and how they set him up for failure in those Wednesday shows @ Hush came into being. I did laugh at his smooth talk at my ex L* in trying to get us back together, but Lance it is not happening for a reason! Still it was the best part of the night was to hang out with him. Now if I knew he was playing last night I would have hit the Elmwood Lounge instead of Faherty's when I was exploring thing to do.

When I DRVed Jimmy Kimmel the other night I ended up recording the new show "In Case of Emergency" I must say it is some pretty funny, interesting stuff hitting home. John Favreau directed the piolt and for some reason I am always going to love that guy just because of the movie "Swingers." If you ever want to know why people should wait at least a couple of days before calling after getting the number just watch that one scene in that movie.

After getting back from Vegas I immediately went to work on that 9PM-5AM shift missing NYE @ PMT's. I was grateful for my getting the time off to sneak out to Vegas for one interesting time and to come back with the same amount of $ as I did when I left.

Tuesday, we were short handed and actually more so since the guy I was working with was still hungover from NYE. He seemed a bit more out of it then just being hungover but after working my ase off I just came home and crashed. I woke up this morning all thirsty, then my nose started to run...Great I'm sick.

Went into work again today and was again shorthanded and sick. The person that I filled in for NYE calls in and asks to speak with the head boss, she's going on disability due to some accident that she had 3 months ago. Her back was fine when I heard that she went out to the Chip Strip for NYE. Also keep in mind that she also called off on X-Mas. The whole reason why she's working in my department is for the hope that one day she will become a poker dealer. You have to realize that these guys bring home $60K which if the individual did GROSS $100K a year, is roughtly what they would take home after taxes. There really isn't any movement for that job. Making that kind of $ is just insane in Western New York for someone without a bachlors let alone a Masters or Two of them. We had about 5 or 6 quit and head out to Vegas for the W.S.O.P. and the one's that did get jobs out there all applied for their jobs back here. I suppose that out there there is a glut of dealers and two the cost of living was just unbalanced as compared to here. Basicaly what I'm saying if that is what you want you have a better shot of getting that job while being inside the organisation than walking from outside. She just has said that it is, "taking too long." Well Duh!

A pretty uneventful blah bad day until I go out to my car. A ticket is there but I just can't figure out what it's for at all. I parked my car after 6am so that couldn't be it and I was within the boundries of any posted sign. Then a further inspection of the ticket, EXPIRED REGISTRATION!!! and the best part is I let it lapse since August! So I call my Dad to figure out if it came in the mail and I just forgot to fix it on my car. He told me to go to the DMV, Nope, nothing and no. So knowning how this town works I go immediately to the Public Safety building and pay the thing a $50 fine a.s.a.p. Niagara Falls is notorious for throwing people in jail for outstanding tickets. The D.M.V is open late until 6:30 PM so I head down there and with little fanfare I renew my registration, cost $52.50. So I'm out $102.50 but to be honest it is my fault for letting all of that slide for so long.

Where I am now. I'm sick with my head stuffed up and just a bit annoyed that my schedule may be totally screwed up due to this individual playing the system. So I may have to do something drastic but the positive side is I have a nice rainy day fund and this may give me the reason to pick up more classes and get myself in a better position sooner than I imagined. The word was they were going to change my schedule around anways [not in a good way mind you] but this gives me a bit of a justified reason to pull the cord. That is what you get for having a descent work ethic where I am currently. Others just have that entitlement mentality right from the week that they are hired, despite the fact that you were there since day 1.

OK time to hopefully get some rest and clear my head.

On more intriguing note there was this show on Sundance tonight. It's called One Punk Under God. It's a documentary about Jay Baker the son on Jim and Tammy Faye-Baker of the PTL and Heritage USA scandal back in the 80's. It's quite interesting to say the least and has me hooked already on the piolt. Pretty wild stuff.

On another note my favorite Band The Twilight Singers are going to be on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. Too bad my body is not agreeing with my, so I'm just going to DVR it.

• SNEEZE*

I'm back in town. I feel half dead right about now. My ride told me tha the weather was fine until I arrived back here this morning. So she is basically saying that it's my fault for the dreary conditions :-/

I have the same amount of money on me that I left with less the things that I bought @ the Fashion Show Mall. The trip was a great exercise in online socialization as I hung with 2 friends of mine that I originally met on LJ. Hopefully the next time I'm out there I'll hang with (e:deeglam) as well.

It's just that when I was out there usually I think of things that I usually subconsciously ignore. I guess this trip was sex versus the concept of being in love. When I use the term sex it is used in the context of just settling with someone that you can get along with and do what people need to do naturally.

To be honest I have no clue in when was the last time I felt the passionate romance, the concept that I stumbled up on out the In LV of all places. I've just had people that I think I get along with great, but just it just never really made me queazy in the stomach or filled with fire like (e:lilho) is experiencing the flip side of right about now :-/ I guess I'm coming to the point of thinking it is better to feel pain than nothing at all. It's just that the people are the of that potential pool of possibilities in that department just don't ignite that fire in me. Then when I travel to some city something within me gets stired up that never crosses my mind when I'm back here.


Well unfortunantely off to work right now :-( and New Years eve as well ::--(( unless you guys are kicking it until 5am..yea right

I think for the first time I am going to make a few NYE resolutions, seriously

I went over to the Hard Rock last night. Well it was Tuesday in Vegas and most things were dead. Then I remembered that there was this place right around the corner called the Double Down Saloon. I was pretty impressed, since it was the closest thing a dive bar like the Old Pink in this town. Although the Jukebox was pretty much heavier music and Punk. The scariest and most fascinating drinks that I have seen are in this place. The speciality "Ass Juice" is a mixture of all the leftover bottles and they feature a "Bacon Martini" seeing the bacon in a bottle was quite a site. I just drank my mainstay Pabst Blue Ribbon. I was seeling like I merged Hardware and the Pink into one weird place. I ended up having some strange conversations with a couple of airline piolts and the bartender. Then again the place was pretty slow.

Then these people from California took me next door to a place called the Buffalo. It was jumping pretty good. I don't know if I should go into more details, but the theme was a Bear night! Pretty exhuasted I made it back to my room @ The HR after my Cali people left.

I have just cooled it on playing table games and slots. The slots have been chewing me up. The one sucessful aspect of this trip has been betting Hockey with my college buddy giving me games. So far we're 4-0 with my laying a lot of lumber yesterday with the Sabres. I don't want to say how much I bet but even though I won, it gave me some good fuel to go out as I did last night just due to the relief.



Tonight I'm off to placed downtown, the first being the Art Bar. Another LJ friend is taking me out and she's probally one of the most fascinating people that I know. I haven't hung out with her since the last couple of times I have been out here. It is never boring that is for sure.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll end up going to the new local casino Red Rock 30 minutes off the strip with my other LJ friend Chad.

I'm totally exhausted right now. I didn't sleep until 10am Pacific time yesterday. So when (e:carolinian) dropped me off at the airport on Monday I didn't get to sleep until 1PM your time on the East coast!!! There is nothing like feeling like a bum in a suit. The night started out @ Mandalay Bay. Originally I wanted to go upstairs to the Foundation Room. It's the most exclusive club in LV that is "Members only" they open it up on Monday nights but it was closed yesterday :-( So I ended up drinking a $12 martini at a bar called Red Square.







So in the most Capitalist city in the world they have a touch of the Kremlin.

After hanging out at Mandalay Bay I ended up going walking down the strip to the Imperial Palace to see my Livejournal Friend Chad since he works the grave shift from 2am-10. We are going to hang out later in the week.

So right now I'm just hanging at the Rio. Going out to the Hard Rock later tonight after dinner and checking out a local bar in the area. I'm pretty much going to lay low on the gambling today. I just need to unwind after my crazy start. So an appointment at the Spa is in order.

This town is awesome and a mindfuck at the same time.

The X-mas spirit finally hit me as I was able to sneak out of work today after about 5 hours. It was dead and after being a nice co-worker and running outside in the cold to grab some starbucks for the room, they let me go. I guess it was the eggnog latte that sugared up my brain for this holiday. So when I was leaving work we had the radio on and that Wham/George Michael X-mas song was playing and just totally infested my head. You know the chorus:

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
The very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special, special...

It was about this time last year in which I had a utterly miserable Christmas with my Ex. Ironically I think I did end up going to Vegas but it was only for about 36 hours I think on my Dad's B-day. Well the next day I after I arrived home she dumped me. It's a long story but to be honest I wish she woudl have done it before the Holidays because it was really strained and looking back it was arkward and sucked.

So this year I ended up meeting my best female friend Deb for a blended starbucks beverage shared a X-mas gift and just had a nice conversation. Which was fun as she had her family stuff to do.

Then I hurried as I remembered the message from my Aunt/Uncle in Canada inviting me over for dinner. I was a bit late but I arrived right when they were finishing up and I just had a bit of a Polish traditional item, herring. I chomped down the still warm meal and then just enjoyed my 3 adolescent cousins and my aunt's immediate family. To my surprise they actually bought me gifts! It was a very nice and pleasant surprise, since they know that my family doesn't do the exchanging of gifts thing. The one shirt they my cousin A* gave me I am actually going to take with me and wear in Vegas.

For the first time in years I actually experienced a normal Christmas Eve. Yea in about 9 hours I'm going to off to Vegas but still to be in a festive envirionment was great.

As I write this I'm just reliving an old Florida Tradition and watching/listening the Mass from the Vatican on NBC. I remember coming home the last time I actually went to church and catching the JP2 in his fraile state. I am actually missing him this year and it feels strange to say since I haven't been to church in years.

The other trigger of a Ghost of X-mas past was drivng up through Canada and listeing to Star 102. They had some "X-Mas from Disney" Staring Terri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives. Pretty much the show as old time Christmas songs and some product placement. What does Johnny Depp and The Pirates of the Carribean have to do with Christmas? THe really creepy part was they were actually selling the idea of taking the family to Walt Disney World in Florida for the Holidays. They were just pounding how great and remarkable WDW is for the Holidays ect.

Back when my the last of my grandparents passed on we actually did what they were selling long before they ever came up with this marketing campaign on radio. I just remember being in some newely built hotel in Walt Disney World. I don't think I was quite 18 but I had a great fake ID back then. What I do remember was I had bought a pack of Salem Ultra Lights at the gift shop and ended up going out back to this Jacuzzi that was part of our room. It is funny remembering the begging of my sister not to tell my parents that I was smoking.

The other part of htis holiday that has me all nostolgic is the music. Now what I really can't get enough of is the old school artists.

I had this old 33 as a king that had Gene Autry doing Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. Bing Crosby, Do you hear what I hear. Dean Martin, White Christmas. Burt Ives, A Holly Holly Christmas. Margaret WHiting & Jimmy Wakely, Silver Bells.

To me that is part of the music. Listeing to stuff from artists that you wouldn't listen to at all during the year. Remembering relatives from long ago from Christmas long past.

Other notables I love hearing this time of year. Bing Crosby and David Bowie doing Drummer Boy. Anything from The Carpenters, Karen is just haunting with her voice. that cheesy Paul McCarthney X-mas song isn't that bad simply having a wonderful Christmas Time. Although to me it just doesn't hold a candle to that John Lennon song, So this is Christmas.

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!