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Last Visit 2021-12-08 12:43:43 |Start Date 2005-08-29 22:47:44 |Comments 1,653 |Entries 694 |Images 1,640 |Videos 37 |Mobl 37 |Theme |

Category: reflection

04/14/07 09:16 - 43ºF - ID#38891

trailblazing with "new shoes"

I love how on occasion when I am severely lacking sleep I am overflowing with bouncy energy.

For whatever reason, I could not fall asleep last night. I tried around one a.m.,ut there was an ever increasing energy beginning to surge through me. I know my tax filing did not get me all riled up. Prior to that I had taken a good long walk around the city (brr!). No caffeine or other stimulants. So no good reason to be so awake and bouncy most of the night. I got up and walked around my room about an hour later- trying to be quiet so as not to disrupt the rest of the house. That didn't help after I laid back down- so I tried reading. nope. Closed my eyes and just let myself think.. knowing that I would eventually doze off.

When I finally did, a thought surfaced- 'carey you are asleep'-- so what do I do but wake up and pretty much agree with myself that yes, I was indeed asleep! Sounds like a nutty thing to do, but my sleep/dream/semi conscious state is weird. Compounded by my occasional acting out. I also tried to pull my fresh nose piercing out- I fully woke before the sting of pain came. (I'll post a pic eventually. Ive been lazy on the pic posting)

so I set my alarm for 8:30 am, having made plans late the night before. I woke 45 minutes early- (did I really ever truly fall asleep) and got out of bed bursting with energy. It was going to be an obnoxious day.

A very busy and fun day-- the kind where you are laughing so hard that a few snorts escape, double over in gut hurting giggles and other moments of random hilarity. I'm finally home (evening plans nixed, drats) and am still very ready to go.

I'm feeling rather sassy on top of it all and a bit 'anticipatory'- not sure how to explain that other than something is brewing and I like it, even if it isn't clear yet what it is.


Having recently added to my piercing and tattoo collection, I'm curious as to the whereabouts of some of my old friends who had been in the piercing/tattoo apprenticeships. I wonder if they are still into it or have their own shops etc. At the place I got my most recent tattoo, I had seen some flash artwork that looked much like the style of an old friend who i lost contact with. Actually even the name he uses was the same- so most likely is the same person? I took some info down to see if I can locate him- how fun! Its been several years, and it made me realize how much time has gone by...
.. and how much that whole atmosphere is fun, creative, energetic and lucrative. Not for me, but damn theres good money if you have the artistic skills.

I also decided that if I went for my doctorate, it would be for 'shits and giggles'. This thought came about because just prior to finishing my masters i began to really check into doctoral programs and sending them my info, transcripts, etc. Having decided that I wanted to live a bit more freely before I make such a decision, I halted the process. This past week I have heard from two of the universities again, not that I returned the phone calls. There is a lot to consider when deciding on furthering your education. For some it is for career advancement, for some it is for the challenge, for some it is for ego, for some it is for varying external expectations, for some it is for having choices, for some it is to limit choices.. so many reasons and logistics, finances, life considerations. For me, I think it would fall into the challenge category- but what an expensive way to be challenged! I have to determine what I want to do and decide if the education needed to pursue it is indeed necessary and if so, am I willing to do what I have to for it. Or are there other equally challenging, stimulating and pleasurable alternatives (i'm a hedonist). In the meantime I know that if I 'feel' it, then that is the direction I will head. If not, than I wont be worried about it. It is all my choice no matter what. As there is nothing specific I want to focus in on at this time, I will continue to further explore and experience life. I love that I can do that. I am immensely grateful to have the confidence, curiosity and faith to do so. As a free spirit, I like to try new things, come and go and experience various aspects of life. When I was full time work/full time school for several years, I loved that aspect of life. Once I decided that I needed to experience other aspects that did not fit at the time, I made decisions and actions that led me to have the opportunity to do just that. And that is where I am at right now.

I'm curious to try new things, to function outside of my own 'box' that I have been in. For a simple analogy- All of it leads to the same place, but in those travels, a change of shoes is sometimes necessary. the treads wear down, laces break, energy plummets, its more effort-ful to get to where you want to go. Along the way, new shoes are available if you allow yourself to stop and try them on. If its a good fit, the qualities of those shoes can keep you going, renew your energy, your focus returns to the scenery and not the pain in your feet. You might find that wandering off path is a welcome diversion- a chance to explore, see and experience new things- knowing that you'll reach your destination but with some interesting things along the way. When that pair wears down, another is always available. I know some people who have been wearing the same 'shoes' for their whole life- thinking that they'd rather tread in the shoes that they know well rather than break in a new pair. Choosing misery over comfort. I also know people who have realized that their old shoes hurt- and with amazing courage (and trepidation) have kicked them off to realize what an amazing feeling to stretch the toes. A new pair readily insight, it isn't long before the break-in period get them comfortably back on the trail. Hey, if they are comfy and serve you well, than keep on keeping on. If they are no longer serving you, then free those toes and try on a new pair. So go and follow the trail you are on, veer off to another path or make a whole new trail. As for me? well darlin' I love new shoes ;) and I love to explore!

And so, with an assortment of "shoes" to try on, I also check out the details of the trail. I've been heading in one direction, so why not go off and explore another.

As I try new things, expose myself to new people, situations, activities- I'll naturally gravitate toward whatever holds a common theme. There are projects that I have worked on in the recent and far past that I want to continue with- parts that have felt scattered- and I deeply wish to make great strides with them and have something to show for it. Perhaps that will be something to amp up my efforts on and get a clearer expectation and direction from those that are involved as well. I may be a free spirit, get bored rather easily- but my commitment is solid once I make that decision. And I love to see things through to fruition. I love the excitement, energy and challenge of building something I believe in- especially working with others- bouncing ideas, follow through, bringing our strengths to the table, making it work.. There is so much going on in life- I choose to enjoy it as much as I possibly can on as many levels as I possibly can.

life is a really cool thing!


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Location: Youngstown, NY


Category: ramble

04/14/07 12:30 - 37ºF - ID#38882

Claiming Jack Daniels

well, I did it. I finished my taxes. I'm tickled that I finished them a whole day ahead of schedule. I worked on them online as opposed to using the paper forms. It wasnt necessarily easier, but I can skip the postage stamp. Actually, with the 15th deadline being on Sunday, taxes are extended for filing until the 17th.

oh, and its friday night. I need a relaxing beverage after all that-- or perhaps I should have been "hyrdrating" myself during. The filing wouldl have looked a little something like this:

name of dependents

1. Joey (pets count, right?)
2. Kayla
3. Jack Daniels
4. Jim Bean

you get the idea.. haha, actually (e:pyrcedgrrl) put that idea in my head.

I'd gladly come up with a more complete parody tax file- but need fresh brain cells for that. sooo not happening right now!



Well, although a drink sounds super fab right now, I have been recently informed that I need to drag myself out of the house early in the morning ;) so instead a cup of tea and sweet dreams will conclude my wild friday night adventures.

Oh, this cracked me up:

on Mad TV last night..
Parody of Jewels' Intuition

"prostitution"



k, thats it for now :)




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Permalink: Claiming_Jack_Daniels.html
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04/12/07 05:51 - 47ºF - ID#38864

Post 2: R.I.P Literary Iconoclast :(

American writer Kurt Vonnegut died at the age of 84 yesterday. I have always been fond of his work- the humor, the political- societal jabs, the outside-the box-thinking and writing which produced numerous pieces that I've enjoyed since first being introduced to the writer around the tenth grade. 'Slaughterhouse 5' was a turning point in how I thought about things. I'm not quite sure how a bizarre science fiction prose tweaked my perception but it did. Perhaps it was the class, the teacher or the timing; all of which introduced us to an existential view of life- much of which was supported and reinforced by a plethora of other writers we studied that special year. For those paying attention, it brought to light that we were (are) much more than the snobby middle to upper class sanitary conformists that our school system so ignorantly embraced. My teacher knew that looking at the students before him, only a small handful would 'get it'. He knew that most of us were spoiled rotten. That we knew of very little beyond the Lew-Port boundaries. That those that didn't have the money or the clothes label were on a different and 'lower' level than those that had it all. That this was a temporary reality if we choose to learn more than what we have been presented in life with so far. And in this class, he was going to broaden our horizons, so to speak. He exposed us to concepts, and questioned our thoughts. He didn't keep us safe from information, yet he kept us safe from sanction if the brave us of thought to question, probe, explore more- it was encouraged. Learn, but also Un-learn. This school was probably not that different than so many others- yet when one former student talks to another, we know of that special 'snobbery' that was bred in northern Niagara county- a certain something, like we came from a very special club , regardless of our status at the time. Cant quite explain it, but (e:pyrcedgrrl) and I kid about it frequently- especially when my nose crinkles to something. (e:vincent) and (e:ladycroft) are in the know as well, haha. It was neither good nor bad, it just was. It was about that point in my timeline that I understood that a written piece of work is more than a story, it is a piece of history- where everything is related. Everything that has happened, will happen and will always continue to happen (Tralfamadore!). A character is a fragment of time, a glimpse into other realities, cultures, states of mind. Through words, a kaleidescope of reality emerges. A small twist to the left or right alters the image, yet the pieces that make it up are still the same.

I continued with my appreciation for reading on a more critical level ever since. I tackled any author that I had a chance to read. College literary classes begot my enhanced analysis and insight into the story and writer. It was a pleasure to see and understand more than what was initially obvious. There is always more. And so, a little 'out of box' thinking was solidified..applied well beyond the written word, it helped and hindered (but only temporarily) through the years. Learn. Unlearn. Take chances with your thinking. Put it out there. Own it.

thanks Kurt, thanks Mr. P*

If you havent had the chance to read any Vonnegut, there are plenty of insightful and quirky reads. My personal fave, "Breakfast of Champions". Its bizarre :)


news story:


book synopsis


"interview" with Kilgor Trout




PS this was second post of day- please check prior as Im seeking recommendations on a bag!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks :)
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Permalink: Post_2_R_I_P_Literary_Iconoclast_.html
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Location: Youngstown, NY


Category: sports

04/12/07 02:55 - 49ºF - ID#38861

Road to the Cup

How exciting for the Sabres. Northeast division title and Presidents Trophy. Nice job to the team for making it to the quarterfinals! Sabres/Islanders first game is tonight. Havent actually been to any games in quite some time. I usually follow vicariously or occasionally catch a game on tv.


I'm itching to jet somewhere again soon. Trying to figure out what I want to do next- in travel, in life, in general.. is exciting, as the whole world is open to me. Yet its a challenge to focus at this point in time. I'll figure it out, I always do.

In the meantime, i am looking for a bag that wont kill my back. One that is adequate to carry essentials for walking around all day without it necessarily being a big ole back pack. Think, wandering around a city, exploring, going in and out of building, subways or whatever else may cross my path. While I don't like to carry much, I like to have a few comfort things with me. ie; camera, 20oz-32oz water bottle, notepad, magazine, book, snackage, lip gloss, sketching pencils, and a little extra room if i buy/find something. But not big!!

My current side bag screws with my alignment over a long period of time, so it becomes a nagging aggravation to my back. A traditional back pack is fine for the woods, but not so great wandering around a city- pick pockets and such.. and they seem to bulky or wandering around.
Perhaps an inverted book bag? gah, no clue!

sooooo, any recommendations? I've researched tear-drop shaped walking/courier bags. They claim to be healthy for the back. I'd prefer to go to a physical store so I can fondle them and try them out. But where to go???


I could always sport a FANNY PACK!! hehe The idea makes sense, but I can't help but envision sweat pants (Zubas!), city t-shirts, and visors- all of which screams TOURIST! or something else. maybe it works for you. so go on and work it.

My mind draws a blank as to what stores around here might have something I would like, be functional, etc. Travel store? Sporting store? ahhhhh?

thanks in advance :)


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Permalink: Road_to_the_Cup.html
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Location: Youngstown, NY


04/10/07 12:15 - 34ºF - ID#38835

home sweet home

I never paid much attention to Dyngus day. Had no idea what it was or why, for several years. Even last night I was perplexed when someone asked me where my pussy willow was. Later I was informed that if I had in fact been carrying some of those branches, I would have had the opportunity to beat people in the back with them. hmm. Had it not been so late at the time of this information, I would have stopped at Wegmans to pick up a bunch. Even later still, after dinner, coffee and gossip, (e:pyrcedgrrl) and I headed out to our friends bar. Upon walking into his establishment, when asked yet again where our pussy willow is, all I could quip with is, "no pussy willow, just pussy". where the hell did that come from?! Anyway, taken well care of in the beverage department, I maintained a buzz until at least 6 this morning. A few hours of light sleep later which always follows a night of drinking, I crawl out of bed and into the shower. I'm feeling ravenous and ready to chow down at some buffet I have been hearing about. I'm skeptical about frog legs, but if they have them, i will try them. ribbet.

Its sunny. I'm working on bringing the warmth back as well. I know I took it with me the day I left for Florida, as the weather channel called the sudden (very next day) freeze and snow in Buffalo a "Winter Resurrection"-- sounded so sinister it made me giggle. The cold, well the 50 degree difference of what I left, has not bothered me that much. I am always cold- shivering when everyone else is comfortable. Comfy when everyone else is sweating. So it felt really good to be in 86 degree sunny weather with 12 % humidity. It was just right in the sun. Never bothered with the AC, either. So upon returning to B-Lo I thought the temps would be bothersome if not downright painful-- but it wasnt, at all. Perhaps all the radiation in my body is keeping me toasty :)

Speaking of which, I have streaks of tan and burn all over my body. Some spots have evident fingerprints, where I did not adequately cover myself with lotion. Actually, I had flaming red side burns that lent an amusing quality to my overall patchwork look. I began to notice people doing double takes to the right side of my face- probably trying to figure if it was a burn, birthmark or skin disorder. A couple of days after that as it faded, it looked more like I needed a make up lesson in blush application, and now, it is no longer red, but a dark patch of skin. Fortunately, the rest of my face pretty much caught up. I'm getting used to my freckles across my face.

and wearing sneakers :( A pretty pedicure in the color of "sweet Revenge" should not be covered up in socks! Alas, I feel that we will hit flip flop weather soon, very soon..

OOOh, time to go out to fill up on post drinking food.

and plot my next trip....





more tales later!
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Category: travel

04/06/07 10:58 - 23ºF - ID#38774 pmobl

resort hostel

the places I meet people for drinks! (e:kangarooboi) and I hve been trying to get together for drinks for a couple of months now. I didn't know he'd Be here, so it was a surprise to see him. we joked that it took flying all the way to florida to finally meet up.

I took a direct flight to orlando monday afternoon and rented a car. then checked into a really snazzy hostel. it really is quite nice. I have a large private room and bathroom, cable tv w/ movie stayions, access to a common room (more tv, music, games, video games, etc), internet access, full kitchen, cute asian guys, swimming pool and gorgeous private lake.
I met up with ladycroft at her place of stay, a giant marriot conveniently located just a few miles away. I went in and immensly enjoyed its multiple clear swimming pools, which had slides, waterfalls and palm trees, ofcourse! poolside drnks were crazy expensive but yummy. I spent a lot of time in the pool. I love to swim and can't get enough of it.
the days have been perfect with their sunshine and mid
80s temps. the nights are warm with clear starry skies. it feels sooooooo good to wear next to nothing, hair pinned up and waring flip flops. it is a nice retreat from those few weeks of deep freeze. I looooove winter and they only seem to get better (no snow till january!-and not much since) but our freaky deep freeze initiated my desire to head south for a week or so.
--its really great, but not enough to abandon buffalo. anytime I travel, move about, I'm reminded that although buffalo can get resally effin cold, its really the warmest place to be. theres nothin like our community- such a kindred feel. whether born and raised or just moved in, or moved and came back---or really wish to-we gravitate towards each other, this area..and that happens to be buffalo.

now its time to head back out and explore. spending the day in the atlantic wiped me out last night, so I slept in. I hate to wash the lingering salty ocean smell out of my hair...

sending warm sun salt and sand your way, peeps :)

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Category: travel

04/05/07 02:18 - 24ºF - ID#38755 pmobl

cocoa beach

feels sooooo good..
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Location: Youngstown, NY


03/29/07 11:36 - 39ºF - ID#38691

dog show pics

These pics go with the prior post, well, the post that has words thumbed out from my cellphone while at a dog show in Syracuse. Bare with me on the quality of pics- I didn't adjust for the variations in lighting and the excited doggies kept moving! There were so many.. I only snapped a few pics as I felt a bit intrusive getting the few that I did take.

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03/29/07 04:38 - 48ºF - ID#38682 pmobl


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03/29/07 03:56 - 48ºF - ID#38681 pmobl

salt city cluster spring dog show

today throgh sunday there is a dog show at the new york state fairgrounds, where I am at now. today is a nice day to be here as there aren't many people in attendance. I imagine it will get busy with the weekend. it is a delight to see so many breeds of dogs. not sure of the etiquette for dog shows, I contained my enthusiasm by stuffing my hands into my pockets. the ones I really wanted to pet, I asked permission first. I watched many pooches getting their fur coiffed. at somepoint I remembered to pull out my camera/phone. here are the few that I did take. some are from the walk/display-ring, others from the agility/obediance ring. I'm posting whatever I have...

not hard to imagine my exuberance at being arounds animals. so of course I wanted to bring more than a few home. off the top of my head, I want a newfoundland, a french bulldog, a furry chihjuaha (sp), yellow lab, and anything else that just wants lots of belly rubs and run through the woods.

dinner last night at a little dive calles euclid was yummy. no pics despite having 'southern fried chicken'. today was a stop at 'heids' an old hot dog stand with a great atmosphere. I went for a birch beer and coney hotdog. yum.

that's about it...enjoy the sun :)
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