Largely for the sake of setting down some roots, my exsuggested we start going to a nearby church. This is somewhere around 1999. We dove in, thinking it would give the kids a foothold on exposure to various faiths and work on building their understanding and tolerance. And it has largely done that. When we separated, many of the folk we met there were helpful in getting through the inevitable rough patches.

In recent years, I find myself drifting away. It isn’t doing it for me. There have been plenty of times I have sat in services and while there physically, I’ve gone out for a walk mentally. We’ve made some good friends and it is largely a positive involvement. I have been involved in varying degrees from being a nursery parent to teaching, to serving on a R E Committee to now serving on the Board. I have served on committees before, but I especially hate this one. I was afraid of knowing too much. That fear has come to pass.

For a liberal place that supposedly welcomes all faiths and perspectives, it seems like the Bush adminstration is in charge. We are for freedom of speech until somebody uses it. My daughter had to give a senior address at the youth service yesterday, that had to get approved by the minister. Apparently, three years ago, a senior gave her opinions about some aspects of the church. She was right about pretty much everything, but the resulting hullabaloo has the poor Rev auditing to make sure the kids don’t say anything too disturbing.

That is disturbing. Again, it’s home, but it is a flawed home. The senior members of the congregation can be guilty of being lousy role models at times, rolling eyes at the appearance of an electric guitar & while wondering why the kids fidget at the orchestra appearance. That level of hypocrisy wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the whole church was founded on the idea of being open to all ideas.

Of late, I’ve found Sunday brunch to be a little more spiritually fulfilling. The infighting among committees amazes me. There are turf battles that rage with intensity of groups fighting for the cool tables in the cafeteria. The decisions of the board should be entrenched in the actual business of the church, but instead are swamping in jr. high level gossip. Interesting to be a part of a group that is all about freedom of speech and the exchange of ideas until somebody wants to actually use those freedoms. Like I said, it's a flawed place, but I don't envision that as a problem, it's the pretending we are perfect that bothers me. The flaws just mean we're human.

One recent example that has been on my mind a lot is a recent discussion of personalities, that a change might be required because “It doesn’t look good.”

Why should we care how it looks if we truly are who we say we are?

Faith shouldn’t feel so hypocritical.

There was an article in this past Sunday’s Buffalo News outlining Erie County Executive Chris Collins’ desire for greater representation from the executive branch on the boards of the eight largest cultural institutions in exchange for the regular county funding that is regularly awarded.

The request seems a little heavy handed as most already have county representation, but the explanation being given is to give tax payers a greater seat at the table of organizations that receive county money. That, in and of itself, is hard to argue against.

What I’m not sure about is why the culturals are being singled out. It feels a little like token reform. The amount of money being spent on the 8 largest cultural organizations is roughly 3.5 million dollars give or take. Erie County offers the Buffalo Bills roughly that same amount with absolutely no strings attached. The Bills are not exactly starving as any passing glance at a tv contract will bear out. The culturals were told to consider the county money “the last funds in the door.” that these funds shouldn’t be used to keep the lights on, that they should be used to instead enhance programming and increase multilingual marketing, even translate signage and website advertisments into spanish, french, german, japanese and chinese. Which of the many chinese languages was never actually specified.

While that isn’t terribly practical, the whole thing seems a little petty & petulant. I watch the Bills toy with WNY’s emotions every fall, and they play a decreasing amount of games in the area, yet pocket their county funding without stipulation. It’s an existing agreement and I say let that pass, but the culturals stretch through the entire calendar year and proactively contribute to the quality of life in Western New York. All operate very lean and mean when it comes to funds. Ironically enough, people come to the area to see the BPO, tour the Botanical Gardens, see the Burchfield and so on. And the extra bonus is that the money that gets spent at these places stays here. In an era where corporate support is dwindling and capital improvements have been dealt a body blow, it seems when you got a few things working and comparitively thriving, you count your blessings and work on the bigger problems.

We all need to work together and I don’t think anybody is looking for separation or anything, but the way it was reported in the news made it sound like the county was acting like Deniro in “The Untouchables,” pacing the dining room lecturing his subordinates about Team and brandishing a baseball bat.

You like to think the demand for more board seats truly is for greater representation not for places to hide folk. That office is represented on a number of boards including my employers. I fully applaud the Exec for looking to reform and spend smart.

Given that the arts outlets help broaden the quality of life for all in the area, I hope the powers that be pay due diligence to all agencies where they have an interest.

Having taken care of my easter duties, I was a free agent today. If cleanliness is next to godliness, the doing of laundry was as spiritually fulfilling as any experience was going to be this morning. So available washers trumped a church service that I wasn't into. In three or four places today, I've seen the old joke about on the third day, Jesus rose, saw his shadow.....

Anyway, before repairing to a late afternoon showing of Adventureland, my camera and I went out for a stroll and the following is what I reeled in. Nothing terribly original, just nice places to catch a little sun, despite the cold. Enjoy

Wow, if you believe we get the leadership we deserve, we must really stink. There is an old political axiom about how decisions are made by those who show up. There is no disclaimer about how that is a physical or a spiritual appearance. The state budget process has been broke for as long as I can remember. When my kids were younger, angry letters to the editor used to be a rite of Spring when the Pataki administration regularly waffled on funding pre-kindergarden classes that were not mandated.

They have never been on time, never spent within their means and despite the overall economy being seriously broken, our heroes are still spending like drunken state senators. The fact that the budget was decided by 3 guys who, if pushed couldn't spell reform, was bad enough. But they seem oblivious to the big picture.

We are all doing with less. In our jobs, we do more with less, stretching dollars and abilities to get more done. Our fearless leaders apparently don't subscribe to that. Instead of even pretending to watch spending and not buy what they can't afford, they are searching for more revenue. New York State is becoming the General Motors of the US. Our business model is busted and the guys at the top are looking for more money to fuel their private jets. Tje squeezing of blood from the proverbial stone doesn't apply when it comes to pet projects, committee work stipends and a slew of double dippers. Although I do applaud Raymond Gallagher for getting a conscious and quitting his state post of part time work when a potential raise got revealed. The idea of the state applying download fees is ridiculous. The state is threatening to layoff 8900 union employees if concessions cannot be reached. The less mentioned portion of that is that 8000 people have been hired around the state since our economic picture "got dire." Got news, it's been dire.

I suppose in one respect they do have something. Not only does all this bad news keep people out, it makes it difficult to leave to, so things should stablize. Our representatives have to get away from screwing the constituents at every turn. The latest sin is that there will be no Woodlawn or Bennett Beach available this summer. It's a revolting state of affairs when pork barrelled crap makes a disaster day budget, but things that might actually improve quality of life do not. I know Woodlawn is not exactly paradise, but in a region where the state senators get five figure stipends for going to a small handful of extra meetings but neither has the kahones to speak up for their region? What the hell. Positively gutless.

When the budget here was in a state of flux, the whole department participated in an exchange of ideas, not just 3 shifty guys and a highlighter.

The beach thing especially blows. Since apparently some chucklehead decided that Fort Erie is on the other side of the Rio Grande, casual trips to the Canadian beaches are almost a thing of the past. Seasonal customs help apparently believes they are Dirty Harry, you have to look inward. We used to go to the Holiday Inn on Delaware to partake of their pool club. Since the hotel decided they didn't want money (?), they in a fit of Albany-like pique, did away with that program.

Any wonder Patterson got booed at the Ballpark yesterday. I know I'm oversimplifying, but holy crap, the state priorities are so unbelivably fubar (and let's face it, have been).

Yep, we're getting screwed, and Albany will not respect us in the morning.

Gentle readers, this is testament to folks who have too much time on their hands to make films like this and dorks like myself who have too much time to look for them.

I'm sitting here trying in inject myself with a little enthusiasm for a press release another litter of capybara babies, but I'm thinking about my older sister.

She has been in the printing/graphics industry in Manhattan for 25 years. With all the evolution in computers and such, the desktop side of things has really changed and the printing scene in NYC is shrinking and getting more specialized. The firm she was with was tied up in a number of the trading card companies, until they were sold last year. New owners promptly canned a good chunk of the staff including my sister. She hooked on with another place for awhile who wanted somebody for all hours, etc and I think it would have been a great gig for somebody in their early twenties, but not so much when you are 47, 48 years old.

I hate to call and suggest this or that, because she knows all that. The intervening time frame while she applies for this and that has taxed my folks' abilities to offer financial support, and she had to pry into her 401K, and has come to the realization that unemployment insurance doesn't really cut it when living in Manhattan. She told my mom Monday night that she thinks the security deposit could cover May if it comes to that and after that, she wasn't so sure. Can you imagine having to let go of a rent controlled apartment in Chelsea? and head home to Buffalo and bunk with Mom and Dad for a bit?

My younger sister lives near Harlem. She had to deal with an apartment fire three years ago. She said something about how she had to start over, too. I understand the sentiment but it isn't really the same. The younger one still had her profession and had to replace things. The older has the things, but not the profession. Our work does define us to a degree (whether we want it to or not) and older sis has done a good job with coping, but I know the limitations are driving her nuts. She is typically one of the great over spenders in generosity and for almost 18 months has had to shut that instinct down.

I remember chuckling a little when that GM's first mistake last year was giving me a car loan. Ironic still that I might finally be in the position to help if she does have to come home.

To have to reinvent yourself when you think you are finally settling into what you want to be when you grow up...nothing about it doesn't stink.

Sad reflection on the way of the world

Nobody seems to want to give anything a chance to develop anymore. From romances to rebuilds, there is an ugly false sense of urgency that ultimately going to leave us all permanently messed up. I'm sitting here with the morning paper and coffee and there is an article that caught my fancy.

Nothing and I mean nothing has happened in that area of Buffalo for a long time, which makes me wonder about their representation at city hall since he's been over there for more than a little bit. For the city to stiff arm that family's noble idea makes me crazy. Land gets put back to use by somebody who is willing to buy it, work and make something from in a part of town where there is not a whole lot of that going on. The city says no, because they MIGHT be able to resell to places like Habitat for Humanity. They might want to look at the lack of a demand now and be glad somebody has an interest.

It frustrates me because anything that has proven to be a draw around here has happened largely in spite of the "leadership." While our fearless leaders whore themselves out to the perennial cocktease that is a Bass Pro store, Elmwood, now Hertel and pockets of Grant are moving along because small groups of people put their minds & backs to work to make something happen. Small things, sure, but they add up to big things.

I guess I'm ranting a little, but hardly anything is instantaneous. Instant gratification is pretty rare, unless you have a cupcake from Delish handy.

The experiences of the week, watching Sens. Thompson and Stachowski hand out staff raises and pocket stipends, while screwing the electorate further roused my thinking. These are two of dumbest men alive or evil geniuses. I'm not sure which. It reminds me of that actual political sentiment that I think I heard on the West Wing. "Never underestimate the power of a small group of dedicated people to change things, because they are the only ones who ever have."

Makes you crazy.

One of the women who has the dubious distinction of working for me was at a personal milestone. She is turning 30 tomorrow and spent Friday in a pre-birthday funk. Having breezed through 30 only to a full-sized MrMike hole in the the wall that is 40, I tried to tell her it was no big deal. The world throws enough obstacles at you so to bring on others seems a little silly. She was concerned that turning 30 meant the death of something. Can you imagine a world where we all acted our ages according to the stereotypes they demand? I'd be smoking a pipe and drinking high balls on a regular basis and I hate both. Don't want to live in a Mad Men world, just like watching it once a week.

She thought about that then her husband showed up to reveal the secret we've been keeping for almost four months. He called me to ask to turn her loose for a vacation week for this week. He showed up to take her home and pack as they were leaving for Costa Rica at 9:30. I was impressed. She had been missing the folks, so he arranged their travel to meet them in Costa Rica for breakfast saturday morning. I wish I had the means to do that, let alone the wherewithal. She was nearly hyperventalating trying to remember what needed done.

I just smiled and kept repeating don't worry about it.

I guess my point be is that the positive karma is there, you just can't be in such a damn fool hurry to find it.

Going to the b-movie series at the New Phoenix tonight.

"hey michael, i enjoyed your company as well, you are very easy to be around. i am sorry but i just don't feel the connection i'm looking for to pursue a relationship. i wish i did, good luck to you"

All you can do is keep trying

Still rising to the tasks of being awake...

I took an slightly expanded version of a post from here and fleshed it out a little more on facebook, only to see the Buffalo News do two articles on the same topic in yesterday's "paper." Makes you wonder if a few of the minions there are following estrip for feature ideas. Theirs might have been better but mine was first.

The previously mentioned number one son was falling victim to the hype and was after me to go to Monsters vs Aliens once it opened. We decided to take the plunge Saturday afternoon and truly geek it up by going to the IMAX theater out on Transit Road. Anything worth doing is worth doing the excess, you know. But Regal, seriously, $26 for two tickets, seriously? Fandango now charges $2.00 per ticket for ordering online. That's $30 before I've even filled out my financial aid paperwork at the concession stand. That is officially the end of me booking ahead. I love the semantics of a convenience charge. Who exactly is that convenient for? certainly not this decaying customer. But the kid has been good, so I sucked it up--especially since I was rewarded with the Star Trek preview, which was pretty cool. Movie is silly fun if you are thinking about it.

My lovely middle child goes to the Tapestry High School, which for this year is in the back side of the St. Mary's School for the Deaf building. I say this because she was telling me about the strange looks that she and a friend were getting taking the Main St bus. Both of them had their IPODs on and the site of two girls with ear buds in place walking past the St. Mary's sign. "Shouldn't they be using their hands to talk?" from one bus rider. No argument with Depeche Mode: People are definitely people.

Six day work week beginning today -- no wonder it feels like I don't have a life. Next week our p.r. coordinator is being taken away to celebrate her 30th birthday so I get to wear two hats again.

Taking a little time away from Bikram Yoga -- finances got a little tight and the continuing change of seasons was screwing with my breathing ability. Once we can settle into spring for real (snow, this morning, really?) and all camp & college fees are finished, I'll hope back on board.

I think we are all gizmo junkies here in some fashion or another. The lovely daughter of two paragraphs ago came home from school on Friday upset. I was over at the house dropping off some zoo stuff and she said her Ipod got taken out of her locker. Sucks to start with, but she paid for the bulk of it, so the emotional investment is that much larger. Occasionally, you are powerless. That was one of those times, where all the ex and I could do was listen.

My church puts on a music sunday every spring and yesterday was the third straight year that I've said the hell with it. The music is beautiful, small orchestra and choir really showing its chops, but the crowd is staggeringly rude. One year, I went up to take number one son to his classroom only to come down to see some woman literally sitting on my belongings. Regularly about 300 people come to the services. but the music sundays double that with people from the neighborhood, people too cheap to go to Kleinhans for the 2:00 show, and just assorted assholes who want to hear the music with little regard for the surroundings. The last one I did go to is still burnt into my memory. This woman was sitting with her baby a couple rows ahead of me. The baby was cooing, enjoying her surroundings and charming the pants of all the immediate neighbors except for these two old biddies who thought they were at Radio City. These two crumudgeons (somewhere between 80 and 200) wouldn't shut the fuck up until the woman left in tears with the child. My biggest disappointment was in myself for not speaking to the witches the way they deserved. This was after some jerkass was trying to shush my son when he was asking some questions about the instruments before the service started.

So, the coffee and home made brunch were much more spiritually fulfilling.

Wished I could have made it to Merge last week, Tiny -- plate is a little full. I'm on three boards at the moment and I'm pretty sure one of em has to go.

Have a good Monday, ya'all.