Needed to get this out somewhere. I picked up a friend of the female persuasion a couple years back. We dated for a bit then cooled off, met up after a few months then cooled off, chatted occasionally and started doing stuff once in awhile and during last winter became involved again only to have it go off the rails shortly after St. Patrick's Day.

Saved a friendship which is nice, if a little odd, but it worked as she was my main music seeing partner for summer tunes. Neither of us was involved and I'll admit to occasionally wishing for another chance, but such is life.

About two weeks ago, she became involved with some guy. Trying to be a friend, I tried to say all the right supportive things.

Now, back in June we bought tickets for last night's Great Big Sea show, and she offered a surplus ticket to the new dude. I asked if this was now a date night and I'm in the way. No, no, it is a music night.

All well and good, but I get this feeling of dread even before arriving last night. Dude is sitting on the porch so I being a grownup went and said hello. My friend appears and gives me the usual hug, no big deal, but pulls out cigarettes. This is new, only being an occasional smoker. It was like watching somebody play a role.

My music loving partner talked through the first 1/3 of Great Big Sea. I had to walk away a couple of times because I felt my head hurting.

You ever look forward to something then really tread it. My friend was there in body, but its inhabitant was all about impressing this person. Part of me understand that but watching somebody you know turn and twist their usual persona is something I don't understand.

I guess what has me most upset is this feeling of I don't know, abandonment, that relagated me to third wheel and concerned that my friend is gone.

When you don't many to start with at this age, that is a harsh thing too.

So, I'm not sure what to do. Have I be getting used all along? Do I react any further? Pretty sure if I go to the Machine at Artpark on Tuesday, I think it won't be in their company.
Sorry, need to vent somewhere than other to my ex

As I am sure, the Roswell peeps probably know, Roswell Park does a memorial service for patients who die during a six month period. With my father-in-law's passing back in February, his turn was tonight. My mom-in-law got the invitation a few weeks back and I think was torn a little bit. You want to go, but you don't want to go. I quietly wanted to go for my ex, my mom-in-law, bro, etc, but I had a feeling it would of the vague sort.

We went over together to the auditorium across from the main hospital building. I was a little taken aback by the numbers of people who turned out. Even more shaky was the amount of people in the deaths column. The service was non-demoninational and very-well intentioned. With the exception of a baby with the Krupe and one woman very much still grieving, it was fairly quiet. A children's choir sang quietly as pictures of the loved ones rolled by. It almost reminded me of that moment on the Oscars when they salute the passing of the dead movie stars. Will people applaud when Pop shows up?

Pretty soon, there he was, big as life. A good family friend placed a photo that I worked on for the original memorial service. My Pop was a denture wearer so for his program, I gave him a full set of teeth. Seeing him blown up to fill an auditorium movie screen made me strangely appreciate my digital handiwork while getting teary eyed at the same time. I didn't hear much of anything till the end of the service when we were directed to head out for a "remembrance gift" and refreshments. Nobody felt like crowding in for refreshments.

Afterwords, I hung out at the house with my younger two while their mom took her mom home and retrieved our eldest from a babysitting assignment. It was nice and centering. Homework was done, prepwork for tomorrow was all set and Edward Scissorhands was on the DVD. After skating the highs of finding costume parts, the lows of a misbegotten Zoo event, the high/low of my final Bell's Palsy check-up, the high of getting a raise, and the real low of what I guess was some left over grief, I looking forward to payday and free and easy weekend.

Hoping to get to the party......