Posts from February 2009

Had a great conversation the other day with a woman close to my own age and for a second or so, I had room for optimism. She's a nurse and told me to check back with her Monday when she got her schedule for the next month. She'd be able to figure out when we could get together for the first time.

I called and got a "have to go" response, which was fairly understandable. Not every employer is cool about that stuff, she might have some actual important thing that needed done. I felt bad because I caught her at a potentially bad time. So, after unnecessarily beating myself up, I wrote an apology for the intrusion.

It's gone unanswered. Left a message, gone unanswered. Got a feeling I should just leave it there. Did I screw that up before it even got off the ground? Or should I just shut up and be patient.

Stuff like that can color your whole day.

I don't know why this stuff can permeate you so, except for the fact I'm a sucker for a pretty face and @imk2 tagged me and well, you know. So, just what you weren't waiting for:


1. I still dream about what life would have been like had my brothers been born without their disabilities.

2. I know a lot about a lot of things, just none of it is terrifically financially rewarding.

3. Despite being able to professionally fake sincerity, I am pretty socially inept.

4. I 've spent far too long worrying about what other people might be thinking. That only made me unhappy and it took way too long to get comfortable in my own skin.

5. I used to read way too much, now I worry that I'm not reading enough.

6. I liked "old man" bars long before I started becoming one.

7. I want to shave my beard off, but I'm afraid of what my chin might look like after 20 years (and that there is still just one there).

8. Been working since I was 15 and finally got a job that I like.

9. Bright eyes and a killer smile will make me stop in my tracks, although I sometimes wish I was twenty pounds lighter and 6 to 7 years younger.

10. I used to put stock in retail therapy, but the euphoria is quick to end and ultimately didn't make me happy in the first place.

11. I'm proud that I dealt with an illness and kicked it on my own. Not that there wasn't help available, but my inner control freak wanted to smack Bell's Palsy around on my terms.

12. MRIs made me realize that I'm a bit claustraphobic.

13. I know the difference between red and white wine glasses, but still prefer a well-poured good beer.

14. I listen to all kinds of music all but there is a regular cadre of people I regularly gravitate back to.

15. I write for a living so I know Number 14 ended grammatically incorrectly, so shaddup.

16. I am enticed and afraid of heights at the same time.

17. I want to see and experience more of everything instead of worrying about the petty shit that keeps me back.

18. I want everybody who gave my former spouse and I shit for the end of our marriage to fuck off already. She never deserved it and I might have, but not for that

19. I love motorcycles but I think my skills are best left to a Vespa instead of a Harley.

20. I still fantasize/dream.

21. I miss my Dad-in-law because he was such an unapologetic booster. He was one of those types where five minutes into your first conversation with him he'd be looking for "Ways to help you shine."

22. I'm too self conscious to dance very well.

23. I drink and I mellow. Most irish guys get more cantankerous. Not me, I just chill and enjoy the arguments among the other drinkers. Anything else is too much work.

24. I'm pretty proud of the paths my kids are on. They have the ability to make me nuts, but I think they are on the right road. I like to think I had something to do with that.

25. I make mistakes, lots of them, in glorious fashion, yet the world keeps turning.

Baby photos of cute animals. Works like a charm.



A nineteen day old baby giraffe named Melia charmed the socks of all three tv news organizations and our daily periodical. At a young age, she was walking within an hour of birth and was quite taken with the attention from the tv cameras.

It's a good day when you can tell your boss that you are helping the Giraffes meet the media with a straight face and be taken seriously.

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?'The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;they had children; and so was all mankind made.'Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'The confused girl returned to her mother and said,'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

So, went with the ex-wife and kids to the inauguration. We had talked, given the kids racial makeup that it would be a good thing for them to see it all upclose. It should be noted that the ex has an aunt who lives in a spacious brownstone in the Dupont Circle area of DC which made this whole notion feasible. I was a little concerned about crowds. The girls are starting to get tough as far as that is concerned, but number one son at ten is still learning. But we made the arrangments with the aunt (who was positively giddy at our whirlwind tour) and Monday morning, off we went.

After caffinating at Spot, we headed into the snow where for the next seven hours, I kept wondering about the true level of brilliance to this whole concept. We took the Pennsylvania Turnpike and ran into a hour's delay for an accident there that involved a flamed out tractor trailer. Got on 270 headed toward dc to see one of the most dramatic accident scenes I've ever witnessed. Picture Delaware from Gates Circle through the S curve covered in emergency vehicles. It's snowing, blowing, a dark curvey highway. I'm driving with my entire body at that point. We made it to DC by 8, ecstatic that temps were in the 30s, we were done driving and that my uncle in law bought me beer.

Tuesday was one for the ages. Setting the candidate aside for a second, the atmosphere was one I think anybody could appreciate. We didn't get crazy and with 240,000 ticket holders, there was no point in trying for proximity. We got a map from that morning's Washington post and hiked down 16th street, where it wasn't too long before you ran into the curbside capitalists. I purchased a button for the occasion. 16th does run into the Mall, but it was a ticketed area, so we went up I street which had so many vendors it was Obamastock. Given the amount of people, everybody was very nice, celebratory. Without trying we wound up moving past St. Johns Church about an hour after the Presidental prayer service finished. Instead of following the throngs, we walked down 19th street, which send you past the Dept of Interior building (who decorates?) and down toward the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool area. For the unitiated, this places you just on the other side of the Washington Monument. We arrived there about 11:45 and found a ridge overlooking the reflecting pool masses and their portapottys.

Got there and saw the speech (kind of ordinary), enjoyed Aretha and her hat for the ages. With the staggered sound system, the delay sounded like she had her own backup singers. What they don't show you on tv is instances like when that god-awful poem was read, our section disappated. Kids were chilly so we headed out.

Watched a little tv back out the house and the network tv coverage pretty much sucked univerally. CNN was too absorbed in their digital mosaic of "The Moment" and their satelite shots. MSNBC was too up the new President's tuckus to be of any use and FOX was still trying to extricate itself from the former President's. DC does have its own news channel (not beholding to any cable company) that actually was pretty useful. When there was nothing to say, they did the amazing thing and shut up Kids were whipped but my uncle and I took a stroll down to see the first part of the parade (largely so I could say I did--as after the president goes by, luster goes down hill in a hurry). I saw the new ride, nice car and called it a day. I have some pictures on my facebook page, but I won't repeat them here as they aren't that great.

What stuck with me was the overall vibe in the city. DC isn't as intense as New York, but it does have its own mindset. There are definitely two towns in one. The drive home was problem free. It was sunny, roads were clear, no troubles till we got to Buffalo where everything turned grey & depressing looking.

I think I'm done now, but it was a good thing for the kids to see

I've been on the dreaded yahoo personals for sometime now with mixed results. I made a connection about a week ago and we are still in the phase of phone calling and made plans to get together in the flesh last night. The shitty weather put the kabosh on that. After dinner and whatnot, I got a call from one of the kids asking for a little help with something for school, so I walked down to the house and pitched in for an hour and staggered back to my seriously humble abode a little after 9.

I gave the connection a call to sort of touch base and firm up alternative plans. We exchanged pleasantries and she asked me what was going on. I told her about pitching in with a little homework. Somehow, and I still not sure, that transpired to being very strange in her eyes that I don't compartmentalize my time with the kids. She managed to take what I thought was a laudatory concept of helping my daughter build a project for school and turn it into I haven't moved on, is there room for somebody else in my life, I'll never take the time to get to know her (let alone she with a grown kid hasn't done that yet either) and to conclusions so vast I don't think Evil Knievel could have jumped them. She went on to demonize my ex for "having her cake and eating it too." The whackjob alarm is still ringing in my head. It was her day off so it was okay to play. She is off on Saturday night so that is the next window, but I'm the one with scheduling issues? What the hell. I could feel flat out anger rising in my voice and I don't like being that guy so I as politely as I could muster, left the conversation and angrily ate a few pretzels in front of an office re-run on TBS

I've heard of people getting criticized for not doing enough with kids and I never thought I'd catch hell for helping one of mine with her homework. Parenting isn't one of those things you shut on or of without messing the kids up. We've never had any real firm borders in that we believe we are doing it together.

Apparently, that caused her to reveal of mass of insecurities. Me, I'm thinking if this is how it's going to go, the first real date isn't worth planning. We haven't even been in each other's physical presence yet and already this turn has been taken.

So, it was over, before it began. So, I don't stuff my kids into a box during the week only to play with them on Fridays. Never thought I'd catch hell for being an active parent.

You win, Universe, I've officially heard it all now.

I really like Anthony Bourdain's tv show a lot. It's more than just food, but the culture surrounding the food. I also have a warm spot in my heart for those grilled atrocities at the Pink, the sandwiches that you know are almost ready by the four feet for flame that plume up. I know those can't be good for you in the dietary sense, but they are magnificent for the soul.

That said, maybe I've seen too much tv being made, promoted enough stuff with prominent folk, whatever, but it doesn't rev my engines that the Travel channel has come to down. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad we're getting some love and hopefully native guides will get Bourdain to places like Marco's on Niagara St, Betty's, the Anchor Bar (for the history since Duff's makes better wings) and places of that ilk. I like Bourdain's writings and the show is great as he isn't interested in kissing anybody's ass in particular. Any chef with an such a public appreciation of the Clash and Ramones is a good guy in my book, but the hubbub of a production isn't something I guess I would seek out. Don't let me rain on the parade if you are up for that sort of thing. But after one time, watching tv being produced in such locations can be about as exciting as watching somebody else play video games. Your mind can't help but wander a little. I've taken to watching other people watch the famous people, it's a more interesting take on the situation.

That said, somebody take Bourdain to Lagniappe's.

A few questions have been rattling around my cerebral cortex.

What is it about the Thirsty Buffalo that has young morons parking expensive cars across driveways? I chuckled as Verizon had a beemer towed away last night.

Why is it when it is snowing and the same amount of snow is on both the street and the sidewalk, people inevitably walk in the street.

Why haven't I learned that when a television director says he wants 3 hours for filming stand-ups in the Rainforest, he really means he wants 9 hours all over the friggin place?

Why did a representative from one of the local city agencies tell me entirely incorrect misinformation about a gathering at the Library thursday night? I did a lot of prep work to talk to people who were apparently fictional.

Why is it when going down a narrow street people are either slow to give ground or hang up the phone? Both of these happened on Lancaster the other night.

Why did it take so long for Edrito's to return? I ate dinner last night felt immediately better. Nothing like a really well prepared selection of tacos with fresh stuff to make you forget about the week's travails.

Why did this week take so frigging long? First week of everybody back and it seemed to go on for a staggering length of time.

There, that's better.

I'm thinkin' and my head hurts...

Had a day off from well, everything, on sunday and I think it was just odd enough that I'm just out of whack in general. The surreality culminated in running three different photo shoots at work. One was a photo shoot for the hostess of a kids tv show produced out of Fredonia. One was a tv segment for local cable that was in and out in 45 minutes. The biggie was a thing that might wind up on the Discovery Channel. Everybody on that crew was local, except the director. He was an out of towner who was gracious enough to buy lunch. The host and I went into the project with one set of expections and things grew and grew, with a four project stretching into hour nine by the time it was all over.

Playing traffic cop had its moments. The big cable crew had a lot of nice toys including $60,000 in hd equipment that I was scared to touch. By the time the snow started to fall around 4 by the river otters, the glamour was off. The otters however thought the boom mic was a treat instead of the worst pinata ever.

That stuff leaves everybody whipped and grumpy. An associate and I were marooned till close to 7. Not that big a deal, but after 11 hours together, the closing of the car door is not the worst sound in the world.

The 2 guinness' with dinner made life grand, but today started mighty soon. I'm working on an advil stupor as getting out of the car left me with a bruise on hip. The only real damage is to what's left of my dignity. With all the freezing rain and what not, things are little frozen. Nothing had come through the section of the park where I usually abandon my car. Got there, opened the door and promptly slipped, hipchecking my car door way on the way down. The "fun" of making tv yesterday reduced me to a Sabres watching mess on my couch last night, skipping yoga and with a bruised hip, I ain't feeling tonight, but I'll probably suck it up. Can't fall behind.

That is unless my insurance company induced headache doesn't clear. The kids are currenly under my ex insurance only as mine barely covers me very well. When I was still in the throes of cabledom, we had them covered by both employers. This is a fine plan, because it leaves nothing to chance except the complete and utter incompentency of billing department staffs in the respective medical practices. They solve the policy process by billing the parent's acct by when in the calendar year each parent's birthday falls. With my February date, my policy came up first. Inevitably, they fuck that up, but I digress. Apparently, the dental folks I had with the cable kingdom never sent any cessation letter, so the current carrier thought we were double dipping. So, you can imagine the series of emails, phone calls, and what not, compounded by my frustration at people reading some of what I am addressing so you get to say it twice. I am certain that this is why prices are insane.

Reason why you shouldn't take too long writing a journal: My dad sent me a note (so he could talk to me and my sisters at the same time) that his brother passed away last night. I didn't really know him that well. He was roughly 8 years older than my dad and lived in and around Jersey for as long as I remember. So, it feels a little weird. I'm sad for my dad a little bit, but I think he is a little relieved. My uncle had both a really bad run with Parkinsons and a number of strokes that have left him existing a lot more than living. So, it's one of those you're not sure what to feel. Lord knows I've been through enough services within the past 12 months, and you're relieved that you don't have to participate in this one, I feel like there is something I should be doing, writing, whatever, but I guess a nice letter to my aunt will suffice. Strange how that all can work.

I'm taking anither aspirin

Let's see. Lesson one, kids, is to pay attention to your firefox tabs. I just accidentally deep sixed about 800 words by not watching what I was doing. Grumble, grumble.

Lesson two? Breathe regular. I'm in the middle of a well deserved long weekend. I took advantage of that and caught a mid day yoga class at the elmwood studios. I'm sailing along and got a little discombobulated and spent a little time getting recombobulated. When we hit the final sit up series, I nearly dropped like a stone. Never been tagged by a dizzy spell like that before. Made a slick recovery, but had a headache for the rest of the day for my troubles. Woke up this morning fine, so I don't think I blew any fuses.

Prior to that, I made a stop at the current location of the DMV to get enhanced driver's license information for me and permit info for my darling eldest. That makes me cringe.

Insanely nice time at the 24 on NYE. Thanks again to PMT for letting run amuck in their confines. It was great to meet @iriesara and her man for the first time. Great to see our noted world traveler @ladycroft and her man. Thanks again for the book, LC. I was actually thinking about that one last time I was in Talking Leaves. I enjoyed every silly minute of the shenanigans.

It was a nice breather. I think I journaled about my own Dad being the latest to need Roswell's services. He was biopsied earlier in december and had type b lymphoma. Roswell, with either a twisted sense of irony or humor, relayed this news on Christmas eve. So, we have that to think about. His treatment regimen cranks up in earnest in a few weeks.

Poured my self a drink. Anyway, also had to ask the folks to think about something else. i didn't go to their house on Christmas Day, but they did invite my brother-in-law's sister. Of the three times I've met her, the phrase raging asshole popped into my head and once out of my mouth. So, I put the question to them about if Sister Crankypants merits an invite, how about letting the mother of your grandchildren out of the penalty box? I have hated being the conduit for activity since my divorce. I drank the one big happy family kool aid right away and truth be told, it seems to be working, but too damn slowly. She and I have always been able to talk and her family went through great pains to show me that I was still a part of the team. Mine has been a little slow on the uptake. They are getting there, but a more stubborn bunch of irishmen I don't think you'll ever see.

I put the question to the rents to just extend an invitation. The ex might not take it, but the extension might make my world a little easier. She was there for 15 of them so it isn't like this would be something new.

Want to do it for the kids sake as well as our own. We already lost her dad this past year and my mom had her own drama last fall, so it seems sort of silly to wallow in leftover nonesense. Me? I'm just sick of being the perpetual middleman.

My daughters seized on all this to rag on me about my apartment being too small. They have a point, but I don't have first and last to give somebody at the moment. Lease runs through April. If any of you are renting a 2 to 3 bedroom place, let me know. I might be in the market.

Lesson three:go get another drink, class dismissed.