Posts from November 2007

I was dreading the whole idea of the Buffalo Bills reappearing on national tv from the moment I got the letter saying from the team saying I had to work (ain't doing it next year). For the unitiated, the Patriots are frighteningly good, and the Bills, not so much. I knew the weather was going to suck (it did)(fucking cold out) and people would have that much more time to get loaded on bad beer. Bad enough that the Bills will charge you $6.50 for a bud light, scarier still how many people keep going back and coming back double-fisted.

But, pro that I am, I pressed on. I'll have some pictures of the behind the scenes prep stuff later, because that part fascinates me. The prep for all the cameras and the triple layer of remote trucks from what is usually there was impressive. I don't know why all the yahoo were congregating around John Madden's touring bus. It's not like he was going to invite you on.

Side note: I'm trying for Springsteen tickets as I write this and HSBC Arena wants $27.00 in "Convenience fees." They obviously have a different mind set about convenience than I.

Anyway, back to the game. It was over by the end of the first quarter. After settling a few disputes, threatening a blow hole over his insults about the Tim Horton promotion moving over to the next section, I was so ready to go home. If you watching at home, you're so watching Brothers & Sisters by this point. Me? I'm busy fuming because the alleged increased security sending Bill and Ted who were watching the game and straightening up only when their boss or mine came by.

Got a 200 level ticket from Bruce, a little less convenient, but what the hey.

Anyway, you know about the score. The stands turn into "Lord of the Flies" and I'm left wondering why the hell I signed up for it. The extra cash comes in handy, but holy shit. I'm trying to look like I'm working at the moment, but failing miserably.

When everybody leaves, we have to survey the carnage and it's a wonder the crowd didn't look taller given the amount of shit they threw under their chairs.

One of the women I work with just came in with a fresh dutch apple pie. Gotta go.....

No Shit!!! just blowing off a minor gripe briefly. Just got back from Wegmans and three different sets of people in the parking lot were all agog over it's snowing.

I could see the wonder if it didn't fucking do it every year by now, but maybe it's me, but the amazement escapes me. Maybe it's the fact it will take a few fender benders to get people to remember where the hell they are and the snow is um, a regular fucking occurance!!! These same buttwinks in a month will be driving with their cars only cleared from where the windshield could scrap away.

Morons

Thanks, I feel better now --- Thought it would be more in character to rant then list my pathetic nookie count.

Got to remember the right kind of shoes.

Never thought that would be part of my things that need to be done. But I got a graphic reminder that I'm getting farther away from my youth. One of the benefits of my current location for work is that Delaware Park is literally right out the back door. And occasionally folks here go for a lap of the park as part of lunchtime. I worked by myself on Monday and took an Ipod accompanied stroll with no problem. I was however having a "Casual Monday." Yesterday when the coworkers returned, I got invited to go. Didn't check the footwear. About half way around, my calves were in flames. About 3/4 point, they were weaving a tapestry of obscenities at me. I've never been so glad to see my office chair ever. I'm sitting, trying to work, and my legs felt like they were soaking in 7UP. Eventually it subsided until I'm getting out of my car taking number one son to Tae Kwon Do when my back muscles had a spasm of epic proportions.

I didn't cry in front of the black belts but it sure was tempting. A ritual of aspirin and a cold Labatt chased the woes away for this morning.

It's not a good stretch healthwise. I don't have insurance till the end of the year, curse you probationary periods!! My mom has been diagnosed with small vessel vasculitis which thanks to a steriod regimen is on the run. My father-in-law has been battling cancer and had his second drastic surgery on Tuesday morning. So, it's like walking on medical eggshells in every respect.

So, I'm either relaying Mom reports or picking up info on Pops. A true pain in the spinal column, reminded me of my last epic back spasm. I was working at the Arena for Adelphia. I was closing down our exhibit and it had a lot of secret rooms. I was in one shutting off some grounded computers, had to crouch to get at the one and whammo!!

It was like your ankles were staging a coup against your shoulder blades. Worse part was if it was serious, it would have been days before I would have been found. I was in a closed, darkened exhibit thing behind a mostly closed door.

So, the arena did try to kill me, but I was too sturdy for it. But getting older does blow my friends, you got to start remembering the right kind of shoes.

Coming from the smoke detector in my office. It sounds like water dripping, beep, beep, beep. Like the torture scenes from those old war movies, evil and smooth the Nazi Colonel speaks...."You vill tell us vhat ve want to know, or the smoke detector battery vill not be changed!"

"Alright, I'll talk! make it stop!!! (sobs resignedly)"

Geez, thing is giving me a headache. It's about ten feet off the ground else I would have ripped it out of the socket already. Bad enough there is hardly anybody here because of the holiday. The big boss is here and I've gotten a few things done. Took a nice lunch stroll over the grounds on a crisp Monday, availed my self of a different window to stare out of at lunch by going to the little cafe in the zoo corner, did a lap to get a little oriented, watched a rhino do likewise.

So, it is a little quiet today -- which is actually nice given that next weekend is going to be fucked with by the evening (goddammit) Bills games and that later this week brings another round of testing and whatnot for my Mom and cancer surgery part 2 for my dad-in-law.

So, I guess today is my moment of Zen...

I think I saw this same thing once about Vin Diesel, but it's fucking funny.


Some new facts you may not have known about the baddest man on the
planet.


Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name
into concrete.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck
Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was
replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and
save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time.
It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding
just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of
spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm
escaped and got into the engine.
We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."



Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating
pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the
possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to
spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing
around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck
Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many
seconds you have left to live.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken
but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not
grow on steel.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven"
backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.

They bleed for a week as a result.


Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris'
PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than
Death can process them.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states
in order to legally wear pants. Chuck Norris is the only person on the
planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that
Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never
fucks up.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the
park.
Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the
squirrel and 3 small children.
Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw
Brett Favre even further.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever
asks him for his ID.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And
then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Dollars to donuts, I'm not spelling that right, but it's dogging my mom at the moment. She battled Bells Palsy a few years ago and the thought was that it had returned for round two. During a previous scheduled eye appt today, the eye doctor noticed one eye going nowhere during the annoying follow the light test. An MRI and some blood work, and suddenly a waiting neurologist later my folks have a more accurate path to go follow. I believe they stopped for Predizone on the way home. Good son that I am I arranged for the pizza delivery guy to meet em. Helluva thing. A week on the right meds and she'll be giving people the stink eye like normal. My dad described today as a bit of a mystery. From the eye doctors discovery at 9 to the waiting exam and MRI. It's a little nerve wracking in that to eliminate things you have to consider everything and that can make your mind nuts until you get to eliminate stuff.

Possibilities can be entralling sometimes, other times they can just be a bitch.

Thinking a good thought....

so it would cut itself."

Saw that on a t shirt this morning at the Towne. It is possible to laugh at 8 am on a Sunday. Rarely does an omelet reveal great secrets but whilest consuming my pre-game Bacon and Swiss, I decided that I need not the football next season. I'm going to finish off this year's committment and go gently into the good night.

A few folks lamented how they want fall, well here you go. It was cold for 50 degrees. I'm officially a wimp, as soon as the gates opened up, I had gloves on. Patrolling the Aisle between section 125 and 126 has been my beat of late. I expect to run into @mrdeadlier before too long. It was fairly innocuous today, aside from one guy who drank himself into a stupor and graphically illustrated how much. I thought it was cool that his buddies got him out of there without the sheriff's getting involved. I don't understand the mentality that wants to down as many 6.50 bud lights so quickly. The steady stream of folks getting multiples of that "fine" brew was impressive and discerning. Pay the extra buck and get a guinness people.

That and a few objective persona made it fairly easy. When things go right for the team, it does redefine why people like going to games in general. The communal experience, the sharing of good times, breaks down barriers. People who probably would be too scared or uptight to say hello on street corners are reaching across aisles to hi-five, talk some smack or share internet phones to check fantasy player stats. Those moments aren't nearly frequent enough, but when you do them, it's good for the soul, healthy to lose yourself in something bigger than you.

Lest you think I've gone around the bend (or more likely hi-fived a few too many times), those brief moments are always spoiled by ten more scenes like what I watched today. A little girl maybe 4 scared to go down the stairs because her grandmother went ahead of her. The old bitty had to be hollered at to come a little closer to get the kid. (Guess who did the hollerin). That can be scary and there are a lot of big bruisers who aren't looking out. There were repeated scenes like that too so it is an interesting study. I like the extra cash influx, but the 10 laps up and down the steps left me pooped and looking forward to the latest "Treehouse of Horror." in a few minutes.

The whole thing makes for a lonely Sunday, stocked with a lot of tertiary characters. Lots of people drift in and out for a comment or two, but from an early morning internal debate with myself about how many layers to breakfast to showing up to work left me looking forward to working over the Lions tomorrow.

My former employer sent me a letter explaining how they've fucked up my 401K payments and the correction will take place in the next few days, apparently the company wasn't kickin in at the advertised rate. Same stack of letters held my first bill as a non-employee. I promptly cancelled all the big movie channels. That will show'em.

Firefox didn't adjust to the time change, it locked and purged all my bookmarks. Bastards. If only I could blame that on they who will no longer be named. Best be nice, I got a meeting to make them sponsor the Giraffes in two weeks.

In light of the gender card being played at the other wise pointless democratic debate, I give you this. The old boys club in their finest frockery.


Be thankful there is no swimsuit competition

Almost wrapped up the first significant chunk of time on the new gig, I can find everything and am starting to remember names and I don't think I've pissed anybody off that I'm aware of. So, so far everything is good. I got a handle on things somewhat that I can open my mouth without sounding too stupid. At least not anymore so than usual.

The previous employer who will no longer be named decided they need one more screwing of me to complete the set. They had it arranged that you get all your benefit time right up front. It does permit you to map things out and carry stuff over from year to year. My younger sister got married a month ago and I had blocked the time off. You get the time out but you "earn" it with each pay period. In addition to getting my new job check, I had one day's pay remaining from the evil overlords of yore. They saw fit out of the 8 hours of salary on the check, to take back six of them, since I left with a little more than two months to go. I know it's playing by the rules, but it frosts me a little to see them be so tight when I had more than 100 hours of sick time left that I hadn't gotten too.

It's just a nice reminder that there are always better possibilities. Part of me wants to tease my sister that her wedded bliss went 94 dollars over budget, so there goes the present. I shouldn't, but I probably will. Never too old to be that kind of jerk.

Elsewhere, Halloween night was a good time. I took part in a Wiccan changing of the season ceremony with respectful silence. It was interesting to see a whole different tradition, which gave way to a really nice houseparty. The fathers present divved up the responsibilities getting the trick or treaters out. We got a great neighborhood, but I wasn't inclined to turn the young folk really loose. I got the 7th and 8th grade girls and we cruised up and down Ashland and Norwood. (@drew and @janelle , my daughter was the one in the witch hat. It cracked me up that she chastised me for having friends on Lexington that she knew nothing about). They did pretty well, loot-wise, tried to tell them that we really should have hit the other side of Lexington to truly make out, but what are ya going to do.

Randomly speaking of course,

I got in trouble on the new job the other day, but skillful devil that I am, I weaseled my way out it, by being right. Score one for the "new guy."

I'm full for the election campaign locally and nationally. Locally I think there should be special places in hell for our county executive candidates. Neither has said anything what they are going to if they get the job. I just returned from a meeting that demonstrated how pious some of the departments can be and neither Keane or Collins has given me a reason to consider them. Bad enough the two of them made me think of reassessing Jimmy Griffin. Bastards!

Nationally, I'm full for the presidential goofs as well. Campaign hasn't really started, but given the hype and logjam of caucuses and primaries, the whole thing is done by Valentine's Day. We'll have annointed candidates, then another 9 months of people talking out their ass to get elected. Given that commentators today are talking about Obama making a last stand to chase Hillary with tonight's debate, I'm more than full for empty promises. I want people to tell me things that don't mean anything, I'll head to the Pink after midnight.

Between the Bills, my sister's wedding, the transition from Time Warner to the Zoo, I had been without a day off in about 3 weeks, I finally got Sunday off and spent that celebrating my Dad's belated birthday. If I was looking a little droopy eyed on Saturday, it was only partly due to beer consumption.

Great to see everybody as always. My costume was fictional. I worked till about 9:30 at a Zoo event, but it was worth it to get my butt to the 24. Great costumes and skeery creativity, with props to @carolinian to putting his own special payoff on his costume. @imk2 's was a vision and I mean that in a good way.

Don't care about the Bills quarterback controversy. If all goes well here, they are getting my resignation after the Ice Bowl. Decided that the other day, now that this is seemingly off to a good start, I think I can scale back to one gig, but I do want to get that free hockey game in, especially given the scope of it.