Remembering Joshua. Smiling every time I say my son's name in full. He was named after a terrific guy!


2005, outside kunie's before a night out at the pink


2006, at my birthday party at the 333

My Mamaw (mother's mother) died Wednesday night. She wasn't doing too well in the last few months suffering from dementia. My mother went down there in November to help care for her and I'm glad she got to spend a few months with her mother before she passed, even under difficult circumstances. It's not the easiest news to digest at 9 months pregnant but I'm doing pretty well to try to stay calm and not stress the baby with my grief.

Mamaw was a riot. She was a strong woman who said what she felt, often without filters. She was 89 and just had her 72nd wedding anniversary with my Papaw on Dec. 26th! She was the oldest of 10 kids in her family, most of whom are still living. She had 9 children (8 who are still with us), 26 grandchildren, 39 great-grandchildren, and 8 great-great grandchildren. Yeah, family gatherings are quite the production!

Selfishly I was hoping she would hang on just a little bit longer to see a photo of great-grandchild #40, but she was suffering and I am glad she is now at peace.

She was widely known for her sickeningly sweet 'sweet tea' and one of those women who wouldn't ask questions if some random kid walked into her kitchen asking for food. Her door was (literally) always open and folks knew they were welcome and that Mamaw would always look after them.

Good-bye Mamaw.

As The New Year Rings In
On the eve of each New Year we often reflect on our lives. As we say good-bye to 2011 and hello to 2012, I wish you joy that never ends and happiness with all your family and friends.

Where were you when 2011 began?
In the 33rd floor Sky Lounge of Nido watching London fireworks.

Who were you with?
Rory, my boss, his wife and a few friends.

Where will you be when 2011 ends?
At home.

Whom will you be with when 2011 ends?
Rory.

Was 2011 a good year for you?
Overall yes, but a difficult year in terms of loss.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Announcing to our parents that we were going to have a baby.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Finding out my nephew had cancer, my dog Bambi died and that Joshua had died.

Did you reach your New Year goals for 2011?
Most of the them!

Lose weight- I lost 18 pounds before getting pregnant!

Travel to Netherlands, Sweden, Finland, Russian Federation, Denmark, Gibraltar, Brunei and Ireland. I’ve also got this thing about SCUBA diving shipwrecks in Bermuda - Made it to Netherlands, Sweden, Finland, Russia, and Denmark.

Rewrite a more comprehensive Resident Handbook - did it!

Read more. More specifically, read at least 2 books per month - read more, but didn't reach that specific goal. Pregnancy made me so tired and sick the first 5 months reading wasn't on the menu.

Beat Dead Rising with all endings, all survivors, all quests and full levels. Zombies! - Negative. Couldn't be bothered to play games either.

Buy an awesome bicycle with a basket and bell and take some lovely rides in London. - Nope. Once it came time for nice weather we found out Stickybean was on the way and basically bicycle riding isn't allowed :(

Get to know London better. Start utilizing my secret black book to mark bus routes and hidden treasures we come across in our excursions. - Yep!

Grow more ‘duck feathers’ to let certain things roll off my back a little more quickly. - Yep.

Be the best wifey I can be and never let a day go without telling Rory how much I love him. - Absolutely!

Make my cat famous for her awesome fetch skillz and run a line of crazy T-shirts. OK, this one is a joke, but it would still be fun. - Seriously thinking of this one for next year....

What was your favorite month of 2011?
May; we both stared at the pregnancy test stick in awe.

Did you travel outside of the US in 2011?
Indeed: England, Holland, Denmark, Finland, Estonia, Russia, Sweden and Poland.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2011?
I did. Our dear Joshua and my sweet little Bambi.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2011?
Hmmm....I think the King's Speech

What was your favorite song in 2011?
Someone Like You by Adele

What was your most exciting moment of 2011?
Buying our first home together.

What was your proudest moment of 2011?
Being part of the winning team for a prestigious award for Environmental Excellence in the UK.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2011?
Rocking up to the airport only to find out our tickets were actually for the day PRIOR.

What are your goals for 2012?

• Continue to lose weight- I was doing well before getting pregnant, so once it is safe to do so I'd like to continue with that progress.

• Travel to the US with Stickybean to meet family.

• Read the 5 books waiting in line to be read.

• Buy an awesome bicycle with a basket and bell and take some lovely rides with Stickybean and Rory.

• Get my UK driver's license.

• Buy a car.

• Be the best wifey and mother I can be and never let a day go without telling Rory or Stickybean how much I love them.

• Make my cat famous for her awesome fetch skillz and run a line of crazy T-shirts, even if it's just for us :)

Cheers to a happy new year, celebrate safely and have fun!!!

So, Rory and I went to see Rock of Ages (highly recommend seeing it!) at a special Children in Need gala showing. I got a fist full of glitter thrown down my cleavage by Justin Lee Collins! Ha! Good times. Anyway, we chose that showing so we could contribute to the charity in a fun way. I carried on the fundraising at work and made my co-workers donate to come dressed for a clash day. Too much fun when you get your boss to don a pink tutu!


The whole staff


My boss


Me with my Pudsy bear ears on

Flying out today :( Too short of a visit, there's never enough time these days. Said good-bye to one nephew today sending him off on his bus to school. Poor guy thinks we'll be home when he gets back. Couldn't say a proper good-bye because he's going to be horribly upset. We went shopping just the other day and said 'bye', he thought we were leaving for good and started to cry. We thought maybe it would sting less if we just let him go off to school happy.

So it's off to London and 3 more weeks of work, then I start maternity leave. We'll officially move into our new house the weekend of Nov. 25th.

Thanks again (e:Springfaerie) and (e:Dimartiste) for the awesome handmade baby blankets! Thanks (e:Theecarey) for the cats and dogs coverall and watermelon onsie! Thank you (e:jbeatty) for sophie the giraffe and the krinkle toy. They MUST be good ones, not just because your Emily loves them, but my nephew was like 'ooooh this is fun'...and he's 5! Lastly, thank you SO MUCH (e:Metalpeter) for the gdiapers, burp pads and thermometer! You're so kind and the sustainable diaper system is something that was really important to us, so thanks for getting us started!

Til next time peeps....

Or the Duke of Caimbridge if you prefer. Anyhoo another wierd dream last night. The Prince and I were at the top of a ski slope, but in summertime, so it was covered in grass. There was a massive orange tarp slide going down it in zig zaggy directions, kind of like an ultra mega platinum huge slip n' slide.

We had to go down it on our bellies, but half on top of each other like a luge. Along the way we have to try to rescue Muppets which are dangling on ropes throughout the course. Occassionally there are these giant playing cards (about the size of a car) ramped at angles that we had to jump to avoid pits of purple acid.

Get to the bottom with all these rescued Muppets and guess what? They turn EVIL and start attacking us! WTF.

I had a dream last night that the Green Lantern was teaching me how to shoot bow and arrow. My target was a carved out watermelon pegged to a telephone post with little melon balls in it. I was supposed to hit a melon ball from lightyears away, on my knees. But hey, at least I got to spend time with Ryan Reynolds....he's quite easy on the eyes!

Dear Joshua,

Some time has passed and my heart is healing. It was very hard to say good-bye to you, especially being so far away. The day of your funeral there was a man playing the bagpipe outside the station. It was a fitting song.

That night we went to dinner and toasted you. I tried to say it myself but I got too choked up and Rory had to finish it off. Even writing about it now brings tears to my eyes.

We were in the middle of a great conversation you and I, which will have to wait some time to be finished. When I gave you that book and your 'license', I don't think either of us envisioned this road trip.

I came across this poem and I couldn't help but think of you. It's a shortened version.


Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.

(An excerpt of 'What Will Matter' by Michael Josephson)

Jason, we think about you often and hope your heart is healing!

The image just seems questionable to me.

If anyone really knows me, they know how important you were to me. You cuddled me whenever I cried, you protected me from strangers and you were the best hot bottle warmer on cold winter nights. We drove cross country together, 3 times! We played in the ocean, walked on mountains, ran through the woods, and had our very own special Scooby Snacks game. You never let me down, not once in our precious years together. I miss you deeply my little Bambito.