12/23/08 07:28 - ID#47158

The Crux of my biggest problem

Was stumbled upon by me duirng this "forced vacation" as (e:terry) calls it. Since I'm not working I have a lot of time on my hands to do things I enjoy like watch CNBC and play the financial markets. Well I ended up making a wrong move come Fed time last week & was down $2700 dollars. Well I held my position and when the opportunkity came to get even I bailed, even though iif I had held on I would have been making a few bucks over th last couple of days. So in all I just basically lost some commision and my great 2008 is sitll intact. Now fast forward to me at a happy hour B.Sing with some descent looking attractive Drug Sales Rep at a happy hour in a bar. I go thorugh the motions and don't even have any expectations, but deep down inside if it wasn't for the social lubricant, I would have just kept staring at my phone reading (e:strip) posts without even just being social and making an effort.

It just got me thinking about how my mind works , how screwed up I am and the task that lies ahead for me to correct it and get myself healthy. If speaking to a friend last week I realized that the prospect of losing $2700 did not scare me as much as say "attempting to start a relationship." Deep down inside I may have knows subconsciously that the market would turn and the "Fed Frenzie" would not last as reality of how much the economy sucks will bring everything back down to earth. So yea I can drop that kind of money and it would bother me as much as say going out to bars and trying to pick someone up to get laid. Which is a task that most people perform with no shame as the transaction happends every day everywhere in the world. Yea, I would like to get to the point where I MARRY the women of my dreams, but i have to start somehwere & I'm getting way too freaking old to have this Social Anxiety keep me living in a life of fear.

So yea, (e:Vincent) would rather lose money on Wall St or in a Casino than face the prospect of rejection by a Woman that he iis attracted to.

I should post about this later, but I just had to get this out in it's basic form, since this is somehting that must be addressed and fast.

ladycroft writes at 04:16:31 12/24/08 - Comment #43710: ditto - no one particularly enjoys 'rejection'
ditto - bars are not necessarily the way to go in meeting someone. maybe you could try yoga with mrmike...never know :)
ditto - you're not messed up!

tinypliny writes at 11:02:35 12/23/08 - Comment #43700: Honestly, I am not sure why people still think a bar is a good place to meet people. This may sound rather harsh and somewhat insensitive, but you are better off without the attentions of people wasted at a bar.

Of course, I am not even remotely any kind of expert, but I think it time you rethink your approach and ditch the bars for better hangouts... dance classes? language classes? biking clubs? hiking groups? book clubs? finance discussion/debate groups?

I think it would be safe to make the assumption that people who make the attempt to expand their skills and broaden their experience of the depth of culture that this world has to offer are consistently better than people who would rather kill their brain cells drinking and getting wasted at a bar. Life is too short to waste on such totally hopeless cases.

Look at it this way (and it is probably true). Maybe all this wanton self-destroying bar hopping actually disgusts you deep within and maybe this disqust is bubbling to the surface when you hesitate to get to know these random disgraces to intelligence. Trust your gut instincts. They are often very much hard-wired to your well-being.

drew writes at 10:39:21 12/23/08 - Comment #43699: I admire you for talking about it. This anxiety is beatable. The "rules" will help. Also thinking win-win. (i.e. don't think, "I got shut down," think "I learned one more way not to pick up a girl--and didn't lose a thing"

It might be fun to intentionally throw a couple encounters, just to get it out of your system and see that it isn't so bad, all while you are in control. If you want, I can go out and get shut down with you (I just have to make sure I'm not successful--wife and all)

Seriously, there is better help out there than me. It sounds like you might be thinking about talking to a professional. Go for it--you've got nothing to lose.

jenks writes at 09:18:34 12/23/08 - Comment #43696: I dunno, I don't think you're alone. A hit to the wallet doesn't HURT the way a hit to the ego does.

I have just realized one of my problems- along the same lines. I have realized that I would rather be hurt, than hurt someone. That I will stick with a shitty situation, but I'm too much of a wuss to do what it takes to get out of it.

james writes at 09:16:53 12/23/08 - Comment #43695: I have horrible social anxiety. The only way I could get into a bar and socialize is with half a bottle of gin in me. Having moved to new locations by myself several times, I know just how horrible it is to walk into a joint alone and try to cobble together a social life from a half-melted Mr.Potatohead of parts.

I'm still not good at facing a room full of strangers while alone, but practice helps. If I know I will just sit at the bar and fiddle with my phone, I leave my phone at home. I make little rules for myself. Like, if I make eye contact with someone twice then I have to go up and talk to them. It is hard, hard work but it gets easier.

metalpeter writes at 08:26:59 12/23/08 - Comment #43691: I don't think that is what I have, I think I'm just shy or kinda a loner myself, but I'm no expert. I don't know what the side effects are or how or if it really works, but there is at least one drug (and I don't mean weed) that is just for that. I don't know the name of it, and I don't know if taking it is really a good idea. But it is something to consider. I don't know if there is a difference between people who are that way naturelly and people who become that way from things in the past that would cause that change. I now get what you mean about the money, you lost it in value.

vincent writes at 08:03:03 12/23/08 - Comment #43690: Peter,

Yea, I hear you and appreciate your comment.

Here's the thing. When putting myself out there scares to get a simple phone number is more of a challenge than dropping $2700 at one point ( I didn't lose that money it was only a paper loss at the time) I have problems as a Male human being. I don't know what triggered it but lately for me Social Anxiety has been just strangling my life as of late.

My life is actually pretty good and after having a year like I have I am extremely grateful for what I have. It just sucks that for whatever reason I am just too guarded to present that to the world where I could possibly even enhance it more.

So in the end some "cure" is what I want for X-Mas this year for myself.

metalpeter writes at 07:49:57 12/23/08 - Comment #43686: I feel as though I should say something but not sure what. To say I'm more messed up then you doesn't sound right. To say I wish I had extra cash to play with stocks doesn't sound right. Hey I wish I had the extra cash to go over to Canada, but I don't. I have no advice to give. I have heard the thing to do is just to make your self talk to 5-10 girls in a bar and see what happens and maybe see if any of them have potential. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but If I did then I would use it myself and I might not have time to read (e:strip). I wish you luck, oh and if I lost that much cash I think I would shit my pants.

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