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Category: perspective

12/23/08 07:28 - ID#47158

The Crux of my biggest problem

Was stumbled upon by me duirng this "forced vacation" as (e:terry) calls it. Since I'm not working I have a lot of time on my hands to do things I enjoy like watch CNBC and play the financial markets. Well I ended up making a wrong move come Fed time last week & was down $2700 dollars. Well I held my position and when the opportunkity came to get even I bailed, even though iif I had held on I would have been making a few bucks over th last couple of days. So in all I just basically lost some commision and my great 2008 is sitll intact. Now fast forward to me at a happy hour B.Sing with some descent looking attractive Drug Sales Rep at a happy hour in a bar. I go thorugh the motions and don't even have any expectations, but deep down inside if it wasn't for the social lubricant, I would have just kept staring at my phone reading (e:strip) posts without even just being social and making an effort.

It just got me thinking about how my mind works , how screwed up I am and the task that lies ahead for me to correct it and get myself healthy. If speaking to a friend last week I realized that the prospect of losing $2700 did not scare me as much as say "attempting to start a relationship." Deep down inside I may have knows subconsciously that the market would turn and the "Fed Frenzie" would not last as reality of how much the economy sucks will bring everything back down to earth. So yea I can drop that kind of money and it would bother me as much as say going out to bars and trying to pick someone up to get laid. Which is a task that most people perform with no shame as the transaction happends every day everywhere in the world. Yea, I would like to get to the point where I MARRY the women of my dreams, but i have to start somehwere & I'm getting way too freaking old to have this Social Anxiety keep me living in a life of fear.

So yea, (e:Vincent) would rather lose money on Wall St or in a Casino than face the prospect of rejection by a Woman that he iis attracted to.

I should post about this later, but I just had to get this out in it's basic form, since this is somehting that must be addressed and fast.
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paul said to mike
You are welcome!...

mike said to paul
i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...

mike said to paul
i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...

mike said to paul
i'm glad you documented this. I was actually looking for a picture but came across this and am glad ...