I had this song in my head today since I'll admit I'm feeling a bit emoish but not in a drastic way. Then after just surfing Youtube I discover that it was used in some HBO Show.



Plus I had to make an appearance in the whole risque title game, although the video is in kind of in the Cable softcore genre.

Yea there's another one for the obituaries on deadmalls.com but we knew it was coming.



Pretty much ever since 1994 it's been downhill for that place. I remember when they had two movies theaters one inside the mall and a General Cinema Sixplex outside across the street. The most memorable movie that I saw inside was Ghostbusters and I think the last film I saw in there was The Return of Shaft, in which my friend Bill and I were the only people in the place. We went because we were denied admittance to some rated R movie across the street and we went to see Shaft II just because it was rated R for the principle alone just to be rebellious I guess. Although i do remember seeing Chevy Chase in European Vacation with my Dad one night and I though it was so cool that we were in the Mall when it was closed, approximately 10-11 at night.

There were other things that I remember about the place. When I was a kid there were these pits in the middle of the common hallway in which you could go down and sit. They were for the most part outside of Jenss and if you go way back the pet store. Yea, Jenss the place were my Grandma would take me to go buy "nice" clothes that kind of made me feel out of place in comparison to the way the other kids were dressed at school. I guess I didn't appreciate being well dressed and preppy until much later on in life when I had a better grasp on who I was as a person.

But going about crazy stores in the place, I even remember in the late 80's very early 90's they even had a Gap in the place. You can't forget those guidoesque stores like Chess King selling Z Cavaricci where they had bad 80's music playing like Taylor Dayne and really push sales people working strictly on commission and bad hairspray.

My personal favorite was York Steak house (WIKIPEDIA - York Steak House) in it's many incarnations of layout. I just remember going there with my Late Grandmother and I think it was one of the first places where I ever seen a automated change dispenser from a cash register. Since back in the day I don't think they even had a real food court until the early 90's.

Other than that there was the McCory's which always sold junk except for the brief moment in time when they had a music store what leased space from them. On another note, they did have a cafeteria next in McCory's that did have an ICEE machine as well.

Other things that I can remember that stick out in my head were the crazy 70's fountain in the place that had a bridge over it and Waldenbooks which seemed to be there the entire time that I can recall.

For the first time ever since he wed his wife I ended up going out on the town with my long term old neighborhood high school friend. For the most part it was a pretty tame evening as we went to Town, stopped by Cosumel to wish (e:jenks) a happy birthday & went to Hardware followed by Staples.

All I can say is I'm leaning to the negative in my feelings towards Hardware. First there were some obnoxious people in the place that night but you can get that anywhere. For the most part it was just some other girl with her friends being totally loud & screaming at very high pitches. The kicker is I'm really pissed off at the place that they now only serve PBR Pabst Blue Ribbon in Cans. Seriously I have gone there for years and enjoyed it in a bottle, now they don't even display in on the shelf you have to ask for it like some Vegas value special. The problem is that it's still $3 for a can. Why are you so ashamed to sell it now after carrying it for years?

So we went next door to Staples and enjoyed PBR in an actual BOTTLE. For the most part I have to say I'm leaning towards their selection of beers more than Hardware's. Plus I have to say I kind of really got into the bartenders there. I really couldn't believe that one of them had her 40th birthday there as she was pretty fine looking. Plus they just have this non-pretentious vibe as they're not the "hottest" looking bartenders, but they do have a pretty well put together style and they do make you feel pretty friendly and welcome.

Other than that I did go over early to Fort Erie and meet up with my Canadian horseball friends as it was Derby Day. For the most part I couldn't cash a ticket early on in the day from 10:30 until the around race went off around. The highlight of the day is my engenious bet, which was a Daily Double a bet picking the winners of back to back races. It was Race 10 & Race 11 @ Churchill. In the 10th there was this Brazilian horse named Einstein who seemed like a lock, so I ended up betting this ticket for $19.




Basically this is how the bet worked the #6 horse in Race 10 Einstein had to win or else I lose, then I win my bet as I have all 19 horses for the Derby covered. So Einstein did his part then I waited for 1 hours & 15 minutes. Well the best case scenario came in as the longest shot on the board for me in my Daily Double came in which Mind That Bird was in my case paying $304 for me as I only had it for a $1. The worst case for me would have been if the favorite Friesan Fire won the race and in that case I would have lost money. For some reason I knew when Einstein on race 10 I was into something really good as he only got my the other horse by 1/2 a head. But yea, what a rush especially for the fact that I normally don't bet longshots, but in this case I was pulling for one. The scary part is that unless you really were looking for it there was no way you would have known that the 8 is sneaking his way long the rail.

As Tom Durkin says "An Impossible Result Here"

The human element to this story is that my 2 horse buddies really had a bad day. They're not well off as the one guy that was a co-worker of mine back in the late 90's at a factory that I worked at in Canada is now working construction and kind of barely holding his head above water. The other buddy is his roommate who is in a wheelchair with no legs. So when I hit the double on the Derby they said "If we hit, Chinese food on you." So it did come in and I made a profit for the day after being down myself. What came after we hit his place on Hwy 3 in Fort Erie was a bit of a surprise, he said, "If you don't hit and take us out, we wouldn't have had dinner tonight!" It was kind of surprising to hear, but at the same time I was glad that i did have some luck to spread the good luck around a bit tonight, especially since I kind of had the seed planted for the double bet from him talking about the 10th race.

The other crazy thing was this other guy at the track hit the Exacta the 1st and 2nd place horse in exact order. He bet it for $5 and it paid well over $5000, needless to say it was interesting to see the stack of money he had being escorted to his car by security. I think only 3 people including myself cashed tickets at the track. But with horse racing as well as the financial markets, it's a zero sum game the losers payoff the winners. I got $300 because a bunch of other people lost their bets and if the favorite won I would have lost or cashed very little.

So yea, that's a bit of reality on Derby Day on how the game really works out along with a story about the people. It's not all hats and mint juleps...

Yea, so I'm back to my regular scheudle for the foreseeable future, meaning that now I can actually blog the stuff that I've been intending to do without being squeezed for time or getting distracted.

The weird thought that I've had is that with the whole Swine Flu thing, the name of it H1N1 to me would make a great German Synthpop name. The other night when I was at the Transmission Dance Party, I ran into an old friend of mine who kind of lead me into that kind of music. It's one of those relationships where she's an intelligent conversation and fun at times, with the only problem being that she's all about her way & a total energy vampire to boot. So I haven't seen or talked to her in a year, by my choice as I don't need the draining effect around me. The only weird thing is that for the most part I haven't listened to that kind of music since I've stopped hanging around her or going to Diablo and I'm not going to change that at all either.

It's just that even though she's a drain, there were some things that were descent about her and some of her influences were a good time. The problem is that the big picture overall is negative unfortunately and to keep my sanity and positive momentum I just have to plain stay away from her.

Anyway here's a happy uplifting German Synthpop song for these times...

Here is my lame attempt to be you.

This is from the Toronto vs. San Jose game last night up @ the ACC






























It was a pretty good game as the Rock came back from behind.

Other than that it was a pretty good time sampling diferent Rickard's brands. For the most part I'm a fan of Rickard's Red, but I tried their White and India Pale Ale. Their White was descent but their IPA was really lacking in flavor. If I would call it anything it would be IPA "Light" since it only gave lip service to that type of beverage.

But other than that I didn't do anything in TO, I just basically hoped back in the car since my Uncle was driving. One of these days I'm just going to book myself a hotel and make a long weekend out of it this summer.

I think I'm going to have "the talk" tomorrow with my Uber Catholic CYO brownshirt "friend" whatever the heck she would be.

Most likely I"m going to go with my one friend and basicaly "lie" about why I'm not interested any more just to attempt to spare her feelings, since I have to work her and don't need any clear disruptions with huge drama. One of the things that my friend advised me on was to just to state that I've been talking to someone else. This may work but I'm kind of leaning towards the whole dreaded "It's not you, It's me" line of reasoning. Well not in that way but in terms of "I've been married before, and in the Catholic Church divorce People don't get 2nd chances, So you'll never be able to have me part of any type of Wedding Mass..." In actuality it was some Presbyterian minister that married me & I theoretically could get married in the Catholic Church, since I never actually was in their eyes, but she doesn't need to know that at all. Man, it's times like these or in arkwad social situations where I am actually glad I did get married just to have something to tell people .

Seriously, I'm at the point where even though none of this really means jack shit as we haven't done anything since she's a 29 year old V Prude [Literally], I really just got miserable being stalked at all times by someone totally pollyanna who believes EVERYTHING the Pope says. What I can be grateful is the lesson that it taught me; in the sense that if I let those traits that annoy the F out of me with her end up being let loose out on my end with someone that I am with, I deserve to be alone.

Yea, I can whine about trivial things. be a pussy about trivial health issues and just be too plain nervous for no reason. It just took me hanging out with someone 10x worse than I have been in more than a decade to show me what I need to be aware of with myself and change or else. I just wish I could record videos of her to remind myself don't act in X manner.

I love those random TXT messages that you just have to figure out. I received one today from someone giving me their new phone number. The problem is that the number wasn't in my contacts. Then I had to think about it for a while and to be honest I still can't figure it out. If it is someone from my past, than I guess they were deleted for a reason.

Other than that I've been working like a maniac trying to grab as much OT as possible. This has meant that I work 6 days a week at least until tomorrow. For some reason I've just been driving headfirst into this work as much as possible and loving it. Maybe it's just that I don't want to be bothered doing anything else that will involve me exposing myself to the world. Eventually I am going to go back to my less strenuous schedule and then I'll have all of this extra time to spend all that I've worked for during this stretch.

Then with all of this free time I'll go on a search for a wife like my boy Eric Schaeffer 't-believe-im-still-single-from-portland-to-portland/EP01050221 :-/ I'm only saying this since I saw him tonight wearing the same Polo Ralph Lauren underwear as myself and it really creeped me out. I've never watched a show where on one end I was kind of proud that I had the same weird traits as the star and yet utterly horrified at the same time that I had the same traits as the star. The only thing that I can say in my favor is that I don't get sucked into going on "dates" with women that end up confessing during the middle of the outing that they have a boyfriend. But shit if I'm still "broken" in whatever capacity he's broken in at that age, I don't know what I'll do...

I hung out with my Ex today and realized how on one end she was fantastic and on the other end tragically why it wasn't meant to be. Her and I went out and had dinner at Towne and then just walked up and down Elmwood today just chit chatting and having justs plain intelligent conversation. Plus meeting her out and picking up some red horseradish that she picked up for me earlier from the Broadway Market didn't hurt either.

It just kind of bums me out that the work wife just takes things literally. She isn't the type to inquire to ask why things are the why they are, for her she'll accept the Church's teachings. While with my Ex and I today had a pretty good talk about something she saw on the Discovery Channel.

The question I'm starting to ask is, "What am I getting out of my current realtionship?" The first answer just may be my desire to almost figure out myself, what makes me tick and how can I change the way the world sees me. This almost seems to be a journey of getting in touch with my inner altar boy. Because at one point in my life I was just like her, buying into everything the Catholic Church sold lock, stock and barrel. The thing is there was a point in high school where I just threw most of it to the wind.

I realized that all the anxiety, guilt and hangups that I have been fighting within my psyche may have originated from being too much of a Catholic when I was younger. To hear her talk about "not wanting to have sex" because she's afraid to get pregnant @ age 29 is really eye opening and frightening. I thought along those lines at one point of my life and really regret getting left in the starting gate of sexual development/dating with that kind of guilty fear instilled in me at such a young age.

It's just that I'm looking at this as not a relationship but me dating myself or actually battling my inner core subconscious as a child type of thing. Never the less it seems that this has happened at this point of my life to deal with and learn about the thing that made me who I am today and change them for the better going forward.

It seems that I haven't posted anything of substance for a while. Honestly, it's been due to the fact that I've been an Overtime whore @ work, grabbing and working most of the hours offered. Today I went in and worked 8 this Saturday just because I have this possible irrational fear that I won't have enough money. It's just driving me mad lately and I don't know why. Heck, I even shorted a gold stock on Friday just to squeeze out a couple of bucks.

So with me spending all this time at work, I've also been spending some way too much time with my work wife. All I can say is that my initial read was correct, she's totally pure as snow. Come on, I worked in a Poker Room for a while; you learn to read people or donate your money.

So in spending sometime with her tonight I kind of got smacked with my past. She's so Catholic it isn't even funny. Which isn't a bad thing other than I feel like the accusative gadfly since I consider myself a "recovering Catholic!" ;-) But the reaction I got which pretty much felt like "I'm troubled that you're trying to trying to debate me and chip away at my faith" was not all that cool. I know that if ever I wanted to debate anyone on this site about religion, I wouldn't have a problem other than possible biting more than I could chew off and having it run over the alloted time I had available. To me if you're of a faith you're should be willing and able to defend it, rather than say "We're not having this conversation."

SO Yeah, in a weird way this kind of works. I'm dealing with someone that wants to take it at a snail's pace and I kind of like the fact that pressure is off. A part of me is kind of relieved that on one hand I'll just have someone to hang with and not worry about complicating things. [This is where the Chris Rock Reference for th e title comes in] On another hand I know that if I push it and get what I want, I'll just leave another woman worse off than I left her. I'm only saying this due to the fact that I've been having pretty intense conversations with my Ex about how she totally isn't "right in the head" and how I "broke her heart" and this is with the fact that it had been almost 3 years now. Although now that I think about it a bunch of my other Ex's don't have things too good right now; But I'm sticking to the economy and even though this may sound like projection, I'm blaming the economy...




On a less serious note I've seen "Reality Bites" on the Dish 3 times in a week. Seriously I forgot about the movie for about a decade and all of a sudden it's always on! Maybe it's the economy and the slacker characters are now once again relevant?

Yea, I don't get that "I must go see X Show" motivation too often but for some reason I just want to go See Jane's Addiction. NIN really hasn't done anything for me that has gotten me too excited for about the last 10 years. I guess with teeth was OK but you just can't listen to Trent too much or you'll just attach a dark ion to your outlook on life.