Not much has changed since yesterday- I still hate my schedule. So much I want to do and not enough time, balance or energy to pursue. So I know I have to work harder work smarter at getting things to be the way I want them. Thats me. I need to find better alignment-- and that will happen, with time and process. However, I need to make sure not too much time goes by-- it is easy to get comfortable and allow for things to pass by. With this schedule and constraints, I would hate for life to pass by. I am currently uncomfortable, because there is stong pyschological dissonance, and I am fighting the urge to give in- to accept what is and go with it. It would be easier, yes? But that isn't me. So I will continue to do a damn good job, build morale and do as much moving and shaking that I can do w/o being fired, but then once things are up and running and I have identified a successor, then I know, without a doubt, my job is done.

While I go through all of that, I plan my next move. I have a few avenues that I can take if I so desire. Due to my wacked schedule, time is essential. I visualize what I want-- and begin to make it happen. Ive been stuck for a few months--creativity stalled (see.. i was afraid of creative amputation through forced regimented thinking and regulation adherences)--but I have been trying to kick start the process again. Have been using brainstorming as a mental and creative warm up. I always encourage people to dream big-- then use the energy and identified goals to make it happen..

I had mentioned in my last post that my dreams would be my repreive. It may have been more true than I intended. As I dozed off last night, my residual thoughts formed a great idea, brilliant maybe*. Just something that I needed to get me energized. It was kind of eureka moment. One that I forced myself to wake up and go write it down for fear of forgetting. The remainder of the night was spent further formulating the logistics surounding the idea. My brain was busy thinking all of this through while I was alseep. It was active enough to where I felt tired all day. Or maybe I am catching a cold-- lots of germs and sickness these past few days.

Anyway, I kept thinking about it all day and I could feel the smile on my face at times- it definitely put a bounce in my step.

I feel closer to where I need to be than I have in awhile- all i needed was something to mentally grasp and work towards. Just need to lay out the details.. and bring it to fruition.

I need to go to bed early tonight. If it is germs-- then good sleep and a dose of Airborne is required.

btw, I had a haircut on Saturday. The last few haircuts I mentioned in here and it has since helped me to remember to go get trims- very helpful.

• I am vague about job and future endeavors for paranoid reasons,lol.

So I write mostly to get some residual crap off my mind.

I hate my work schedule.

that is all.

time for bed; dreams are my repreive tonight.

woah, its snowing!!!

(delightful pic, (e:matthew) )

in Youngstown, even!! You know I am usually whining and crying while everyone is in a snowy wonderland and I am still seeing green. Not tonight though-- its snowy and pretty and I love the sound of the snow truck going up and down my street.

The ride home from work was, well, long. Plenty of accidents and slow driving. I made it home although it was challenging at times. Damn mezmorizing kamakaze snowflakes.

I really did not think that there would be snowflakes beyond Grand Island. There wasn't anything in Amherst until atleast 5pm. I had heard that there was snow in B-lo and Cheektowaga area.. so I thought it would be cool to see some snow after work as I intended to stay in Buffalo!

Well, once it began dumping hard in Amherst, and after hearing the tales that parents who were picking up their children were telling me, and all of the highway accident/vehicle crawl along the 90 stories (I didn't want to sit), I thought I would instead head into Youngstown. heh. It still took me an hour and 20 to get home. Christmas music (it is ok to listen to now) on the radio kept me entertained. I probably looked to happy to be tackling the driving conditions as they were. However, I really dig singing Christmas music, even if do not know half of the words. Perhaps I shall look for the lyrics..

I sOOOooOooOoOooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo want to play hookey tomorrow and try to go XC skiing. But I know I wont, as intensly tempting that it is. boo.

I want to go buy snow shoes this year. :)

hehe, I bought a boot tray while at Value Hardware yesterday. I kinda dig that hardware store. It amuses me to look at all that stuff. Not big on Home Depot, but the little stores are kinda fun. So I broke in my boot tray. EXCITING--be envious. I still need to organize my trunk. I am not the only one out there that is prepared for all sorts of craziness, although I am right on equally ready for spontaneous adventure and armegeddon.

I think this time last year there may have been snow in Y-town, and then that was it. I doubt we'll have another year like that. This is going to be a weird winter, me thinks!

I have my tree up and lights on. Now I will begin to place the bulbs. It is the one of the few things that I am a perfectionist about. I also furblobproof (joey and kayla-they think its a big cat toy) the tree by securing all of the ornaments and bead-garland with hooks wound around the branches. So yeh, it takes awhile.

Its 930- feel like i just got home.. having myself some hot cocoa, listening to Morcheaba and Moby, and continuing my festive creation.

Hope everyone is safe and snuggly warm..

PS for the newbie peeps- click the red snowflake to make the site snow go away, if you so desire.

I worked a little bit outside today. I got too late of a start to really get into some of the crazy clean up that I need to do. Perhaps I should have bought the light contraption at Value hardware when I was there. I don't know what they are called--but its a box cage that contains a light- it gets super hot but its super bright. I need that.

Anyway, i pulled out my garbage cans (that are full) to remember to set them out thursday night. I keep forgetting..

I moved stuff around my garage-- thats a major project in itself- but something i can do anytime. i don't mind working in the cold.

I wish I got myself outside earlier than I did. I loved the cold air and the fresh earthy smell. I also like to run in this weather, so as I did stuff around the yard, i sprinted whenever I could.

I had previously taken out my air condidtioners except a big one--which I intend to keep in the window. I bought covering to keep it cozy over the winter.

I bought stuff to do my windows- the plastic stuff along with a roll of plastic for windows I don't care if I see out of or not. I would like to tackel that tonight..

but I would also like to put up christmas decorations.

yup, I am putting them up this year.

Last year sucked for the holidays-- i was in a major funk. So i hope that surrounding myself with some pretty decorations, wiill help put me in the mood.

I don't go crazy. I stick to one room and it looks really freakin' nice!!

AND I plan to do christmas cookies this year. ooOOoOoOodles of them!



As I organized my garage a bit, I found all of the christmas decorations.. and a box of booze, lol

I have a full unopened bottle of vodka, a partial bottle of tatoo rum, more than half a case of smirnoff bottles and an assortment of beer-- i am betting thats just nasty. But I could hold onto it and sneak it into a party. hahaha

my garage needs serious help and so do i. It the only spot that seems to accumulate crap-- good crap, but crap none the less.

ooh, i also found the other part to my nintendo that I needed to be able to get some serious old school gaming going on.

gonna hook that baby up and play some Marios Bros, Tetris, Loopz, Simons Quest (!!!!) and hell, even Duck Hunt. I am psyched baby yeah! I have two bean bags to plop my ass (and someone elses) in front of the tv. I think I will hit up the SUper Flea to pick up more games- soon :)

hehe.. original nintendo. you love it.

OK.. off to continue on my house keeping/holiday decorating/mess making/treasure finding adventures.

woo!

I went into work super early Friday knowing that I would be able to leave at an earlier time because the extra program I head would not be running that evening. I was very excited about this, as I had plans to go out for dinner and drinks with a couple of friends that I havent seen, other than in passing, in a few months. They were my co workers. I see them from a distance at work- but there is never an opportunity to chat. So for awhile, we have been saying that we need to get together. I had been excited about it all week, but yesterday was too much. I was insanely chipper. I just really missed them and it was great to know that we could finally spend quality time catching up.


We ate and all had one drink. We were too busy talking to order more. And there was this warped sense of time. I thought it was at most 7:00 and instead it was 10:00. We were equally in awe as we had been there for about 6 hours, and it only felt like 2. That was nice. Shortly thereafter we departed.

As I really thought it was much earlier, I didn't know where to go next. It seemed to late to try to set up another activity, short of standing in a bar. It was super cold and windy and scary outside. My next move was to go to Blockbuster and see what movies may interest me. It had been a long time since I rented a movie- but I was definitly in the mood to get cozy in bed and watch a movie.

I rented The ONe and Waking Life.

I watched THe ONe, which is very much my kind of movie.


If it were infused with a little more sci-fi, such as getting more into the multiverses, then it really would have been extra fun. Since there were plenty of fight scenes combined with super human strength, it held my rapt attention.

I think I'm on a Jet Li kick. I need to see, The Master, next.





then a couple of extra, just because.... ;)





It was seriously crazy windy last night. Drivng was freaky-- feeling my car being pushed around on the highway. Lights were flickering everywhere- the restaurant, blockbuster, street lights, etc. SOOO creepy.

On another note, driving down Lewiston Hill, the view of Toronto was great. The entire skyline was lit up- it was just that clear to be able to see so much of the city from afar. Very nice!

I'll get a pic one day soon..

Alright peeps, have a great day. I am off to clean and then work on some projects. I would still very much like to have a drink or ten..

Catch ya later!

I have nightmares when I fall asleep on my back; so ofcourse I try not to do that.
it was hard for me to get to sleep last night..I tossed until I felt myself dozing off-- mostly on my back. I wondered what kind of bad dream it would be..
I used to have terrible tornado themed dreams as a kid. they only stopped once I dreampt about one that also had the Golden Girls in it..ha ha..it was just silly.
anyway,my nightmares often still have the tornado theme, but usually I can pull myself out of the dream, or manipulate the outcome..but notbefore some uncomfortable stuff.

last night was one crazy tornado themed dream. there were so many elements that could have been really bad, but I managed to ward off the issues. like everything turned out just fine..
I still pulled myself out of the dream.. but I was impresses thar the typical anxiety provoking details were avoided. I was totally with it and incontrol. not too shabby.

much prefer my naked ewen mcgregor dream, but hey, I teake what I can get.

get outside..its still so nice!

So I am sitting here messing with different sizes and such with my 8125. -- as per suggestion of (e:paul) --Not that I remember what size I took the pictures at as I began snapping away. Had a whole bunch that only picked up my eyeballs-- that seems to happen a lot.

I was going to take random pics of stuff in my room, but looking around, I really don't see anything to take a picture of. Lipstick? Car keys? a soup mug? tethered house boys? so my test pics are of me instead, or parts of me.


some standard and some sepia

my crooked little mutant pinky:



see? just eye balls.










I think I have to change the transfer size as well.. time for another test pic. (circus pinky taken at large size and sent as large file size--ahhh)

Gah, I would have loved to played hookey today!! It was soooo nice outside! I always feel like walking as I have tons of pent up energy. Its too dark and late to go for a walk in B-Lo. I was able to use some of that crazy energy today at work (surprisingly)-- literally running around, although high heels did not make it comfy to do so. The last 20 minutes I kicked off my shoes. Despite my active day, I still feel a bit rambunctious. I think I will go pester the men..

Think thats about it-- no major complaints :)

Hope all is well-- we got through Monday, yes?

wow, what a nice day outside.

I trekked down to Fort Niagara- the earthy smell of grass, dirt and leaves was highly pleasing. I took deep breaths, the air feeling mild and cool at the same time.

Boaters took advantage of the gorgeous day. The water of the Niagara River was very calm. Lake Ontario boasted more ripples, but it too was calm.

A few people out skipping stones, riding their bikes, walking their dogs, jogging, boating, holding hands, sitting on picnic tables looking out at the water. One person read while sitting on a blanket spread out on the ground; I liked that. I want to have a fall picnic now.

All these activities that people are doing today, on such a traditionally nice autumn day, are things that I will do all year long. Although I can never quite talk anyone into my mid-winter picnics or camping ::)

I took just a few pictures with my pocket pc. I wanted to bring a camera with me- however my old camera is structurally frozen- can't get parts to move(I wonder if I can take it apart?) and my new camera need the batteries to charge-- which is an all day affair first time around.

It was super bright with that sunshine.. the water was ablaze..










simple piece of wood endlessly amuses me..





Now it is time to find some food before heading back into Buffalo. I want to spend time reading and maybe writing. I enjoyed my snuggly chair at Starbucks last weekend, so I may opt for a return trip. Maybe I can get one next to the fireplace OOooOooooh nice.

Then a movie later- right? Right.

Stopped at Tops this evening to buy a few things for Thanksgiving dinner. As it will be just my mother and myself, we do not need much. I am very easy to please on Thanksgiving. I just need one turkey, a giant vat of real mashed potatoes and an equal portion of gravy. My mother is a vegetarian, so I seriously have a turkey to do as my carnivorous desires take me.

oh, and 'yoga pants'--(girly sweat pants) You know you'll be busting out the Zuba's Mwhahahahahahah

and maybe some apple pie.

and if there happens to be anything else, I will eat that too. My standards are simple, like I said.

If it were ever formal and dress-up that would not be my thing. I am more apt to want to relax, eat, and sleep on thanksgiving. Ooh, veg in front of the fire.. nice..

I wandered down an aisle that had a display of winter items. I happened to notice that salt you put down to melt snow and ice with is the same that you make ice cream with. This disturbs me, i think..







Tops did not carry tofurkey that I saw, so I picked up Quarn turkey. I like their products so far, so this might be good? Not sure if my mom will go for it. I just thought I would buy and prepare it to be nice-- and to make sure she doesn't get any ideas about touching my turkey.

kidding-- i am not that posessive over it

• growls*

semi itinerary for turkey-day:

clean

do my dishes. icky

go for hike/walk-- especially if it is sunny

eat

relax

engage in global domination activities

eat some more

sleep.

Anyone check out the stars toightz? its super clear out there!

My new user pic was selected in honor of Thanksgiving.
(homer)

be safe.. be well.. be thankful for elastic waistbands :)

I am writng about tea. Simple, hum-drum, non risque. I'll do better next time ;) SO what brings me to write about tea? Well, I could write about the trouble I am causing at work (delish) or the french speaking sexy moroccan man that I have been flirting with (more delish)- or any other number of observations, musings and sources of scandel- but no, tonight I write about tea (thats delish too). My creativity has been on hiatus- soon to return; I will make sure of it. I write whatever (obviously) pretty much to keep my mental muscles warm. Besides, its a habit. 22 years worth of "journaling".

so, tea. I love tea. I drink all kinds. I have been going through a lot lately- tea bags, loose teass, green, black, red, sea anenomes, infusions, whatever. I drink it for caffeine, I drink it to keep warm, I drink it to help me sleep, I drink it to keep me hydrated. Sometimes i drink it to give me crazy dreams. (watch out for those "sleep aide" varieties, especially from Yogi brand)

for a legal warped state of unconsciousness, try:


I stopped at the Lexington Co-op before turning in for the evening. I wanted to grab some apples and a box of tea. I couldn't remember what stash I had left in my B-lo home. On a side note, I also bought a small bag of "papaya spears". They are not fabulous at all- I found these ones very unenjoyable to gnaw on. (e:PMT) you are welcome to them!--you know where my snacky stash is--

My apple was good, crispy and juicy, though!

I looked at the shelves of tea boxes up and down, looking for a little something different. A big mug of steaming tea while curled up at my desk this evening seemed to be my deciding factor for selecting a decaf variety.

I spied with my tea roving eyes a variety of holiday themed flavors from Celestial Seasoning. That usually wouldnt intrigue me, but at $1.99 a box, I went in for a closer look.

It smells and tastes better than it looks:


"sugar plum spice"

Hibiscus, roasted barley, chicory, rosehips, chamomile, natural plum, cinnamon, ginger, roasted carob and cardamom.

Its sweet.

and its pretty yummy. Caffeine free for night time tea drinking.

I never add anything to my tea. I used to add honey and occasionally milk, but then I found it too much of an effort and eventually began drinking it plain--for a couple of years now.

Lazy is not always a bad thing!

(its only bad when you start throwing out dirty dishes because it sucks to wash them by hand. *I'd* never do that..)

My eye then wandered to another box of tea- yerbe mate variety. mmmm Mate Chocolatte.

"a blissful, sweet blend of yerba mate, cocoa and spices"

oh, and "naturally caffeinated"

um, yeh, I was sold. I do believe I look forward to that in the morning! Betta be good!





Ahh, my hot tea has eventually turned into iced tea. I should be drinking this in front of the fire...and I should be getting royalties from this post ;)


time to relax--
be well,stay warm, peeps!

turkey (tofurkey?) day is drawing near!

good night..