I began and finished my Christmas shopping today. It did not take long; however, I took my time and stared at stuff that I want.

I ran out of pretty much all of my favorite perfumes. So while I was in the mall, I hung out at the perfume counters trying to figure out what I like. I want all that I have run out of, but I like finding new smells as well. I am digging the Kenneth Cole Reactions and Kenneth Cole Black. I think.

It is hard to tell after I had been sniffing bottles for an hour; even with whiffs of coffee beans in between. They didn't have samples for me to take. It helps to determine how it smells later on mixed with your chemistry after top note dissipation. I think I will like them anyways; they have similar smell to others I have had. hmmm jasmine. After the holidays maybe I will go back in for a purchase.

Other stuff I like: electronics. aweeee yeh.

I stay out of stores for this reason. I hate wanting. ok, so its not that bad, but the temptation is overwhelming at times. All the electronics, gadgets, bells and whistles, and fun stuff. I want! I want! I want! *pouts, stomps foot*

shut up, carey.

Ok, so I am even sorer than I was this morning. The impact of elbow, hand, arms, and other major body parts slamming into concrete is the most probable culprit. My neck is especially stiff. Timika did not include the picture of my landing face first into the mattresses. That one hurt, lol. her entry with pics[inlink]ladycroft,152[/inlink] my entry [inlink]theecarey,68[/inlink]

I am in neeeeeeeeeeeed of a super thorough massage. oy.

Come on, carey complain a little more..

Um, my apartment is totally trashed again. I still haven't cleaned up from my cookie baking fiasco. It has just gotten progressively worse since then. I can't even find my cats. (E:pyrcedgrrl) suggested that I may have covered them in dough, rolled them out and baked them as well. Well, no one has complained about the cat fur infused cookies yet, so the kitters just may be under a clothes pile, or under a heap of dishes, or under the random shopping items strewn all over the floor. I made the mistake of leaving out a pile of tissue paper. It no longer exists in its original form. Tissue shreds, soggy with kitty saliva. Nice.

where are they? I know I didn't forget to feed or water them..

I love flowers. I am a big sap for flowers. I like them because they are pretty to look at, they smell good and they die. There is little room for neglect, which is perfect for me because I tend to neglect things.

I had a plant named Bob once. Yes, I named it. I never had a plant before and I though it needed a name. Seemed perfectly normal to me. A few years ago I went through a phase of naming everything Bob. Oddly, I also dated two Bobs at that time as well. I didn't date Bobs because I liked the name. I didn't name anything Bob because I liked them, haha. Er, yeh, I think you know what I mean. That's a story.

Ok, so my friend gave me his plant. I remember it was summertime and at first I took really good care of it. When winter came and there was less light coming through the windows, I thought it would be a good idea to actually place Bob on the window sill to soak up as much light as he could. That was all fine until I closed the curtains and forgot about him. Days later, I found his shriveled up little body just where I left him. It was sad. He was a tropical.

My roommate did not like that I killed his plant.

Last week I bought a small poinsettia.

I forgot I bought it.

I found it in my car a couple of days later.

I thought maybe it would recover.

Which it might have, if I hadn't forgotten about nursing it back to health.

Funny that I manage a garden and it does amazingly well.

I should mention that the spider plant that (e:matthew) brought me on my birthday is still alive and kicking. It could use some water, but it otherwise is still alive. I really have gotten much better since the "Bob incident". We will just forget about the poinsettia episode.


little red poinsettia that once was




Proof of life:





I found one!

I am sore today.

In hindsight, there are ample reasons for this.

Yesterday morning, I wiped out going down my icy stairs. It was graceful, as can be for slipping right on my ass. It was equal to 'sitting down really fast'. My arm caught part of the stair case.

(I have since tossed salt on it).

At work: physical interventions of the variety that I have not done in quite some time on a kid that I have not really worked with. Very strong and very aware.
I could feel it in my arms and butt. I also did some quick maneuvers to dodge biting, punching and kicking. oh, adrenaline.

Then there is last night.

oh boy.

I don't know whether to dread or anticipate, The Pictures.

Background: Growing up, (e:ladycroft) and I would often end up bloody, bruised and sore from our days adventures. She usually, ok, most always, ended up in worse condition. We would end up falling down the same cliff, wipe out on our bikes in the same traffic, get ourselves stuck in the same mud, fall out of the same tree and get tangled up in the same messes, but she managed to come out more beat up than I. She has the scars to prove it.

Now "grown up" we still end up being sore and feeling slightly beaten up after spending an evening in each others company. Not bloody. Not so much bruised. But definitely sore. Every time!

And so last night, I head out to Hilbert to hang with my buddy for a bit. We have the entire place to ourselves, a bunch of beer and our adventurous spirit to guide us into trouble. Or to the ER. Haha.

I didn't have my camera, but Timika did. It began with something I said, did or how I looked that all of a sudden she was doubled over trying not to piss herself with laughter. So, I grabbed her camera and it went with us everywhere for the remainder of the evening.

In summation, a few sore spots could also be contributed to: Sushi eating, really bad pool playing, tricycle riding, modified basketball (in a garbage can), high speed mattress diving, staircase mattress riding and holy hell, I think at some point we even took off our shirts. It seemed a really good idea at the time, lmao!

So yeh. She's got the pictures.
Update: here they are..[inlink]ladycroft,152[/inlink]
____________________________________________
Off to shower and finally start my Christmas shopping. (journal prompt)
I am sure to update later...

(stealth entry at work..)

Been doing nothing but eating all day at work. And all sorts of stuff that my body does not recognize. My taste buds are happy though. However, I am never ever eating ever again. hmmkay?


No class tonight, yay!!



Later, strippers.

~carey

Whats up sudsy hot bath?

Nah, I haven't forgotten about you.

I know, I know.. the book and wine are waiting.

Be right there, yo.


From atleast 9:30 am on, I had been encouraged to go to Caputis by co-work friends.

"Hey Care, what do you think about Happy Hour?"
(you don't think. you just do)

"So Care.. whatcha doin' after work? Caputis, right?!
(hmm.. maybe)

"Carey are you going to Caputis?"
(probably..)

as I am walking out the door.. "Oh Carey Bears.."
(yes?)

"..you are expected at Caputis. If you aren't there, you will be tracked down and bludgeoned."

"oh and don't be late"

Alright, alright. I am coming. Yeesh.

So after all that, I am the first to arrive. I kick back and wait a bit.

A bit impatient, I contemplate leaving. When the first few arrive, I scrunch up my face in mock, "I am totally put out from waiting for you" look. It doesn't suit me, as they found humor in my ill attempt at "bitchy", and they placate me with, "shut up, I am buying you a beer". Easy enough.

A half dozen of us drinking, engaging in shop talk, movies, sex and other random topics.
Good conversation..the kind that gets heated, obnoxious, hilarious and lewd, all punctuated with occasional melodious belches (boys!). I learned a lot this evening from a few of my friends. I guess it was being in a group of people and listening to their life tales. How on some levels I can relates, then on others, I am completely clueless. And that all too familiar "on the outside looking in" feeling surfaces.

And so, a few Sam Adams winter fest pints later, while still remembering that it is back to work in the morning, I pull myself away from the group and make my way out the door.

Ahh, the steaming soak beckons..

the mess continues.


My first stab at making cookies from scratch. I have more to make, but this is about it. I am wiped out. Some of them turned out enormous. I even made frosting. I made due with the few supplies that I did buy. Someone really really into this could go all sorts of crazy in the artistic sense.

cookie poo.


The mess.


some of the yum.



A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle.
- Unknown

Off to read and then dream land.

Good night :)
Carey

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." Peter Drucker

For the past couple of months I have been enjoying Sunday mornings. I had been introduced to the simple pleasure of making a pot of coffee and sitting down to read the paper-watch some tv(sports, news, random channel flipping); which always happens to be a sunday morning and so an association has been made. Besides it is a very nice, normal, serene way to break into the day.

I had intended to do that this morning followed by some skiing and then baking.

Today was not such a day. I woke up entirely too late in the day to warrant lazy morning activities. It was mid afternoon and I had a pounding headache from sleeping in. In total it was a respectable amount of sleeping hours, but I just did not want to get out of bed. I was warm and comfy and not quite ready to face the day. I slipped in and out of dreams. The really juicy ones were especially hard to let go of, so in a way I forced myself back into sleep; they were really good :) I could have kept going if it weren't for the headache. Not that a headache would ever really stop me..

I did get to the baking part of my itinerary. Which wholly suprises me. I am not sure what has gotten into me. Baking. From scratch. On purpose. Without the proper cooking utensils. I pretty much guessed on everything. I remembered to use pot holders!

I did buy parchment paper, thanks to (e:kara). That stuff is pretty cool. And I will be making Kara Kanes© [inlink]kara,2[/inlink] (for recipe)

Ooh, what a mess I have made. This will be atleast a two day deal. I only got to cooking one of the recipes. I did prep the various sugar cookie doughs. Next will be cut outs, baking then decorating. I really needed pictures of myself. I was covered in cookie dough guts, flour and other squishy baking remnants.








So many parties this weekend, but the Snow Party was priority!

It is always a pleasure to chill with the [search]typeHere[/search] peeps. Many familiar faces and a few new ones. Nice :)

I had my camera, but I only took a few pictures. The real Christmas tree was quite attractive with its shiny bulbs, tinsel and star trek ornaments. That would be Capatin Bacard at the top.




"Dont get tinsel all over the place"








(e:ladycroft) [inlink]ladycroft,146[/inlink] has a bunch of pics, included a nice one of her and I. And my fishnet stocking mishap. haha.

Shopping could be quite delighful if all that is required of me is to find the most tackiest or obscure gift. In my pursuit of fun and to stay true to my quirky personality, I buy such items anyway.

Soon, I must go Christmas shopping; without buying random things for me. I've still got a week. I work best under pressure, anyways.

Other than once or twice, the snow has not made its way to Youngstown. I am still waiting.. patiently..for new snow. I'm itching to ski.

Last nights quick refueling.. even random shopping builds an appetite:



Boston was just about to close.They had little to choose from. I had some meatloaf form, green smooshy stuff and mashed potatoes. It tasted good to me. Although I could do a better job on the meat loaf. For some reason I have been really wanting that lately. I will have to succomb to my meatlaof desires soon. My last intense food craving was Ketchup. I stopped at nothing to get it, haha.

One last thought..becuase it makes me giggle...

Save a cow,
Eat a Vegetarian.

That is all.

I was looking through my picture files. I found one that I haven't viewed in along time. It is a file of kitten pictures from a few years ago.

Anyway, I realize this: I am a big animal dork.

I only have kitties at this moment, so I am a big cat dork. I have many pictures.
When I put together a fresh water fish tank, I will take pictures of them as well (hopefully soon, I just need a stand), and be a fish dork.
And one day, I hope to be a dog dork.

I am a sappy sucker for cute and fuzzy things.

Prepare to vomit, cute pictures ahead..

Baby Joey and Kayla. I found them under my porch the day I moved into a ghetto-esque apartment. My mom scooped up the five kittens and brought them home with her to raise them until they were big enough to be adopted. I had no intention of taking any of the kittens. But I fell in love with Joe. On the evening I was to take him home, his little sister, Kayla, managed to come home with me as well. It was the coolest thing to raise a couple of kittens. It brought a bright spot to an otherwise really dark depressing period of my life.




My beloved turtle. Everyone loves The Turtle. Even as big fat cats, they still attempt to curl up on my turtle. We fight over him..




Joee, Marlo, Kayla ((e:pyrcedgrrl) adopted Marlo, the other black and white kitten--she has the straight white streak up her face).









fuzzy chunky butts











______________________________________________

My class was cancelled tonight. I was in an after-work meeting when the call came in on my cell phone. As the class rep, the college contacted me directly. I then proceeded to contact my classmates with the good news. I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk the icy drive.. it is such a long drive home from class...so this worked out very well.

I went outside to take pictures of the ice, but oddly, there isn't any. Where did it go? :)

Anyway, my brain thinks it is friday, as I am rarely home before 10pm on a Thursday night. It is past my bedtime and I must try to get some sleep.
(e:pyrcedgrrl) is making me do some christmas shopping Friday evening. Is she insane? No, I am for not starting it yet..

Good night.. be warm and safe..
Carey

One of my favorite places to be..



Toronto, barely shows up with this camera. What would be a fabulous camera to have, so I can get more detail and distance?? Or maybe try a different technique?










I need to learn how to get back up after I wipe out on my ass. I had my camera, why not take a picture? :)









My car wins.. it is the filthiest of all of WNY.. full of trash and treasures





Home atlast, after peeling off four other layers of sweat and snow caked clothing, working on this post...



I thought I had more pics in another file.. Oh well, maybe I will find them later :)

Now more for your reading pleasure.. (what I had debated on posting...)

Dreams

I normally sleep pretty well. Occasionally I get insomnia. What happens is that I end up with a lot of energy to where I either don't need or just can't sleep. During this episode I will sleep half as much or less than my regular 8-10 hours. And the sleep is poor with a lot of tossing and turning. Although I am sleep deprived, I end up being energetic all day and this will continue until I eventually crash. It is usually a two week deal. Then boing! boing! boing! My energy levels rise some more, and that's just fun. I end up very talkative and a bit more obnoxious than usual. I write a lot during these times as well.

Not that there is any evidence of that here. :)

I have entertained the idea of doing some "serious" writing. I can pound out a ton of pages pretty damn quickly, whether forming an entry or writing a school paper. I write as I think, so I run with it. To work on a story would be a unique challenge. I have characters and story lines in my head. I have a creative, delicious and detail oriented imagination. I imagine using times like these to crank out a ton of material then make use of other times in the logistical part of the story development. However, I get overwhelmed thinking about it and I dismiss the idea. Really, it is just another form of procrastination and possibly selling myself short. I get pulled in so many different directions then I take no direction, which really gets me nowhere. *kicks myself in the ass*

Alright, so I had been debating on posting this. Not sure why, other than after a slew of lengthy really personal entries (even though they barely touched the tip of the iceberg), I feel suddenly shy.

I attribute the content of the following dream to the relationship-gender entry. [inlink]theecarey,57[/inlink]I had started that entry earlier in the evening of which it was posted. The opening paragraph was written prior to the heated political-personal posts, even. I had started jotting down a few random thoughts and then would go do something else, then I'd jot down a few more thoughts and stop for awhile. When I settled down for the evening, I decided to write and see where it would take me. I can start off with a thought and end up in another direction. I eventually wrapped it up a little after 4am. Then I played on the game site, pogo.com until about 6am. I slept lightly but comfortably even though my dreams had an atypical element. Usually they are replete with sexual situations, horror-adventure theme or occasional work dreams where my non verbal kiddos begin to talk.

Apparently my mind is trying to process through something because the elements involved have created a theme these past few nights. I write to get it out of my head and to see what my brain is telling me, perhaps. Thinking about the subject matter all day and then posting about it, it is no surprise that it was pulled into the dream.

I dreamt that I was trying to get to, what I perceive, the boyfriend, because it did not feel like 'just a friend". I was walking through a neighborhood, looking for his house. I was in a community where the houses and yards were close to each other. All of the houses were white. The side walks were very clean and tidy, although they had different styles in appearance. Each segment of the side walk had its own detail. The sun was shining; it seemed a pleasant day.

As I walked through this community I sensed that people were watching me, yet there was no resistance from anyone. They were curious about my strangeness. I just kept walking, observing the different homes. I focused in on their porches for some reason, which were close to the sidewalks. Although not in a hurried or anxious state of mind, I knew I had to pretty much stay on course. However, I had to get to him and I was concerned that I wouldn't find his house.

I had the challenge of navigating these winding maze-like sidewalks. I could see across the paths and yards, but for some reason, I couldn't just cut through all of it, not that there was anything visible stopping me.

At some point I came to a clearing that appeared to be all concrete; it was an entanglement of all the different sidewalks. On the other side of this concrete cluster, was his house, which was not far away at all. I could easily hop to one sidewalk to another if I wanted to. I could choose the sidewalk yet for some reason I took the longer more complicated route. I liken it to following the well known yellow brick road. I just stayed on course. The sidewalks were not linear, so by following one, I stepped over others.

I could see his house for it was so very close. I just kept walking until I felt it was time to go in, because at that point I did step over the last few pieces of the sidewalk, because right then and there I knew it was time to go to him.

I walked the path along the house. There were flowers and other nice stuff. I walked up the driveway (which looked like a larger version of the sidewalks) to a side walk that went along the front of the house. As I approached the house, I came face to face with his mother. She stood on the sidewalk and seemed to be expecting me and was not exactly welcoming but not hostile either. She made an attempt to keep me from going in, but it was passive, overall. This had surprised me as I was expecting more resistance.I do not recall the words exchanged. I do remember that I was not skittish or intimidated. I was right where I needed to be and knew that she didn't have the power to stop me from entering her house. It was really her house and he lived in the basement. (This was pulled directly from my post. I have never actually dated someone who lived in their mothers' basement. I had included it in my post because I have a friend who always asks "does he live in his moms basement, does he want your car and does he want to move in with you", which always cracks me up, which I think it is because of the way she says it, like she is talking from past experience and is a bit cynical- funny how it manifested in my dream)

Ok, so I pretty much dismissed her, saying that "this is where I belong and you can't stop me". So I walked past her and opened the door. This door opened into a vestibule. To the left was the entrance to the house and to my right, the stair case that descended to the basement. Once on the staircase, it took the form of the stairs I had going to the basement of the house growing up. The layout of the basement followed this as well.

I could see, but it was kind of dark. The sunlight from outside lit the staircase, but once I got to the bottom of the stairs and entered the room in which he lived, it was much, much darker. I knew he was in there somewhere and had to find him. I proceeded to enter the dark basement room. I called out. No answer at first. I continued into this darkness, determined, scared yet comfortable; like what I was doing was taken in stride. I didn't have to go much farther when I saw some illumination coming from the far side of the room. It had the glow of a tv (I didn't actually see the tv, just assumed) which faced a bed that was in the farthest possible corner, in which he lay, propped up on pillows. The room was very dark other than the faint illumination. Details of the room could not be observed, but I was not concerned with that. All I cared about was finding him. He seemed melancholy, inquiring why it took me so long to get there. I said that I knew that he knew that I was coming and that I was giving him extra time to be ready for my arrival and that the little extra exercise on my part couldn't hurt (hah where did that come from-must be my recent increase in activity).

Then it cut to talking about all sorts of stuff, gaining understanding and catching up on other things. We were also laughing and teasing each other and playing with a black and white kitty (it wasn't my Joe cat in my dream, but a beloved kitty that I had in the past, who died from leukemia complications. Not sure how or why she made it in my dream).

Then I came to the surface of consciousness and rolled back over to go into another dream; but that one eludes me. This had been the second dream in the same night that had similar elements I am not sure why this one along with its detail stayed with me as strongly as it did/does and that it actually played itself out.

The face of the individual changed between two people that I know. Someone I know now and someone I knew from a long long time ago. Not sure who any of the people were, and I did not recognize the "mother" figure. It was so detailed and I remembered it well enough upon waking that I typed it out. It took me awhile to decide whether I would post it. So now, a few day later, here it is.

Any ideas?

_________________________________________________
I kept the temperature in the apartment lowered significantly these past few days. I had mentioned in a previous post that I really can not afford to heat the apartment. The bill I just received is higher than it has ever been in my entire apartment renting life. Craziness! Anyone else experience this? I pulled a little electric heater into my bedroom, which helps a lot. It has a remote, so I can turn it on until the bite of chill is gone. The mound of blankets takes care of the rest. When not in my room, I wear a few extra layers. If I have friends over, I will turn up the heat and toss more logs into the fireplace, not a big deal at all. I prefer them warm and comfortable. Or we can try a more creative option and all pile up in my room!!! I figure if I can conserve a majority of the time, the bill won't be so bad next time. I made sure the storms were in and will put plastic on a few of the windows. Also make sure my curtains are closed most of the time.

On a positive note, the lowered heat has my wine collection chilled perfectly. I am enjoying the remainder of the bottle of Four Emu shiraz.

And the kitties are getting their winter coat.

And going out in the cold won't be as much of a difference; which is good because I have been XC skiing 4-5 times a week. So no more whining that it is too cold to go outside! Oh yeah!

The sunset was absolutely fucking amazing. Gorgeous swirls of orange, pink, purple and turquoise.

The days last light enhanced the reflection of Toronto. A pale pink glimmered off the buildings.

As the sky turned dark, the lights along the skyline twinkled.

No camera to capture this perfection.

________________________________________________________
I have been XC skiing approximately an hour a day. The trails I take overlook lake Ontario. The time I go allows me to catch the sunset. I quickly build warmth which sustains through my chilly adventure. I am lost in my thoughts while appreciating the sight, smell and sounds of nature in Youngstown. No one else is around, just the waves crashing to the shore.

When my mind is squirreling with thoughts, I write.
When I go through my "insomnia manic" phase, I write.

When both occur at once, I write. A LOT.

Because I don't talk to anyone. But I am learning..
(fondly thinking of a short conversation from earlier today...)

(I just finished a 2,000 word entry.-debating on posting it, not sure yet, which is about a dream- The relationship entry was 3,000)

Thanks for reading, listening (?) e-strip...


So, (e:paul), how can I help ya out with that thesis? :)