I'd like (e:theecarey)'s journal but i'm in a hurry. so just go look at hers for further readings on this adventure. meanwhile, here are some crayon renderdings we did while on our mental vaca.


the adventure begins in a dark red room by a cozy fire and a well packed vanilla 'enhanced' hookah


carey's fire depiction


my fire depiction

we decided to draw fruit baskets with our mouths


carey's


mine


i saw little ghosts coming out of the smoke flying at my head


i have no idea what carey saw although she kept laughing and yelling 'chainsaws!'


dinner


then came my merry-go-round ride. my legs were kicking away because i thought i was running the opposite direction of all the horses on it. the music was wack, and i think i saw paul.


self-explanitory


i began riding a horse complete with gallop motions


when i looked at carey she was wearing a huuuuuge yellow hat, like the 'man in the yellow hat' and her lips were covered in blood.


i did my party trick. write like davinci.
can't read it? print it out and hold it in a mirror.


carey and i will be attending the new year party as eddy and patsy!

Christmas Eve at Gramma's last night was hard. I cried a little bit in secret, but then I remembered this poem someone sent. I thought I would share it in memory of Irene, and to anyone else who lost a loved one this year. Happy Christmas peeps.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless trees around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven's stars reflecting in the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tears
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

I hear many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sings

I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart
So be happy for me dear ones
You know I hold you dear
Be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

- Unknown

I shouldn't be at work. I should be off on vaca like all the others. But noooooooooooo, I had too much fucking work to do. This is what I felt like

Today's quote:


"Sleep. The death of each day, but a doorway to the map of humanity." - unknown



I'm helping my program director/professor/internship supervisor write a new textbook. It's about the function of Catholic colleges and universities. As we were discussing some things today during our meeting we checked in on the Cardinal Newman Society. If you're not familiar, it's a set of like minded individuals in the Cahtolic faith. You may also refer to them as the watch dogs of Catholocism in education, very conservative. Anyhoo, I came across this piece and thought, wow. That's something. Particularly look at numbers 5,7, and 8. I am in NO WAY saying all Catholics believe this for surely there are many that take a different approach. I'm just curious of other's opinions. If you have any. Ciao.

Embrace the chaos for when you least expect it, peace will be put upon you.

In Chaos I see: The Clint Boon Experience.

You look at my skin
Outside not what's inside you will see
That I'll never change for authority
Cuz my ink's my mark on society
Read between these lines and you'll understand
That my ink is with me 'till the end
(Inked theme song)

I found these photos made me smile. Maybe you will too.














my favorite

I've been reading the book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

1.Be impeccable with your word
2.Don't make assumptions
3.Always do your best
4.Don't take anything personally


The first 3 items are words which I have truly tried to live by. It took time to become enlightened by these prospects. The time to make mistakes, time to grieve, time to push through them, and time to adjust. That last of the 4 is something I've always had a hard time with.

1.I often tell people, "Say what you mean and mean what you say". I don't like double talk, backstabbing, double standards and the like. I don't know many people that do like it. Some are more prone to it than others. None of us are immune entirely, but I certainly put the conscious effort into my words.

2.I learned not to make assumptions after many disappointments. Countless times I had been let down by others before I realized it is not just that they are flakes, but I made an assumption about them. 1 plus 1 equals 2, but not always. A hard lesson to learn and one we all have to confront throughout our lives. I suspect it played a role in my independence at an early age.

3.I used to be quite the perfectionist. I do try my best. Sometimes I tried too hard. If it wasn't just right, it was worthless to me. I've certainly eased up on the intensity of perfection. Nothing is perfect. School, it doesn't mean all that much in the long run. Great papers, they don't add up to much but a great paper that got you a grade. What you learn experientially carries far greater weight. Perhaps my art work still retains some level of perfectionism, but only to me.

4.Don't take it personally. Oh how I struggle, as I'm sure many do, with this thought. Are people susceptible to taking things more personal if they are deeply passionate, deeply committed to the things they do? If they place greater value on friendships does it not stand to reason they would be more affected by things done or said to them? It is a character trait that should always be looked down upon as a great flaw? Does this not generate the sort of genuine love we look for from others? Finding that balance between maintaining the self and not getting hurt is not as simple as "don't take it personal". It is a daily struggle for me. I have made progress in this area for sure. I think practicing yoga and meditation helped me with this. Letting many things roll off my back that had once bothered me was a fantastic improvement. I think a portion of the struggle is not related to my passion but the fear that I may then become hard to the world I love. I don't want to build a wall.

I will continue to learn and grow. Hurting is the less glamorous part of the process. I have learned that people I loved do not love me in return. I have learned that those I held in close regard did not have the same understanding with me. I have learned friends come and go even at the most critical time when we need them most. I have learned I will be replaced by others that are deemed more interesting to be with. I have learned that friendship is a two seat bike meant to be shared and to let go of those who don't put in equal effort. Most of all, I have learned what it is to be me and I love it. I love my light and dark side. I love showing passion toward others. If it is not returned, I must stay strong and continue to be me, the best me I can be, and not take it personally.

Still without power at home so I've been crashing on the air matress at the parental unit dwelling since Saturday. Thursday night I froze in my apartment. Friday morning Ryan and I trudged a mile through the snow and debris with our packs full to spend the night with friends who had power. I was grateful but man that hardwood floor did a number on my body.

My nephew is doing sooooo much better. Once his tongue got snipped he has been all about the cooing and not so much the crying. I'm so glad. We went shopping to get him a few warmer outfits. I got him a cozy long-sleeve onsie that reads "Hi, I'm new here" above a picture of the world. :)

Yesterday was my Gramma's birthday. She never got to see Ryan so Tonia and I took him out with some flowers. He was quiet until the moment we walked in the mausoleum doors, then he chattered away. I think he was introducing himself to his great-grandparents. As soon as we walked out the door, he stopped. I miss my Gramma.

I hope everyone else is dealing best they can with, as we have nicknamed the storm, the "catastrophe". The little guy is in my arms right now and took a big stinky poop so I must go change him. Take care.

I feel like I'm in a dream where I am in a car. I am the passenger and also the driver. I see many obstacles in the road ahead of me but I have no control. I cannot direct the wheels to avoid colliding with objects. I yell but I cannot wake the self that is driving. Lost in time I will step into the darkness once more. There in the comfort of my night, the world cannot see me. It is the only place I truly feel safe.

Ta mo chroise go bron
Oiche' s me liom fein
Speartha dubh go domhain, a choich
Uaigneas mor, go deo, a choich
Taim bronach, buartha' s briste
Nil ann ach an marbh.

It is Gaelic, from an Enya song.
Translation:

My heart is grieving
Night and I am alone
Endless deep black skies
Great loneliness, forever, and ever
I am sad, sorrowful, and broken
Nothing is left except the dead.