My mom called at about 7pm to let me know my gramma died tonight. Apparently my uncle went downstairs to watch the 6 o'clock news with her, like always, and she had died in her chair. Exactly the way my gramma found my grampa when he died.

She wasn't sick other than some arthritis in her knees so this is rather a shock. I just keep imagining her voice calling my name. She had that funny little Polish accent and said my name funny. I'd post a photo but they are on my dad's computer at home. I still haven't had the time to get them on my jump drive.

I'm so very sad.

Aqua Mouse took a huge crap the other day. A violent eruption of boiling toxic green and choking clouds of smoke made me want to cry. I think my sister made a record for the most lightening quick move by a pregnant lady when she jumped out of her seat and out of the garage in under 3 seconds. Of course my reaction was slightly different. I just sat in my seat and thought,'damn, I think my car is on fire'. Sigh.

The official bike riding commute was established as a result of this unpleasantry. I knew I needed to start riding because I can't afford gasoline to feed Aqua Mouse, but this was the foot in the ass I needed.

So (e:Nejifer) agreed to make a test run out to Canisius with me yesterday. I wanted to see how long it would take me and what my best route would be. I have a pump for my tires but Limey Mouse, my old skool retro Schwinn of equal squeakiness, requires 90psi and I simply don't have the muscle to reach those numbers.

First, a walk to A Plus to use the air pump. I really don't like walking my bike. It's a strange contradiction. We get to A Plus only to find the air pump is out of order. So I had to walk a few more blocks down to Mobil. I'm sorry but I think 75 cents for 2 minutes of air is absurd. Whatever happened to the days of free air?

Even with the air pump reaching 90psi was tough, so it cost me $1.50 worth of air to get there. I'm not bold enough to just let it fill. I keep stopping to check the pressure because I don't fancy a tire blowing up in my face.

All squared away, we cruise down to Delevan and head to school. Limey Mouse isn't made for potholes and gravel. It was a tricky ride. We cut through Forrest Lawn at the corner to enjoy a change of scenery and a few hills.

Took a break and had some water, then set the compass for home. Half-way through Forrest Lawn I realized I was putting out too much effort. I looked down to find a flat rear tire. Karumba! Crossed Deleware and dropped more change to re-inflate the rear tire. Made it home on cranky breaks and a continuous leak.

Aqua Mouse is broken. Limey Mouse is broken. I seem to have a thing for squeaky modes of transportation that don't work so well. What's a girl to do? I would drop a lot of money to fix up Limey Mouse. Aqua Mouse is out of the question. So...I had to buy a new bike. While I enjoyed Limey Mouse's look, I've always been a mountain biking kind of girl.

Essentially, I combined the two. I got a Schwinn Jaguar with incredibly high handle bars and super fat (or phat) tires. At least now I can go up and down curbs and over trails.

So, if you see a girl in black with a black helmet, don't run me over.
Ciao.

when you're walking down the street

On the way to brunch yesterday, which is now a Sunday noon tradition, I saw Chris (aka fake tanner boy) riding his bike. Then I saw (e:Metalpeter) walking to the bank, so I yelled at him. Then I saw (e:Libertad) walk by with some girl. So I set a goal to see at least 10 people I know.

After brunch we walked to Allentown. I love that I can walk out of my apartment and do these things. No 20 minute drive, no planning, I can just grab my keys and go. Right, so when I got the the fest, I ran into (e:Enknot), (e:Paul), (e:Matthew), (e:Terry) and (e:Holly). Wow, up to 8 already!

Then Jen took me to Target because Aqua Mouse took a huge dump yesterday. On the way there I spotted (e:Pyrcedgirl) and (e:Theecarey). 10- goal reached!

Boring, I know. I just don't feel like talking about how sad I am.

Watching the US v Czech Republic game right now. No surprise they are kicking our asses. I don't think the US stands a chance against their grouping.

In some good news they finally found the nature of my nephew Max's mystery lumps and rash. It turns out he is allergic to cats and dogs. My sister has 2 cats and a dog. It's sad they have to give them away, but little Max can't live with them.

My friend Cory called me from his internship in Dallas. We talked for an hour! I can't remember the last time I talked on the phone that long. It was a nice surprise.

My mind is all over the show so I'm going to stop talking now. Ciao.

I saw a man on the corner of my street by the KFC wearing a devil costume. He was holding a sign that said KFC is HELL for chickens. Ciao.

I want to send out my thanks to (e:Leetee) for the tremendous amount of help you gave me in moving. It's a shitty job and I am very grateful for your assistance. Two loooong days of moving back and forth to Hamburg craming tiny Aqua Mouse to the brim. I'd still be moving if it weren't for you!!! Also thanks to (e:Jason) for helping move a load with your car. I know you were very tired so I appreciate that you came to help out while you could.

The apartment is coming along nicely. We still have work to do in putting things together, but we should finish it off this weekend. The place is lovely. Our landlord is way cool, and as it turns out, he was also (e:Robin)'s landlord. Small world.

I got zonked on the head by a falling 2x4 during the move and have been nursing a mild concusion for a few days.

Marched with (e:Libertad)'s Buddhist group in the Pride Parade and had a great time.

That's about all I have time for right now, still much unpacking to do. Ciao!

Yvonne and I spent all friggin day working on our Amazing Race application video. We were sweating our balls off in my furnace apartment. My windows are small and don't really open all the way. Plus my antique fan sounds like it's about to crap out. Nonetheless, we finished recording and then her daughter Faben helped us piece together some beautiful bean footage.

She did an awesome job. Then Yvonne added a touch of music, and walla, we have an entertaining 2 minutes and 58 seconds of why we should be a team on the next race. We ran into trouble trying to record it though. It must be submited on VHS and it's trapped in the computer at the moment. We gave up at 3am, our brains were fried. HELP!

In between filming and editing I took some time out to watch the Sabres win. All you non-believers, so tense about the OT. Of COURSE the Sabres are going to win. You just have to BELIEVE.

(e:Nejifer) and I were walking back to our cars down Elmwood when this girl came out of her apartment walking toward some trash on the curb and asked if I wanted a dress. "What size?", I ask. "XS". Yeah, sorry, lovely dress though. Then she asks, "Well how about a jacket, it's a Medium". I take it, it's a light P coat. Then she continues, "want these shoes?". They were a pretty good looking pair of Pumas. I inquire, "Those are boys shoes yeah? What size?". "I think 8". I take them, just because. I'm not particularly fond of used sneaks, but these didn't look too worn and new inserts can do wonders. I just tried them on, and they fit perfectly. How random.

It was a beautiful, albeit sweaty, 96 degree sunshine day yesterday. Myself, Jen and Yvonne spent it in Niagara Falls, ON. They posted photos as well. Yvonne and I were trying to make our audition tape for the Amazing Race. 101 things you can do with a head cover. It looks hysterical. As Yvonne said, perhaps we can post a clip here. I'll shut up now, enjoy the photos.

P.S. In honor of the World Cup soccer tournament about to take place in Germany, a new user sound.

P.S.S. A few of the photos are blury on purpose.






























(e:imk2) and I sat around for 3 hours trying to figure out that we were missing necessary cables to transfer to video to the computer/vcr. oy!

In the middle of the woods I heard a cow moo. I wondered, is this term technical or slang? Do cows really moo? A horse, for instance, whinnys. We don't say it 'eeehehehehehe's'. A dog barks, we don't say it 'woofs'. So does a cow 'moo'?

So the mystery train of adventure lead us south. I didn't know where we were going, but we got a little lost on the way. It was a brilliant mistake, because there was a pile of crap at the end of someone's driveway with a FREE sign. I scored two retro chairs. Carey and I found a box of things, we don't really know what they are. A box of pop tops with little corks inside. I dunno, but we took them because they were interesting.

So, finally on the right path, we end up at the Griffin Sculpture Park. It was amazing and I had no idea this place existed! Yes, it was raining, but I believe this made things more ideal. It was so serene. We were alone with the sounds of frogs, birds and rainfall. The fog gave the place a dream like feel, leaving me wondering if I had even really been there at all. I have no idea how far we hiked, but I'm pooped. We polished the day off with a feast in the field that Carey packed in a cooler. Thanks again, it was a perfect day. Without further ado.....


carey put her poncho on backwards and asks me
'what am i doing wrong here?'


need assistance? this wooded parking space is for you.










holy shit i found pappa smurf!




would you like some wheatables?


at the tippy top...


... of this castle








who looks more like the sculpture?


(e:Theecarey)


(e:Ladycroft)

I flew down to Orlando on Monday. Weather delays rerouted my plane, making us fly into DC right over all the monuments. I couldn't believe the perfect aerial view. It brought back memories of my recent trip, which I shall post soon (seeing how I never got to it). Again, due to weather, we were forced to depart from the north, giving me a spectacular aerial view of Arlington National Cemetery. It was a nice treat.

I finally arrived in Orlando and finished taking things off my sister's walls and packing random items. Made myself go to bed at 2am. Got up and started moving in the morning. I'm tooting my own horn here, I am an amazing packer. I managed to squeeze the contents of my sister's life into a 6X7 box.

As soon as we finished packing the pod, I had to clean her apartment. Exhausted, wet, and smelly, we crammed our food and packs into the Neon and said good-bye to the warm rains of the Florida wetlands. My jaw dropped when I saw the gas prices.


the pod


never thought i'd say this gas was cheap


just peachy


the sunshine came out in south carolina


beautiful skies for the gazillion golfers there


beautiful trees for the admiring eye


i got a massive craving for HO HO's in north carolina


then i got sleepy from the billions of poppies lining the highway through the entire state!


the warm sunshine made me smile for a while


then we got to virginia


where mother nature punished us with never ending mountain climbs, battering winds and mini monsoons


interesting vehicle


west virginia wasn't much better


and apparently thievery is big at rest stops there


pennsylvania, almost home


my kind of rest stop stretching


greeted by lovely blooming lilacs in my parents' driveway

I should be writing a research proposal, but I can't concentrate. This little detail seems to be rearing it's ugly head non-stop these days. My mind spins in so many directions I can't see straight. I can't even hear straight! Nothing is physically wrong with my ears, I just have the memory of a gold fish and the attention span of jack russell terrier. I forget what I was even explaining just now...something to the effect that I can't hear because I can't concentrate, which is a prominent side-effect of the depression that is sucking my soul dry.

Actually the things I think I hear people say are quite entertaining. I should write them down and make t-shirts. That could be my fortune waiting to be made. I digress.....

I can't write, so I'll post photos of an outing instead. After my final yesterday our prof, aka the Dean of Students, had us over for beers and burgers. Pretty fly guy. So we got drunk and went to Goodbar to watch the Sabres win, and drank some more. I'm not gonna lie, self-medicating feels good right now. It frees my mind from its turmoil.

I'm not looking for empathy or advice, I'm just talking out loud. I've been seeing a counselor for almost 2 months now, and I start seeing a new therapist tomorrow. I'm tired of watching this other person live my life while I float aimlessly to the side. I'm tired of putting on a pretend smiley face in the presence of others because Timika is not allowed to be sad. Timika is not allowed to be depressed. Timika always has to take care of herself, no matter how broken she is.

I'm tired of people minimizing the severity of my mental prison. You think I don't want to be free? I'm dying inside, of course I want to be free! I claw desperately at the walls of my malfunctioning mind in hopes of reaching daylight. Yet in the last 8 months I have only succeeded in sinking deeper into the black chasm of my polluted world. I am exhausted. I am numb. My heart hardly feels anything anymore.

Again, I digress. Attention span of a jack russell...on with the photos.