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Category: contemplating

08/07/08 11:55 - ID#45270

I think I'm staying

It has been something that I have been giving serious thought for quite some time. Over the past few months I have applied for other jobs in other cities and when the acceptance and interest has been there for me I had to do some serious analyzing on what my next move would be. At some point it became a, "be careful of what you wish for, since you just might get it" type of thing. So I sit here with opportunities to move on elsewhere, but for some reason I just can't really pull the trigger.

I think it just may come down to money. Yea I have some saved up and do have most of it working in some way, but to be honest I am able to be in that position due to the way I live here in keeping my expenses low. If I picked up and moved to Richmond, VA that wouldn't be as cost effective as where I am currently.

What's the reason why I'm driving myself to push all in and make a move if I'm really torn and feeling the urge? It really comes down to the fact that I have the spent the last 10 years looking for someone and I have come to the fact that either, I am totally Fucked up in the head (which may be a possibility given my lack of confidence/game) or such a woman does not live in the Western New York area that fits to my standards and has the potential to mesh in some kind of chemistry.

Although I have plenty of faults I think that's it's the later. Especially given the last couple of dates I have been out on I have just realized that in some ways I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel around this area. Crap I had to move to Canada to find my ex-wife. I don't want to choose between looks and chemistry, in the end you are just unhappy eventually because you want at least some of one that you are not getting or have.

SO, I may be totally screwing myself for not packing up and leaving town in search of a dream, mainly finding a suitable mate. It's just that I'm being a bit partial to something that will just scorch a marriage if it's not looked after, money. With how things are going economically these days, how could you not?

Those "suitable" wife material women elsewhere that have scores I can only dream of on these dating sites that have those fancy smanchy algorithms and match percentages that are non-existent for me her in Western NY are just going to have to wait I suppose...


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