Do you see what I see?

Lake Ontario: Not a clear day, but you could get lost in the vastness of the water..

















Niagara River: On the edge of darkness..









WOOD! told ya I have pictures.. Have wood envy:















From last weekend (or week before) at (e:paul). (e:matthew) and (e:terrys)--Sugar Glider sweetness:







Master Joseph ("jo jo no beans")






and...
c'est moi!



the Y-Town Areopastale Unibomber..




Good night.. hump day is near!

Carey



"Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears." Kipling

I walked along the tree lined edge that overlooks the Niagara river. Aroma of dirt, leaves and twigs permeated the cooling air. I inhaled deeply as I kicked through the brown crispy deteriorating remnants of fall, and mused to myself, "this is January?"

As the sun settled into a sky of pink and purple, I paused to sit on a bench facing the calm river. I never get bored looking at this. There is so much to see if you open your eyes and use your senses. Different times of the year bring a whole new view. Growing up, it was all taken for granted. Not anymore.

A golden retriever stopped for some attention. I obliged with a quick rub down. Satisfied, the dog ran to catch up with his jogging owner.

I got up to continue my walk and found myself in front of a maple tree. What I did next felt surprisingly normal, which in my realm of behavior, I guess it is. I touched the tree. I ran my finger tips then the length of my fingers horizontally along the bark. Instead of stopping as I began to walk past this gigantic tree, I continued around the trunk and closed my eyes all the while maintaining contact. What I first saw, smelled and felt was intensified when I closed my eyes. I went around the truck once like this then opened my eyes.

Then I looked at the tree, really looked at it. Have you ever done that?

I have a thing for wood.. yeh, I have pictures somewhere..

I eventually made it back to my car. Walking briskly sometimes jogging and whenever I could, jumped into a pile of leaves or jumped up onto anything that I could find. Feeling spunky and always feisty.. I enjoyed the dwindling sunshine and fresh air.

I spent the remaining daylight in the parking lot at Fort Niagara cleaning out my car, checking fluids and assessing car care supplies. I pulled out three bags of garbage, yikes! Then returned home to a dinner of steak, salad and lima beans. Yeh, I cook once in awhile.

Good night, sleep well..
Carey

I think I updated this entry four times.. trying to get rid of weird characters surrounding apostrophes. I wrote in Word first, so maybe it was something to do with that. Anyway, I realized a part of my post didn't make it in, hence another update.

A quick summary of my weekend:
Friday: Did not go to Happy Hour with work chums. I think I might need to next time around, whenever that is. I keep declining lately. That evening, (e:ladycroft) and I went to chill with friends.. Avantica, Manish and Bernard (a little birthday celebration). Awesome people.
Saturday: went for a super long walk, played outside, hiked around the Fort, walked along the beach. I elected to stay in that evening, for school reasons. Never again, haha. But I guess it was good, as I knew if I went out, I was going to be out all night. I just got over a cold, I didn't want to push it and screw myself for getting school work done.
Sunday: made my way to Spot. Enjoyed the company of (e:joshua) and (e:jason).. followed by (e:ladycroft) and (e:jenks). I left to stretch my legs.. took a walk down elmwood, stopped at Sahara Grill for Falafel and grape leaves to go. What a warmish night.. I could have kept on going.

I am not ready for this weekend to be over. Not at all.

I am ready for some new fun. Any ideas? Any takers?

The depth and degree of my interests have barely been touched upon here. I consider all topics open territory for consideration and discussion. I will research and write about anything and have many areas that I have either written an essay or a small blurb. However, I note that there is some, but not much evidence of that here.

I recall when I first joined (e:strip), that I was not sure if I would bring writing from other sites to this one. Primarily, politics, social issues and random life observations are the basis to my writing. On (e:strip) there has been some variation, but nothing like I have in the recent past. No reason really. Timing, efforts placed on course work and exploration of topics (yeh, the emo stuff-only recently explored) may have led me astray.

I get the itch to write on or add to the topics that float around here, especially recently, but I just haven't. Shame shame.

Tonight I will. (e:paul) made a post about Google's privacy policy. [inlink]paul,4152[/inlink] At other times as well. Not always Google, but other site privacy policies. Privacy rights and more specifically, the privacy policy of sites intrigue me. As with other topics, I have written nothing of privacy rights here, yet it is a source of endless fascination for me. Note that is a theme in my list of links.

Google's privacy policy is one that I have been following. The controversy surrounding privacy policies seemed to escalate with the introduction of Gmail. I became a beta tester two years ago, when just a select group of people were provided an invite (that people were selling on ebay, if I recall correctly-that I would have done if I had known that the invites were in demand-easy moola, dammit). Eventually the invites were provided to more and more people, although still not available to the public without Google initiating the invite. I believe that within the past six months it has become fully available to anyone. In the past year or so, I have kept articles on the ever growing Google and the organizational changes. making mental notes, joting down thoughts. As Gmail became bigger, Google began to get greedy.. and a bit nefarious, ironically.

See, I take pleasure in dissecting a topic and see where it leads me. I am open to the information I find and the story that I uncover. I seek no absolutes. As I always lead my discussions, the purpose is to challenge myself: learn and unlearn. That may be the only thing I hold strongly to. The following is written in a more typical Carey fashion and focuses on Google's Gmail. (Carey fashion = research, citation and verbage)


This report considers privacy issues faced by Googles email service, Gmail, a summary of assigned articles supplemented with additional relevant research and a brief write up of this writers opinion and experience with Gmail.

Google released its email product, Gmail in April 2004 to a select number of users. Gmail is a free web-based e-mail service that began by offering one-gigabyte (1000 megabytes) of e-mail storage to users, now, well over two-gigabytes. This is a significant amount of storage space considering that at the time of induction, most email services provide just 100-500 megabytes of storage. Due to this enormous amount of storage capacity and therefore increased competitive pressure, other web-based e-mail services have (or plan to) increase their storage offerings. For example, banner advertising supported Yahoo! has increased it storage capacity from 100 megabytes to 250 megabytes to 1000 megabytes.

Accessible through any browser, the user can send and retrieve email anywhere. Gmail provides the ability to search for specific messages. Messages do not need to be deleted to keep within storage boundaries; instead they can be archived for later retrieval. Using the same technology that Google uses as a search engine, Gmail provides quick retrieval of old incoming and outgoing email. The program automatically organizes successively related messages into conversational threads. This promotes easy following of content. As long as the account is maintained (used at least once every nine months) Google will store data indefinitely. Gmail's other distinctive features include a labeling system, a spam reporter and a system for filtering your mail as it comes into the users inbox.

To make Gmail profitable, Google will sell advertising and deliver it to targeted users. Gmail will often place a few highly relevant, text ads next to the message in an email. The company's software will analyze users' messages to determine advertising matches and will insert complimentary ads in email messages. Some have raised concerns about privacy issues, and the intrusiveness of the ads. Google founder, Larry Page insisted that there would "be strict safeguards in place to protect user information, and that the ads would not be annoying. Google founders claim that "although there will be some advertising within messages, the program will be free of more traditional advertising, such as banners or pop up ads".

Besides advertisement links, links to related web pages that the user may find of interest are also included in the Gmail format. These ads and links are displayed automatically using the same technology that powers Googles AdSense system. This system delivers targeted ads to thousands of sites across the web. Computers scan the text on a given page, perform a mathematical analysis on it and match it to ads in Googles extensive database. Only computers "read" the content of the users email. Google believes they are providing a great service to people and that the issues surrounding privacy are overblown.

Google initially came up with the Gmail concept to address the growing problem of email overload. E-mail overload is caused in part by the inability to search through email quickly and efficiently. Although there are other programs that tackle email overload with email client add-ons but, according to Google, they do not have the market presence to promote themselves in the same way that Google can.

"Gmail provides Google with an opportunity to enter a fresh market, currently dominated by other Internet companies. However even as the benefits of personalization were widely advocated, Web e-mail vendors have considered such a step to be very risky. Many operate under the assumption that highly targeted personalization based on e-mail content has the potential to infuriate users, who may not believe assurances that the automated ads do not violate their privacy"
It is the issue of privacy that has the public and multiple civil liberty groups actively concerned. Some of these issues and recommendations are outlined below:

• Gmail violates the privacy rights of non-subscribers. First, subscribers consent to "content extraction" and analysis of their email. Non-subscribers who email a Gmail user have "content extraction" performed on their email even though they have not consented to have their communications monitored, nor may they even be aware that their communications are being analyzed or that a profile is being compiled on them. Because the non-subscribers do not have the same knowledge and information provided to them as subscribers do, subsequently their privacy is at risk. Subscribers to Gmail also face risks to their privacy.

• According to the privacy policy, "We serve highly relevant ads and other information as part of the service using our unique content-targeting technology". While the advertisements and related links are relatively innocuous, it is the idea that it is the computerized scanning of email content that decides what links will be incorporated.

• Google Gmail maintains a back up system of all data. The privacy policy warns that messages, even if deleted, may still be stored in the system long after users have closed their account. It is unknown if this information would ever be retrieved, intentionally or unintentionally, and what harm could ensue.

• The unlimited period for data retention poses unnecessary risks of accidental information leakage and purposeful misuse. Google's policies on retaining data and correlating it between business units are problematic, lack clarity and are too broad in scope. Google should set clear limits on how long it will retain user account, e-mail and transactional data, and provide clear written policies about data sharing. Due to the nature of information that businesses send by email, ie; financial dealings, intellectual property, legal documentation etc, it is recommended that businesses do not use any free email service. It is not necessarily secure and may be vulnerable to hack intrusion.

"Don't be evil"
Google's mission is to "organize the world's information and make it universally useful and accessible. For many people, email contains valuable information that can be difficult to retrieve. Google created Gmail to help with that".

The privacy issues surrounding Googles Gmail is only a small part of the bigger worldwide picture. The same patent that Google uses for its Gmail, other sources could use the same. Advertisers are permitted to put targeted ads on emails based on content (patent 20040059712)! Technology and how people decide to use it and the errors that will occur cannot be controlled strictly through laws and governance. Responsibility, accountability and best practices of the user and inventor combine to uphold privacy. People can choose not to use a service if they feel their privacy is at risk. In regards to Googles Gmail, where the buy in factor is the large information storage capacity, there are alternatives; one just has to be able to find them. In this writers research, email services were found that had a comparable storage allotment, free of charge and did not employ content scanning. Three are provided as follows:

www.walla.com free, offers 1GB and no content scanning
www.spymac.com free or variable price range, 3+ GB, no content scanning
www.adventuremail.com free (after $2.00 activation fee), 2GB, no content scanning
www.yahoo.com free, 1GB

In the initial stages of research complilation, Gmail was available through invitation only. As a long term user of the Google search engine, this writer was targeted for beta testing and signed up for Gmail (initially for the purpose of research and now for some personal use). The layout of the system is easy to manipulate and the "Gmail notifye" allows messages to be viewed without opening a browser. With the questionable content scanning, this writer sent test messages to and from myself using Gmail and other email systems. Ads and related links did appear in some of the email. This writer forwarded a computer related web subscription from a yahoo account to the Gmail account, in which various links pertaining to computers were included. Personal test messages with a variety of "key words" were included to determine what text would be targeted. The last line had words related to trucks and cars. Ads and related links to car dealerships and SUV information were included. This writer went further into sending various levels of "inappropriate" messages, in which no ads or related links were included. This was a concern of mine and further research into Google provided information that the ads and links are "family friendly".

I have continued to use Gmail for personal use, although primarily for electronic subscriptions. It is disturbing to see the continued ad targets within the emails. I am currently using and am pleased with Yahoo! email system and its search engine. Although somewhat concerned about the privacy issues surrounding Gmail, I am more concerned with privacy issues that surround the use of intentional acts of breach of privacy (spy software used in business or personal use). Currently I do not provide anything of concern in my online use. However, as that changes, I will have to reconsider the free email platform. In the meantime, as more information becomes available, Gmail attains a critical mass, and updates its privacy policy, this writer will continue to evaluate the information.

What do you think, is Google Gmail as evil as the civil liberty groups are making it out to be?

Sources of research:
www.feeeds.com
www.google.com
www.google.gmail.com
www.gmailistoocreepy.com

www.googlewatch.org

It is officially Friday!

I should be in bed..

I am always pumped up after a night of class. Difficult to fall asleep. 7am will arrive shortly.

I never had a chance to study or review for my final exam that I just took. OY!

I wrote a quick paper on the fly. Not my best work, but I hammered it out.

I forgot to eat dinner.

I had begun a process of negotiation a couple of weeks ago. It began diplomatically, as a good class representative would do.. then I had to press a little, to aquire some feedback. Once that started, a rush of information, concern and questions arose. This is when I thought it best to create an open forum and discuss the issue collectively, as it affects everyone. It worked out well. I am in a cohort of amazingly bright-high caliber individuals. Good stuff. I am always learning from them.

I am feeling pretty damn good. I just have some sniffles. I could use sleep (I went to bed late last night and again tonight) but otherwise feel good. In a great mood today.. work was nice as well as class.. even though for the majority of the day I didn't feel well and that there is bad stuff going on at work.

I had a really odd dream last night.. ok, nothing new there.. but this one I took the time to jot a few things down this morning. I was barely awake as I scribbled a few words. It is a mess.. I really was still asleep while I wrote. What I can make out should be enough to jog the details from my brain. I'll work on that over the weekend.

I am delerious tired now.. my toes are frozen.. my tummy is grumbling, but I am too tired to care.

Good night.. sweet dreams.. be nice..

I hope you a fabulous Friday...
Carey

• Not as sick as yesterday.

• Slept a good 10-11 hours. No fits of coughing, yay!

• Ony major fits of coughing was when someone made me laugh really hard. The most recent, would be from (e:kara), with her links to some Hasselhoff Hotness. [inlink]kara,17[/inlink]. Go there.. too funny.

• still mucusy. Did not eat icecream as per (e:leetee). Darn, I never made it to Wegmans today!

• exam and paper due tomorrow. Have not prepared or done jack. Bad timing for sickness. I will manage though.. I think. Yikes.

• spent all day on computer/(e:strip)-- just what the doctor ordered.

• No appetite, forgot to eat.. I am not worried about wasting away :) But I did eventually eat a bog bowl of cereal.. Cin. Toast Crunch and some Kellogs Smart Start cereal. mixed. I love mixing my cereal.

• (e:salvitore), this is for you "COOKIES!", because it had to be done. And I will have a cookie when my taste buds are functioning again. Yum.

• I really like small gestures, politeness, thoughtfullness.. little things that will gaurantee a call back or a "round two"..

• can't spell or think well with germs..

• Nice winter we are having, eh? More like fall or even spring-like at times. However, I wouldn't mind some snow before the season ends.. I have some serious XC skiing to do. I have only gone out six times, and that was all in one week.

• bah.. the coughing is starting.. hopefully night time NyQuil kicks it.

• I am delerious.

_________________________________________________

• oh, and I received this in an email. I must share..

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3r d grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."


Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong

• Ricola cough drops, various flavors. Check.
  
• Orange juice. Check
  
• NyQuil, gel tabs. Check.
  
• Puffs tissue, extra big box. Check
  
• Large mug of Rooibos (red) tea. Check
  
• Bob, this 30yr olds beloved stuffed turtle, which is sad and endearing at the same time. Check

• And a dish of Cookies and Cream ice cream, whipped to a thick milkshake consistency. Check.

Ahhhh, the cool creamy texture is a retreat against my hot, sore throat.

With sleep and happy thoughts, all should be well.

Anything should be better than last night. Barely any sleep as I coughed most of the night. I tried sitting up, but the coughing continued. When I did doze, get this, I dreamt of [search]typeHere[/search]I dreamt of the chat and posts. I don't recall any detail now, but had I taken the notion to jot down some of it, I am sure it would have been entertaining.

No more [search]typeHere[/search]before bed. Yet, I know this isn't likely...


Again, my brain cell depletion due to constant hacking leads me to thinking about: toilet seats.

I am looking to replace my toilet seat.. duct tape just isn't working anymore..Its soo last season. ;)

Here are some possibilities I am entertaining:

Can you imagine walking into the bathroom and pulling up on the toilet seat? Hopefully you will manage to piss in the toilet before pissing yourself..


Groovy. When I flush, I want "You spin me right round baby right round" to sound..


Don't take my toilet. I hate it went people steal my toilet..That shit ain't going nowhere, beotch! ;)


ha, to replace that picture with just about anyone.. That would be fun. Who would you like to fling poo at? tell me..


Gasp! They stole my idea..


And this is just tacky.. har har! --I don't have the bad pun skills that (e:josh) has :)



My delerium leads me to bed.. and dreams of, "PBS"...

Monday, already? You can be such a downer. Why aren't you more like Friday, hmm? Fridays are fun..

I spent the early part of Friday evening at the Third Street Tap Room in Niagara Falls, located just a little ways down from the casino. I have never ventured into any establishment in the Falls for entertainment purposes, so this was quite the experience. I am just not fond of the area. I lived there for a short period of time in a relatively bad section. I tried to see the good and occasionally I did, but it was not enough to keep me there. I moved on within a year for I was so very uncomfortable and somewhere inside, scared.

The primary reason for going into the Falls, was because it is pretty much a half way point between where my friend lives (S. Buff), and where I live (Y-Town) and that they haven't really been in that area either.

Ok, so this bar on 3rd Street was pretty cool. I am not sure what kind of crowd it draws as we left by 10:30 or so. I walk in and I see they have a large assortment of beer, as the name of the bar promises, on tap; Blue Moon, Guinness, Sam Adams, Rolling Rock, and a few others that now elude me. Whatever, I worked on Blue Moon all night and tried a few varieties of Scotch.

Most of the scotch was pretty good. I no longer remember any of the labels or even certain details of conversation, but what I do remember is making an observation on one ancient bottle of Scotch. The aroma was unpleasant. It had a strong cork smell. I tried a sip and its taste instantly reminded me of the old bottles of liquor my parents kept in a super high cupboard, as a kid.

My grandparents owned a tavern, Izzy's. Neither my mother nor father drink, but when the grandparents passed away, quite a few bottles of various liquors were kept.

Now, although these bottles were kept well out of reach, years later, it did not stop my hard-core partying teen-age sister from getting into the contents of these bottles. I remember watching her add water to the bottles afterwards. I learned a lot from my sister; mostly what not to do in life, but in this case, I too, added water to the bottles after a night of friends and sneaking into the "liquor cabinet".

We never drank much, as the shit was pretty nasty. I am sure it would all be damn good now, but young taste buds that have not yet acquired a taste for any sort of alcohol couldn't possibly appreciate it then. I think a majority of liquor was scotch whiskey and rums and I am not sure what else. I like to experiment..

So the smell of the scotch and the odd taste of it reminded me of my taboo ventures into the dust covered liquor bottles.

I shared my story with the bartender, my friend and anyone else who was listening. It is funny to look back on it.

And I wondered how watered down the bottles were by the time I got to them after my sister (who is 8 years older) and then how much more watered down they were after I was through with them. I doubt the bottles are still kicking around. I think my mom eventually tossed them. Not sure.. I will have to ask.

We stayed at this bar a lot longer than anticipated. We were just going there to meet up and decide what to do for the remainder of the evening. However, great conversation, laughter and fine drinks paved the way for the evening to be spent just as we were. Topics in politics, social issues, food, and sports made it difficult for either one of us to shut up long enough to go somewhere else. Not a bad thing at all. When we finally thought about moving on, it was late and raining, and there were not too many options left for us (we had both envisioned walking around). So we stayed for a little longer and then eventually decided on a little trip to Youngstown.

I had a great time.

Saturday felt surreal. I did not sleep more than a few hours yet I was not tired enough to go back to bed. Instead, I found myself ravenous. I did not know what I wanted to eat, but I knew that it did not exist in my cupboards. I got in touch with (e:ladycroft) and we decided we would go to the Super Flea Market on Walden then find somewhere to eat.

There was a specific purpose to going to the Flea Market. We are pricing Hookas. I felt itchy being in that place. Walking around looking at random crap that looked like stolen goods did nothing for me. It was also super dusty, so my nose and body were itching. Maybe if I had gotten some sleep and my muscles, head to toe, weren't sore, then it may have been more amusing to look around. OOooOOoh, all was not bad, as I found a few tables of old school Nintendo games. There are bunches that I want, but the one I am looking for (and found!!) was Castlevania: Simon's Quest. I am sooooo excited to have found that!! (e:ladycroft) and myself will have a marathon night of drinking and playing this game as we did as kids. Well, minus the beer. I believe Coke Classic was our preferred poison back then.

I am going to find the Nintendo cord, toss a tv up on the coffee table and we shall have some fun. Yay! Strange how I had *just* written about wanting to play Nintendo, especially that game.

Afterwards we went to Ambrosia on Elmwood. I was starved as I had not eaten yet. I ordered pasta with all sorts of yumminess in it: feta, artichokes, olives, and sun dried tomatoes.

I knew (e:Jessika) was having a party (Happy Birthday, btw!) and that (e:paul)'s birthday was that night as well, and that he was probably going to her party.. But with Timika's lungs burned from bleach, not feeling well and sounding like a man (she really did) and my no sleep/sore body, neither one of us felt up to partying. Still, we really wanted to wish Paul a Happy Birthday. After grabbing some Goldschlager, we headed over to the apartment. It was great to spend a little time with (e:paul), (e:matthew) and (e:terry). I always enjoy their company and was rather missing them. I also got a chance to play/ snuggle the uber cute sugar gliders. I bonded with (e:matthew)'s little darling. He nibbled on my nipples a few times. It was a direct munch, but it did not hurt. Crawling inside my sweater and snuggling into my boobs was sugar glider bliss. They are very cute and I love their long fuzzy tails. I am a sucker for such cuteness.

The time flew and we had to leave. Going to a movie was mentioned earlier. I was up for that. (e:jenks), (e:ldaycroft) and myself went to see Underworld at the Elmwood Regal. It was a great movie to see in the theater. With plenty of ass kicking and a shirtless hot guy-animal-vampire hybrid. Yum.

After returning to Hamburg to pick up my car, I was debating on going out. I could do it, I thought.. I was no longer that tired. Once in the car, however, I felt the pull to go home to bed. And that I did.

I pretty much slept all day Sunday. My cat Joe was happy to have me to curl up with. Although, I think he bit my ass. I am a little dumb founded on that one.

In the evening, (e:pyrcedgrrl) came over and we caught up on stuff then watched Wedding Crashers. Funny. "go out and get yourself some strange ass". Haha. Simple things crack me up.

So now it is Monday. I have a lot of school work and studying to do this week. On Thursday, I have an exam, a presentation and a butt load of homework and reading due. I feel like I am coming down with a cold. I sure hope not. I just feel mucousy grossness. I was all sinus ickiness last week, but it has intensified a bit. Yuck. I dozed off for an hour after getting home from work. Now I am wondering if I will be able to sleep. I am busting out the Airborne/Germ Defense and drinking a gallon of OJ, which I always crave at the sign of germ invasion. Bah!

Work annoyed me today. Our fiscal year begins in July. At that point we are eligible for a raise. As long as you have a heart beat, you pretty much get one. This pisses off the people who have and use a brain, as well. Like yours truly. I can get over that, as it is my choice to work where I am at (for the time being). We usually do not begin to see our raise until January, then shortly thereafter we receive a retro active check for the difference, going back to July. It is never a large sum, but it is nice to know that it is coming. We just received word that our raises have gone through but that we are NOT getting our retro pay. So, really, we are losing out on six months of our raise. They are "looking" to find funds for this. BULL SHIT. They have been doing a very intense capital campaign for the past couple of years and recent efforts have stepped up. This feels shady and further demoralizes the employees. Bah, I have no energy for a full on rant. I hate being sick.. I feel like I am getting in the way of myself, if that makes sense.

Well, how's that for a run down on my weekend. I have no mental energy yet I felt like writing or rather, rambling. I have topics of interest I intend to tackle when I have more than a few hours to contemplate, research and formulate my idea(s). Also be more reflective in my writing style. In the meantime, I save all that extra mental effort for school and work. Well, maybe not so much work. I think I have shifted into neutral as far as that is concerned.

Good night.. be healthy.
Carey

Score.

I am eager for the weekend, as always.

Class was good tonight, as always, with this fucking fantastic teacher I have. I managed to get through the teaching/presentation thing alright. We made a video and just had a lot of fun putting it together for tonight. Never had so much fun in a Starbucks bathroom.

We are all part of a study group, which we use to learn from each other and work on group assignments. We meet for 4-5 hours weekly to take care of such assignments. Through this, we really get to know each other and come to depend on each other. The relationships deepen over time and it is fun to have that constant rapport.

In the beginning of the program, we choose our group mates. I had three lovely gentlemen and myself making up the study group. (I *knew* just what I was doing). I get teased about it all the time. Recently one of my mates moved after getting a police job offer down south. Another group was experiencing interpersonal issues that could not be resolved (I had been working on this for many classes, being the class rep) so one of their members came to my group. Now we have an even number of girl to guy, as with the other groups. We have a lot of fun during class and outside of class, which our other class mates have picked up on. There had been an occasion awhile back where we were huddled close together talking about something that I no longer recall. Whatever it was, was over heard by a classmate, and was taken out of context. It was hilarious, as they thought we were talking about something sexual. Not a big deal, but since then, things have built on top of that... now it is an inside joke that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I am apparently the Ring Leader of Perversion. "carey's the ring leader", cracks me up everytime. The fact that we ended up in a Starbucks bathroom (becuase the background music was too loud for our voice recordings for the video), just adds to our strange group tales. They aren't as risque as they seem..

SO tonight, while in class, I was in a fabulous (e:chat) on hot guys and fellatio -complete with pics. Yay! I am a very visual person. I could not concentrate in class.. at all. No blood going to my brain, I turned immediately stupid. I had to keep my laptop turned away from everyone as I feared they would notice and reinforce my moniker. My school issued lap top is full of interesting images. If anything happened to where it would need to be serviced.. yikes. It will be officially my laptop once I graduate. Speaking of which:

My graduation ceremony is May 19th (?). Although I am not officially done until August. It scares the hell out of me that it is now just a few months away. Yikes.


Yesterday I had received a phone message from the doctors office asking me to call back regarding some bloodwork I had done. They say nothing, other than to call back. I really could have used a "Nothing to worry about, just call us at your convenience.." No, this was a stern request to call back. Of course it is past office hours, so I would have to wait until the next day. I called shortly after waking up.

I get bloodwork done a couple of times a year to check my Thyroid levels. My Thyroid is underactive, No big deal, I take a little pill daily to get the furnace going. Then every few years, they check cholesterol, this is one of those years. I guess they also do CBC-complete blood count as well, I had no idea until they told me. Not sure what they look for in that.. I will have to do a search to find out (and I did not think to ask, I was not quite awake yet when I called).

Everything is totally fine. All looks very good, all the numbers are where they should be or better. HDL,LDL, TriGlyc, Overall, blood sugar, CBC and the thyroid.

My point??They could have just said that in the message. Ok, maybe not the specifics.. but don't leave a messsage that sounds like, "omg, you must call us asap".

bah.

I swear they were hoping for bad cholesterol. Sounds paranoid.. but the last conversation I had was about my weight gain from my injury and how I have not fully taken it all off yet. I am getting there! Comments like, "You've only lost 20 lbs in the past year".. when overall, in the past two years, I have lost over half of what I gained during the injury/recovery phase. I lost a lot the first year I was back to normal Yeh, i have slowed down, but 20lbs is still pretty damn good. I am active, I eat well and it will just take time. In the mean time, I enjoy the extra fluff. I have no hangups.. It is just interesting, this whole weight business. I also did not want to drop it too quickly. I agree that I need to step it up a bit, but to say "only 20 lbs"?? NOT HELPFUL. Then they proceed to contemplate what my cholesterol must be like. As though I am sowing on prime rib and twinkies all day.

So yeh, I tell them to flip back the chart a couple of years.. to see where I am at "normally".. then to look at post injury info and then to really look at the progress I have made. Every single time. I want to strangle them...

But I wont change doctors. Its just a once a year hassel. And by the end of summer, they wont have to be that way anymore anyways.,

One minute to Friday!

I thought about, with the added brain power of (e:ladycroft) and (e:metalpeter), that I might check out Glow in the dark putt putt, a haunted house and maybe grab some food somehwere... like Hard Rock or East SIde Marios.. depends on the time and what we actually decide to do. Depends on if our plans change.. but any more ideas on what to do in Niagara Falls, would be great..Too funny..

Good night, all!

I guess I will be "bustin' shit up" in the Falls this weekend. Never thought I would purposely go there..for entertainment. But an adventure will transpire..

I know someone who has not been to Niagara Falls and they want to check it out. This is just the hilarious adventure that I am up for. The camera will be ready. Any suggestions on where to go? Eat? (other than porn stores, walmart and denny's?- I was just there). Of course my classist view on the area will be sure to provide much biased entertainment, but my company will most likely enjoy this charming side of my personality. What's not to love? ;)

hey hey, don't go there.

The way I figure, you don't have to like it: what I do, what I say, what I think, what I write, what I talk about, what I look like, what I laugh about, what I wear, what friends I keep, or how I feel. Not an exhaustive list, but you get it.

What matters is what I think about those things.


What do I like about you, gentle reader? Your views, your politics, your perceptions, your differences, your similarities, your choices, your desire to share, your secrets, even your ignorance.. but mostly, your ability to not give a fuck what anybody else thinks, becuase, hey, they (I) don't have to like it, either.

You are not placed on this planet to entertain me.

Unless you are a stripper, then Boy, take it off and entertain till the sun comes up. Or I am dehydrated.


On that note, I include a few random thoughts:

• I have school work to do. I am finishing a class shortly and have an enormous amount of work and studying to do.

• I am bored with my work. I am a plant that has outgrown its pot. In this case, my position. Lost as to what to do next.. education and career wise. Do I tackle that Doctorate that I have been entertaining? Do I switch gears and try something new? Do I dare settle with what I have now... ?

• Changes must be made. They just must.. My self perception and what is real are not the same.. strange indeed. I hear the "wake up call".

• I have learned to appreciate my friendships. I didn't realize it until this past year. I feel all warm and fuzzy, so I dare not write any more about it. Let me say, I truly appreciate my friends.. the ones who have been there and the new ones I have made. yay!

• I have abandoned my art. What is wrong? Where is my muse?

• I am thoroughly excited by life. yep.. In all its craziness, it is interesting to see how things unfold.. for the better and worse.. and better again.

• hmmm..Dashboard Confessionals. I forgot I had that in my emo collection. I have neglected my cds since the GoGoGadget iPod purchase.

• I gravitate towards positive people, as I am a positive person overall. Not that it necessarily shows in my entries, but thats the beauty of writing-- you just write what is on your mind at the moment. I have numerous years of writing, it is fascinating to see the different mental spots I have been in through the years--to see the change, to see where I have stagnated- to see My tale unfold.

Thats about it for now..

Take care everyone!

Respectfully,
Carey