Score.

I am eager for the weekend, as always.

Class was good tonight, as always, with this fucking fantastic teacher I have. I managed to get through the teaching/presentation thing alright. We made a video and just had a lot of fun putting it together for tonight. Never had so much fun in a Starbucks bathroom.

We are all part of a study group, which we use to learn from each other and work on group assignments. We meet for 4-5 hours weekly to take care of such assignments. Through this, we really get to know each other and come to depend on each other. The relationships deepen over time and it is fun to have that constant rapport.

In the beginning of the program, we choose our group mates. I had three lovely gentlemen and myself making up the study group. (I *knew* just what I was doing). I get teased about it all the time. Recently one of my mates moved after getting a police job offer down south. Another group was experiencing interpersonal issues that could not be resolved (I had been working on this for many classes, being the class rep) so one of their members came to my group. Now we have an even number of girl to guy, as with the other groups. We have a lot of fun during class and outside of class, which our other class mates have picked up on. There had been an occasion awhile back where we were huddled close together talking about something that I no longer recall. Whatever it was, was over heard by a classmate, and was taken out of context. It was hilarious, as they thought we were talking about something sexual. Not a big deal, but since then, things have built on top of that... now it is an inside joke that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I am apparently the Ring Leader of Perversion. "carey's the ring leader", cracks me up everytime. The fact that we ended up in a Starbucks bathroom (becuase the background music was too loud for our voice recordings for the video), just adds to our strange group tales. They aren't as risque as they seem..

SO tonight, while in class, I was in a fabulous (e:chat) on hot guys and fellatio -complete with pics. Yay! I am a very visual person. I could not concentrate in class.. at all. No blood going to my brain, I turned immediately stupid. I had to keep my laptop turned away from everyone as I feared they would notice and reinforce my moniker. My school issued lap top is full of interesting images. If anything happened to where it would need to be serviced.. yikes. It will be officially my laptop once I graduate. Speaking of which:

My graduation ceremony is May 19th (?). Although I am not officially done until August. It scares the hell out of me that it is now just a few months away. Yikes.


Yesterday I had received a phone message from the doctors office asking me to call back regarding some bloodwork I had done. They say nothing, other than to call back. I really could have used a "Nothing to worry about, just call us at your convenience.." No, this was a stern request to call back. Of course it is past office hours, so I would have to wait until the next day. I called shortly after waking up.

I get bloodwork done a couple of times a year to check my Thyroid levels. My Thyroid is underactive, No big deal, I take a little pill daily to get the furnace going. Then every few years, they check cholesterol, this is one of those years. I guess they also do CBC-complete blood count as well, I had no idea until they told me. Not sure what they look for in that.. I will have to do a search to find out (and I did not think to ask, I was not quite awake yet when I called).

Everything is totally fine. All looks very good, all the numbers are where they should be or better. HDL,LDL, TriGlyc, Overall, blood sugar, CBC and the thyroid.

My point??They could have just said that in the message. Ok, maybe not the specifics.. but don't leave a messsage that sounds like, "omg, you must call us asap".

bah.

I swear they were hoping for bad cholesterol. Sounds paranoid.. but the last conversation I had was about my weight gain from my injury and how I have not fully taken it all off yet. I am getting there! Comments like, "You've only lost 20 lbs in the past year".. when overall, in the past two years, I have lost over half of what I gained during the injury/recovery phase. I lost a lot the first year I was back to normal Yeh, i have slowed down, but 20lbs is still pretty damn good. I am active, I eat well and it will just take time. In the mean time, I enjoy the extra fluff. I have no hangups.. It is just interesting, this whole weight business. I also did not want to drop it too quickly. I agree that I need to step it up a bit, but to say "only 20 lbs"?? NOT HELPFUL. Then they proceed to contemplate what my cholesterol must be like. As though I am sowing on prime rib and twinkies all day.

So yeh, I tell them to flip back the chart a couple of years.. to see where I am at "normally".. then to look at post injury info and then to really look at the progress I have made. Every single time. I want to strangle them...

But I wont change doctors. Its just a once a year hassel. And by the end of summer, they wont have to be that way anymore anyways.,

One minute to Friday!

I thought about, with the added brain power of (e:ladycroft) and (e:metalpeter), that I might check out Glow in the dark putt putt, a haunted house and maybe grab some food somehwere... like Hard Rock or East SIde Marios.. depends on the time and what we actually decide to do. Depends on if our plans change.. but any more ideas on what to do in Niagara Falls, would be great..Too funny..

Good night, all!

I guess I will be "bustin' shit up" in the Falls this weekend. Never thought I would purposely go there..for entertainment. But an adventure will transpire..

I know someone who has not been to Niagara Falls and they want to check it out. This is just the hilarious adventure that I am up for. The camera will be ready. Any suggestions on where to go? Eat? (other than porn stores, walmart and denny's?- I was just there). Of course my classist view on the area will be sure to provide much biased entertainment, but my company will most likely enjoy this charming side of my personality. What's not to love? ;)

hey hey, don't go there.

The way I figure, you don't have to like it: what I do, what I say, what I think, what I write, what I talk about, what I look like, what I laugh about, what I wear, what friends I keep, or how I feel. Not an exhaustive list, but you get it.

What matters is what I think about those things.


What do I like about you, gentle reader? Your views, your politics, your perceptions, your differences, your similarities, your choices, your desire to share, your secrets, even your ignorance.. but mostly, your ability to not give a fuck what anybody else thinks, becuase, hey, they (I) don't have to like it, either.

You are not placed on this planet to entertain me.

Unless you are a stripper, then Boy, take it off and entertain till the sun comes up. Or I am dehydrated.


On that note, I include a few random thoughts:

• I have school work to do. I am finishing a class shortly and have an enormous amount of work and studying to do.

• I am bored with my work. I am a plant that has outgrown its pot. In this case, my position. Lost as to what to do next.. education and career wise. Do I tackle that Doctorate that I have been entertaining? Do I switch gears and try something new? Do I dare settle with what I have now... ?

• Changes must be made. They just must.. My self perception and what is real are not the same.. strange indeed. I hear the "wake up call".

• I have learned to appreciate my friendships. I didn't realize it until this past year. I feel all warm and fuzzy, so I dare not write any more about it. Let me say, I truly appreciate my friends.. the ones who have been there and the new ones I have made. yay!

• I have abandoned my art. What is wrong? Where is my muse?

• I am thoroughly excited by life. yep.. In all its craziness, it is interesting to see how things unfold.. for the better and worse.. and better again.

• hmmm..Dashboard Confessionals. I forgot I had that in my emo collection. I have neglected my cds since the GoGoGadget iPod purchase.

• I gravitate towards positive people, as I am a positive person overall. Not that it necessarily shows in my entries, but thats the beauty of writing-- you just write what is on your mind at the moment. I have numerous years of writing, it is fascinating to see the different mental spots I have been in through the years--to see the change, to see where I have stagnated- to see My tale unfold.

Thats about it for now..

Take care everyone!

Respectfully,
Carey

I have needed to sneeze for over six hours.

six hours.

It is quite the insane feeling to feel the need to sneeze, constantly, for six hours.

SNEEZE ALREADY!!!

ahhhhh!

If I keep my nostril closed, it lessens the sensation.

If the earth shakes and you hear "WOO HOO!!" after wards, just say "bless you", 'cause that meant I finally sneezed.



That is all.

Carey :)

I want to play Tetris, dammit. I have an old school Nintendo system, circa 1985. I have a stack of games that remains, from back in the day. Mario Bros 1,2,3, Loopz, Tetris 1,2, DuckHunt, Pro Am and I should have a few others as well. If I get this system fired up again, I may make my way to the pawn shops to see who has some games lingering. I would like to find "Simons Quest", a game that (e:ladycroft) and I would play for hours; monsters, blood and mystery.. cool stuff.

I found the games, controllers (including gun) and the main unit easily enough, however, the ac adapter and other cord(s) were not found. I didn't look real hard as there are so many places that it could be stashed. I will have to continue my search in the daylight. I don't do basements or garages very well alone and at night. I am sorry I did not think to begin my search earlier, as I had envisioned a night of sitting in my underwear, drinking Guinness draught, bonding to new music and playing Nintendo.

I had other systems, such as Odyssey. Which was cooler than Atari. Better graphics, cooler games and it had a flat keyboard. I remember playing the game, "Cryptologic", where you would type in any word you wanted, which was then scrambled. The other player had to try to figure it out. Ofcourse we would come up with the dirtiest words our little minds could come up with. That game system was circa 1982, I think. I have a picture of myself with it at Christmas. It kicked around until just two years ago. I think I tossed it. I purged a lot of stuff in my last move. Including games to Sega Genesis (Road Rash!) and Super Nintendo.

Hmm, all this game talk is making me itch for a system. *thinking*, but not anytime soon. I'd be starting at zero, and I am well aware of the cost involved. So, not now... I will just have to play yours :)


I have some computer games I could play such as Myst, Riven and a few other similar games. I also have a paid membership to a game site, www.pogo.com, so that would be a possibility as well, although once I have something in my mind, that's just what I want. Dammit.


I was thinking about how I used to play a computer game, back in the summer of 1985, called "Roots" or maybe it was "Below the Roots". It played on a Commodore computer. I recall spending a week at an uncles house, and I would just play that game the entire time. ((I was 9 years old. Back to the Future was playing in the theater. I lost a tooth while watching it. My uncle had a really cool orange Volkswagen bus. Those were damn cool!! Back then I could stand up inside and my head not quite touched the roof.)) I would love to play that game again, just to see why it held my interest so deeply.


So tonight, no games are on my agenda. Instead, I have gone ahead with sitting in my underwear, drinking Guinness, listening to new cds (Insanity Wave, Psychedelic Furs and Morcheeba), and looking up information on dogs. Eventually I will move on to reading for awhile. I have about a half dozen books I am working on and a gigantic stack that I hope to get to on my next work break.

Tonight I will choose an entertaining and fairly mindless book, probably a horror or psychological thriller. Or maybe this book on a grassroots movement that is working on "causing a new form of spirituality to emerge upon the earth". An interesting read, so far. I will read anything, from any viewpoint, on pretty much any subject. I havent declined a topic yet..


The dog information search is because I would eventually like a dog. I am going to take this process slowly and thoroughly. I have never owned a dog. I need to make sure that I am able and fully willing to take care of a dog. Honestly, I would prefer to be a secondary care giver, not the primary. In this, I would be more comfortable if someone else took the lead. I have a ton of questions and concerns. I am trying to figure out when it would be a good time in my life to have a dog. I also need to choose a breed that will fit into and adapt to my lifestyle and apartment size. I may want a Newfoundland but my apartment is only big enough for a Chihuahua. Yet i do not want that kind of dog. I think my cats would laugh at it. In my search, I think I can go for breed that falls into the small to medium category. I know I need one that gets along with other animals.

It must not eat my cats!

I want one mostly for my cat Joe to adopt as his own. He is fond of "babysitting" other animals that I have brought into the house. He is fascinated by them, follows them everywhere and kisses them if he is allowed to. I figure based on this, I would want to go the puppy route. So there is obviously a lot for me to think about, and a significant amount of knowledge, time and effort is needed before and during this process. I am leaning towards a terrier of some sort, maybe a Boston Terrier? maybe a Pug? I will keep researching.. I will not take any action until I feel I am well informed and fully ready for the responsibility.

Joe checking on (e:Bambi) (she is ladycrofts dog, therefor is a peep by association!)


He's going in to steal a kiss from this strange looking girl.. I missed the actual contact he made with her.


chillin'.. but watchful.


an urge to tie up Bambi (maybe I need to reconsider dog ownership)


c'est moi!



And so, that is my night so far. I am keeping low, for no reason other than the desire to have a nice quiet night at home. The work week was a bit exhausting. I have patience, understanding, humor and some aloofness to get me through any situation at work. I only feel frustrated when people have within their power a way to make it possible for a job to be done better. The Autistic kiddo I work with are challenging, which I love, and I love the chaos and the unknown. I also love to see the progress they make. I despise people who have no idea of what we do, getting in our way. They do nothing but smother our morale and make for a dangerous work environment. Severe behaviors have led to a multitude of injuries. It is accepted that it is part of the job, but please do not make it harder by butting in. (little rant was needed, thank you). So, I could use a thorough massage as I can feel the tension in my shoulders and a few areas of overworked muscles. It is prompting me to up my physical activity and add extra strength movements. Primarily to increase my job performance..


One last thought (or one that has been there) on my mind: My current class, with my absolute favorite teacher ever, boosts my energy and morale. I could barely sleep last night after getting in from class. I wanted to fall asleep, but my mind was bouncing. Before I start gushing about him, I will end this. However, last nights class was a gentle kick in the ass about things that I have been thinking about for a long time. And that I will write about soon enough. (journal prompt)


Step outside and take a look at the moon..

Good night!

Take care and be safe..
Carey

Another glimpse into my humor-- snagged from a random email..


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"



This is as deep as it gets.

er, no, thats not it..

ah, Brokeback Mountain

I am a sucker for a hot guy.
This movie had two..

What I wouldn't/would do to be the filling in that sandwhich.

• sigh*

yeh, more steamy scenes would have been appreciated, deeply.

But my imagination can work out the details just fine.

I could feel the love in the movie..

And my new semi mushy self felt semi sad..

(e:jenks), (e:ladycroft) and myself met up at the Dipson Theater on Hertel (Palace Theater), which was jam packed. People were running down the street to get to the 7pm show. Opening night for this area and the only theater showing it as per movie listings www.fandango.com


Shoulda seen the masses awaiting to get in for the 10pm show..

I was about to post a comment, then decided otherwise.

Yuck

I don't particularly like that I am writing about this.

Especially so publicly. I will make it short. And maybe delete it.

Ever been a person that didn't "feel" much, never attended to it.. then at some point find yourself tangled up in a whirl of, um, emotions??

That anything remotely emotional would send you running, running as fast as you can because it takes too much effort and vulnerability to deal with it. Its messy and you are particular and have discerning tastes, so no one could really 'get in' even though they tried. That if you stayed away from potentially good people (guys) just so you don't have to worry about dealing with those feelings. Expiration dates are good, because you know that you will just have superficial fun in the moment, then go on.. Because it feels a lot safer.

Then you meet someone who has far superior emotional capabilities and the chemistry is right and you find yourself opening up with gentle persistence.

"I don't scare easy" they say, and that is wonderful; because you do. But you don't run, in fact you find yourself doing/saying things (and not doing things) that would never have been considered before.

And you care. You care a lot. It's become a part of you. There is no turning back.

You wish amazing things for that person. You find everything is about them and not so much yourself. I don't mean in a self neglect sort of way, but in that "I am no longer selfish" sort of way.

And you don't go anywhere, because you didn't think they would run/scare away.

But they did. *poof*

And that sucks.

No, it hurts.

Fuck, I hate that.

And you still wish amazing things for that person. With everything you have and all that you are you still want them to be happy, have success, fun, and would love to be able to take away their lost feelings, their past turmoil.. and you know you would, if you could.

It's a raw feeling. Maybe it will go away. I've never done this before.
I just know that the root canal I had done a couple of hours ago, is nothing in comparison to this.

And so I had to write.

To you, the first to challenge my attitude, feelings, knowledge set..

You know that I am authentic in my words, meaning and means..

I am not scaring off easily.

Yet another person from my past has made contact with me. This is thee BIG one, though. I'm still processing all this and what it means. It's like I have just been shaken. Should I be sad, happy, regretful, hopeful? What comes to mind is that I think all my baggage has been officially sorted and purged. All gone; clean slate. And I believe that I am now in Carey-Revised. I can't say for certain anymore that I am a certain way, now that all this seemingly new stuff has come to surface. I say seemingly new because I think I knew all along that it was there, but it has only been as of recently (past 2-3months) that it has appeared. I suffer the consequences and learn from them and from now on, go with the newer me, even if I feel lame, unsure.. see, that's not me, but now part of me. I am having trouble spitting this out and having it make sense. Ahh!

So yeh, alll in a matter of a couple of months, all of these people, through phone calls, emails, instant messages, finding me through others, finding me at my doorstep, I mostly have shrugged it off, perhaps finding some humor and a bit of uncanniness to it, until today. Now I find it very strange, indeed. Karma? A kick in the ass? Perhaps, it can be viewed as a bit of direction? I won't ruminate for too long on this.. its just fresh in my head.
_________________________________________
After some sleep I rounded out the New Years Survey: [inlink]theecarey,75[/inlink]


And now on to New Years Eve pictures:

Just getting started


Awwe, (e:ladycroft) and (e:theecarey) working our way through some champagne


Tastes good..


Bottle One, complete


smile pretty! (still sober)


Oh no.. Timika and Carey getting warm and fuzzy over (e:jenks) post [inlink]jenks,26[/inlink]that included the lyrics to Depeche Mode, "I want"

The pictoral montage (reading aloud the lyrics)








Uh oh, the "comments" begin. Anyone on (e:strip), more specifically, anyone that had recently made a post, was fair game to our drunken antics. I think the one that cracked me up was when Timika asked, "who's (e:scud)" and I replied, "He's a boy", and that somehow ended up in a comment.


Logged under my name, LadyC was typing away.. proof :)


I am always good for knocking over a drink. It is axiomatic. Champagne all over my table and jeans, I am suprised I didn't break or short circuit anything!


Cheers!

• stumped* I don't remember being in the closet..

Heading out! Champagne worn off by this time, but still not the best role models here..


Looking for a restricted brain cell movie, Dick and Jane made the cut.


Timika, I am not sure if I ever looked that happy coming out of a public restroom. Who's number did ya get? ;)


Two medium Sprites, One small bag of popcorn and Two small bottles of 99% alcohol (orange flavor) to add to sprite. Yum.


Leaving..


12:00am.. Happy New Years! woo!


A night of drinking must be followed up by eating.. so Denny's it is (what else is open?)


Hmm.. an epicurean delight.. what form of grease do I want?

• looks around*.. feeling like I am gonna catch something

Food! yay! Vehicles For Ketchup©


"Non- Smokers".. enjoying the occasional clove.




Lastly, we are the mistresses of our domain, Bad Asses of the Universe.. er.. somethin' like that. HellooOOoOOoooOoo 2006.



So it turned out to be a pretty fun night. I make my own amusment and enjoy simple things...
Good friends, good times, right?

2006 How will you unfold?

Happy New Years everyone!
(updated)
Many pictures to be posted soon. Don't hate us for the crazy drunken comments we left in approximately 14 journals, lol. It seemed a good thing to do at the time (2 empty champagne bottles later), while waiting to go to the movies, with (e:ladycroft) logged in under my name, and I over her shoulder mumbling things to her...


OK, so the year is over...
Snagged from (e:ladycrofts) journal: [inlink]ladycroft,156[/inlink]

Where were you when 2005 began?

On top of the highest roof of the NACC (The Niagara Arts and Cultural Center) , formally the old Niagara Falls High School. A bunch of artist friends who rent studio space there had a small gathering, which included going out on the various rooftops, climbing higher and higher, until we made it to the highest rooftop, so we would view the entire city, including Niagara Falls, Ontario and the various displays of fireworks. It was the scariest thing I had done in a long time. I am amazed at my courage that night and the amount of trust I put into someone else guiding me through the climbing. I am afraid of heights and have never been past the second rung of a ladder. I faced plunging multiple building stories; falling from a 20 foot ladder, the narrow ledges and other walls I balanced on. Freaky! I didn't have to do anything I absolutely did not want to do. I was reticent, initially, yet something compelled me at the same time.
It was amazing..
I love having that memory!


Who were you with?

I think there were six of us who dared the climbing. Others stayed back. I recall Stiffler (ok, Tom, but he looks just like Stiffler from American Pie movies) being the one who was wonderful in talking me through the adventure. It was weird to trust someone like that. But I did it, and I had a new found respect for him after that. Good times.


Where will you be when 2005 ends? Whom will you be with when 2005 ends?

I know I am not going to be going down town. I have been to First Night and have checked out the bars on Chippewa in the past, but it hasn't been my thing lately, especially in the cold and the over inflated cover charges. I was invited to a party, also a "kiss me at midnight" invite, could just do something on my own (movie marathon, drawing or painting, or reading something fun.. yeh yeh, I enjoy my nerdy solitude) or just wing it.

Update: (e:ladycroft) and I had lunch at Spot earlier in the day. In discussing our options, which we both had a few interesting offers, we decided on staying close to home, well, my home anyways. We thought it to be fun to go to a late movie, imbibe a little before during and possibly after, get food.. go to Dennys! ..becuase that is just fitting, and whatever adventure materializes from that scenario.

She came over, we quickly consumed two bottles of champagne and proceeded to check out the local movie theater listing. While waiting to head out to the movies, we continued online, ended up at (e:strip) and ended up making a bunch of random comments. I apologize for the really stupid ones, lol. As she typed, I put in my two cents. It was funny, atleast at the time. Now I just shake my head.

Lots of pics taken as well. I am sure to post them in the near future.



Was 2005 a good year for you?

I think so. A lot of good things have happened throughout the year. The low points were moments to learn from, so if I do that, it guess I can say it went pretty well.

Jan/Feb: Shaking off 2004. Dodging stalkers. Awaiting grad school admission. Finally made myself jump into the world of grad school. Found a program I totally fell for and knew beyond all else that I would be in my element (still holds true). Also mild crush on my admissions counselor. Begin school, scaled back on work load (quit secondary jobs), get used to using my brain intensely again.
Mar-April : Intense behavioral interventions and behavioral modification plan initiated with extreme bahavior consumer; get my ass kicked daily and build a stong friendship with those who worked with me on this. Trust.
May-September: Crazy summer. Met quite a few people. Heard from my father, out of the blue. Created a beutiful garden; very lush and natural- not manicured. Reconnected with Timika and we caught up quickly. Bonfires, bike riding, travels, sitting on the rocking bot dock, lots of Corona and extra lime. Met more great people, joined (e:strip), although skeptical at first. Visited colleges with my niece, who graduates this year. Celebrated 30th B-day.
Oct-Dec: Met more wonderful amazing people. Learned a lot about my emotional capabilities, all good; I think I am a romantic or something at heart, when in the company of the right people. Depth of character suprsising at times. Managed to not slip (entirely) into the darkness that comes with this time of year. Began cross country skiing. Bought my beloved iPod.

What was your favorite moment of the year?

I have a few. The most recent are the fondest.
I am a kisser; it provides a lot of information about someone. It is often functually good, but not to the degree and intensity that makes me feel like "this is just where I want to be" feeling. I experienced an amazing kiss that totally altered my world. Yeh, in that moment, I was hooked, or something. Just touching his hand.. wow.Made me a giddy school girl and I loved it. And also all that came of being around this person.. I am still awestruck. I wish that feeling for everyone. We'd all be a glop of goo.
Other highlights.. doing some damn good stuff in grad school,networking, classmate friendships, opening up in general, experiencing incredible breakthroughs with the autistic child I work with, really good conversations, unofficially breaking up with LiveJournal.com, a journal site I have been writing in since 2000, after getting to know and love (e:strip). I am more open in my writing as well.. sometimes TMI (too much information), but hey, its all good. OOooooOOoh, and watching some Mens Rugby and the after game fun. Damn good game.


What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The moments of the Unknown, that I occasionally perseverate on. Ya know, when you don't know what is going on, what you should do, what you shouldn't do.
Also, not knowing what my next career step should be. Just feeling lost in general. And trying to figure it out on my own. I am confident yet there are those moments..


Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2005?
I didn't have official resolutions, but I made sure to make some changes. I had a few bad/weird/cathartic experiences in the last quarter of 2004. I knew I had to do things differently and I have followed through on those things. I hold myself accountable and I learn what I can from experiences. There is other stuff I could have worked harder at. So maybe I will consider those aspects for the new year.



Did you fall in love in 2005?
Fall? Something happened. I just don't know exactly what.
Tripped, maybe fell on my own? Oy.


Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?


Did you make any new friends in 2005?
Yep!

What was your favorite month of 2005?
hmm, I think it would be September/October. It was a pretty good year.. so many new things going on and so much that I have overcome.

Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
I just ventured to Canada

How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
um, I didn't travel much, with work and school.. but I did go to Cleveland. If I went anywhere else, I do not recall.


Did you miss anybody in the past year?

Not a strong sense of "miss", but zi think about my sis and my dad.. I haven't seen or talked to my sister in over two years, I haven't had any contact with my father in 16 years. He contacted me out of the blue one night through email over the summer. He wants to see me and I would like to work on that relationship, but it hasn't really gone anywhere. I can't talk to my other family member about it as they are closed up and don't want me having contact with him. And I don't know anyone who may understand what this is about that I could talk to, so I just let it all slide by.
A few people I have made friends with that I havent seen or heard from in a long time I would like to reconnect with. Also try to get in touch with a few old friends, make some attempt to keep in touch. There is no excuse not to.


What was your favorite song from 2005?
I really loved listening to The Killers (Mr. Brightside) and Moby (I like it), Brand New (Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades)

What was your favorite album from 2005?

Moby: Hotel both the lyric cd and its ambient cd. Very cool stuff. I listened to it repeatedly all summer long. Actually, up until I got my iPod, now I listen only occasionally. I also got into OAR, whom I have a bunch downloaded to the pod. Freakin' good stuff. A story in every song.


Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
Yes. More than I ever have in my entire life. But I am a light weight in the drinking department.

Did you do drugs in 2005?
In the Sin Tent at my birthday party., not really my thing though.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
2005.. I don't think so. I made some choices towards the end of 2004 that I have been sticking to because some of my choices weren't so great then.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
I am not aware of any lies told or told to me, they may have been told, but nothing sticks out.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
Yes.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
I usually shake it, so I am not thinking anything specific. There's some hurt, but I don't think intentional.

What was your proudest moment of 2005?

Following through on grad school applications and actually doing it.
Allowing myself to open up, be vulnerable, feel and all that mushy stuff that I would normally not have a clue about. Now I do.
A lot of permanent changes, all of which have made be a better person, even if I feel weaker. Its odd, but it is good.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
I don't embarass easy even though I consider myself shy. A few uncomfortable moments.. like crying a couple of times, I will have to think about this one.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
Not be a jerk that I can be. I close into myself and those that try to get in, I shun. Maybe verbalize things that I was otherside only thinking. Stay in better contact with my family. Help my mom out more. Damn, i can be such a jerk..

What are your plans for 2006?
No plans as of yet, but off the top of my head..
Finish grad school
Figure out what I am doing with myself.
Amp up my physical activity.
Do my laundry, take the coins that have built up in the washer out.
Expunge all that I do not need, want, use from my life. The garage and basement is in need of a major purging.
I really want a dog! but thats not happening until I figure out how to take care of myself, lol.
Reflect, learn, move on..