Another self-pitying personal post
Can't say you weren't warned
Lot of death lately. A couple of peripheral people in my life are gone or feeling the effects of losing somebody close to them. That combined with my recent posting about the passing of my former Anderson Place neighbor has me feeling, well a little morbid. My now former dad-in-law is in week 3 of chemo. His potential mortality has me thinking. It makes me want to pull over on my way to work and kick the folks smoking under the Roswell No smoking banner in the shins.
This has hit my ex even harder. I'm doing my best to help, but I'm coming to the fact that I signed my lease to leave the house formerly known as mine 3 years ago today. In the six months that immediately followed, I got to deal with the useless response from family members, at one point, she told me that she "wanted the family of her, our kids, and her partner" to find their way with the initial holiday season. Given that I didn't stray, that I took crappy jobs at night to support her and be there for the kids, I was dumbfounded. Point of that anecdote, other than to gloat that the partner is no longer in the picture I guess is to illustrate that despite being generally cool with each other, I resent the circumstances that brought us to this point. I think I'm pretty much over it all, but occasionally something can stir and piss you off all over again. I thought it would be best and easiest that I move (and it was), but it sort of felt like that me guilty in some way. I've struggled at times to remain Dad and buy into the logic that we were just broadening the sphere of people who care for the kids. I mentioned to my eldest that I didn't think a certain person held much regard for me. She, being an enlightened child, replied that I shouldn't sweat it, the certain person is like that with everybody.
Alas, it has made me wonder if I disappeared who'd notice, but when you think hope is evaporating, conversations can reveal a lot. We cleared the "table" of a lot, how things progressed too fast at the house after I left, steps we take together for the kids, etc.
I'm not quite sure where I'm headed with this. Figured getting it down would be better than having these things rattle around in my head. The first bad divorce realtionship send me an email the other day to say hi and I guess that triggered the flipping pages of my mental rolodex.
So, I'm trying to help and be a stand guy and help her when her transitional lesbian relationship takes up with a mutual friend, both of whom insist it's not a relationship from next door to the kids. They are pissed off at me because my kids know them both well, so I made them come clean to kids.
I'm such an asshole.
end of pity
Lot of death lately. A couple of peripheral people in my life are gone or feeling the effects of losing somebody close to them. That combined with my recent posting about the passing of my former Anderson Place neighbor has me feeling, well a little morbid. My now former dad-in-law is in week 3 of chemo. His potential mortality has me thinking. It makes me want to pull over on my way to work and kick the folks smoking under the Roswell No smoking banner in the shins.
This has hit my ex even harder. I'm doing my best to help, but I'm coming to the fact that I signed my lease to leave the house formerly known as mine 3 years ago today. In the six months that immediately followed, I got to deal with the useless response from family members, at one point, she told me that she "wanted the family of her, our kids, and her partner" to find their way with the initial holiday season. Given that I didn't stray, that I took crappy jobs at night to support her and be there for the kids, I was dumbfounded. Point of that anecdote, other than to gloat that the partner is no longer in the picture I guess is to illustrate that despite being generally cool with each other, I resent the circumstances that brought us to this point. I think I'm pretty much over it all, but occasionally something can stir and piss you off all over again. I thought it would be best and easiest that I move (and it was), but it sort of felt like that me guilty in some way. I've struggled at times to remain Dad and buy into the logic that we were just broadening the sphere of people who care for the kids. I mentioned to my eldest that I didn't think a certain person held much regard for me. She, being an enlightened child, replied that I shouldn't sweat it, the certain person is like that with everybody.
Alas, it has made me wonder if I disappeared who'd notice, but when you think hope is evaporating, conversations can reveal a lot. We cleared the "table" of a lot, how things progressed too fast at the house after I left, steps we take together for the kids, etc.
I'm not quite sure where I'm headed with this. Figured getting it down would be better than having these things rattle around in my head. The first bad divorce realtionship send me an email the other day to say hi and I guess that triggered the flipping pages of my mental rolodex.
So, I'm trying to help and be a stand guy and help her when her transitional lesbian relationship takes up with a mutual friend, both of whom insist it's not a relationship from next door to the kids. They are pissed off at me because my kids know them both well, so I made them come clean to kids.
I'm such an asshole.
end of pity
