I was cleaning my room this morning and came across the ripped sheets from an old journal. I had meant to insert the writings into another journal and never did. Then I realized my trip to Egypt was exactly 3 years ago. So I'm going to share my journal with you.

Egypt: Day 1
How do I begin to tell the tale of Lady Croft and her Egyptian adventures!? Slightly smelly, yet enthusiastic, I tote my canvas backpack through Charles de Gaulle airport to make my connecting flight. I find Laura and Eric waiting with open arms. I do wish more Americans would greet with hugs and kisses.

We board our plane, destination Cairo. Immediately I get a crash course in Arabic from Eric. I daze in and out of consciousness, as I've been awake 30 hours already. Probably not the best time to learn a new language but I'm a trooper. We touch down in Cairo after a sunny glide over the Greek islands and the Mediterranean Sea.

I drop my $15 USD for my visa, 2 postage looking stamps, lick em and stick em in my passport and head through immigration. Oh my I have to pee so badly! I spot a tiny bathroom in the corner; I think it's for women? A short and plump older woman greets me at the door. Welcome to Egypt, here is your one square of one ply toilet paper, that will be $1. Eric and I discussed the culture of 'baksheesh', share the wealth, but I hadn't had time to change any money. I give her a quarter. Perhaps another souvenir from the inconsiderate American girl with bubble gum and super fly sun shades.

My eyes are so heavy but if I sleep now it will take me a week to adjust. That is remedied quickly when we climb into a Mercedes and head to Eric's apartment. Traffic is insane. Drivers are insane. I practically hold my breath the entire 30-minute ride. I drop my gear and head out to dinner. I thought the car ride was bad, until I cross my first street. Holy fucking human Frogger Batman!!! I'm clinging to Eric's arm as he tells me to try to relax, don't run, and just go as he goes. I honestly don't know if I've ever been more fearful in my life.

Dinner is amazing. I love this dish called kosheri. Lentils, vermicelli, tomato base, garlic, onion, pasta, rice....vegetarian heaven. We walk back to the apartment, this time I simply hold Eric's arm and close my eyes to cross the road. I round the night off with a powerful rum and seltzer and pass out. Sunlight awakens me at 1 in the afternoon. I'm ready for the day.

My brother got married in August 2005. I shared my sister's camera as I did not yet own a digital. It took her a year to send me a disc with the pics on them. Then I lost the discs during my move and have just recently discovered their location. As I was going through them, adjusting sizes and whatnot, I came to a realization. I was in such better shape than I am now. The difference jumps out at you.

I know I have an excuse for the most recent 20 pounds, my medication. I have since switched medications and that excess weight is slowly melting away. Yet, I will still be about 20 pounds heavier than in these photos. It's crazy I tell you, crazy! What a difference 20 pounds makes in a person. What's even more disturbing is that at the time these photos were taken, I was already 20 pounds heavier than I always have been!!!

According to my simple calculations, that means I am actually 60 pounds heavier than my body traditional rests at. WAKE UP CALL. Of course being depressed you don't really care about your appearance. The inside was, and always will be, much more important. Now that the meds have been kicking for quite some time, I feel I'm in a place where I am ready to start making the effort to change my outward appearance.

So, I'm posting a few of these shots not for narcissistic gratification but for motivation. Plus, there's that funny one of (e:lilho) and I when we first met. She babysat my brother's wedding. Ciao.


at the falls


i broke my shades with my big strong butt


with lil sis (apparently i like this stance)


my date bernard


putting my bike away before rehersal dinner....look how freaking white my legs are!


with lilho

I had a bad dream last night. Apparently I was on a job interview at a large school in North Carolina. They wanted me to watch a video about the school however they had me sitting inside a stadium and the video was playing on a TV outside. Oh, let me also mention there was a pep rally going on! There was a marching band, screaming fans, bull horns, pom-poms - the whole nine yards. Girls kept coming up to me and saying weird things like, "you're hair ain't big nuf for this state" and "your eye shadow is perfectly layered". It was so chaotic and anxiety provoking.

I leave the 'interview' to check my e-mail and I had a disturbing message. It read, "You................will not hear from me or see me ever again, Timka." I didn't like it, at all.

Mashed song lyrics as an expression of how I'm feeling today:

what is this?
are you some kind of hypnotist?

maybe i just look detached
i feel the social glare

i have to speculate
that God himself did
make us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the tray

you don't believe me

i take a breath
hold the air until there is nothing left

wash away the thoughts inside
in the darkness i remain

there is no fucking you
there is only me

If someone does something nice for you, the least you SHOULD do is express your gratitude with a 'thank you'. Two simple words that can make such a difference. If you're too cool for school and can't utter those words, you should at least fucking acknowledge what was done for you!

For example, "I got your card", or "wow you cleaned".

Something - Anything to let that person know they haven't gone unnoticed on this planet, regardless if you're a fucker who can't say thanks. That is all.

Ghost Hunters marathon on Sci-Fi today!

Got caught in that snow storm last night trying to get home from work at Canisius. I hardly made it to the subway station. Visibility was about 3 feet and I think the wind chill registered at -15, but my frozen legcicles and forehead would wager it to be even less. I couldn't even tell where the sidewalks were supposed to be, so I fell off the curb and into the street.

That arctic air was so cold I could feel my eyeballs freezing. I actually had a moment when I wondered, if I was caught in a storm while climbing a mountain...is this how you go out? Is this the last thing you remember seeing and feeling before your body shuts down?

Happy Happy Birthday Kookcity2000!!!

I finally went to the doctor yesterday and found out why I've had this reocurring battle with coughing and congestion over the last 3 weeks. I have a severe sinus infeciton. I got some meds last night so hopefully I'll be feeling much better by Sunday.

I got the results back from my comprehensive exams. PASS.

Cheers, with my big glass of water. Ciao.

Funny. Almost one year later, but I finally received Dr. Luvre's valentine card! Thanks again (e:Ajay), it made me laugh pretty hard today when I saw that in my box. Cute poem.

I'm finished. I took the written comprehensive last Saturday and today my partners and I preseneted our oral case. We did fantastic!!! I'm on the home stretch. Just two more classes to wrap up and I'm outa here! Joy, joy, joy!

P.S. I'm about to knock my co-worker's light out. She's a fucking pig, her desk is disgusting and she keeps pushing her shit into my space. I only have a corner to start with. If she'd put her shit in files and in the damn filing drawer where they belong she'd have enough room for fat self. Grrrrrrrrr. Maybe I'll take a photo tomorrow and show you what I'm talking about.