oh pink tonight! i will be there to join robin and liz. and ofcourse give robin a birthday shot!

Well since my "fought vs. fucked" Entrie I have slept with two more people, if you've been keeping up (ha ha). So that makes 4 sexual partners since I moved to buffalo. And I have not lived here a whole year yet. I thought of this new plan of attack; which is I am only to have sex with people I am attracted to. Not people who are there and the situation causes for such an occasion. If I would have thought of this plan earlier, I would have only had sex with two people and I would feel a lot better. I don't regret any of it, because I feel everything happens for a reason, but I do wish that two of these boys whould have wanted more than just sex from me. The virgin I would consider being with, but he lives in california for the school year and long distance relationships rarely works out. can you dig it? So I am turning over a new leaf now. No more beer goggle butt buddies, and no more kinky straight boys whose fresh out of a hetero relationship. But thats another topic. Peace be with you all and remeber love.

Virginity is something that most people prize. It is also something that some people want to get rid of as soon as possible. I remember my virgin snatcher. WE were at my "boyfriends" house and and my "boyfriend" had fallen asleep. I use qoutations because he really wasn't my boyfriend but everyone thatought he was and he acted the role every now and then but nothing was set in stone. Anywayhe had fallen asleep and our mutual friend was over. He and I started fooling around on the top bunk and my "boyfriend" was on the bottom bunk. He told me he wanted to *gulp* put it in me. I was nervous but willing to try. YOu can only do so much with foreplay and blowjobs. So he did it. Safety first always and it was on. I screamed so loud he had to cover my mouth with his hand for the first minute or two. Luckily my "boyfriend" is a very hard sleeper. From the day on I did it reguarly. With MY "boyfriend" and his friend. But I remember thinking, ' my virginity is gone.' I still talk to my cherry popper when I see him. I popped someones cherry last night. After a long night of drinking and dancing. I took someone home with me. Which ofcourse really never happens. He told me he was a virgin while we fooled around on my bed but he wanted me to, and I qoute "fuck me, fuck me" And I wondered why would he want to give his virginity up so easy to someone he just met. So I was truly a little reluctant at first seeing that I may never hangout with him again, and he goes to school in california. I did it anyway and to be honest he didn't seem like a rookie to me. He moved really fast, too fast for my taste. He was taking all the pleasure out of it for me. We finished went to sleep and the next afternoon he went home. I never got his number, I am totally sick of one night stands. And I can't really say If I would do him again. Thats too bad. Oh and he was a horrible kisser. Too much tounge, yuck.

As of right now I will not be working untill wenesday morning. So during this four day break I will be doing the following.
1. laundry
2. more yoga
3. less drinking
4. less smoking (cigarettes)
5. treat my self to a mmovie or two
6. drink more water
7. work out even more
8. finally relax

I have three new journals i have written down on paper for the site so I will be editing them also. Wish me luck, and welcome new estrip peeps. And always remember love.

It's not like I am not enjoying myself here with my family and old friends; But now i feel that it is time for me to get back to my crazy hectic city life. i miss it. I still have not heard a peep from my mother. Kinda sad. When I went to go visit my dad he told me that both of my great grandmothers just had strokes. The one that is 99 years old (Naggie Lee) is alright now. The one that is 85 (Mary ANN) has to have surgery. She'll be alright soon. When I left his house yesterday he walked me all the way to the front gate and stood there and watched me walk away til i was out of sight. Nearly made me cry. My sister has a new boyfriend whose nick name is "fag". I realize how much more I should excercise to get to my goal weight and muscle structre. I have two upcoming journal entires One is me at my more sensetive side of love and the other entry will contain goal for the summer including learning to do a back handspring and things I have not done sexually. FUN FUN! I will be coming home tonight or tommorow morning. So i will see you soon and I extend a welcome to the e-strip peeps. peace and love.

I guess the boys are not the only ones who took a small vacation. I am home in the falls as of right now (day 2). I will be returning to buffalo wenesday at the latest. And thus far I found out, my brother got fired from his job for throwing a plate at a co-woker, and he has no place to stay. So he is thinking of moving in with me. ummmmm. My enemies have grown in numbers. My father completed his first novel called "the muffins" which i did not know he was writing in the first place, and not only did he dedicate the book to my brother, sister and myself, we are also the the character base.It's a futuristic fantasy adventure. I watched the texas chainsaw massacer for the first time and litterally had nightmares lastnight. My families love and support is always wonderful. My aunt alean says to me "that you get over there in buffalo and you act like you don't know nobody." I don't know where my mother is. NO one knows where. I hope she's alright. So while I am on my little sabaticle I am also thinking of new things to write about. They will still be dirty, and perverted so need not worry. I am just gathering thoughts and putting them on paper. so goodnight and good fight.

sad to say; but I let down my gaurd. I have been trying to build myself to be independent and strong (go on girl). I will not let a man take advantage of me! (go on girl). the next time I give my heart, or this ass will be with some one who cares about me! (go on girl!) Because it's all about me! (go on girl!) I must make him feel like he needs this ass! (go on Girl!) Mutha fucka you need me! (go on girl!!!) You can kiss my ass till i'm ready to give it up! (go on girl!) But I backslid ya'll. Under the influence of a cute face and too much Gin. I let a man break my seal. (girl?) That's right. I took off my clothes and let him touch me. This man aint about shit. He is not looking for what I am looking for. I let my self down, and I am sorry. Nah fuck that. He was beggin for this ass! (GIRL!) Yeah And I gave it to him. (GIRL?) And I gave that mutha fucka the ride of his life. I rode that dick so good that mans leggs were in the air flappin honey. He wasn't ready! He was not ready for the god of making love, he wasn't ready. Him take advantage of me; HA SIKE BITCH! I wont see him again and I don't give a shit. It was my birthday and goddamnit I had dick souffle! (oooh go on girl!) Thats right, mutha fuckas I'm back! And If you are reading this right now and you think you are ready for another piece, come find me. But believe me I will not be waiting for you. (Ooh GO ON GIRL!) YOu gone hafta search and find this good ass just like gold honey. (go on girl) yeah! now I'm gone! PROTECTION ALWAYS YA'LL!

I had a dream last night that i was invited to this costume party. i And was a little upset. Everyone there had on the exact same outfit as me. What are the chances of eight people in one room have the same outfit. So i did what any other person would do to a copycat. I spilled drinks on them. It didn't stain like i thought it would but i think they got the message. So this is for all you out there. The next costume party comes around. THIS TIME I am the only one to dress up like adam and eve.

"i can resist everything but temptation."- oscar wilde. One of the first things we learn in school, is to keep your hands to yourself. It makes everything so much more easier. But the temptation is there, and you know nothing good will come from giving into your id. The forbidden fruit must be tasted; It's in our blood (thanks eve). Well i ran into my "fiance hurtle" again. And I tried to leap him. But he was too high off the ground and I tripped and fell to the ground. While on the ground I met someone else. Prince Albert. Now I have only heard of him through word of mouth and seeing him in photos. To met the prince in person was truly shocking. I had no warning he would be coming to see me; Though when he did let me tell you he was really excited (wink, wink). So me having little morals, did what anyone rational person would do if they had a hot guy crawling all over them and you have never played with the prince before. After everything was said and done that night a little guilt bug crawled on my shoulder. "He has a fiance." Thats right he does. Well I never liked the bitch anyway, and he was asking for it. SO should I be the one to feel like I did something wrong? If you were in the same position would you feel wrong? Hell NO! I odnt feel the slightest bit bad for what I did.I have no attatchments to anyone; therefore I have no one to explain myself to. And if any of oyu think differently. Or think that I am a bad person for what I did. KISS MY ASS! Your acceptance is not required nor desired. There is this old sayin for all of you noisy assholes who think they should have an opinion about everyone elses life."sweep around your own front door. Before you try to sweep around mine." and with that I say good night!

What do you do when you meet that special somone, and they uncover their dark past to you? SHould you hold it against them? Should you try to forget about it? my answer to that is. NO and NO. Dont dwell on the past too much. Especially if it dosen't include you. But don't forget either. Keep that stored away in a little box. That way if their ugly past rears it's head, you'll be ready for it. And if you really love that special someone. Don't keep any secrets from them. If this is the one, then their past is just as much of their buisness as it is yours. Secrets leads to deception. And then lies. And the worst thing that could happen is that they find out the ugliness from someone else. So lay it all out on the table for them. It's easier. Because then you will know if they are truly yours. If they don't like it, then it's 'see you late bye!' Boundries are forbidden in a true relationship. Dont hold back girl. Go get him! The future is yours, and you must gobble it up like a buffet.