update

The beginning of my 4th began as any other day, vegging out with salsa and chips in front of shakepeare sundays on Starz! & turning some ugly piece of furniture into something shabby chic as my friend lisa calls it...
I cooked out on the grill (lemon peppered chicken,squash,mushrooms and some other long green veggie (can't really think right now)
It took 2/5 hours to get the little "grill to go" crap going with fire-you'd think I was a pro at these fires by now. thats ok it all worked out in the end and the food was good.
Headed down to city hall to hear some rockin tunes~ The rain detered everyone else and we just walked right on through. Right to the front area of the stage. way fun! Even the 2 hours dealing with "Umbrella Man" This man would not take his umbrella down to save his life. I guess he felt he had a point to prove. But I had to check him when he threatened me, believing that I was taunting him and his "sight hindering" umbrella. Everyone around us grab it and bent it and he stood there and said nothing nor did he make attempts to be courteous when asked politely to put the umbrella down when It wasnt raining. So he turns to me & my friend & says he is going to Fuck us up... Thats when he had to be told: threaten me and I will react! Confirm your threat I said... I will call the cops!!! He just stared...Whatever umbrella man. whats your point that you have to prove. Are you a man that must be heard? You against a drunk concert crowd-good luck. I could care less about your point, just don't disrespect my space or threaten me for something I didn't do to him.
Otherwise, the concert was great!!! The best part was the heavy down pour. Loved it!!! No one had to think about what they looked like or whatever, just pure energy in the crowd; crowd surfers, pole climbers, & umbrella man. oh yeah and incredible fire works afterwards!!!
then I had to walk home soaked! : (
But first I had to stop on allen st. since I went out friday night for drinks and before you know it, my friend and I walk out of the bar without paying. Total honest mistake. She was out of it and I thought it was taking care of already. So we went back tonight to apologize. We both felt horrible, horrible, horrible! nothing like that has ever happened to me. Jeremy the bartender was totally understanding even though he could not believe we would come back to pay for our forgotten tab! He said who would make up a story like that & to return to offer him money???
Its all good. Now I can rest my head easily tonight.
no unpaid bar tabs & no freakish fires

Libra Weekly Horoscope
06/21/2004 - 06/27/2004

The outlook for love is ever so rosy this week,
so plan to wear your favorite shoes and see your favorite people in your favorite places. Between Monday and Wednesday, the hearts and flowers in the cartoon thought-bubble above your head might inspire some other Cupids to consult you about matters of the heart. Thursday and Friday are excellent days for socializing -- or doing nothing at all, with a sweetie or happily single. You'll be on fire on Saturday and Sunday, with flirtatious others just feeding your flames. Enjoy the heat! ((this is crazy!!!))

1) I wore a fav pair of shoes
2) the hearts and flowers bubble above my head gave off the wrong signal(s) to the wrong people!
3)Thursday and Friday were packed with socializing from dusk to dawn.
4)& there was a fire in my living room

??? go figure. I am still disturbed about the fire and still have not slept! I am thinking of making crepes w/peahces and strawberries now. but not in my house. i don't want to touch anything that may combust or has the potential to burn. now i am paranoid about extension cords as well. eek!!!

I admit this is a totally careless thing that happened... A tealight was burning in a tart warmer and the whole damn thing caught on fire like crazy fire flames that don't blow out like a birthday candle on a cake!!!

I got to it right before the smoke alarm went off @ 2:30am. But the smoke alarm eventually went off adding to the heightened moment. No one was hurt. There is wax all over the wall that I will have to figure out how to clean up or explain to the landlord how such a horific thing could have happened. But I am extremely thankful that it didn't get out of hand and escalate beyond control.

So as usual, I wonder what sign this is... I sit on the sofa perplexed and angered and scared and self loathing all at once. Is this a warning for my recent wrong doings? Is this a sign to stop doing things that I know are bad or will have a bad outcome (like leaving a candle semi unattended)? I tend to find myself in situations lately that have tendencies to erupt like a volcano. I should just walk away from the volcanos
and the little primitive men rubbing sticks together.

Now I am leaning towards anti-candle-this happened way to quick and could have happened to anyone here.

Words from a friend that have haunted me since december: "Get Renters Insurance!"

well, it looks like I can't even write this without another visit from good ol' temptation. what the frick! we are all stocked up here - no thank you. I don't want to put out anymore fires tonight!

speaking of which...when is my fire going to be put under control? I don't see any adequate firefighters up to the job! perhaps they havent been through the right training or perhaps I am in the wrong district!

I have spent the last 144 hrs+ complaining and being ultimately miserable. First I thought it was because of a certain monthly recurring factor. In part I believe it was, but now thats done and I am still miserable. I have been this way for years now. Why wont I change the cause?
What shall I do? Terry offered consoling words: You cannot know happiness without experiencing misery. so, I write today to offer somewhat of a formal apology to all of those that I may have offended in the last few days and the previous 8 years by my toxic feelings. I am super sorry. Sorry that you had to witness or experience my bitterness. The memories are still there. I don't want to be 47 and still harboring bad memories from 20 years ago or 30 years ago. That would suck. Let these feelings be buried or burned. This shall pass as every new day has the opportunity to bring something good into your life - will today be the day for me? wish me and all others luck!

"If I go,Before I'm old.
Oh, brother of mine,
Please don't forget me if I go.

Bartender, please,
Fill my glass for me.
With the wine you gave Jesus,
That set him free after three days in the ground."
((dave matthews - bartender))

song of the week "Flawless" - George Michael.
I heart him! This song was deemed "our song"...

"You've got to reach the other side of the glass
I think you'll make it in the city baby
I think you know that you are more than just
Some fucked up piece of ass
Got to be some way to make your way to the light (All the boys say)
Got to be some way, today, today, maybe tonight,
They'll see you tonight
Do you want a saviour, Say that you do,
You know you're wasted here,
And there ain't no miracles happening any time soon ..."

anywho...lots of other personal occurances "firsts" going on...
all i can say is my bum hurts!
I am sure my heart will be the next body part 2 succumb 2 the evil perils of a boy! i can't believe these unimaginable events are occuring week after week. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i focus? they are all distractions. fun distractions in a sense but distractions nevertheless.
At least I have been on an alcohol break for 1 week + 1 day (well -1 day, I had a weak ((by request)) peach martini last night) hmm...If I had kept to my alcohol free diet my judgement may not have been impaired to drive 30 minutes south of the city for company. i wish i could buy or grow something to injest to rid myself of naive behavior. wish me luck!

i am excited about the festival or just saturday in general i suppose. hope to see lots of you out on the stri tomorrow!!!

June 03, 2004
Libra

"Someone who's traveled quite some distance to indulge in the pleasure of your feisty companionship is about to make their presence known. Ready or not ... "

is this bizarre or what? i meet someone from my hometown GA, that traveled back to buffalo for just a weekend,the same night!
I always think these are just for entertainment & still do but I think its funny/crazy the coincidence. Scarry though, the part of ready or not. could be good or bad

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These are pics the begin @ the Elevator Stops Here last Friday @ city hall