No doubt you have noticed the unimaginative, repetitive use of
four-letter words in modern insults. In an effort to stimulate cells in the Wit Area of the brain, I am sending some examples from previous eras, when substantive human beings used the English language to skewer, gut and vanquish the objects of
their various venomous vexations.

In other words, for when a hearty "fuck off" just doesn't seem right, I present...

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it."
-- Mark Twain

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring
a friend...if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there
is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever the y go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

Lady Astor: If you were my husband I'd give you a poisoned drink.
Winston: If I were your husband I'd drink it!
Lady Astor: We should have a child. Imagine a child with my looks
and your brains.
Winston: My fear my good lady is the child would have my looks and your brains!

Something is on the horizon.....

I had to deal with a promotion we ran with the Tennis Channel late last year. One of the prizes that was to be given away was a trip to the Australian open to some lucky viewer. Because of legal and ethical dilemmas, we couldn't do it. I got a note today that as a thank you, the Tennis Channel is going to send a case of Mcwilliams Australian Wine (good stuff) to my attention to arrive next week sometime.

That's pretty fucking awesome of them.

Suddenly it got easier to laugh at the current round of inanties

Working for a communications collassus like I do, I can't help but marvel at my state of the art 1998 computer. Ever since I've been there, there has been a web filter to keep you from going to "subversive" sites. The joke is that you get this screen filling ominous warning that when you first see it, you're convinced the web cops are coming.

I think it sets off a light at our data center that if nobody's watching, nobody cares. I was researching a prize wheel once and got busted for "Gambling." If you go to my space, you get busted for "Nudity." The logic is there is no real logic. The warnings got strangely toned down with the take over, but it managed to block a truly "dangerous" site today.




Can't have that spoiling the corporate landcape.

It was truly weird. Usually packed with domestic and professional obligations, I had an afternoon off from everything. With camera in hand, I headed down West Ferry until you run out of West Ferry and are on the Bird Island Pier.

The place has all the ambience of a crime scene and features the snack bar at the end of the universe, but I like walking the pier because of the renewed perspective it can give you. Bear in mind, I don't have (e:Matthew) 's eye (or his camera) or (e:Metalpeter) 's tenacity, but I got some decent pics despite my shortcomings.


Graffiti folks in search of a better world.

A couple of ducks shooting the rapids

The Peace Bridge underside

What's up with barbed wire and fencing on one side and nothing on the other.

The ovaltine colored water



Blame Canada!

These folks declared their love in about six places. Either Fred had some lil blue pills or somebody was overcompensating for something.

Think a swimmer left it behind?

Rats with wings.....

The view from the end, before the long track back to the car....huff..puff

Made you look.

Santa both secret and otherwise smiled upon me this past holiday season and the final straggler came in over the weekend from my younger sister. In the past week, I've come into a wide variety from the new Ipod to a painting of "Sunday in the Park" redone with Simpsons Characters to a NunChuck (a small pistol that will shoot little nun figures to distances that cover the diameter of the dispatch department of Time Warner) to the aforementioned chinese massage balls (they are doing wonders for my pending carpal tunnel).

Anyhoo, my sister couldn't get home due to professional committments in NYC, but she is feeling decidely sillier this year. She offered up some Mets garb and a keychain labeled (I kid you not) "Mr T. in a box." Six different catch phrases at the touch of a button.

I tossed the key chain in a jacket pocket without much though till this morning. Around 8:30, I stopped by the Allentown Trading Company for a paper and while the gentleman in front of me was paying for his purchases, Mr. T woke up. Out of a clear silence was heard, "Don't give me any more of your jibjab, sucka!"

Needless to say, the gentleman turned and looked at me with some skeptical amusement. I (doing my best to keep a straightface) turned and looked at the guy behind me (in a lame attempt to pass the buck).

Lasted all of a minute before we all broke up. Comedy relief at the ATC, I'm sure they will overprice it if given half a chance.

T'was a good time at the Estrip house last night/this morning. Thanks again, (e:Paul) , (e:Terry) , & (e:Matthew) . I have high regard for you guys for risking home and hearth for the enjoyment of us freeloaders.

I found myself standing back a little to fully taken in what all was going on. Great to chat a little more with more peeps than I've had previously. I don't think I said anything too stupid. (e:Soma) spun some great stuff.

Secret Santa left me suprisingly moved. My Santa made quite a little pick me up package that has me enscorcelled. Secret Santa, you rock!

Next time, I'll walk so I don't have to be "so sober, (e:imk) ."

Happy New Year Everybody!

While we were reveling on Linwood, bad stuff still happens. I called my folks this morning to say Happy New Year. They live in the Harris Hill section of Clarence. After extending me an invite for dinner tonight, they told me about ringing in the new year by serving coffee to firemen. The house right next door to them caught fire last night. A family of four lives there, although not any more. It doesn't look like much from the outside, but the inside is a fucking mess and a total goner. The stories around the neighborhood are rampant but the guess is that a candle or two got forgotten about.

Even though the facade is still standing, the burned floor joists make gutting the place the next step. I don't really know the residents but I wouldn't wish this on anybody. Tbe husband was wrestling some former christmas trappings to the curb. I walked over to say hi and talk to him as opposed to stare at the house. Plenty of other rubbernecking jerks were doing that. He was telling me that he was talking to a barrage of insurance people already and they will be covered for everything. I asked if he mentioned that his place is on Spaulding Lake with indoor outdoor pools. He got a laugh out of the poor joke which I guess is the important thing.



Doesn't take much to make you a gypsy.

I wonder if the nonsense the other night at the Regal will send more people to the market arcade. Probably not, but it would be nice to see the movie theater survive as a movie theater. For all the supposed amenities, the Elmwood Regal is a bit of a dump. Kinda like the Quality Markets of movie theaters. Long as it's a money maker....

Sad really

Wow, a genuine three day weekend. I needed it. Christmas seems like we still aren't finished with it and years ago at the same time. My kids made out like bandits (spoiled ones, that is). I worked last Sunday at the Bills game and met up with them at my folks house for christmas with that half of the brood. Before they took over to the ex's parents on Monday, the ex and I had a brunch with the lot of them. I think it was my favorite part of the day. They got to show off their wares to a captive crowd. And I got to see what I get to assemble. Despite working Sunday, it was still pretty great.

It made up for what was to come. Due to staffing shortages and my manager being one taco short of a combo platter, I got farmed out to the Amherst Time Warner office last week. Thanks to an equipment shortage and the run on people getting HD for christmas, I had lines and lines of people all week to deal with. One person called in sick on Thursday so I got the double fun of an 11 1/2 hour day. It truly sucked and after a while, I think the customers were taking pity. It got a little easier as I got more HD boxes and I was able to tell people to that Fox isn't going anywhere. The topper was coming into Wilson Farms around 8:30 on thursday. I stupidly still had my Time Warner Tags around my neck so the Willie Farms cashier was giving me the third degree, Four straight nights of having the crap kicked out of you.

Didn't give me much of a chance to play with my new christmas stuff, chief of which was a new IPOD. I hipped my dad to Small Dog Electronics in New England (I forget where exactly). They are MAC store with pet affinity. He liked their pricing so much that I got a 60 gb photo ipod for the holiday. I asked for a phone, got an IPOD. My birthday is in February so I'll see if I can reverse that.

Here's a bit of irony. I buy cable and internet for the ex's house. No discount, just seems like a decent thing to do. I never got the bill for december, so Time Warner disconnected it briefly today. I got caught up and a Call Center person errantly told me it would be right back on. LIAR! We went over to the house and it wasn't. I call the call center back, noting the mistakes of the earlier operator to tonight's poor soul who got my call, along with how their bosses get their info from well, me. Suddenly a tech got freed up to get things connected. Nice to have a little juice in such matters. Never call the call center folks.

See yas at the party.