I dreamt I was in a wedding dress of sorts. I was in a mall, something to the like of the Eaton Centre. Several floors high full of fancy shops, the middle divided by a canal large enough for a small cruise ship to enter. My 'parents' were not my parents. My mother was my ex-boyfriend's mother and my father was some man I don't know. I was supposed to get married! It was an arranged marriage to boot. He was a little person, as in dwarf. I didn't know him. I didn't know anyone except my ex's parents. The guy that was supposed to run the ceremony was my ex-boyfriend's father, who is a preacher.

The cruise ship is about to leave on a journey and strangers were grabbing at my arms trying to force me to the ceremony site. I thought I could escape if I jumped for the chains on the side of the ship. I knew I could; until she showed up. She had black hair, black eyes, and long bony fingers. She appeared in a mist hanging on the very chains I was trying to jump for. With the push of a few fingers she hurled the chains at me, striking me in the head and knocking me to the ground. She laughed as the ship pulled away.

The strangers promptly scooped me from the floor and began dragging me, heels dragging, toward the ceremony site. I saw (e:theecarey) passing by. I yelled to her in desperation, "I don't want to get married!" She replied, "We have to do something about this". I continued to yell, "I don't want to get married, please let me go, I don't want to!"

My escorts tried to get me on an escalator that would double as the aisle for my entrance. I could see all the people waiting at the bottom. My body was struck with the most intense anxiety and fear I've known. I was crying and wrestling to free myself from the deathlike grip of my captors.

Suddenly, as if an extension of my will, a fierce wind began to blow up the escalator. We couldn't move. Each step they tried to take would slide back into place. I thought to myself, if I could only break free the wind would release me from this impending prison.

Then I woke in a panic and sweat, still feeling the anxiety I experienced in the dream.

update: the only down side is that it's 4am and i am not the least bit tired.

I got my meds changed. The other stuff made me gain so much weight I couldn't stand it any more. I felt better but also very lazy and tired most of the time. I've only been on this new stuff for a few days and it's a complete 180. I still feel good but I have so much energy!

I've cleaned and organized everything I can think of. I must have washed 8 loads of laundry today because I decided all of my bedding, kitchen towels and blankets needed to be washed too.

HOLY CLEAN SHEET DAY TIMES 10 BATMAN!!!

I really wish I knew how to fix bikes because I'm all about fixing things right now. I just want to take the whole thing apart, clean it all up, replace the breaks and wheels, buff up the bright green fender and go for an icy ride!

If my drill had come in already I would replace the wheels on my giant treasure chest and hAng the spice rack. I can't wait for that thing to get here!!!

Now i am going to try to harness this intense energy and do some studying for this monster comprehensive exam I have next weekend. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

These are from (e:enknot)'s birthday party.

Went great yesterday. She was mighty impressed with my changes over the last few months. My ability to write down the physical things I like about myself. It's hard to do. Partially because I never thought I had anything real stand outish about my shell, partially because I felt guilty announcing if I thought I did. The whole tooting your own horn thing comes easy for many but I suppose I was really brought up thinking that was bad. Really, it is to a degree. We all know the peron that won't shut up about themself. The one that turns everything around so that they are the center of the universe.

Extremes aside, I was able to really look at myself and be ok writing a few things down. Although it's a little awkward, I think it will help to put them out there, to really be ok with what I am saying.

1. I have a genuine smile. Nice teeth included.

2. I have great hair. Not in the sense that I have to style it, rather my actual hair. It's full and wavey.

3. Pretty eyes. I like my rings of green and blue, plus my eye lashes are really long. Apparently some people go to great lengths to create that look.

4. I'm strong. I've always been strong. Even covered in this layer of blubber I'm still strong. I kick ass.

5. Curves. I've got em. I like my boobs, I like my butt. Sometimes I think my butt is a little too big, but ultimately I'd rather have this butt than one of those flat ironing board butts that make your pants hang weird.

So there. I said what I like about me (and yes, this exercise was purely physical aspects) and I'm ok with it. Yeah!


Today's quote:
You should appreciate what is before you rather than admiring what you hope is down the road.

Ryan and I just discovered something wack. He got a mug full of candy for Christmas. A big mug that says Ho! Ho! Ho!. On the bottom of the lovely mug, ripe for hot chocolate, it reads 'by the way, there is lead in the paint used on this mug and it is not suitable for drinking out of'. :0

My friend is coming over to have a little girl talk knitting party tonight. Yay! I haven't been excited about home craft goods in so long. Parts of me are starting to come back, I love it. It's a new year, it's a new day, I'm not letting ANYTHING get in my way.

Woke up with such energy this morning I'm not even sure I really went to bed. Took a long hot shower and 4 shampoos and a gallon of conditioner later, my hair has returned to normal. Had an absolutely fabulous time at the party, merci PMT. I loved the ball! I still think the hippo was a nice touch :)

So my lovelies. May the best of your past be the worst of your future in this beautiful year 2007! Wishing you joy that never ends.

Ciao,
LC

p.s. to my secret santa des, i LOVE my guinness gear!!!!

On the eve of each new year we often reflect on our lives. As I do this dear e-strippers, I wish you joy that never ends and happiness with all your family and friends.

Where were you when 2006 began?
Drunk in the ladies restroom of Regal theatre.

Who were you with?
(e:theecarey)

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
Dressed as Patsy from Ab Fab at the PMT party!

Whom will you be with when 2006 ends?
Everyone at the party.

Was 2006 a good year for you?
Overall, yes. It has been a struggle but I learned so much about myself and who I am that it was worth all the hurt!

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Holding my nephew Ryan for the first time.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
My Gramma's wake.

Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2006?
I don't do resolutions.

Do you have any New Year resolutions for 2007?
Again, I don't do resolutions. Just see the list for my plans at the bottom.

Did you fall in love in 2006?
No.

Did you breakup with anyone in 2006?
Friends, yes.

Did you make any new friends in 2006?
Yes.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
September

Did you travel outside of the US in 2006?
Only Canada this year. Blah.

How many different states did you travel to in 2006?
Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, D.C., Pennsylvania

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
My Gramma.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
All my family and friends that live in other countries and states.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2006?
The Science of Sleep

What was your favorite song from 2006?
James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

What was your favorite album from 2006?
30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
9

Did you have a favorite concert in 2006?
30STM at Edge Fest

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
Yes.

Did you do drugs in 2006?
Yes.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I let others walk on me. No more.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2006?
You're a very beautiful woman.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2006?
Questionable, but probably yes.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?
Many.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Getting two outstanding employee reviews by both of my bosses.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
My door opening while having sex.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
Not drink 8 martinis at Cecilias. Oy.

What are your plans for 2007?

Visit family and friends around Europe
Fix my bike
Fix my trunk and put new wheels on it
Hang that damn spice rack before it's time to move
Write my structure for the text book I'm working on
Get much better at guitar
Graduate
Land a job I love
Buy a car that's not a total piece of shit
Say what I mean and mean what I say
Don't make assumptions
Always do my best
And try not to take things personally!

I'd like (e:theecarey)'s journal but i'm in a hurry. so just go look at hers for further readings on this adventure. meanwhile, here are some crayon renderdings we did while on our mental vaca.


the adventure begins in a dark red room by a cozy fire and a well packed vanilla 'enhanced' hookah


carey's fire depiction


my fire depiction

we decided to draw fruit baskets with our mouths


carey's


mine


i saw little ghosts coming out of the smoke flying at my head


i have no idea what carey saw although she kept laughing and yelling 'chainsaws!'


dinner


then came my merry-go-round ride. my legs were kicking away because i thought i was running the opposite direction of all the horses on it. the music was wack, and i think i saw paul.


self-explanitory


i began riding a horse complete with gallop motions


when i looked at carey she was wearing a huuuuuge yellow hat, like the 'man in the yellow hat' and her lips were covered in blood.


i did my party trick. write like davinci.
can't read it? print it out and hold it in a mirror.


carey and i will be attending the new year party as eddy and patsy!

Christmas Eve at Gramma's last night was hard. I cried a little bit in secret, but then I remembered this poem someone sent. I thought I would share it in memory of Irene, and to anyone else who lost a loved one this year. Happy Christmas peeps.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless trees around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven's stars reflecting in the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tears
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

I hear many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sings

I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart
So be happy for me dear ones
You know I hold you dear
Be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

- Unknown