"did you say hockey pucks?" written by Ladycroft on estrip.org

Category: comedy

09/09/05 03:10 - 66ºF - ID#25228

did you say hockey pucks?

I got my tickets for Henry Rollins in the mail today and opened them up to make sure everything was in order. I noticed the small print on the back and couldn’t stop laughing as I read it. If you don’t know who Henry Rollins is, well, he’s a pretty intense man. www.henryrollins.com This is actually his spoken word tour, ‘25 Years of Bullshit’, not a Rollins Band concert – which is what makes the disclaimer all the more entertaining. Here it goes: WARNING! You are at your own risk with respect to the dangers incidental to this event whether occurring prior to, during or after the event including specifically (but not exclusively) the dangers of being struck by hockey pucks (I’m sorry did you say hockey pucks?), sticks, balls (no comment), or other equipment (oh my!), by spectators or players or by thrown objects (is this still true if I am the object being thrown?). WARNING! Despite enhanced spectator shielding measures (are we all going to be issued a full suit of armor at the door?), pucks, balls and other objects may still fly into the spectator area. Serious injury can occur. Stay alert at all times (but I so wanted to sleep during the show). If struck, immediately contact an usher for assistance (based on this description, if I’m struck by anything, I’ll likely be unconscious). Ciao.

Permalink: did_you_say_hockey_pucks_.html
Words: 235
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: dreams

08/31/05 12:58 - 66ºF - ID#25226

remove right kidney

I had a dream last night. It was very frightening. I have dreams all the time where I'm being chased by people, and more often than not I have the super-hero like duties of rescuing someone amidst the chase. It's adventurous, sometimes scary, but usually very cool in the fashion of a La femme Nikita episode. Last night was different. I was afraid. In my dream I was kidnapped while walking on Elmwood. A black van came to a screeching halt just as I was passing Spot. About a dozen heavily armed special ops dudes jumped from the van and beamed me in the head. I was knocked out cold. I woke up on a hospital gurney. I was being rolled down a cold hallway, the pattern of fluorescent lights blinking overhead, I realized I couldn't move. I was strapped down with full suicide gear. Now in my time of need, no one is there to assist. Why am I always playing the role of the super-hero and now that I could really use some help, there's no one. No one but a team of freaky looking doctors with perverted grins as I'm wheeled into the operating room. "This is going to hurt", says the man in a white coat with a grey comb over. "Nurse, tag the right arm". "Yes, doctor". She snaps on a bracelet, it reads, 'remove right kidney'. A wave of nausea overcomes me. I start screaming and yelling, "You can't take my kidney, and it's the only one I have left!" The doctor cackles and raises a scalpel. I awoke in a puddle of sweat. Ciao.

Permalink: remove_right_kidney.html
Words: 271
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: events

08/20/05 01:05 - 74ºF - ID#25225

holy tomato factory batman!

I just picked about 6 dozen Romas from my garden. Seriously, who wants tomatoes!? Tell me, I'll make a personal delivery to your doorstep! (e:Leetee), you're a veggie, I'm sure you'd make use of them eh? It's either passing them out to folks or I'll have to host a tomatillo party. Who wants to get messy!?

No details yet, but save the date of September 10th. I'm having my 30th birthday party and (e:Lilho) is having her housewarming. A collaboration of the events is probable, but still under construction. Stay tuned for updates. It's sure to be a positively smashing evening!

Permalink: holy_tomato_factory_batman_.html
Words: 102
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: event

08/19/05 09:42 - 69ºF - ID#25224

to be or not to be

I saw Hamlet last night with (e:Jason). Another outstanding performance by Paul Todaro! He kicked ass as Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet [inlink]ladycroft,21[/inlink]. Now he's kicking more ass as Hamlet. The voice effects for the Ghost was sweet. You've only got 3 shows left, so make sure you check it out! Ciao.

Permalink: to_be_or_not_to_be.html
Words: 52
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: ghosts

08/11/05 03:33 - 83ºF - ID#25222

spooky!

Ok. Watching Ghost Hunters at 1am all by yourself in a large building is not cool. Well, yes it is cool, I like to scare the crap out of myself. I swear I saw a kid run by the lounge door 5 or 6 times. Man I love the human brain, it's absolutely amazing! I wish I had a video camera, I could make some crap Blair Witch junk around here. Hey, (e:Mike) - get your tail down here! You could have one of your soap opera folks get trapped by demons in a deserted building, haha. Ok, back to work it is. Ciao.

Permalink: spooky_.html
Words: 103
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: potpourri

08/10/05 03:48 - 87ºF - ID#25221

creepy!

So I'm all moved in to my new 'apartment'. It is way creepy. I am entirely alone in this big dorm building. In fact, the only other person on the entire campus is a night time rent-a-cop! Plus it's about 10,000 degrees up there which makes hallucinations all the more likely. If anyone wants to come out and visit me in the next week, I've got the place all to myself. I've got a big screen tv (well, not ME..but the lounge), pool table, fooseball... I must admit I did have a little fun running up and down the halls doing cartwheels and singing really bad showtunes. Just for kicks. Ciao.

Permalink: creepy_.html
Words: 111
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: event

08/11/05 02:42 - 84ºF - ID#25220

i'm spent!

The wedding is done. Hurray! Here’s a blurry pic of the happy couple.

Here is a pic of what we did to their truck. Every last inch of the interior was wrapped in aluminium foil. Nice.

Today I spent the day moving and I’m whipped. I didn’t really have much but when you’re working on a week of 15 collective hours of sleep, it’s draining. My junk is all over the show. I’m coasting on fumes baby! I made this list.
You know you’re spent when:
1.You can’t remember why you just opened the fridge door.
2.You ask your little sister 15 times where she put your bag.
3.You try to call your own cell phone and wonder why the hell no one is picking up.
4.You try to put a cd in the player upside down.
5.You fall asleep while playing Mario Kart and run straight into a wall.
6.You feed your dog twice in 1 hour.
7.You run all your errands in your pajamas.
8.You shampoo your hair with conditioner and condition it with shampoo.
9.You try to shave with the plastic cover on the razor.
10.You answer the question: “What did you think of the wedding” with, “She likes Poland Spring water because it has texture.” WTF???

Catch you kids latas. Have a good one. Ciao.

Permalink: i_m_spent_.html
Words: 228
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: opinion

08/06/05 11:19 - 71ºF - ID#25219

life's garden

'To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed – that can make life a garden.' –Goethe

That’s what I’m talking about. It’s not about being PC, it’s not about tolerating differences, it’s about respect and understanding. My life is a garden; you’re all welcome in it. Ciao.

Permalink: life_s_garden.html
Words: 66
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: potpourri

08/05/05 10:43 - 75ºF - ID#25218

white cracker goat bitch!

Some woman actually screamed this at my pregnant sister. I think she was crazy.

I made it to Canada’s Wonderland and checked out the Italian Job stunt track. It’s sweet. It’s a short ride and tops out at 30mph, but it’s full of tight banks, quick drops and a lovely dark twisty tunnel. The flame thrower and water bomb are a nice distraction, but my favorite detail is that the tiny little doors on the Minis actually open up!

I got this killer belt at one of the shops. I normally don’t buy tack from the shops but…. someone once told me they thought they needed to wear a seatbelt reading some of my stories. When I saw this belt I thought it was a great statement for Lady Croft.

I’ve got more entertaining stories, and photos, to share of Canada’s Wonderland, but I’m exhausted and I’ve had more added to my list of wedding ‘to do’s’. Ciao.

Permalink: white_cracker_goat_bitch_.html
Words: 170
Location: Niagara Falls, NY

Category: potpourri

08/03/05 02:34 - 75ºF - ID#25217

sofa surfing once more

Sleeping on the sofa again. I'm not sure how I'll react when I move on Monday. I went from 2 dogs, to 1 dog, to me and 1 dog on a sofa. Now I'm expected to sleep in a huge queen bed all by myself? I think I'm going to be lonely. Maybe I should buy a gazillion pillows to surround myself. Ciao.