Foolishly enough I dreamed. i just wondered what It would be like with him. I let my fantasy actually take me into absurd actions. You and i are different. You prance your falming shit around and draw his attention. Now I am invisible. I had his spotlight before; and I became his star for one night. What I didn't know is once you are his star, the spotlight searches for another star to shine on. And mine is dimmed completly out of the light. Now I am just being paranoid right? No. He lives up to his reputation that is rumored. i should have know better. And that is not the first time I've told myself that. When will I learn. So what do I do? DO I confront him and ask him if he is slepping with me, then why is he slobbering over you? No. I finish what I am doing, leave, and let it happen. me against you? You win.

The first time I ever played that game, i played with some friends of mine and a girl I just met. The deal was If you picked up a certain card You had to say something that you have never done, It didn't have to be sexual, but they were. Anyway so after you say something you have never done, the other people playing the game has to drink IF they've done it. I felt like a slut. Because my friends were conservative prudes. And the girl stranger was a VIRGIN! So ofcourse fate had it that she would always pick up the never have I ever card and make me look like a whore! Thank you girl I got mighty drunk that night. And thank you trisha and springfaerie, it's nice to know that people are reading what you write. And also I find there is a lot of things I have never done now that i've read you guys journal. And I say we should tackle them together! Even the GIANT pumkin! Thank you again, peace and love.

Now i don't know why I didn't bring this up earlier, seeing that it is a very important part of sex to me. And thats touching me on my spot. The spot is the part of the body, that when it is touched in a sexual environment, it heightens the sensation and it makes you hornier than when you began. Tuesday morning i woke up next to a naked man (always a good thing). And during our sexual escapade, he ignored my spot. Now my spot cliche as it might sound is my neck. If someone sucks, kiss or bites my neck while we are fooling around it just sends me over the top. But as i was saying, we would make out you know kiss, kiss , tounge. I would leave his mouth and commence neck sucking mode. He dosen't get what I want him to do. I suck your neck you suck mine. So I would stretch my neck a little in his face thinking maybe that would catchhi attention. NOPE! So finially I broke down and told him to bite and suck my damn neck. Without the "damn". Then everything after that was peachy king. He gave me a nick name which I wasn't sure should feed my ego, or take it as an insult. Someone asked me my name at the bar, I told him "tk" (i don't know why I didn't use my fake one). anyway way he says back "like t.k.o.?" i say no just "tk" Then the bartender who I slept with added "once you take him home then it's ...... T.K.OOOOOOOOOHHHHH." Yeah fuck you thats what I said. I thought that was completly an asshole thing to shout out at a bar in front of 30 homos. Yeah he's kinda an asshole. I went home with him anyway. hey a mans gotta do right. he wants me to call him. I didn't before and it's not lookimg to good right now either. sorry.

I consider myself a person who has done lots of things sexually. But when I sat down and really thought about it there are a lot of things I have not yet done.
1. sex in a car
2. I don't swallow
3. Never even taken a shot in the mouth.
4. never taken a shot anywhere near the face
5. never had sex in the shower
6. never had a threesome with a boy and a girl
7. ummmm sex in a public place, and a blowjob on the porch does not count.
8. never tossed the salad
9. never sucked toes
10. never taken double penetration (yeeouch!)
And thats about it. I plan to some day in the near future tackle all of these missions so i can have more to talk about. Untill then peace and love always.

oh pink tonight! i will be there to join robin and liz. and ofcourse give robin a birthday shot!

Well since my "fought vs. fucked" Entrie I have slept with two more people, if you've been keeping up (ha ha). So that makes 4 sexual partners since I moved to buffalo. And I have not lived here a whole year yet. I thought of this new plan of attack; which is I am only to have sex with people I am attracted to. Not people who are there and the situation causes for such an occasion. If I would have thought of this plan earlier, I would have only had sex with two people and I would feel a lot better. I don't regret any of it, because I feel everything happens for a reason, but I do wish that two of these boys whould have wanted more than just sex from me. The virgin I would consider being with, but he lives in california for the school year and long distance relationships rarely works out. can you dig it? So I am turning over a new leaf now. No more beer goggle butt buddies, and no more kinky straight boys whose fresh out of a hetero relationship. But thats another topic. Peace be with you all and remeber love.

Virginity is something that most people prize. It is also something that some people want to get rid of as soon as possible. I remember my virgin snatcher. WE were at my "boyfriends" house and and my "boyfriend" had fallen asleep. I use qoutations because he really wasn't my boyfriend but everyone thatought he was and he acted the role every now and then but nothing was set in stone. Anywayhe had fallen asleep and our mutual friend was over. He and I started fooling around on the top bunk and my "boyfriend" was on the bottom bunk. He told me he wanted to *gulp* put it in me. I was nervous but willing to try. YOu can only do so much with foreplay and blowjobs. So he did it. Safety first always and it was on. I screamed so loud he had to cover my mouth with his hand for the first minute or two. Luckily my "boyfriend" is a very hard sleeper. From the day on I did it reguarly. With MY "boyfriend" and his friend. But I remember thinking, ' my virginity is gone.' I still talk to my cherry popper when I see him. I popped someones cherry last night. After a long night of drinking and dancing. I took someone home with me. Which ofcourse really never happens. He told me he was a virgin while we fooled around on my bed but he wanted me to, and I qoute "fuck me, fuck me" And I wondered why would he want to give his virginity up so easy to someone he just met. So I was truly a little reluctant at first seeing that I may never hangout with him again, and he goes to school in california. I did it anyway and to be honest he didn't seem like a rookie to me. He moved really fast, too fast for my taste. He was taking all the pleasure out of it for me. We finished went to sleep and the next afternoon he went home. I never got his number, I am totally sick of one night stands. And I can't really say If I would do him again. Thats too bad. Oh and he was a horrible kisser. Too much tounge, yuck.

As of right now I will not be working untill wenesday morning. So during this four day break I will be doing the following.
1. laundry
2. more yoga
3. less drinking
4. less smoking (cigarettes)
5. treat my self to a mmovie or two
6. drink more water
7. work out even more
8. finally relax

I have three new journals i have written down on paper for the site so I will be editing them also. Wish me luck, and welcome new estrip peeps. And always remember love.

It's not like I am not enjoying myself here with my family and old friends; But now i feel that it is time for me to get back to my crazy hectic city life. i miss it. I still have not heard a peep from my mother. Kinda sad. When I went to go visit my dad he told me that both of my great grandmothers just had strokes. The one that is 99 years old (Naggie Lee) is alright now. The one that is 85 (Mary ANN) has to have surgery. She'll be alright soon. When I left his house yesterday he walked me all the way to the front gate and stood there and watched me walk away til i was out of sight. Nearly made me cry. My sister has a new boyfriend whose nick name is "fag". I realize how much more I should excercise to get to my goal weight and muscle structre. I have two upcoming journal entires One is me at my more sensetive side of love and the other entry will contain goal for the summer including learning to do a back handspring and things I have not done sexually. FUN FUN! I will be coming home tonight or tommorow morning. So i will see you soon and I extend a welcome to the e-strip peeps. peace and love.

I guess the boys are not the only ones who took a small vacation. I am home in the falls as of right now (day 2). I will be returning to buffalo wenesday at the latest. And thus far I found out, my brother got fired from his job for throwing a plate at a co-woker, and he has no place to stay. So he is thinking of moving in with me. ummmmm. My enemies have grown in numbers. My father completed his first novel called "the muffins" which i did not know he was writing in the first place, and not only did he dedicate the book to my brother, sister and myself, we are also the the character base.It's a futuristic fantasy adventure. I watched the texas chainsaw massacer for the first time and litterally had nightmares lastnight. My families love and support is always wonderful. My aunt alean says to me "that you get over there in buffalo and you act like you don't know nobody." I don't know where my mother is. NO one knows where. I hope she's alright. So while I am on my little sabaticle I am also thinking of new things to write about. They will still be dirty, and perverted so need not worry. I am just gathering thoughts and putting them on paper. so goodnight and good fight.