I woke up sweaty and full of anxiety. I had tears in my eyes. I had a bad dream. Not like the nightmares I had recently, but it was bad. It was chock full of betrayal by people I love. Holy chipmunks on crack Batman, it was that awful! It opened a well of emotions I hoped would remain closed. Why?

I had coffee with (e:Joshua) recently and somehow our topic of conversation turned to relationships. Issues of trust, betrayal, abandonment, cheating, lying, fighting, living together...you name it, it was discussed. I brought up stories of people I hadn't thought about in yeeeeeeears.

The things I wish I had the confidence to say back then. I was only 22, what did I know? He cheated on me, only I caught him with the latest flavor. There were 4 more previous to her. What was the point of being in a relationship for 3 years if you really just wanted to NOT be in one?

What I expressed to Josh was the reasoning that if you live in constant fear that your significant other is unfaithful, you have nothing. I never thought about those things because I had to base our relationship on trust and friendship; I was in it 110%.

Paul! I really do hope your marriage is working out and that she is the 'something better' that came along.

Paul and I were also together for 3 years. We were a great team. We never argued but were able to disagree peacefully. One day, out of nowhere, I get "I'm just a guy in my 20's - what if something better comes along?" But, there was already someone new, not 'what if'. Ouch.

I really struggled with this one. On one hand I was completely and utterly humiliated because he basically told me I was just a pleasantry on his journey to true happiness. On the other, although really shitty, he was honest. As it turned out he pursued his new fancy to no avail. 6 months later he came back with, "I made a mistake".

This was incredibly difficult to hear. However, I had come to accept our separation without tears. It was just too little too late. Almost every girl I know would have taken him back. They would take him back because they would feel triumphant. It's easy to go back to what you know, where you felt safe, where you once felt loved. I couldn't take him back because I realized however lame the reason sounded to me, it was reason enough. It ended because it was time for it to end. I was 26.

Now that you've read about my two longest relationships, let us get back to the well of emotions unearthed in my sleep last night. I dreamed that everyone I knew, all of my friends, the distant ones as well as the close ones, betrayed me in some form or another. I felt so isolated, so alone. I had no one to talk to.

Imk2 asked a lot of good questions in response to my last post. So, here are your answers:

when are you leaving? - I don't know yet. They are in the process of getting me an electronic visa, then they will solidify my plane tickets.

how are they flying you there? - on a big plane i hope :)

which airline? - most likely the cheapest deal

coach or first class? - I am pretty confident it's coach

how long will they keep you there for the interview? - 3 days

will they be putting you up in a hotel? - yes

if so, which hotel? - don't know yet

will they be providing any food? - yes, they will be taking me out to lunches and dinners every day

will they pay moving expenses, like for the flight, if you get offered the job? - i think so, but not 100% sure

what is the cost of living there like? - real estate is very expensive, but other costs of living are lower than the states

will you be living in an apartment that you have to find on your own, or will you be living on campus? - on campus

how long is the contract for? - 1 year but they hope to have me for 2 or 3

will you get vacation time, and if so how much? - yes. muslim holidays plus vacation plus christian holidays

do they pay for flights back home at all? - yes, one round trip ticket home per year

how much are the flights anyway? - around $1,700 right now

make sure you take tons of pictures - will do!

I got a call from the Qatar Foundation this morning. They want to bring me out for an on campus intehrview!!! Holy shnikes this is amazing! I can't even imagine flying 20 hours for an interview in the middle east. Wooooooooooohooooooooooooo!

I thought I was prepared for the rain today. I wrapped my pack in a plastic bag, put on my rain pants and shell, and was ready to brave the elements. Let us put an emphasis on brave. I learned something about my bicycle at the most inopportune moment.

As I approached the intersection of Delaware and Utica the light turned red. I applied the breaks only to learn they do not work in the rain, at all. I slid through the red light and almost got rolled over by an SUV. My stomach tried to barf my heart out.


UPDATE: Delayed reaction. I started crying out of the blue, then realized why. Life is so precious. I'm not ready to extinguish my flame just yet.

Feeling much better!

I got a new side mirror for my bicycle and that makes me very happy. My old one is really crap and keeps moving out of position. I can't tell you how useful they are if you have to ride in the streets of Buffalo!

I caught up on all my sport pscyh assignments AND completed my final research paper, 3 weeks ahead of schedule. Sweeeeeeeet!

Just 25 more days til graduation. Then I can tell all these bitches, "Peace out Mother Fuckers!". Joy, joy, joy.



P.S. Since I don't have a computer at home at can't say it tomorrow:

HAPPY EARTHDAY

I find it entertaining when someone that used to be your friend only contacts you when they need something from you. Do they really think they are fooling you with their rhetorical 'how are you"? Please.


Random item found in office fridge today: pina colada goat ice cream

the rest of the trip...



did a double take on this sign on our way to cocoa beach


it was a spectacular warm and sunny day, and i love watching the little sandpipers run in and out with the waves


it wasn't crowded either


but the sand was a little coarse


carey played in the water, but it was too cold for me


the next morning i woke up with a huge swollen bottom lip


RIP the back to the future ride, gone forever as of 3.31.07


the baby buggies were insane there


we decided to get tattoos, do you know this kid makes almost 2 grand a week???


we both got them on our toe, carey got a butterfly, i got an egyptian ankh


we had to check out of the hostel (world map graffiti wall)


but not without leaving our mark


we putzed around in some ghetto dollar store and found this silly toilet seat cover....read closely


killed time at the airport by pushing little kids out of the way so we could have a photo with snow white


i never fail to appreciate the view from the sky


we were humored by the gourmet pretzels


eating instructions

I finally have an answer to my illness. My long and drawn out symptoms have been diagnosed. I freaking have whooping cough! Yah, it's a bitch. I've been sick since January. It was REALLY bad in the beginning, where I actually missed several days of work.

Let me share with you the 4 stages to this lovely virus.

1. Incubation, 2 to 3 weeks. No symptoms.

2. Prodrome. Runny nose, sneezing, mild fever, and a mild cough that progresses in intensity. You think you just have a cold until you realize 2 weeks have passed.

3. Paroxysms. The worst part of it all, lasting up to 6 weeks solid. I was not spared one of those 6. Characterized by spasms and coughing fits so severe you can't stop and you can't breathe, and sometimes to the point of making yourself puke. Mucus so thick and sticky you constantly gag on it. Yep, I had that, only we thought I had a stomach virus on top of a sinusitis.

4. Convalescence. Coughing that lasts another 4 weeks, though generally the severity lessens. Just when you thought it was all over, that you're finally well because you have 1 or 2 weeks with few symptoms...WHAM!

Episodes and spasms can continue to occur over the next several months, especially with a cold or over exertion. Hello! My name is unpaid graduate student who works too fucking much and doesn't sleep because she's up all night coughing and her lungs are so tired and her abs are beyond fatigued.

So there you have it. That's whooping cough. I only ever associated it with babies but guess what - you could be as lucky as an adult! Oh, and no, it's not contagious once you receive antibiotic treatment, which I did many, many weeks ago when I thought my head would explode from the pressure of sinusitis.

we had to leave at the ass crack of dawn, but what an amazing view from 30,000 feet


this is where my tuition money went, paying for this resort hotel to go to this conference


i didn't see the sun for 4 days due to interviews, but as soon as i had the opp, i snuck carey in and we slathered on that sunscreen


because it was very bright and sunny!


and jumped in this sublime aquatic environment


or rather, slid into it using this way fun slide


and flopping in awkwardly at the bottom


we discovered the waterfall makes an excellent massager


and then you float in suspended animation with your ears just below the water line so you can hear only your heartbeat


i bid farewell to the few people i cared about


and we checked into this stellar 'resort hostel' i found online


a private paradise


surrounded with lovely blooms


in the evening hours we hit universal studios, where carey ran into jaws


and i ran into the nascar team (yah, i know it's lame)


and we both ran into 'imhotep' on the revenge of the mummy ride


all i'm gonna say is it was hot, wet and exhilerating....this sign wasn't joking - and as carey suggested, it now hangs over my bed ;)

That's as good as any place to end for today. There are more but they'll have to wait. Ciao.

Yes, I'll eventually get to the rest of my Germany photos and Orlando. For now, here's my adorable nephew Ryan, one shot from Germany and a sun teaster from Florida. Ciao.