My excitement over a wonderful shower has been dashed. I split my time between 2 offices which means I have to close up shop in one place, go get my bike and carry all my gear down a block and across the street to the other office.

When I got to my bike today I was greeted with a busted tire! Not just flat, the tube exploded. Meep!

What is with my transportation traumas? My car blew up, after it blew a tire, my other bike blew both tires, and now my brand new bike blows a tire.

I thought about this as I sweated my way over to the office with my bike in tow. I'm bummed of course. I'd figure out how to take the bus, but I have 10 cents in my bag and the tokens (e:Paul) gave me are at home.

Anyhow, I was thinking about my thinking. Does 'stuff happen to me' as I always say, or does s'tuff happen' and how I react to it is what happens to me? Does that make sense?

I believe it's the latter. It's not the end of the world, it's just a bike tire. It just stinks because I got this bike to replace my more favorite bike that was broken and I don't have money to fix another problem. I was really enjoying my bike rides.

I love my job. It's a fun office, or I should say offices, to work in. I like the people, I like what I do, and I can't wait to interact with the itnernational students I've been corresponding with for several months. Today however, was icing on the cake.

As you all know, it's a bazillion degrees outside. I commute on my bicycle. I'm not gonna lie, this heat is kicking my ass! It makes it harder to breath and about 5 times longer to cool off once I stop. All summer long I've arrived at work a ltitle sweaty, but I bring a little towel to wipe down with and I got myself a tiny desk fan. It's all good.

Yesterday was miserable. I couldn't seem to cool down at all. Today...I thought I was going to have a heat stroke! I was so red and sweaty my boss actually let me go take a shower in the dorms! Yah, I was smelly too. But how cool is that!? They actually let me go take a shower. The summer work study is also an RA, so she let me use her shampoo and soap. It was brilliant. I smell great, feel SO much better, and I'm not dying. Yay! Ciao.

I'm starting to feel a little bit like me again. I want to be back so badly and it's such a daily struggle, but I've been working hard at it. Something (e:Terry) said to me at the housewarming party really stuck with me. He said I was simply too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit. It's true. I know I don't. That's part of what depression is. It's hard to focus on the good when all you see is the bad. It's hard to focus period.

I went with (e:Libertad) to another one of his Soka Gakkai meetings. It was so refreshing to be in a room full of people who were absolutely glowing inside. Yes, we all have problems in varying degrees. No one is immune to reality. But how we cope with life can in fact control us. I really tried to take the time, while they were chanting, to do a meditation. For the first time in a loooooong time, I felt a bit of peace in my heart and in my mind. Yes, I have a pile of troubles on my shoulders. Serious troubles that impact my life daily. But even if for that moment, I was free. I could breath, I wanted to smile and jump and clap my hands and do cartwheels.

The best part is, I didn't need a single drink or drug to feel that way. That is how I know a little piece of me came back. That is who I was all along. I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise, anymore. I'm not going to tell myself otherwise anymore. I am going to continue on my quest for peace and to bring vitality into my life once again.

I always enjoy a good ren-fest. In my honest opinion, Sterling is not the greatest rather it's the closest. Some 2.5 hours Northeast of here lies a little village nestled in steep hillside. I simply don't understand why people try bringing their babies in strollers. This place is mud, gravel and mulch on very steep inclines. Eh.

There are a number of comedy sketches, musical performances, hand crafted artworks, and games to play. They do havea jousting field but the level of showmanship leaves much to be desired. The horses are beautiful though! Here are a few pics. Ciao.



telling the story of Beowulf through mud...I wanted to jump in soooo bad


his 'slingshot' weapon, a quadruple H bra


steak on a stick, hmmmm


that black blur is a hawk


my sis-in-law grooming her tail


me and big sis, muah!


so beautiful


the way this horse's head is tilted just makes me laugh


watching the joust


3 hoozah's for red and gold


yup, that's me!

I'm putting together letters for work. I assist international students through the admissions and immigration process at Canisius. I get a report print-out of every letter generated so I can keep track of this process. When I opened up one of these reports my Gramma's address showed up. I was confused at first, thought I was seeing things. Then I realized it was in Ontario. Euclid Avenue is not exactly a super common street name but the fact that it was the same house number really hit me. Then I opened my phone to get a number and my Gramma's number popped up. I really, really miss her.

I enjoy riding my bike. Sometimes I'm tired or my ass hurts but I get used to it in a few minutes and I'm ok. Overall I look forward to my daily commute to and from work. I'm getting used to seeing familiar cars pass me by, other regular cyclists on the road and little old ladies watering their flower gardens in moo-moos and slippers. I've only had one negative incident where some fuck-ass actually honked at me and told me to get out of his way; I was in the bicycle lane on Richmond. Yep, minding my own beeswax in my private lane and some gorilla in an ice cream truck gives me grief.

Really my point is I miss Aqua Mouse. She went out in a blaze of glory, literally. So, she's off the road and the market for parts. Meep.

I got to go home Friday and spend the night with my family. My nephew Max is too friggin cute and my new nephew Ryan is too friggin yellow! Poor little guy had jaundice real bad so he had to go back in the hospital for some special baby tanning. He's home now and looking much better according to mom. Oh! Ryan's daddy showed up too, so that was a nice surprise.


the little peanut


daddy


napping with his cousin max

Sunday I went sailing for the first time ever. A new acquaintance invited me and a few friends out and I snapped up the opportunity in a jiffy. I've never been on a sailboat but I've always wanted to learn how to sail. My friend Dan and (e:Theecarey) joined me as first timers. Sadly, we hardly made it out on the lake when Dan began heaving-ho. Poor kid lost his lunch and all his Gatorade in repeated hurls starboard side. Carey wasn't feeling so hot either but didn't blow chunks. We had to come back in and let them off. I had not had enough fun for my day, so I went back out with the boys.

Interestingly, the friend joining my new acquaintance was the same guy that randomly made out with me on St. Patties Day. In times like these I'm reminded just how small Buffalo is. Once we were back on the water they pretty much let me man the helm. The rocking of the boat almost put me to sleep a few times. I was just lazing about when I heard, "I wonder what the poor people are doing today". Some guy yelled this as he waved to us in passing. What kind of shit is that?

Here are some pics from two different nights of Shakespeare in the park. Love's Labour's Lost only runs through this Sunday, so if you haven't seen it best get to it. It's a comedy and you'll love the Spaniard. I think I made this comment last year but I'll say it again. If fascinates me that we can go to the park and enjoy a play under the stars the same way people did some 420 years ago. Does anyone else think about that? We have come so far in technology and understanding our world yet we are still entertained by the very words written for audiences so long ago. Ciao.


ava does not look amused that lee is eating her treats


paul, terry and mike's leg


carey and this random guy i ran into while getting a blanket


faben (yvonne's daughter) made this drawing


ava looooooooves to give sugar


yvonne feeding hippie some tasty grapes


dragonlady and zobar

on the other night....


we gathered for a big feast


and it was gooooooooood


ryan passed out 15 minutes into the show


because our little group put back 4 bottles of wine in under an hour


i know i was feeling it


and i convinced miranda to do cartwheels with me during intermission


the infamous TRJ

meet the little guy




proud mamma




too cute!




he has the biggest feet ever




seriously, look at the size of that print




happy auntie




so tiny i could hold him in one hand

I had a dream last night. I was on an expedition with a dozen people. I was not necessarily the leader but it was apparent I held some authority in the group. We machete our way through lush jungle. The air is heavy and moist, presperation on every square inch of my skin. Foreign insects buzz in my ear and the songs of mysterious birds echo under the canopy. Arms aching from navigating the vegetation we rest only moments when an accidental footstep reveals a narrow staircase leading down into the earth. We light our torches and decend into the unknown.

A gentle breeze begins to blow, turning colder and strengthening with every step, until the breeze becomes a wind, and the wind becomes a gust that extinguishes our flames. 'Why didn't I bring that glow stick!? Fuckity fuck-fuck-fuck'. No sooner does the explicative escape my lips when a faint glow transpires at our feet. A silvery mist of liquid silk surrounds us and we drift into weightlessness. I see Jason. 'Jason what are you doing here?'. He takes my hand and replies, 'I told you to take control of your dreams'. The mist diminishes and we are at the entrance of a great temple.

Great trees groan, their vines swaying gently, leaves falling like summer snow. Pillars of blue Verdite with veins of green support a stone carved peak. Ornate metal work adorns a lone wooden door. We enter a sanctuary and it is still, so still. I cannot hear my footsteps. Our mouths move forming words on our lips yet no sound escapes them. It is scerene, it is peaceful but it is tainted.

A glimer of yellow catches my eye from a distant corner. I yell for everyone to climb, climb anything they can find, but my words fall silent in the mysterious air. A stampede of mad cow-like creatures charges from a darkened corner. Their eyes are a brilliant yellow with red pupils. Their teeth are long and sharp. As if someone hit a switch everything becomes slow motion. Every movement requires great effort. I manage to scrabble onto a stone tomb. One of the beasts glairs into my eyes. This time when I shout, my words are clear, 'I need a screw driver!'. A yellow screwdriver appears on my hand and I jump and stab the beast in the eye. Then I woke up.