Just now I got an urgent call. One of the gentlemen asshats I work with could not find his driver. Mr. Asshat's flight was 45 minutes late, thus the driver was forced to relocate to another spot at the airport where he could idle. Now I'm no world traveler, but I assumed the driver was idling in a lot when I got this most urgent call. Mr. Asshat was furious that his driver was not in baggage claim waiting to take his bags from him and escort him to the car. I calmly suggested he call the car service and ask to be connected to the driver and the driver could then locate Mr. Asshat and all would be right with the world. This logical solution was not acceptable. So I called the driver, got his location- 2nd island near departures- and passed the information along. I was then informed that "the airport is not a beach and I needed to get landmarks and exact locations" and then I was hung up on. Well fuck you Mr. Asshat. That will be the first, last and only time I ever so much as lift a finger beyond my exact job description to help you.

Every year my company throws an over the top Holiday Party. Last year my sister said she felt like she was at the Emmys. I'm not really into it because they require us to dress up. If they threw like a jeans and beer party I'd be all for it. And the wives are there which makes it not as fun. You can't get wasted and have inappropriate makeouts and/or flirtations. Either way I plan on sending out a memo to my office faves that says:

I work with this gentleman who is from Italy. He is uber high maintenance. On top of this sometimes he has the most odd requests. Like this one I just received:

Quick question: the brother of a client passed away. Do you have a sample note I could use or maybe suggest two lines?
Do you say something like....
Joe:
I was just told from Dave about the major loss you had in your family.
My deepest condolence to you and your family.

Do I have a sample note? Hmm, let me look in my files labeled "sample notes for death". Dude I have a hard enough time coming up with something to say off the top of my head, let alone coming up with things for you to say. My suggestion is just ignore it. That's what I do. Or you could go to www.someecards.com and use something like this:

Ok so a while back I posted about my mid-year bonus. Basically what happened is our Company told us we weren't getting our bonuses when we thought we were getting them. In turn my boss cut me a personal check and gave me my bonus early. The deal was when the company paid us I'd just repay her. Well the Firm funally gave us our bonuses and I cut her a check. I mailed it to her with a Thank You note on a post-it (because that's how working professionals communicate). Anyways like 3 weeks have gone by and she didn't cash it. This morning I get a email from her saying to call her in the morning "in regards to the check". I knew for sure it didn't bounce because I've been SUPER careful about my spending and keeping that money in my account. I'd die if a check to her bounced.

Anyways I was so worried about why we had to have a call about it. And our call got delayed until 5:30pm. All day I kept thinking "why do we need a call?". So finally she calls me and her husband is on the call. I though WHOA this is no joke. So after ALL of that she tells me she is ripping up the check as an early birthday present. Wow, my mom doesn't even give me that much for my birthday. I kinda wanted to ask her to adopt me, but I didn't feel the time was right. Maybe next time I have a conf call with her and her husband I'll bring it up..

Apparently today is Boss Day. I was just made aware of this fact by a co-worker. She was quite upset that we hadn't yet gotten our Office Manager a gift for this important holiday. She then went to point out that during various other holidays our Office Manger gets us "gifts". I replied to her email that it is actually the firm who provides her with money to purchase things like lunches and trinkets for us, as soon as the firm provides me with cash I'll go out and buy something too. This didn't go over too well. Really though I refuse to "celebrate" every made up holiday (sweetest day, come on WTF?) that Hallmark thinks they can market. In conclusion from this point forward let it be know that I refuse to participate in ridiculousness.

and not in the good christina agulera way.

So there's a gentleman who works in my office who has always flirted with me. And me being me I encouraged it and flirted back. This has turned out to be a huge mistake. He just came up to my desk and basically proposed having an affair. I kid you not. Right at my desk in the open.

Key points of the conversation:

"oh I like to be on top of something and I wasn't referring to the office"
"can you keep a secret?"
"too bad I didn't take the opportunity to take out you and your sister in vegas, because you know what happens there stays there"
"is your sister wild?"
"are you as wild as her?"
"this is all about keeping a secret"
"we should get together, but you know we have to keep it a secret"
"can jessica keep a secret?"

The entire time he was sucking on a hard candy in a suggestive manner. I seriously can't believe that just happened. And just for the record I will not be having a secret affair with this 50+ yr old gentleman. In case there was any question about that.

Today is annoying.

First off:
Recently it came to my attention that I should in fact be paid over time. And I should be paid retroactive over time. According to HR I would be recieving this monster repayment of my blood sweat and tears in today's paycheck. So when I checked I was shocked to see only payment for 11.6 hours. What I've worked in recent weeks. Apparently my email was not clear and they only went back a few weeks. WTF? I had to go back to my start date in 2004 and detail every hour worked. This meant going over time in 3 different systems (including one which was just my writing my time down on paper). I was really hoping that I'd get that cash today. Now I wait two more weeks. Damn

Secondly:
We closed out office on Monday. At first you're thinking "wait a minute Jessica, that's not annoying". Well wait there is a caveat. Our office is closed except I have to be here- just in case. Awesome. And just in case I get out early:


Hey, Jess. I know you'll be working but you might be able to get out early enough to come by for another bbq at home. Sorry for the last minute notice but Russ and I just decided to do this. So, if you've got no other plans then I hope you can hang with us. I just talked to Randa and I gave her a voucher so maybe you two can hitch a ride together again.
Maria

So it's either work or a repeat of this weekend:

I choose work.

On a happier note. Do you watch "Run's House" on MTV? No? Dude you are so missing out. First of all anything old school hiphop rocks. Run is like the godfather of old school hiphop. Or maybe he is just to me. So on last night's show his young son is recording an album. So the mom walks in to see how the kids are doing and busts out with a rhyme on the spot. They threw her in the booth to rock out a verse on the song and oh my god. A mom who can rhyme on que? Sign me up for adoption.