Thats all I keep thinking when Im walking outside in the freezing cold. Arizona here I come! I'm not packed at all, I have a million errands to run and I have to move right when I get back. I can't wait till March. I figure by then my life will have calmed down and I'll be settled in my cute studio apartment. The first thing I'm going to do is have a dinner party, I love those. I'm going to break out the good dishes for the first time in years! Living alone is so nice. Well I wont be alone really, I'll have my ipod and ibook to keep me company and maybe once in a blue moon Thomas too. Yea!

I'm going to miss New York for those two weeks. I frequently find myself cursing and loving this city all at the same time. Its a strange place to live but I don't regret moving here at all. Soneone once told me that New York is the center of the universe and I was like whatever dude. I see now what he meant. ONce you live here it really does seem that way.

ok so I ripped that off from the beasties (its one of my favorite lines- except they use ooo ooo as their disco call which is way cooler). So my b day has come and gone with out a phone call from my best friend Paul. Thanks. Thats ok I suppose because I have a new best friend- its called my ipod. We love each other and he keeps me company for hours at a time. I plan on spending a lot of one on one time with him during my 7 hours worth of layovers on my way to Arizona.

Speaking of warm weather- I can't wait to go to AZ. I don't care who is there or how crazy they act. I need some warmness. Seeing as how Im not getting it from any man the sun will do. This is going to be the first december since I was little that I wont be in Buffalo for Christmas- there is a part of me thats sad about it. Then there is this other part thats happy because I will have to see no one and do nothing but what I want to do and we all know I am all about moi.

Back to the bday- I have this friend Lori (also know as jew-c not to be confused with juicy) who copied me a million cd's for my bday. How did she know my new boyfriend ipod would LOVE that! She also got me a rad red rock/ business purse (it can go either way) and a comforter which I love too. Then work ono Friday threw me a suprise party complete with wine and a HUGE cake. This new job is stressful but the benefits rock! ok back to the job...

So I go down to get lunch this afternoon and I hear this harp and flute music playing Christmas songs. I turn around and there are two live people playing a harp and a flute roped off in this little area. Its like a live concert non stop till Christmas now. I can not believe that. I guess working in the most expensive rental property has its benefits.

So i saw the best apartment on Saturday. The catch they wanted someone to move in right away. Something I can't afford to do. I can't pay rent on two places at once. I am so super bummed. Tom told me he'd help me out so I called the person renting the place and it was gone (i knew it would be). Sigh- it was so cute. I guess it wasnt meant to be. I hate apartment hunting. I really super duper wanted that place too. Its going to take time to get over this. You know a piece of fine jewelry from Tiffanys would heal this heartache...

Until my birthday! Yea! I'm still holding out hope that the birthday fairy will know my deepest desire and show up with an ipod.

Can I change my user name? I feel kinda jipped. I didn't even get to choose it. Paul used our friendship as a ploy to just sign me up w/o my consent. Its like friendship terrorism.

Has anyone seen that "dude" study?
It says that guys call women "dude" if they are close with her but not intimate. I have a ton of guy friends that use that term w me. Great. I am so ready to be done with the singles scene it sucks.

I don't know why I get so excited about going to these places. Every single time its never as exciting as you think its going to be. It was crowded with business type men and Midwestern tourists. Yuck! I suppose its one of those things you have to do once just for the experience. Drinks were 10-15 each ouch! Thank goodness I wasn't buying. I'm more of a Irish pub local dive kinda girl (at least that's what my pocket pook says I am- actually my pocket books says I'm more of a 40 of OE on the corner kinda girl).

Tonight I get to go to Tao. Fancy schmancy. If Ive sold my soul to the devil (as Paul claims I did) then I may as well play the fiddle on my way down.

My other alternative plan for this evening was trudging down to 34th to get a ride home from Tom and have one drink on the way. Are you fucking kidding me? He expects me to walk through this miserable weather so I can see him for 45 minutes tops? He would then consider his duties done for the week and not have to see me again for a few weeks. He is such an ass. I've started to lay down the law with him and I can tell he doesn't like it. I told him for my birthday if he wants to see me I want a suite at a nice hotel, champagne and strawberries, presents and steak for dinner. Otherwise I don't want to see him. Now this may seem extreme, keep in mind he has yet to get me anything for any holiday ever. He considers all the times he takes me out "gifts"- that would work except he charges it to his expense account at work. Nice try. I'm sorry but when you are a 34 yr old trying to date a 26 yr old you gotta bring something to the table. Ugh- why can't i just find a guy who doesn't suck?

Looks like everyone is apartment hunting this weekend! I am going to look at places too. YEA!

I haven't posted in a while. I think I am in a funk. Some of it has to do with hanging out with people who have major negative energy. I'm convinced that stuff rubs off. My funk could also be related to the fact that theree are a million new CDs I want and can't afford. Which then relates to this city and how everywhere things are such a scam. I'm sorry but I refuse to pay 16 for a freaking cd. This city has such an intense vibe. I love it and thrive off the energy of it, but on the other hand it seems to try and take everything you have to give only to leave you with nothing. Last night on the train there was this guy with a saxophone. Me and my friend Mimi were like great now we have to listen to this guy. Usually the homeless/artist does his/her thing, asks for money and moves on. Well this guy plays this awful "song" (I use that term loosely) and then goes on to tell his story of how come he is homeless. No one coughs up and change. Normally the guy would move on. But this guy then tells another story more dramatic than the last. Still no one gives him any change. THEN he tells yet another sob story about his parents when he was 47 disowned him blah blah blah (come on at age 47 you need to get a grip). It was unbelievable- its like he was going to keep making his life story worse and worse until someone gave him something and he wasn't going anywhere till someone did. Finally 4 stops later I got off the train- thank goodness. My poor friend was on that train till Brooklyn. Also my "b/f" has been non existent lately. That is unacceptable.

ON another note my birthday is in 15 days. Last year the site was all Hello Kitty to celebrate this day. Paul this year I expect no less.

I have found the whole bad boy/nice guy conversation very interesting. Honestly I think Jason got it right when he said gay guys. It seems to be the case with me. All my best guy friends are gay. Yes I even have made out with a lot of them. If I could form the perfect man he'd be a nice guy with a bit of personality and a love of mischief. Seriously no girl wants to be treated like crap, its just that the bad boys seem to always hold the promise of something adventurous- and not for nothing they do seem to be a bit better between the sheets. I wish I could be in BUff for the experiment!