while I was flying" down the road yesterday (i.e., 10 mph over the
limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on
the other side laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the
car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love,
asked,
"What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop was stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I
work
side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely
stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00

Court Costs: $45.00

The Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS!!!

I'm willing to be that after his "State of the County" address that Mr. Giambra now knows of the sound of one hand clapping.

I'm willing to be that after his "State of the County" address that Mr. Giambra now knows of the sound of one hand clapping.

I do tech support for a local yet national internet provider and there are a few things about that never cease to amaze me. I'm here at work on Sunday morning, little before 10:00 and it is going to be a beautiful day and there are already people calling in from more beautiful places like Manhattan Beach, CA and they are worried about their internet connection at 7AM pacific time on a sunday morning.

I know I'm here to help, but parenthetically I wanted to shout at them to go to the beach. "The ocean is at your back door and you're worried about ping times on your connection to xbox live?" It amazes me. I took my kids to the Dairy Queen on Friday night and we watch a collection of young ladies who were so desperate for sunshine they sat a picnic table shivering in their miniskirts and flip flops, I figured that for sure on Sunday morning, there would be somebody who's email wasn't working quite quick enough, despite the lack of real urgency for that mail to get anywhere.

I know, I fixed it, but just couldn't believe that that would be at the top of my to-do list on what is for me, Monday.

Go back to bed, ya'all, the net will still be there at 11

You got to pay attention. I'm learning that the hard way. I'm in the middle of an amiable separation and it never dawned on me to keep on eye on what that means according to the IRS. I set my forms up for more money in the check as opposed to waiting for the big refund.

Don't do that. As I efile and hope for nice installment plans (You know how good they are with money), gentle reader, watch yourself and if things change domestically, know that everything changes and I do mean everything. It's a good thing that I travel well vicariously, because that is the only way I can afford to in 2005.

there will be a blog tonight.....

Good evening and welcome to my rantings.