"Astronaut did NOT wear diapers" written by Hodown on estrip.org

Category: nasa

06/29/07 02:02 - 71ºF - ID#39845

Astronaut did NOT wear diapers

Apparently the astronaut who was all cra-gee and drove 950 miles to confront her ex lovers current GF is now claiming she was NOT wearing diapers at her time of arrest. Why did she wait until now to dispute that part of the story? Did she miss the part where it was all over the news for days? I mean either she was or wasn't. I think the cre-gee wore off, her drugs are kicking in and she is now a little embarassed.

Lesson learned: Don't wear adult diapers to confront a romantic rival if you don't want it all over the news (and then featured in an episode of Law & Order).

Permalink: Astronaut_did_NOT_wear_diapers.html
Words: 114
Location: Jersey City, NJ

06/28/07 05:14 - ID#39839

Breaking News

My boss has offered her milage to me for a plane ticket as a "thank you". There are strings attached. I have to use it to visit my mom. I'm not thrilled about the last part, but I mean I have to go visit her anyways right? What better way to arrive than first class. I haven't flown first class since I was like 9 years old. I miss it.

Permalink: Breaking_News.html
Words: 69
Location: Jersey City, NJ

06/28/07 04:02 - 81ºF - ID#39838

Yesterday

Yesterday I had a super annoying day. Or at least it started off that way. I got up, late as usual and rushed to get ready. I got to the train and was super crowded and my $100 Bose ear buds were (are) crapping out after less than a year in use. Then I got to the subway and I put in $20 to refill my metro card and the f'ing machine ate my $20. I'm so fed up with the MTA. All they want to do is increase rates and decrease service. I decided to boycott the MTA for the day. They will not be getting any more of my hard earned dollars. I made the choice to walk from 57th to 33rd on my way home.

At 5:30pm promptly I leave my office and walk out into the swealtering NYC heat with like a million other people because there's also been ANOTHER power outtage thanks to f'ing ConEd (who also likes to raise rates and provide shitty service) and the trains are all jacked up along with the buses, so everyone is walking. So there I am walking down 6th Avenue, cursing everyone and right in front of me like a breath of fresh air appears Mr. Anderson Cooper. And out loud I said "Anderson Cooper, check". Apparently he's now been crossed off my "celebs to see" list. And Just like that my day was better.

Lesson of the story: seeing a celeb on the street makes everything better.

Permalink: Yesterday.html
Words: 248
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: friends are rad

06/22/07 04:13 - 69ºF - ID#39771

The cold war is over

I have to say no matter how many times me and Paulie swear we think the other person is a total jerk we always end up friends again.

So in the famous words of the Golden Girls (how many times have you been waiting for JUST the right time to quote the Golden Girls):

"Thank you for being a friend".

Permalink: The_cold_war_is_over.html
Words: 60
Location: Jersey City, NJ

06/15/07 11:22 - 70ºF - ID#39673

Tetanus

On Wednesday I got a tetanus shot from the best and also most hot doctor ever. He neglected to mention that for days after the shot my arm would feel like I was stung by a bee then punched repeatedly on the same arm by a burly man.

Ouch!!

I also got my first EKG ever. It made me kinda nervous. The instructions were "do not move, don't even wiggle your fingers or toes". Then they turned on the machine and I started seeing stars. It was really weird.

Turns out I'm in tip top health, minus the whole loosing weight issue I'm having.

I get to see him again next week. I'm pretty excited.

Permalink: Tetanus.html
Words: 115
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: colbert

06/12/07 10:23 - 69ºF - ID#39627

The Day All My Dreams Were Realized

At first I was going to write a long post about how Colbert was AWESOME AWESOME T-O-T-A-L-L-Y. Then I was going to write a long descriptive post about how Colbert did a jaunty little jump off the stage that made my heart flutter. And I was going to finish things up with a reenactment of his lip-synching of Mika's Grace Kelly song (which made me swoon). But instead I'm going to post a picture, because it's worth a thousand words.

Permalink: The_Day_All_My_Dreams_Were_Realized.html
Words: 82
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: colbert report

06/11/07 10:05 - 65ºF - ID#39604

The day has arrived

The best day of my life has arrived. Or actually the best day of my week has arrived. Today is the day I will get to drool over Mr. Steven "American Patroit" Colbert live and in person.

Permalink: The_day_has_arrived.html
Words: 37
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: scary

06/05/07 02:25 - 55ºF - ID#39533

Elevator

So I know I never update my blog anymore and I suck. I'm just too damn lazy I suppose. I also have a million pictures on my camera I need to post. Someday I'll get to it. In the meantime I figured I'd post about this morning since basically my biggest fear in life happened.

As per my regular schedule I woke up, got dressed and all of that. In the process I changed purses to accomidate my outfit choice. When changing purses I saw my little bottle of Zanax and decided not to pop it in my purse. Yeah, huge mistake.

Off to work I go and I arrive at my building semi-on time, all in one piece. My office is on the 34th floor and I'm not really in the mood to climb 34 flights at 9am so I hop on the elevator with a random group of people. The doors close and all is well. That is until we hit the 27th floor. We hit 27, drop a floor and the lights go off and the elevator stops.

As one can imagine this is the point at which I turn pretty much into a crazy person. I ripped off my suit coat, drop my bag and ipod and announce to the entire elevator I'm about to have a panic attack and can someone talk to me. You see I've envisioned this type of situation happening in detail. I didn't quite anticipate the dropping elevator, that was an added bonus. In these imagined scenarios talking to someone is what I feel like would calm me down. That and Zanax. So then this older gentleman and lady start to talk to me. She offers me her water, which she had already drank out of, but when you're on the verge of freaking out oral diseases are the last thing you're worried about. Then the elevator mechanic gets on the speaker and let's us know its going to be 20 mins till he can get us. Seriously I couldn't believe that I was stuck on an elevator that had dropped. We got out safe and sound, but holy shit am I freaked the fuck out. I walked from the 27th to the 34th floor.

Moral of the story:
Elevators are scary places- don't get on one without Zanax.

Permalink: Elevator.html
Words: 385
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: work

05/11/07 04:18 - 53ºF - ID#39239

I feel dirty

and not in the good christina agulera way.

So there's a gentleman who works in my office who has always flirted with me. And me being me I encouraged it and flirted back. This has turned out to be a huge mistake. He just came up to my desk and basically proposed having an affair. I kid you not. Right at my desk in the open.

Key points of the conversation:

"oh I like to be on top of something and I wasn't referring to the office"
"can you keep a secret?"
"too bad I didn't take the opportunity to take out you and your sister in vegas, because you know what happens there stays there"
"is your sister wild?"
"are you as wild as her?"
"this is all about keeping a secret"
"we should get together, but you know we have to keep it a secret"
"can jessica keep a secret?"

The entire time he was sucking on a hard candy in a suggestive manner. I seriously can't believe that just happened. And just for the record I will not be having a secret affair with this 50+ yr old gentleman. In case there was any question about that.

Permalink: I_feel_dirty.html
Words: 199
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: oral sex

05/10/07 04:21 - 67ºF - ID#39226

Blowjobs are bad for you

If you do not enjoy giving blowjobs please refer to the following article:

jenks writes at 03:36:11 05/11/07 - Comment #18363: jess I think it's kind of tragic that your top categories are "bad mood" and "boys who suck". Cheer up chica! And bring back the beertini!

joshua writes at 10:48:58 05/11/07 - Comment #18357: Safe oral sex = no teeth, please.

mike writes at 09:28:17 05/10/07 - Comment #18343: oh my quite a rucus over the article!

fellyconnelly writes at 09:13:54 05/10/07 - Comment #18342: From 'The Wazina Project' herself:

This is extremly rare. Basically the HPV causes irregular cells which CAN lead to cancer. This is much more likely to happen on the cervix, anus or penis than on the back of the throat.

Also, contraction of the miriad of STI's that can be transmitted through oral sex is much more prevalant than the risks of cancer.

So... Wazina says to always practice safe oral sex!!!!

jenks writes at 08:27:37 05/10/07 - Comment #18341: Ok a few comments.
First of all, HPV is super-common- I think >50% of the population has it. There are lots of strains. Some cause harmless warts (HPV = human papilloma virus, papilloma = wart) and that's it, some cause cervical cancer, and apparently oral cancer. But most people just have it and don't know it and will never have any symptoms.
Second, it is not in cum, as far as I know- it's more of a skin thing. And Peter- it DOES affect men- it just doesn't give them cervical cancer, it gives them warts. [I have wondered if people who don't think the risk of cervical cancer is a scary thing, would think genital warts are MORE scary (even though harmless) since they are more 'gross']
And lastly, I was wondering what they consider a "high" number of lifetime partners, since that's apparently what puts you at risk, and then I kept reading. SIX. WTF?! Six is a "high number"?! shit... I consider myself pretty (very) non-slutty, and I've blown more than six guys in my life. I guess I'm doomed.

fellyconnelly writes at 07:03:10 05/10/07 - Comment #18336: i'm definetly going to ask my friend who is a peer educator for Planned Parenthood. Shes like the sexual knowledge goddess. I'll come back to you with the most info i can possibly glean from her immense amounts of knowledge.

metalpeter writes at 06:38:20 05/10/07 - Comment #18333: Wait now if we stop going down on them then they all will stop going down on us. I don't think I like where these comments are going. But the real question is if we could go down on ourselves could we give ourselves HPV and cause our own cancer? And secondly would we post the pictures. The real point is that yes we all should know about the chances of HPV but it shouldn't be used as a causeality or a scare tatic.

carolinian writes at 06:26:05 05/10/07 - Comment #18332: As women can have HPV too, I take it that we men are now excused from, ahem, going "down there"?

james writes at 06:11:26 05/10/07 - Comment #18331: Ah, the Post, the finest newspaper in print.

I am glad to see the same sensationalist reporting they use can be applied to scientific research.

So, a "rare cancer" is "strongly associated" with oral sex. That totally implied causality and therefor you will get cancer if you give head.

LIke red meat, alcohol, doing blow off a hookers ass, head is not something I am about to give up because I may someday die.

Thank you for posting this though. I am sure it will scare the hell out of a number of people ^_^

metalpeter writes at 05:49:32 05/10/07 - Comment #18329: Well the real issue is HPV and not blowjobs. It is the HPV that in some women can cause cancer. If memory serves correctly HPV dosn't effect men. So guys can have it and never know and pass it to a girl. But what this story doesn't get into and this is a big factor is if someone has HPV is it in there cum and/or there precum the reason is that if it is only in the cum itself then the real issue isn't about blowjobs it is about what the guy does when he is about to blow his load. In any event it is kinda a good article. Why does it seem that now anything you do can kill you?

jason writes at 04:34:40 05/10/07 - Comment #18324: Also, in that beautiful avatar pic of your sideboob, I have to ask what it is you're pouring into that glass? Is that beer?!?!?!

jason writes at 04:33:25 05/10/07 - Comment #18323: FUCK THAT PROPAGANDA! RUPERT MURDOOOCH!!!!

Seriously though, being on the receiving end is pure bliss. My last relationship was doomed because she didn't give it up. ONE TIME. Just ONE TIME. I made sure to be as selfish of a lover as possible after a month or so of that.

Permalink: Blowjobs_are_bad_for_you.html
Words: 24
Location: Jersey City, NJ