09/24/07 02:21 - 79ºF - ID#41289

Best website ever

Instead of working I'm reading the NYT. Well actually I am working, just taking a little break and reading the NYT. Anyways in the style section theres an article about THE BEST WEBSITE EVER. It's an ecard site. Now normally I hate those things. Gay (and I mean dumb, not homosexual) dancing cats with rainbows and songs flash across your screen wishing you a happy day. F that I hate cats and songs combined. Add in some dancing and I'm ready to stab myself in the eye with what ever is nearest to me.

Those days are over. Some genius has come up with a perfect ecard site. You know its a good site when it has a category named "cry for help" (cards in this category read "Let's constantly turn the conversation back to me" & "Theres nothing quite as sad as our happy hours"). Awesome. I highly suggest you "take a break from work" aka goof off and go to this site: www.someecards.com. Oh and if you ever want to send me an e card the new rule is it has to be from that site.

Below is a card I have in mind for a few co-workers:

Permalink: Best_website_ever.html
Words: 204
Location: Jersey City, NJ

09/21/07 01:54 - 81ºF - ID#41232

Sooo 2001

Ok I know Sex in the City is soo 2001, and really it shows this fake life of a New York woman, but it's kinda like porn for women. That being said today I saw them filming at Tiffanys. I work right across the street and had to run errands for my boss so I stopped by. It was the first time I've ever seen paparazzi up close and personal. I also saw SJP, which I think means that Big and her are shopping for wedding rings. Now I kinda can't wait to see the movie. It probably will be horrible and cheesy, but I am going to enjoy every stinking minute of it.

Permalink: Sooo_2001.html
Words: 113
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: reality tv

09/18/07 04:04 - 74ºF - ID#41180

My Secret

For a while now I've been keeping a secret. I started watching The Hills on MTV. I didn't want to watch it or like it. One saturday afternoon by accident I watched an episode and it was downhill from there. I know it's fake and horrible and shows everything thats wrong with our society and kids and all that, but I can't stop.

Please click on the link below to view a dramatic moment where Heidi gets the "you know youre a bitch right" talk from a co-worker. It's totally awesome.

Permalink: My_Secret.html
Words: 98
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: spa

09/17/07 05:28 - 70ºF - ID#41161

Spa

The one picture I took while on vacation in AZ. This is the spa I spent the day at with Momma Ho.

Be jealous bitches.

Permalink: Spa.html
Words: 27
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: cheese

09/17/07 05:25 - 70ºF - ID#41160

Eau de Fromage

Pictures of the cheese sent to me by my married co-worker.

Nothing says I'm hot for you like cheese.

Permalink: Eau_de_Fromage.html
Words: 21
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: robots

09/17/07 05:23 - 70ºF - ID#41159

Mr. Roboto

Back to my "Robots will someday rule the Earth" paranoia.

Already they are taking over the phones in Williamsburg.

Permalink: Mr_Roboto.html
Words: 21
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: britney spears

09/12/07 12:48 - 62ºF - ID#41061

She still has one fan left in her corner

You must watch. Highly entertaining. I propose we send it to the Academy for consideration.

Permalink: She_still_has_one_fan_left_in_her_corner.html
Words: 22
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: boys who suck

09/10/07 04:13 - 72ºF - ID#41035

Seriously dude, seriously

So for the past few weeks/months I've been seeing this dude. He's 40. I mention his age because quite frankly if I told this story and didn't mention his age you'd think I was talking about someone who was 23.

Ok back to the story. So as I said we've been seeing each other for a while. Right before I went to AZ on vacation we had a little incident where we were going to hang out and have dinner together at my place. Long story short he was 3 hours late because he stopped to eat on the way to my place because he was hungry. Apparently they don't make apples to go, you have to stay at the tree they were grown on and eat them there. Previous to this he was also mega late to meet me and my friends in Queens (he shows up as we are ready to leave). Pretty much I was done which this behavior. Then I got drunk and needed someplace to stay at 2am on a week night and just like that it was sorta back on.

Last time I saw/spoke to him was Labor Day weekend. Friday of that weekend. Where he was once again late to meet me and my friends. And they seemed kinda sketched out by him. I was like whatever, another one bites the dust. He didn't call or anything either until Saturday night when I get a text from him: "Hi Do you have fun plans tonight? I do!" Huh? What is that? So I just don't respond because really you don't talk to me for over a week then you send me a text? Then today I get an email from him:

Subject: Hi Sexy!
How are you? :D
Do you know that there's a Hello Kitty section at Toys R Us in Times Square?
♥ Jared

My thoughts:
What is this email? It's retarded and it bothers me. Plus we havent actually spoken in forever.

Because I'm bored at work I reply back. My intended tone was to be jerkish. As you'll read below it didn't work.

My Reply:
I do. There's one in FAO and a free standing store too.
Im fine. How are you?

His Reply:
You have Kitty Stations.
I'm goood. :) muah!

WTF is/are Kitty Stations? Why all the smiley face useage? muah? I thought only 16 year old girls texting their boyfriends used that term. Im not exactly sure what it even means. Now he bothers me. What 40 year old conducts himself like this? I feel like at some point Im going to have to have the "please don't contact me ever" conversation with him.

Permalink: Seriously_dude_seriously.html
Words: 451
Location: Jersey City, NJ

Category: food

08/30/07 03:06 - 68ºF - ID#40834

I'm a cheese whore, literally

So 2 weeks ago when I was in FL I mentioned my inappropriate flirting with married co-workers. Well one of these men is currently working in France. And pretty much I was fawning all over him and he was eating it up. So as part of our conversation I was like "Cry me a river you're in France you can eat cheese everyday." and he was all "I f'ing hate France" and I was like "Go ahead and look down my shirt while I touch your chest".

Ok back to the point of the story (other than I'm a horrible person) so I'm sitting at my desk alternately thinking of Chris Noth, how much I want to punch Thomas, and how I can't wait to go home and sleep because I'm so hung over. Then like a ray of sunshine a box appears at my desk. And the box smells. I'm thinking WTF and is this for moi? So I open the box and inside is a variety of cheese from France with a little note card from Mr. Married Co-Worker. Sigh, he's so dreamy..

Side note: Ironically this is not the first time I have received a cheese sampler pack from a man. Is this weird?