Oh my god. So recently I've been having this crush on this boy who I thought to be ultra adorable and fantastic. Turns out he is just a jerky slutty mcslut. He has umteen girls all over the globe. And by all over the globe I really do mean, France, Germany, London, NYC. Fucking A. The problem is I actually had some warm fuzzy feeling type things about what was happening. Turns out he is just another boy who is going to make me cry while I drink a entire bottle of Three Buck Chuck. Great.

According to the Book American Sphinx The Character of Thomas Jefferson Thomas Jefferson had the first documented mullet. The book goes on to describe his hair during his stay in France during August of 1784 as:

His hair was now more sandy than red, but just as thick and full as ever, cut so that it covered his ears, then tied back so as to fall just below his collar

I don't know about you guys but if that description doesn't say business in the front and party in the back, then i don't know what does.

Rock on Thomas J.

I also discovered last night that there is such a thing as too much beef. Anyone who has been to Brazilian BBQ knows this.

ST. PETERS, Mo. (AP) -- A woman angry that her new puppy had died pushed her way into a dog breeder's home and repeatedly hit her on the head with the dead Chihuahua, authorities said.

I highly recommend you read this blog. It's the perfect mix of funny mixed in with helpful tid bits.

Updating everyday and making it witty takes too much out of me. I'll leave real blogging to the experts.

Why am I in such a crappy mood this week? I think it's time for a dose of B'lo to cheer me up.

To top it off boys suck.

I also spent a good amount of time going through this:



There was an article about it in the Times today. It's so different living in NYC and dealing with 9/11. It's like you are reminded of it everyday in everything. It's in the news everyday, or at least the debate about how to rebuild lower Manhattan. It's so sad. I remember asking this guy one time what made him cry (because he was Mr. Stoic). He said "September 11th makes me cry".

my friends responde to this was:

awwwww yeah. Dr Dre was right: Smoke weed every dayyyyy. See, he must really be a doctor.

Thats why she is radness...

Ok my title was going to be: i don't like lying, but i also don't like stalkers. But I can't post a title that long. That's it (e:strip) sucks. Ha j/k.

Anyways Last Saturday I went to this party that was hands down the most insane house party I've ever gone to. It included a rooftop and a dj and of course tons of hotties. So anyways me and my friends go, and due to the complete insanity of it I loose all my friends (well that and the fact that I was drinking straight vodka in a plastic cup). I decide to make friends to replace the ones I lost. I end up with this kid Sandro and his female friend. So the girl is trying to convince me to go home w her, it almost worked due to the fact that she promised me a view of a closet full of designer duds- I'm a sucker for Dolce. And then there was Sandro. Well he offered me some party favors- which I accepted with the condition that in no way was I hooking up w him. I feel like that should be clear enough. He was all ok with it and kept talking about how he didn't want anything serious from a girl and didn't like clingly girls. Perfect, because currently I have my own little things going on. Eventually my friends text me and tell me to meet them at some bar. On the way there he starts asking if I plan on ignoring him once we meet up with my friends. I'm like dude they are my friends I'm going to talk to them, duh. That's should have been clue #1. So we get there and I'm sitting next to some skater dude with a hot pink phone. Drool. I love skater/hipsters (think bam/steve-o-but cleaner) and the hot pink phone- well I'll sleep with you just because of that. So anyways I'm asking to touch his phone and Sandro asks me to smoke outside, then confronts me about this. Hmm I've known you for how many hours? Anyways in my drunken stupor I gave this dude my number and he ends up calling me at least 3 times a day for 3 days straight. I say at least because I kept getting random calls from weird numbers, but the same numbers each day. So I'm too scared to check my messages and I ask Zizzler to check my messages for me. Bad news. She was like don't ever call this guy. She said he is the type of guy who'd kill you and bury you in his back yard just so he could have control over your corpse (shiver). So out of all this came the most awesome thing ever. She gave me a fake number to give out (212) 479-7990. You MUST call it. Seriously. So out of all this came her quote: I don't like lying, but i also don't like stalkers.

And update: He called again!!

I want this electronic bunny!! It's so adorable:



Yesterday finally I got my teeth cleaned and my hair done. The hair is not looking so great, but alas it will have to suffice as my one true hairdresser will never return to America. I also got a acid face peel and deep cleansing at Bergdorfs. The face peel was compliments of my gift bag from my red carpet event. Sigh- if I only was actually a lady of leisure.

The gods are punishing me via hipsters. I feel like Icarus . I had 2 ipods. I loved them. I was even going to buy another one. No one should have 3 ipods. It's like flying too close to the sun. As punishment at the Delancy on Tuesday night (yes I was drinking on Tuesday night) a hipster stepped on my purse which was holding my ipod. Now its bye bye Nano. Everyone should have a moment of silence for it's untimely demise. In lieu of flowers I'm asking a donation be made to my replace the Nano fund. Email me for details on how to donate.

Below is an email I just sent asking for Wednesday off to get some crap done. Read it and laugh. Why oh why is my job like this?

From:     office manager
Sent:    Monday, May 15, 2006 12:17 PM
To:    Ho, Jessica
Subject:    RE: Time off request

Would you please let me know what period of time you would be out? Thanks,Jessica.

---

Original Message

---

From:     Ho, Jessica
Sent:    Monday, May 15, 2006 11:33 AM
To:    office manager
Subject:    Time off request

Maria-

I was able to get a few doctor's/dentist appointments for this Wednesday the 17th. Would it be ok to take the day off in order to get this all done in one shot? Becky will be back in Tampa, and I don't foresee any of my people being in that day.

Thanks,
Jessica

On a happier note my dry spell has ended. I spent the majority of Saturday afternoon getting it on. My oh my was it good.

Also recently I attended my first red carpet celebrity event (on a side note you may be asking what does one wear to such an event. If you're me, you wear your old navy black hoodie as a jacket, and your brown old navy skirt w a black top that doesn't match. It fit in really well with all the dolce I was surrounded with). It's perfectly ok to be jealous. I got a gift bag/really it was a backpack stuffed to the brim with Delicious goodies. There was a gift certificate for the Bergdorf Spa. I've already booked my services. I can not wait for that.

On an odd note I keep dreaming about bunnies. Damn you (e:libertad). I'm obsessed with the cute fuzziness of you and your bunny.

You may pee your pants a little from laughing hard when you see this: