More pix from the wedding (e:paul,58511) wrote about. We had a great time and when I sent the bride & groom a thank you note for inviting us, they both said that we were a lot of fun.

It was my first formal event ever and (e:Dianne)'s first tux-wearing opportunity. She looked great, didn't she? The boys looked incredibly handsome. I swooned for all three of them.

Since this was new to all of us, I read up on the details of proper "black tie" attire and the rules are pretty simple: Men must all strictly conform and not stand out; women have a lot of flexibility in what they can wear but sparkly seems to be key. As (e:Terry) observed, "That's very sexist."

The gender role expectations are very strong and so we knew that it would be disruptive that she was wearing a tux... but it kinda wasn't because she completely passed. We weren't really intending that either - D's very happy to be a woman and to be understood as a woman. One young woman had to sit for a moment when she realized that D was a woman... an older man was insistent that she use the men's room and she finally had to explain her gender to him. While we were eating dinner, the man next to D referred to her as "he" a couple times, she got up to take a smoke break, and then someone asked how we knew the bride & groom and each other, so I explained "They are my & Terry's clients, this is Terry my business partner, DIANNE is my fiancee, and Paul is Terry's husband". He continued to refer to Dianne as "he". (Another case of "why did that man's parents name him 'Dianne'?" )

So my thinking for next time we have a black tie event... if women have flexibility in their formal wear, and D won't wear a dress/wants to wear a tux, and we don't want to her to pass as a man... then she can wear a tux and do all the flamboyant things that I wouldn't let (e:Paul) do. She'll have purple suspenders or a vest and lovely purple ascot or whatever else her sweet heart desires to flag her as female while not violating her butchness.

All in all a very thought-provoking and fun event.

we had a lot of fun!

two of my & (e:Terry)'s clients are getting married tomorrow in a formal ceremony at a fancy club. we've rented three tuxedos and I have a fancy dress and painted toenails. it will be interesting!

You are walking along Franklin and turn onto West Tupper. You almost run into a guy grabbing a woman by the hair, yelling at her that she shouldn't make him hit her. he hits her. what do you do?

I'll let (e:Dianne) tell her story...

pix are Sunday night, Monday morning, Tuesday morning.

a lovely evening focused on winter ales.

Just a lazy Saturday with mimosas!

Sunday, November 17, 2013, Dianne and I went to see War Horse at Shea's, thanks to tickets that a client gave (e:Terry) & me. We got all dressed up, heels & fancy dress, tie... we looked spiffy. We walked over, went in and admired the theater restoration progress, got in line for drinks, and D and I were giggling about being in love and together forever and she said, "Heidi, will you marry me?" "YES!"

It was so unexpected and yet expected - I had been daydreaming already about when I would ask her - I started with next summer (so she'd have time to fully recover from her 2nd surgery, which is scheduled for 1/13/14) at Sand Run Falls (e:dianne,57816) , and realized I couldn't wait that long, I wanted to know now! So I thought I'd wait till New Year's. She had been trying to wait until Christmas to give it new meaning for me. I love the spontaneity though :-) :-)

We walked out of the theater and it was just sprinkling a little. About halfway home it started pouring (and yes, I'm still wearing 3" heels). We paused in a doorway and laughed.... we continued walking - we wanted to go somewhere to have a drink to celebrate so we went to Nietszche's - jazz every sunday night. We happened upon a couple who are my clients and they were the first people we told. It was pretty awesome because they had gotten engaged not too long ago. So lots of giggling and kisses and shots. It was perfect. They told us that getting caught in the rain symbolized change and the washing away of the past.

When we got home, damp, giddy, pleasantly drunk, and hopelessly in love, we exchanged rings. It was so intense and meaningful. She gave me her Aunt Laura's ring that had been crafted out of stones from one of her great-grandmother's rings. How special!! It is absolutely beautiful. I gave her my grandmother's wedding band (e:heidi,54996). They both fit perfectly.







I didn't know what the stones were and (e:Dianne) couldn't remember. They were really dark so maybe onyx? A few days later, (e:Paul), (e:Terry) and I went out to lunch at Craving on Hertel and visited a client's jewelry store (for this purpose (e:joe,58354)). I asked the jeweler if my ring was sturdy enough to be worn all the time. He peered at it with his loupe and said it was sapphires! He asked if he could clean it, and of course I said yes. It came back GORGEOUS and sparkling, and very definitely sapphires. He tested the setting and it's all solid, so I can wear it all the time without worrying that I'm going to break it or lose the gems. He also described the style as an "eternity ring".

Since then, I think we've told everyone in person that needs to be told -besties, Uncle Dudley, my parents, her parents, my various (former) lovers, our close friends... Some oddly difficult conversations, some expected difficult conversations, and some wonderful celebratory conversations. A couple people said "About time!" - we've only been together a year so I don't think we should have discussed this sooner....?

I've never wanted to get married. It never felt real to me. I think the legalization of same-sex marriage in NYS and watching (e:Terry) & (e:Paul)'s wedding, then Cara & Barbara's wedding... plus law school where the benefits and risks of marriage are pretty clearly spelled out... finally changed its meaning for me.

We first kissed at the 24's 2012 Halloween party, but (e:Dianne) was supposed to leave... first in February, then April, and then June really definitely offered a position in Denver starting in July. I figured we'd have a lot of fun and she'd leave, we'd cry, and maybe she'd come visit every now and then while I'd go back to my regularly scheduled life. Her life exploded July 10th and we've been falling deeper and deeper in love despite a difficult surgery and recovery, and financial and emotional chaos. I completely did not expect to be sitting here telling everyone we're engaged. I didn't even expect to decide to live together (that happened in September, several months after she started staying with me). From some perspectives, it's quick/soon to be making such a big decision, she was leaving, we've only been clear that she's staying a while since July, but from other perspectives, it's been an intense year with some pretty difficult and stressful events and if we can confidently get through all that then we're solid for the future.

We're planning for a summer 2015 wedding. I'm REALLY REALLY hoping that same sex marriage will be legal in PA by then. Bloss' new mayor, Jill's husband, offered to officiate before we even got engaged but he can't officiate in NYS.

(e:Dianne), I LOVE YOU! I'm so excited to be building a future with you!! <3 Butterflies <3 Rainbows <3 Fireflies <3 Fireworks<3