for the people who have their Christmas cards out already. I'm lucky if I mail any with any more frequency than one out of every three years.

for people who think the family newsletter is a riveting concept.

for people who think the family dog merits a column of her own. I am related to some deeply messed up people.

for the security guy who wouldn't let me into my kids school yesterday to get my son's backpack after the chimney fell down last week. In and out in three minutes, would it really have killed him.

for the woman who after watching us clean up after a "Breakfast with Santa" event yesterday load up on leftovers because "they are only going to feed this to the help." Not quite sure who she was going to feed with a plate of 20 sausage patties, but the site of the removal did stun me into silence behind my coffee mug. Beyotch wouldn't get her raggedy children out of there for another half hour after that. The Chef was asking me: "You want I should turn the lights off on em." Good thing I only have to cultivate customers. If I had to like them, this might go another way

for the schmuck board member who decided that we need to meet on the same night of the estrip holiday dinner. It's at Stillwater's, but still. I used to live in the apartment building that is their atrium so I'm curious. So my chair will be empty that night. Duty calls.

for the cheap bastards who show up at the Unitarian Church on Music Sunday to get their fill of classical tunage. It could be a really great setting, but it has gotten too big for its shoes. An orchestra joins the church's own fine choir. A potentially great morning of music is regularly tarnished by people who should know better crowding church members out. My daughters reported stuff getting sat on. A friend lost their seat to somebody who just shoved their stuff out of the way. A little respect, folks. c'mon. I know Kleinhans is pricey, but behave yourselves.

for the gaggle of mornons and knuckleheads who wrote the Zoo's website (Hey, I'm a webmaster now!) during our recent drama wishing my fate be the same of the polar bears at the Zoo they haven't visited since 1979. I've actually had no trouble at all with the surrounding silliness, but some of the hate mail and blogging on the News's website has taken mean spirited.

for the peee-tah spokes wench who started all the foolishness. Made my life interesting. I have absolutely no problem with somebody registering a complaint based on something they've seen with their own eyes. This all started from a Freedom of Information act report, not from a visit.

for anybody who takes Buffalo talk radio seriously.

for the polyester-clad press box usher at the hockey game saturday night. I had a pass you saw it, so piss off.

I don't have a box of hammers handy to smack the above so the rant will have to suffice.

Happy Monday, ya'all

Hope you all had nice holiday weekends. I spent this fun filled Monday helping manage damage control at work, which peaked with two hours sitting in the Channel 7 live truck making sure their reporter wouldn't give the p.r. person excessive grief.

Actually had a date Saturday, thought it went well, but apparently there won't be a second one. She wants to concentrate on another relationship. Um, yeah, then why did you call me? Can he be all that if you're looking elsewhere? Worse yet, did I not measure up to him? Sort of sucks anyway you slice it. Not sure where I blew it, but another blow to my battered but still determined self-esteem. Got to hop back on the horse......ah, perhaps that ain't the metaphor, but you get the idea.

So, got dumped on out of work, got rained on at work, nearly got trampled on by a Buffalo press collective. It was indeed a Monday. Thought the reporters and the zookeepers were going to recreate the Jets and Sharks, but that was part of the fun.

It all was a reminder of that the weekend was over and it was back to work. I had a nice weekend. Spent the holiday at the former in-laws. My contribution to the feast was to make up a batch of Kier -- 2 parts Chardonnay and 1 part Creme de Cassis. It's tasty, but if you don't watch it your chin can be on the floor in a hurry, as my brother in law found out. My daughter, ex-wife and I decorated his drunken self with christmas lights.

I spent Friday half doing work, half cyber shopping. Nearly broke, but I got a lot of gifting done. Went out saturday and came home thinking thoughts of possibility only to have them dashed via facebook. Facebook? what the hell?

I know I'm no matinee idol, but sheeeet

Off to assemble the tree...

I believe our globetrotter (e:Ladycroft) initially fired this around last year. It was sent to me a little bit ago and made me chuckle.

Pre-game scenes that is. It is a little interesting being in a football stadium as it starts to come to life, kinda like being a roadie before the concert starts.

When the prime-time circus starts, the minions double and we were all bundled against a shitty evening both weather and football wise. I didn't get to many game shots as when the people come in I had to shift into industrial baby sitting mode, but here's a brief look at the ghost town awakening.

They had just turned the lights on as NBC's minions finished working away

John Madden's second truck




My vantage point during the game itself. Right after this was taken, came the announcement that the gates are now open. The hounds were released

Unspoiled by sloppy bodies and their many empty beers cups

WNY sports remote trucks in the distance trying to look important


I'm still tired from it. Personally ejected 4 folks who were chemically serene....or not.

So done at the end of the year.

I was dreading the whole idea of the Buffalo Bills reappearing on national tv from the moment I got the letter saying from the team saying I had to work (ain't doing it next year). For the unitiated, the Patriots are frighteningly good, and the Bills, not so much. I knew the weather was going to suck (it did)(fucking cold out) and people would have that much more time to get loaded on bad beer. Bad enough that the Bills will charge you $6.50 for a bud light, scarier still how many people keep going back and coming back double-fisted.

But, pro that I am, I pressed on. I'll have some pictures of the behind the scenes prep stuff later, because that part fascinates me. The prep for all the cameras and the triple layer of remote trucks from what is usually there was impressive. I don't know why all the yahoo were congregating around John Madden's touring bus. It's not like he was going to invite you on.

Side note: I'm trying for Springsteen tickets as I write this and HSBC Arena wants $27.00 in "Convenience fees." They obviously have a different mind set about convenience than I.

Anyway, back to the game. It was over by the end of the first quarter. After settling a few disputes, threatening a blow hole over his insults about the Tim Horton promotion moving over to the next section, I was so ready to go home. If you watching at home, you're so watching Brothers & Sisters by this point. Me? I'm busy fuming because the alleged increased security sending Bill and Ted who were watching the game and straightening up only when their boss or mine came by.

Got a 200 level ticket from Bruce, a little less convenient, but what the hey.

Anyway, you know about the score. The stands turn into "Lord of the Flies" and I'm left wondering why the hell I signed up for it. The extra cash comes in handy, but holy shit. I'm trying to look like I'm working at the moment, but failing miserably.

When everybody leaves, we have to survey the carnage and it's a wonder the crowd didn't look taller given the amount of shit they threw under their chairs.

One of the women I work with just came in with a fresh dutch apple pie. Gotta go.....

No Shit!!! just blowing off a minor gripe briefly. Just got back from Wegmans and three different sets of people in the parking lot were all agog over it's snowing.

I could see the wonder if it didn't fucking do it every year by now, but maybe it's me, but the amazement escapes me. Maybe it's the fact it will take a few fender benders to get people to remember where the hell they are and the snow is um, a regular fucking occurance!!! These same buttwinks in a month will be driving with their cars only cleared from where the windshield could scrap away.

Morons

Thanks, I feel better now --- Thought it would be more in character to rant then list my pathetic nookie count.

Got to remember the right kind of shoes.

Never thought that would be part of my things that need to be done. But I got a graphic reminder that I'm getting farther away from my youth. One of the benefits of my current location for work is that Delaware Park is literally right out the back door. And occasionally folks here go for a lap of the park as part of lunchtime. I worked by myself on Monday and took an Ipod accompanied stroll with no problem. I was however having a "Casual Monday." Yesterday when the coworkers returned, I got invited to go. Didn't check the footwear. About half way around, my calves were in flames. About 3/4 point, they were weaving a tapestry of obscenities at me. I've never been so glad to see my office chair ever. I'm sitting, trying to work, and my legs felt like they were soaking in 7UP. Eventually it subsided until I'm getting out of my car taking number one son to Tae Kwon Do when my back muscles had a spasm of epic proportions.

I didn't cry in front of the black belts but it sure was tempting. A ritual of aspirin and a cold Labatt chased the woes away for this morning.

It's not a good stretch healthwise. I don't have insurance till the end of the year, curse you probationary periods!! My mom has been diagnosed with small vessel vasculitis which thanks to a steriod regimen is on the run. My father-in-law has been battling cancer and had his second drastic surgery on Tuesday morning. So, it's like walking on medical eggshells in every respect.

So, I'm either relaying Mom reports or picking up info on Pops. A true pain in the spinal column, reminded me of my last epic back spasm. I was working at the Arena for Adelphia. I was closing down our exhibit and it had a lot of secret rooms. I was in one shutting off some grounded computers, had to crouch to get at the one and whammo!!

It was like your ankles were staging a coup against your shoulder blades. Worse part was if it was serious, it would have been days before I would have been found. I was in a closed, darkened exhibit thing behind a mostly closed door.

So, the arena did try to kill me, but I was too sturdy for it. But getting older does blow my friends, you got to start remembering the right kind of shoes.

Coming from the smoke detector in my office. It sounds like water dripping, beep, beep, beep. Like the torture scenes from those old war movies, evil and smooth the Nazi Colonel speaks...."You vill tell us vhat ve want to know, or the smoke detector battery vill not be changed!"

"Alright, I'll talk! make it stop!!! (sobs resignedly)"

Geez, thing is giving me a headache. It's about ten feet off the ground else I would have ripped it out of the socket already. Bad enough there is hardly anybody here because of the holiday. The big boss is here and I've gotten a few things done. Took a nice lunch stroll over the grounds on a crisp Monday, availed my self of a different window to stare out of at lunch by going to the little cafe in the zoo corner, did a lap to get a little oriented, watched a rhino do likewise.

So, it is a little quiet today -- which is actually nice given that next weekend is going to be fucked with by the evening (goddammit) Bills games and that later this week brings another round of testing and whatnot for my Mom and cancer surgery part 2 for my dad-in-law.

So, I guess today is my moment of Zen...

I think I saw this same thing once about Vin Diesel, but it's fucking funny.


Some new facts you may not have known about the baddest man on the
planet.


Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name
into concrete.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck
Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was
replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and
save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time.
It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding
just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of
spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm
escaped and got into the engine.
We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."



Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating
pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the
possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to
spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing
around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck
Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many
seconds you have left to live.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken
but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not
grow on steel.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven"
backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.

They bleed for a week as a result.


Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris'
PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than
Death can process them.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states
in order to legally wear pants. Chuck Norris is the only person on the
planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that
Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never
fucks up.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the
park.
Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the
squirrel and 3 small children.
Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw
Brett Favre even further.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever
asks him for his ID.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And
then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.