Would it mean that I'm a failure if I gave up on New York? What is the cost benefit of living here versus living near those that really mean the most to me? Maybe I don't have to constantly prove that I can succeed beyond everyone else. Maybe being me is just simply enough. For the first time ever I think I have realized that this all stems from having a father that abandoned me. No matter what I did or how hard I tried he still left.

Thank god I'm going to go hang out with the Irish hottie, otherwise I might sit here and continue to drink this bottle of Champagne...

Very quickly Id like to post some pics. They are of the crazy night in Brooklyn and the first taste of Soul Sausages.




















The guy in the picture we don't know, it was my sisters off the street boyfriend. I'll leave it to her to post a full run down of that night.

Some sample highlights are:

"Small Cups of liquor"- how sarah described what me and matt were drinking.

Soul Sausage

Playing with the ipod nano

Bocce Ball- yes at this bar we went to

"I'm so drunk"- what I said about every 10 minutes- annoying I know

My sisters sidewalk boyfriend who turned into our new friend

The "log cabin" bar

Once at the log cabin bar things get really hazy- however we did get an amazing $5 cab ride from Brooklyn to the PATH train which is unheard of. I think they guy took pity on me and my sister at 5am. And the next day I woke up at 4pm- yeah I wanted to die.

I just googled "Puggle+Buffalo" and my journal is the third hit. Scary. I am so in love with these dogs.

Jason's post [inlink]jason,286[/inlink] has inspired me to post.

In college I too had a secret crush. Well really I always have secret crushes, but in college I was very smitten. It was a super hottie in a frat who was one of the only Latino men I had ever seen. Now I know you are saying ew frat boy, but my crush developed because he was not the typical frat boy. He was smart, kind, caring, a bunch of fun and unlike aNYthing I had ever encountered. And there I was this farm girl from upstate ny that loved hot pink and all things techno.

I first saw Louis in one of my poli sci classes- we were the same major- during my first semester freshman year. Turns out he was one of my friends roommates. So over the course of the next few years me and Louis developed a friendship of sorts. We'd study together for finals every year. Our traditional celebration at the end of finals was a blunt and a 40. He'd wake me up for class, I'd let him borrow my Clinique moisturizer, one time i let him do my eyebrows. One year I made pink and white cupcakes for valentines day wrapped them up, put them in front of his door, knocked and ran. He never knew who did it, and he never suspected me because he offered me one. But we never really ran w the same crowd. During all this time his mother passed away. Watching him handle that with such bravery just made me think he was amazing.

So my senior year of college my friend Lisa and I were talking. She told me I should just make a move. I went though all the reasons I couldn't. She then looked at me and said "when you are 30 looking back do you ever want to think what if, and regret anything?" That did it for me. The next night I made a move and me and Louis hooked up for the remainder of the semester, which was only a month. The entire 4 1/2 years I was at school he had no idea who I felt about him.

I guess what I'm trying to say Jason is don't be a pussy- just take life by the balls and go for it. You'll be glad you did.

And for that great bit of advice I'd like a puggle puppy in return.

I have found the best gift ever:



you upload a picture of whatever and this company makes them into legit usps stamps. I'm using my user pic and giving her a sheet of stamps with my picture. Thats awesome.

One year for mothers day I gave her a mug with a picture of me on it from college. She didn't find it as funny as I did.

I can't wait to see her expression as she realizes that this is her gift.

So my mom has been acting tres odd lately. I'm not sure what to make of it. Really I think she is going through some sort of life change or something.

I re-arranged my shoebox/apartment this weekend. I still did not clean. Basically I can do everything but clean. I think Im allergic to cleaning. I wish I just had a wife my life would be soo much easier.

ok thats all for now.

Oh and I want a Puggle. I want one with all my heart. They are so cute. If I had a boyfriend and he bought me a Puggle for Christmas that would be the best christmas ever.

All those snow pictures do not make me want to go back to Buffalo. Im cold just thinking about it.

My current manicure has lasted the longest any manicure has ever lasted w/o chipping. 6 days.

Last night I found a $2 metrocard. I really believe this is my special skill. I always find metro cards w money left on them. I'll give it to (e:lilho) when she comes out here. Thats all she is getting from me $2. Just kidding Sarah, I'll buy you one thing from the clearance rack at H&M too, as long as its $1.99 and under.

Tonight Im going to the theatre. I love saying that.

Oh and it's not snowing here.

morningwoodrocks

Last night I was thinking of this really funny story about lilho, and now it has completely slipped my mind.

In that case I'll substitute it with an equally funny story, and since the holidays are right around the corner I'll make it Holiday themed:

Every year in Buffalo my mom got kinda holiday obsessed, not over the top decoration obsessed, but for my mom it was intense. In any case one day my sister pops over to my apt. to pick me up for the mandatory holiday decorating. Anyone who knows my mom (nick named the dragon lady by some of my high school friends) knows she don't play. Well me and Sarah were assigned garland duty. Me being me, went and had a bit o ganja before to really put me in the holiday spirit. So there me and Sarah are out on the porch and I decide that garland is also good to use like a boa when you are pretending to be a movie star singing songs. During my performance my hair got entangled in the garland/boa and my hair got stuck as well. Out walks my mom in the middle of my performance (and I use that term very loosely).My sister had this look of fear like we were so busted. Thank god I've always been a slightly off child. She just shook her head like "oh that jessica, such a crazy kid".

On another note its taking me forever to clean my apartment, and I have not gotten any booty in weeks, ok thats a lie. I'll restate: I havent gotten any good booty in weeks.