(A) A squirel chewed a hole in one of the screens in my kitchen and ate some hamburger buns and a loaf of bread. I was freaked at first because I didn't see the animal, and thought it was a rat that had got in and eaten stuff up.
Then later that day I caught the squirel back in my kitchen. I told him to get the hell out and he did pretty fast.
Squirells don't react to profanity as fast as say, librarians do.
(B) Last night we were hanging around my truck and at least a few people threw empty beer cans in the back. I got up this morning and went to take them out but someone had allready beaten me to the task, as there were none in the back. Someone had already yanked them.
Sometimes I get woken up by people going through our garbage to get bottles/cans becuase its right outside my bedroom window.
Some of my college friends recently got married.
Long story short, I overdrew my bank account at dude's bachelor party (strippers, 'cleanup' fee on limo, etc) and did not buy them a wedding present.
I feel bad about it, becuase it was a damn low thing to do.
And I know they know, that they knew when I shook his hand and hugged her at the reception.
Now I want to make sure everything is on the up and up, but I'm not sure what an appropriate gift/action is.
Any ideas? I saw a really cool motorbike with a sidecar for sale the other day down by Klienhan's.
That probably would make the situation worse though.
I was reading my prior post(#30) and it struck me as funny because there was no Plutonium in the 1920's. (Plutonium is pretty much manmade)
Maybe there was some geological rarities, but whatever Plutonium there may have been, it sure as hell wasn't connected to a buttton, or an ego for that matter.
If you had to have a dashboard, like status lights, on your forehead, what lights would you pick?
I 'm going to call it right here: someday body piercings <; status lights < tattoos < orange juice.
I think the first light I'd want is a Bullshit Light.
The Bullshit Light would just start to glow when you catch a whiff of bullshit, like when someone tries to explain how the lottery is a good investment.
Then the Bullshit Light turns on solid when you realize that someone actually believes their bullshit.
The bullshit light starts flashing and melts into a puddle when my boss tries to explain to me why I should work on July 4th.
did anyone see (or better yet, know) that green girl at the square yesterday?
Seriously, there was a girl that was like Kermit-the-Frog or Incredible-Hulk green.
She was kind of hanging on the backpack of the dude she was with.
I'm pretty sure she was ill, maybe under a Dr's care, and I feel bad for remarking that she must've been seasick, a la a Popeye cartoon or something.
I am such an rotten argumentative jerk when I am half hung over. (Usually I'm good with water and don't get hung over)
I am just realizing this after like years of being wierd the day after drinking.
My friend Milhouse called me today and asked for help moving a futon.
I met him after work at this place only a few houses down from mine on Elmwood.
It was power muggy out, and the futon was large and up three sets of very narrow stairs.
After some genius geo-spacial reasoning and android-like precision beast strength, we got the thing down to my truck.
I told Millhouse that if he really wanted the futon he would ride on it to his place.
So he did.
PRetty much as soon as I pulled out the driveway, the futon fell off theback.
Milhouse dropped in my rear view, dropped down to the street.
I pulled over and started laughing before I even checked if he was run over by a bus.
He was intact, and only saved from the road by the delicate stitching and quality construction of the futon matress.
The futon feets got shaved down a little bit from rubbing on the road, but they needed to be leveled out anyways.
We repositioned the couch, and made it to his place without any further event.
As soon as we pulled up, PuertoRicanDude#1 inquired about the futon.
Ten seconds later, Milhouse had sold his other, shittier, stained futon to PRD1 for $20. But the dude didn't have $20, so he got it gratis.
Milhouse, Me, PRD1 and his friend PRD2 hauled the thing up to his shitty apt. I offered them all a beer and we caught our breath.
We went back down for the matress when Milhouse locked his keys in the apt.
Fuck
I quickly found an open window on the side of the building without a screen.
I put a garbage can under it, and ordered PRD1 "Levanta!" Up he went, through the open window and let us in. We completed the moves.
Now PRD1 wanted me to move his new futon to his place.
It was cool, he threw my Stooges CD in the stereo and we were jamming out.
I don't know if he was just stoned or if it was more, but it was a fun ride.
When we got there, he wanted me to back the truck up into this corner of a parking lot.
Cool, no problem
Then we wanted me to back up into this narrow alley.
The alley was pretty well hidden on all sides and I got scared pretty fast.
I moved my knife so it wasn't buried in my pocket. We moved the futon into the alley. He kept on going in and outside, talking to some other dude.
I didn't wait around long. I took off. Bad vibes.
Fun enough guy though, we should drink beer again sometime.
