Posts from May 2006

OK so time can hit in (3) ways.

[A] HAMSTER WHEEL.
This is when time just keeps wrapping back on itself.
You can keep going and going, but the faster you go, the faster stuff repeats.
Tip: chill out in the hamster wheel, read good books, get enough sleep, and enjoy the scenery cause the ride sucks sometimes.

[B] CHUTES & LADDERS.
Similar to [A], but different topology.
It doesn't matter where you are on the ladder: theres always an eternity above and below you.
Consider: doesn't it ever seem weird to look back at, say, the 1950's and check out what they thought was ultra-modern. A lot of it seems ultra-silly now, but trust me, we (2000's) are going to look dang ridiculous in 60 years. Such is life on chutes & ladders.
Tip: chill out in the hamster wheel, read good books, get enough sleep, and enjoy the scenery cause the ride sucks sometimes.

[C] WAVE OF MUTILATION
Ever feel like you're on the nosecone of a rocket hurtling through space(time)? My friend you are riding on the wave of the future. There is no AAA guide to where you are going.
Welcome to the frontier....of the future!




Right so thing about the above. I might not be a good writer (or explainer) but I think that helps describe a lot of stuff about the human condition. We can expand upon that at a later date.


I want to close tonight in saying that I am pretty sure that the blue-jean pant is to the human ass as the electric guitar is to rock and roll.



Think about it.

I had a dream last night about a bird woman.

Actually it was a bird (like an ostrich? or maybe another flightless bird) that became anthropomorphic and kept changing into a lady.


At first I was on the floor and afraid of being trampled by the giant bird lady, but as she became more human, she grew a female ass.

I started to work on her, but she turned around. With a big beak head.

Then I woke up and realized I was late for work.

One time, a few months ago, I was at a popular local bar with a friend. (Coles)

She got me a drink, it was supposed to be a White Russian.
But the dude got the container of milk mixed up with a container of orange juice.


To be honest, it was delicious.


I named the new drink the 'Orange Drool-ius'

She told me it was a wussy name.




I renamed it 'Plutonium & Lead' because "Plutonium and Lead would kick anyone's ass."

• Positivity***

It is a good thing that the Violent Femmes are playing in August at the Square.

Work is fun now that I don't hate my boss. We all laugh a lot more during the day now.

Band is forming. Writing stuff is power awesome. (incognito name = The CandyCane Stripers. Don't tell!)

Weekends for the summer are allready filling up with fun shit.

• Dumbness***

I am super fucking stupid.
Eg: Last week I needed to get more TP as I was on the reserve roll.
Fucking TP: its a very basic staple. Rather necessary, and when you get low you really shan't dawdle.
So I trucked down to the store, jamming out, thinking about stuff, and talking to people on the phone.
This was enough distraction for me to forget my original intention.

I came back to my place with Cool Whip (among other things) but no TP!
Fuck! I certainly did not require Cool Whip, nor anyother kind of Whip yet the one thing I did in fact require was not purchased! ERROR! If I was a goldfish I would be flushed down a toilet allready.


I am a dumb bastard with no concept of time. Not unlike a lobotomized cocker spaniel, I have no concept of 'tomorrow'.
Its always today in my balsa wood brain, and taxes, bills, laundry, etc can always be put of till 'tomorrow'.



Hit me with a bat.

holy shit I am so happy with the schedule for the Square this summer.



More at 11

Fuuuck, my boss finally got fired. He made it 3 months.

He was probably the perfect bad boss. He had no redeeming values.

Not only did he talk about his sexual shit, he went on in great detail. For hours. About the girl in HR he was fucking. In front of other HR people.

Dude had no technical knack. But he wouldn't admit it. (as a maintenance manager, you should know the difference between a Phillips screwdriver, and an allen wrench)

Also its not cool to make 'homo jokes' infront of the lesbian supervisor. Or poking the parts clerk in meetings. (The doodles you drew on her notepad though, you know, the ones that look like a Babysitter Club Monet - I'm probably going to laminate that and hang it on our fridge in the office)

So S

---

, ( I don't want to say his name! How about we say it started in St and ended in eve. This guy was my *starts in P, ends in et Peeve*), you are the most powerfully stupid mutherfucker I have ever worked for, and that puts you somewhere in a hall of fame (or at least a freakshow), because that is a group of brain surgeons that no mother could love.


In closing fuckface, I'll never forget this phonecall:

Shithead: HR heard your grandma died. They want to send you what you are.

me: huh?

Shithead: A FRUITBASKET!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!!!

me:

Shithead: Laugh!!

me: what do you want?




Ah but what I wanted was for you to fall off a cliff, but this will have to do.

Stink you later Shithead.

I took some days off last week on bereavement.
And this was good, and I traveled some.

Went to Cornell to see my sister.
Stayed at my folks house for a couple nights and took care of some stuff there (Grandma arrangements, etc).

Played the last show with the band last night, and it ended appropriatley in oblivion. No further comment.


Anyways, this is the cool part: Across the road from my parents house is a corn field.
But in the middle of the field is the old farm house and barn that burned down 20 or 25 years ago.
It burned down, but it was just left the way it was. So its been decaying back to nature, but there is stuff that is just a snapshot of the way the house was when it burned.

I used to go over there as a little kid, until someone told me there were rattlesnakes over there.
Then I would hang out over there as a teenager, half out of my mind and angst-y.
The silos were where I was going to put my antenna for my pirate radio station that (a) had no transmitter and (b) had no content.


So here are the good ones:







And the silos:

I found an old tape (cassette) today. I made it in high school, maybe 9th or 10th grade.

It was Descendents Milo Goes to College on on side and Angry Samoans Back From Samoa on the other.

Dude that took me back. It was awesome to listen to the Descedents again, haven't listened to that album in years.
But I also thought about what I was doing as I made that tape, and in the subsequent years.
At the time I had a pocketful of greasy dollar bills from my under the table dishwashing gig. I used to watch the sunset all the time and I always had time to think.

When I'm old I hope I don't make the mistake of thinking the 1990's were a special time. They were just as shitty as any decade, the only difference was I was a young kid.



@robin had an innaresting post.
Dude was a creep though, she wasn't wrong thinking that.

(oh, also I changed my user sound to a Screeching Weasel song: Going Home. Lyrics are related to the discussion at hand.)
[edit: I just listened to it and it sounds like shit. Sounds like a CD that wasn't tracking right. darn]

Once, last summer, I was cruising to work through the city. It was a damn hot day, and I had the AC cranking. I noticed this girl walking out in the beating sun.

I wanted to give her a ride, because damn, it seemed right. But as I thought about how it would be considered creepy, I kept driving.
And that sucks. I guess I should have at least offered and let her say no.


Right. At any rate, annihilate all weeks kids.

I had a boss that would call you into his office and say "[a] couple things..." That was always scary hearing that. He was so stupid and "couple things" always meant he got yelled at by upper management and he wanted to dump it back on us.
It was mostly disjointed and non-connected. Great management style, not only did he not know how the fix our problems, he didn't know what our problems were!

So, without further adieu,
A COUPLE THINGS:

[1] Cremains: No, I am not going to say cremains, nor creamains nor
any other spelling/pronuciation.
That stupid word sounds too close to 'craisin' for my taste.
(Mm tangy taste of craisons, also raisons)
I'm not "down" enough with the mortuary scene to be using lingo. I don't get Funeral Weekly nor do I want to fit in with funeral directors, undertakers, or morticians. Furthermore, I don't use 'cremetory remains' enough in my daily conversation such that saying 'cremains' will save me an appreciable amount of time, thereby making me a wiser, wealthier, healither man.
How about just 'remains' then

[2] Dudes, I totally gotta get back on the road again. Haven't traveled since New Year's. (Washington DC)
For me its not "in vino, veritas," but rather "in transit, veritas." Boston looks like a nice target.
Need tuneup on truck and I can drive out. JetBlue adds a direct flight to Boston in May or June though.

Toronto could be a good temporary fix. Whatever, I gotta do something, I'm driving me nuts.
Sometimes I get into ruts, boring ruts of routine. Then I travel, and I realize that I'm not boring, I'm pretty cool. I'm just a dumb bastard that gets into ruts. Of routine.

[3] I drove my truck on Empty from Hamburg all the way to my place on Elmwood today. HaHa what a rush!
Cheap Thrills are sweet. The cheaper the Cheap and the thiller the Thrill the sweeter the sweet is.
Quick list of dirtbag thills:
(a) running gas tank on empty
(b) late inspection sticker!
(c) overdrawing bank account
(d) street people!
(e) stealing gas

Ok so I haven't started (e) above yet. I allready swore I would though, via siphon. But its not just stealing, its more like a Robin Hood thing. Kinda, because the concept of the Rich is pretty similar, but the Poor is a more concentrated scope, focused on on the singularity of me and my gastank. Also its fun to steal things, from people who drive silly (hummer) cars.

I left (think quit) the band I was playing in a few weeks ago
It wasn't happening like I wanted it to, blah blah, the whole story is actually longer, but not interesting or important.

But they asked me to play a show May 6 and I said 'sure.'
We played last night for the first time since I quit and that shit was hot!

It was super awesome explosive. So good to just play and not care about anything else. (recording, booking shows, dumb stuff, personalities, etc)

Just replace 'band' with 'girl' and 'practice' with '4-day fuck marathon' and the basic premise remains the same. You better call the airline baby cause all that baggage is gone.


So now I need a drummer for the new band. Everything else is set, at least in a rough way. Looking for more 'raw beast of burden, never quit' than 'talent'