Ok my title was going to be: i don't like lying, but i also don't like stalkers. But I can't post a title that long. That's it (e:strip) sucks. Ha j/k.

Anyways Last Saturday I went to this party that was hands down the most insane house party I've ever gone to. It included a rooftop and a dj and of course tons of hotties. So anyways me and my friends go, and due to the complete insanity of it I loose all my friends (well that and the fact that I was drinking straight vodka in a plastic cup). I decide to make friends to replace the ones I lost. I end up with this kid Sandro and his female friend. So the girl is trying to convince me to go home w her, it almost worked due to the fact that she promised me a view of a closet full of designer duds- I'm a sucker for Dolce. And then there was Sandro. Well he offered me some party favors- which I accepted with the condition that in no way was I hooking up w him. I feel like that should be clear enough. He was all ok with it and kept talking about how he didn't want anything serious from a girl and didn't like clingly girls. Perfect, because currently I have my own little things going on. Eventually my friends text me and tell me to meet them at some bar. On the way there he starts asking if I plan on ignoring him once we meet up with my friends. I'm like dude they are my friends I'm going to talk to them, duh. That's should have been clue #1. So we get there and I'm sitting next to some skater dude with a hot pink phone. Drool. I love skater/hipsters (think bam/steve-o-but cleaner) and the hot pink phone- well I'll sleep with you just because of that. So anyways I'm asking to touch his phone and Sandro asks me to smoke outside, then confronts me about this. Hmm I've known you for how many hours? Anyways in my drunken stupor I gave this dude my number and he ends up calling me at least 3 times a day for 3 days straight. I say at least because I kept getting random calls from weird numbers, but the same numbers each day. So I'm too scared to check my messages and I ask Zizzler to check my messages for me. Bad news. She was like don't ever call this guy. She said he is the type of guy who'd kill you and bury you in his back yard just so he could have control over your corpse (shiver). So out of all this came the most awesome thing ever. She gave me a fake number to give out (212) 479-7990. You MUST call it. Seriously. So out of all this came her quote: I don't like lying, but i also don't like stalkers.

And update: He called again!!

I want this electronic bunny!! It's so adorable:



Yesterday finally I got my teeth cleaned and my hair done. The hair is not looking so great, but alas it will have to suffice as my one true hairdresser will never return to America. I also got a acid face peel and deep cleansing at Bergdorfs. The face peel was compliments of my gift bag from my red carpet event. Sigh- if I only was actually a lady of leisure.

The gods are punishing me via hipsters. I feel like Icarus . I had 2 ipods. I loved them. I was even going to buy another one. No one should have 3 ipods. It's like flying too close to the sun. As punishment at the Delancy on Tuesday night (yes I was drinking on Tuesday night) a hipster stepped on my purse which was holding my ipod. Now its bye bye Nano. Everyone should have a moment of silence for it's untimely demise. In lieu of flowers I'm asking a donation be made to my replace the Nano fund. Email me for details on how to donate.

Below is an email I just sent asking for Wednesday off to get some crap done. Read it and laugh. Why oh why is my job like this?

From:     office manager
Sent:    Monday, May 15, 2006 12:17 PM
To:    Ho, Jessica
Subject:    RE: Time off request

Would you please let me know what period of time you would be out? Thanks,Jessica.

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Original Message

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From:     Ho, Jessica
Sent:    Monday, May 15, 2006 11:33 AM
To:    office manager
Subject:    Time off request

Maria-

I was able to get a few doctor's/dentist appointments for this Wednesday the 17th. Would it be ok to take the day off in order to get this all done in one shot? Becky will be back in Tampa, and I don't foresee any of my people being in that day.

Thanks,
Jessica

On a happier note my dry spell has ended. I spent the majority of Saturday afternoon getting it on. My oh my was it good.

Also recently I attended my first red carpet celebrity event (on a side note you may be asking what does one wear to such an event. If you're me, you wear your old navy black hoodie as a jacket, and your brown old navy skirt w a black top that doesn't match. It fit in really well with all the dolce I was surrounded with). It's perfectly ok to be jealous. I got a gift bag/really it was a backpack stuffed to the brim with Delicious goodies. There was a gift certificate for the Bergdorf Spa. I've already booked my services. I can not wait for that.

On an odd note I keep dreaming about bunnies. Damn you (e:libertad). I'm obsessed with the cute fuzziness of you and your bunny.

You may pee your pants a little from laughing hard when you see this:

Paul, Sarah, Terry and I have an odd fascination with Donkey Punch. Or maybe we just like to say it a lot? Who knows. In any case it appears the the models like it too. Awesome:



On a similar note I recently met a senior writer for page six. Sigh. I told him I'd sleep with him on the spot just because he did celebrity gossip. I wasn't kidding. I regaled him with my (e:pageseven) stories. He loved it. I suppose it's not always easy being down with the gossip. That was a dream come true.

I went to a pickle party on Saturday (some dude is starting a gourmet pickled products company). A friend of a friend we ran into at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens invited us. So turns out one of the people we went to the party with was from good old B'lo. Awesome. He knew some of the peeps I knew and he worked for jetblue. I knew that i recognized him from somewhere. Then Sunday I ran into a girl from the party downtown while I was shopping. It's kinda rad that finally I know enough people here to just run into people and have various adventures.

As for my previous post. Anyone who has a younger brother/sister knows when people fuck with the sibling shit is going to hit the fan. That's all there is to it. Built up rage sure it's there. However it's due and directed at the tourists that fucking can't figure out how to walk on the sidewalk when I'm trying to get to work.

And with that folks- I'm outtie 2000

I don't know why Ive been so opposed to updating my journal for so long. I guess that so much crap happens I never feel like typing it all.

So trip to B'lo:

Crazy man on the train to work. Kept buttoning and unbuttoning his shirt and counting all the buttons. On this train I had my suitcase for the trip. For some reason I needed to pack the most things ever and my suit case was huge. So get off the train and go to walk down the stairs. Homeless/train man is in front of me. All the sudden he turns around and is like let me carry that. So for any of you with any sort of street smarts rule number one is don't hand over anything you ever want to see again to a homeless person. Im like no im good. Then he starts to grab it. Meanwhile a line of angry commuters are forming behind us trying to be on their way. A struggle ensues for my suitcase. Mother fucker.

Then I'm at work all ready to go. It starts to pour. I predict I'll have a hard time getting a cab. Thus I leave 15 minutes early at 12:15 instead of 12:30. Actually I left early so I'd have enough time to get my nails done and catch a cab. Anyways I return to the following bitch email:

Jessica:
I was looking for you at noon today to go over some items for Karn's last day. However, I discovered that you've already left. I know you asked for a half day today but please note that you will get paid a full day only if you came in and worked until 12:30. Just a heads up for timesheet reporting purposes.
Thanks,
Maria

I hate my job.

Other than that the trip was pretty good. I love Paul and Mike and Terry- they are the best guys a girl could ask for.

Post b'lo the most exciting thing that has happened is I went out to brunch with my science crew and we actually got cut off at an "all you can drink" brunch. Um isint all you can drink- all you can drink. Meaning I'll let you know when I've had all I can drink. It worked out we took the party back to the UES and had a trader joe's fiesta till 3am.

Again i'd like to promote the zizzler's blog. If you don't choose to read it you are a fool. And yes I do mean that in the most insulting way possible :)

In reference to (e:mike,483) I agree that I too have seen many a cute-a-fied picture. I feel like this presents an unfair advantage to those of us who choose to keep it real/old school and forego the photoshop corrective surgery. I mean I'm all for cropping a picture to edit out a ugly friend, but to use a picture to distort the body image is really not cool. I mean come on- no one wants to think youre hot only to discover upon meeting you in real life that your not. In the spirit of this me and (e:paul) have invented the photoshop or not game.

I need to own this:

I can't even imagine how funny it is. Or maybe I should have invented it.

On a totally different note: I think I'm being a huge bitch today for no reason. Mea culpa to all those i've been a bi-atch to...

This past weekend was the best ever. Hard to believe but I've never been to karaoke before. For my big premier I chose one of my all time favorite songs "Pour some sugar on me" By Def Leopard. You really can't go wrong with a song that encourages one to lick sugar off you.

The next day I spent at the beer garden in queens. Again totally awesome time.

Such a pleasant change from my last weekend of everything sucking.