I just locked myself out and to top it off I left my vibrator in plain sight so when my landlord actually does come to let me in there it is for everyone to see.Fucking A.

Please never leave us again. This is what happens when you leaves us to our own devices. Now that you are back I feel .05 % better. Things are looking up!

So on my way to the train I spied Lizzie Grubman (ok so she is more like a b-list celeb but still who else saw a celeb today). She was running into Mickey D's. Firts of all she had on the silliest outfit ever. It was the flowy black backless number that was supposed to be a summer dress with these awful platform flip flops. She was so skinny you could see her ribs through her back. I know you can never be too rich or too skinny but if it makes you look old and used then maybe you can be too skinny. On a side note I would not mind starting out that skinny and then eating my way to some t and a.

is minutes away- mmmmm beer...

Taste of Buffalo should 100% not be on Main Street anymore. Don't you recall all those years of us eating lamb lollipops dodging people with SUV strollers and masses of humanity all trying to fit on that narrow street with train track divots?! Either way I'm coming home (and yes I will be staying at the mansion) for the fat ass feast and you had better be ready to live it up like its 1995 (our graduation year). It can be our very own special high school reunion.

[inlink]paul,3404[/inlink]

So when I first moved here this guy Peter couldn't get enough of me. He thought I was so sweet, and cool. He always used to say "Jess don't become like those New York bitches. all women in new york are such bitches". I really didn't know what he was talking about. I was like yeah OK Peter whatever.

Fast forward to this morning:

I wear an ipod pretty much anytime I am out in public. I do this for a reason. Here in nyc everyone wants to talk to you. They want to sell you something, ask you something, hit on you, ask you for money, or are just plain nuts and blabber at you- this is 100x worse if you are a woman. I quickly discovered that to avoid insanity when leaving my building I needed a way to tune it all out. In comes the ipod. For those of you who do not know the ipod is somewhat of a huge phenomenon here in nyc. Everyone knows what the white cord leading up to your ears means (for a while people were being targeted on the subway just on the basis of the white cord), it means I am listening to my ipod. If I am listening to music I can not hear you. So I am in the train station buying a card. I'm late to work as it is and the machine is not taking my money. As this is happening to me some guy is next to me. After a few minutes I figure out that he is asking me/telling me something or waiting for the machine. Well I'm not leaving the machine asshole till I get my new card so if you want me to hurry standing right next to me is not going to help. I look over at him and say "dude whatever you are saying i can't hear because I have head phones in" so he continues to stand there and I read his lips asking me to take them off. WTF?! Sure let me just put all my crap down, put buying my ticket on hold and remove my headphones for you. Get a fucking life. I just turned around and pretended he didn't exist. This crap happens all the time. Frequently it ends in me saying something like "fuck off" to the person. I am now a new york bitch and me and Peter aren't even friends anymore. I think its for the best...

After four days of non stop partying like its 1995 with all the epeeps I need a vacation. Things tend to get a bit out of control when you combine the Ho sisters, nyc, alcohol and various other people. Seriously I don't think I drank anything other than various forms of alcohol for four days straight. I am going to bed as soon as I get home from work- I hope I make it through the day. The only thing that would have made it better is little paulie.

So here I am at my inaugural stoop/really ghetto on the corner garage sale and I am connected to the Internet. I love wireless! I would have never imagined when I was young that I would be able to sit and surf the net via my laptop outside at my stoop sale. It makes the sitting out here begging people to buy my crap at little more bearable. Did I mention its like 60 degrees and raining intermittently? I hope I can make at least $100 today. Boy would that be sweet! OK peeps wish me luck...

The best falfel (sp?) joint near my house has the most amazing food ever. I mean out of this world so yummy in my tummy fat ass good. Lilho can testify about this. So tonight I go to get the combo w lamb (it has this amazing combo of yummy stuff) and the usual guy is there. He starts to ask all about me - what country I am from because no girl goes in there as much as me (weird i know) and how old am I blah blah. Then he wants to know about marriage?!! As in am i looking for a marriage? Hmmm lets see? No I am not. Then he gets a call asks them to hold and asks me to stay and continues to try and get my number. The problem with this is: The guy is really nice and I didn't want to be rude. I also love the food there. Can I go back now that I turned down his offer? Will it always be uncomfortable when I want a falfel?

I just read morphconflit's journal and I hope that scumbag slumlord Peter Singer reads this too. People will stop going to the BBB, Call 4 Action and whoever else will listen when he stops ripping off people! I now live in NYC and have rented several different apartments and have yet to run into a sleaze bag slumlord that can compare to Peter Singer - and this is NYC for god's sake. All I can hope to do now (seeing as how I never got my money back from Mr. Sleaze bag after never even living a day in his dump and after winning a judgement against him in court) is tell as many people as I can about his shady underhanded practices. Its hard to catch him though because as all slime bags he changes his company name often. It literally makes my stomach queasy to even think about him.

On another more happy note: TGIF

lilho comes to visit in 2 weeks which is exciting :)