When I started my first professional gig at 22 years of age, I got to work with a bunch of interesting characters who influence me even today. Looking back at that period in my life, it was a great work environment with lots of smart, motivated people.

One of these characters was a salesman who had long hair, a BMW convertible, and a carefree, "I don't give a shit" demeanor about him which I greatly admired. He was an author and a traveler. A worldly, flawed, independent person. I was a naive, wide-eyed kid who got to hang out with the older guys.

This man wrote a literary non-fiction novel, loosely based upon his career, and, of course I was a minor character in the book. He gave me a signed copy of the book and wrote inside of it "Stay gold, Ponyboy" which confused me. Was he breaking my balls? Complimenting me? I appreciated the gift but not knowing what he meant, put it at the back of my mind and sort of forgot about it until tonight.

For some reason or another this quote came up in conversation tonight while hanging out with some friends. I learned it was from a book, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. The discussion rejuvenated these decade old memories of my early adulthood so I went home to learn about the book and in particular the blurb my friend wrote to me.

I learned something interesting....he was telling me to stay how I was, to stay innocent. Here I was, at 22, wishing I was more like he was in some ways, and he wanted for me to not change my nature. There was something good in it.

It is fascinating how the universe gives you what you need at the right time again and again. Here I was today, at the peak of my depression and bitterness over what happened with Josh and my ex-girlfriend, wondering whether those things were going to overcome my happy go lucky outlook on life. Yet the message was repeated to me at a time when I was ready to understand it. Stay how you are, Jason. You're fine as-is. Things come full circle. Amazing.

That's what I always tell people when they take a kick to the groin in life. Yes, what you've heard is true - Joshua passed away on Tuesday in his hotel room in De Pere, Wisconsin. I don't know the official cause of death yet, and I would rather not discuss the details, but you can be sure it was natural causes.

I check this site now and again during the work week and I appreciate the kind gestures toward my brother. I'm not sure if he ever made it clear enough to you, so I'm motivated to say it on his behalf. Labels meant nothing to him. He found something to admire in all of you and enjoyed spending time with you as well.

The details about the memorial service, etc, are on Lee's journal.

As for me, I would never be daft enough to claim I'm unaffected. I don't need to tell you how important he was to me. This is a disaster and I have not even begun to suffer. It's comforting to know I have so many good people sending good vibes.

Some of you have written to me and I am not ignoring you! I've been trying to respond to people but I've also had a lot of really unpleasant shit to do so I haven't had enough time to respond properly. Don't worry - I'll get back to you.

Much Love
Jason

It's time to get my hairs cut once again. I still hate salons more than the dentist office. I'd like to have a style but I just don't want to set foot in one of those places. So what's a guy to do? I'll likely be buzzing my head again.

When my friend got married, and I had a giant unkempt mop on top of my head, I went with Josh to a salon on Hertel to get a trim. I'm not naming the place because I don't want to make it sound like I'm down on that one place, but in general I think going to the salon is not a lot of fun.

I feel like you go there to be judged. The vibe was really uncomfortable. In general, I think the fashion/style universe reflects the absolute worst in us, and doesn't have a ton of value to me, which probably colored my perception of being in the salon. I didn't like it and couldn't wait to leave.

Who knew that going to the salon was worse than going to the dentist's office? This was the first professional cut I got since 1998. My trim was fine, okay, no complaints there. I think it is true that a good cut makes you feel good, a little self esteem booster. Still, maybe a salon isn't the place for me, given my negative take on it.

Maybe I should stay home and continue to buzz my own hair off. It isn't a style, but I don't have to go to the salon. I can save the money for what amounts to a glass or two of wine + an appetizer when going out. Or maybe I just prefer a male stylist, or maybe I just have proximity issues with strangers. No matter what, I don't see myself going back to a salon any time soon.

I just read a Facebook friend talk about how you haven't lived until you've used some fattening app on a baby.

Man, if THAT is what it takes to "live" then I don't think you're taking advantage of life. I think you haven't lived until you've had sex in a public park. Maybe my standards are different than everyone else's.

Actually, I don't know if you're living at all if you're stuck in a concrete jungle, barely scraping by every month, living vicariously through rich people, slaves to trends and decisions you had nothing to do with.

Yeah, sounds wonderful. Actually, I enjoy living vicariously through people who maintain some kind of connection with nature. I love the photos posted by Paul and others from various spots in the wild.

If I were so inclined I would post a brief video, at a table on Canandaigua Lake, slight breeze, boats going by, a brief glimpse of my girlfriend. I think I'm living. Are you?

Maybe my sense of justice is different than yours. Have you heard of the video of the girl throwing live puppies into a river?? I won't post it. I won't watch it. I don't want to vomit.

What should the punishment be? How about pulling her cruel ass out to sea and tossing her into the ocean? I love puppies more than I love humans who discard them like fucking banana peels. Screw that.

Love you all
Jason

My friend's stag was this past weekend. Honestly I wasn't sure if it was going to be all that cool, it being a party designed to separate fools from their money and all, but it ended up being pretty fun. Beer and food = most guys are happy. Simple equation. This must be a Buffalo/WNY thing. None of my friends had similar parties. I brought a Jenna Jameson DVD to raffle off and that bad boy went FAST. Couldn't have been prouder with my selection. How can you say no to a "choose your own angle" feature?

The girlfriend was also in town, not for the stag or anything, as she told me she didn't know how to dance, heh, but we did get a little bit of time together. Things are getting more serious, and we're talking about the future. What will happen next year? The year after? Having witnessed my friend JV go through this process, I told her if one day I get married I refuse to have a big ceremony, refuse to have a shower (another shameless marriage benefit), and refuse to throw a party at some reception hall. I

The whole process resembles some jejune conformist nightmare. Seriously, outside the awesome wedding of (e:Ladycroft) and (e:Rory) aren't they all the same? Why does everyone have to go through the same BS process? Since when was going deeply into debt, for the satisfaction of knowing you have a bigger diamond, more lavish party, better cake, a requirement to be a married couple? I've thought of registering my protest by wearing the same shirt and tie every time. Same haircut.

Anyway, my girlfriend said something very interesting to me. It should have been obvious to me, but when you think about all of the photographers (love me some (e:dcoffee), you don't count, man), reception halls, caterers, mens and womens clothing, invitations....there is actually an industry dedicated to the perpetuation of this awful paradigm. I wonder what is more true. Does the industry thrive because people WANT to go through the pain in the ass? Does the industry thrive on appealing to us emotionally, making us feel like our relationship has less value if we don't do it the "right" way? Or is it peer pressure?

She also said she doesn't want to have another (cough) big to-do. This was such a huge relief for me. It's going to sound bad, okay, I'm not going to pretend it sounds lovely but the good thing about dating someone who's already had her day in the sun is that I'm off the hook, no dealing with the aforementioned pain in the ass. The only thing I would want is one good dinner with my boys, maybe some golf and cards. Whether it is this situation or another, I want to just go away somewhere, minimal number of people, middle of nowhere. Maybe on a beach. I'm sorry for saying it but I feel more connected spiritually in nature instead of in a hot church building. Don't you?

It sounds awfully close to me saying I'm ready for the next step but it is still way too early to do anything other than poke around the issue. Can't believe I'm talking about this. Anyway, I'm very thankful for what I have in my life. Very thankful. I have been so blessed this year. I think I've met my match. She cares about the little things that make life interesting and fun, which I had lost sight of for years. Life is great, people! You have to unplug, detach yourself from the day to day so-called "existence". You make yourself happy by happily investing in other people and other experiences. You feel fulfilled by participating in someone else's fulfillment - and really giving it your best. Even if this falls apart tomorrow I will still be blessed because of everything I've learned.

I've forgotten how much I enjoy mixing drinks. I'm pretty good at it too. What is your favorite summer beverage of choice?

Dear City of Buffalo,

It's always annoyed me that we have to pay a "convenience fee" for paying a parking ticket online. Bush league man, Bush league.

I love Orlando. Sun, gorgeous girls, and plenty of booze. I wish I could tell you what went on tonight but what I will say is my man got his ass paddled. Three girls, then they gave ME the paddle, it was like winning the Super Bowl. I smoked him with that paddle big time. Pray he never gets revenge. I laughed so hard.