It seems like video games are becoming more and more real these days. One of my favorite single player games of all time is Call of Duty 4. It isn't your typical war game. In fact, the message you receive loud and clear is that war is ugly, brutal, and devastating to people long-term, including the people who wage it.

You also get different perspectives. For example, you go through the following scenarios:

1) Dying in a nuclear explosion
2) As a government leader, being executed by Muslim extremists
3) Watching a friend and mentor die before your eyes

All of this in glorious HD resolution! But the game is even more real than I previously thought it to be. There is one mission where you are a gunner in an AC-130 gunship, floating in the air, vaporizing the enemy with giant bullets. The guys you fly with in the mission often make ironic comments or crack jokes about the situation below.

Last night Josh and I were on YouTube looking for videos of Apache Longbows administering justice to the enemy, when - ta da - we found some videos of AC-130 gunships under the cover of darkness just like in Call of Duty! In one video, the first thing a guy says is "If you find me some bad guys, I'll buy you ice cream for dinner!" I almost fell out of my chair laughing once I realized how much it resembled the mission in the game, and how they exaggerated it to sort of point the finger at attitudes like this.

Now, don't get me wrong - stuff like that isn't in every video, or even nearly the majority. I certainly am not one to give a damn if a shithead terrorist gets what's coming to him, either. What I find interesting, and frightening, is the potential for humans to be so callous. I don't think we'll ever learn.

• By the way, anyone on XBOX Live? ***

It has been so long since I have done anything competitively with darts, but tonight the Dynamic Duo are back in action at a local bar/BBQ joint. I am so excited to play again! As some of you may remember when I was in dart league before it got scrapped in the middle of the season because of no-shows and whatnot.

Yesterday we went to Gordon's for some practice rounds, and I have to say I blew. Badly. I've never had an issue hitting the dart board or even really with control but yesterday was terrible. Things got better over time, and I'm not worried because in crunch time we always thrive. I can't go to the venue tonight and not cream the opposition.

So here's to me representing the Elmwood Village tonight! Just need a beer or two to loosen up and it's all gravy. If you want to play and have fun, that's fine, but don't plan on winning.

Which means, of course, that we had friends visiting from NYC. Oh, I love those guys, the most fun and obscene people I know. They are married, so I can't publicly document everything, but I will say a good time was had by all.

The night kicked off at Pearl Street, where we drank some of their beer and watched the Sabres embarrass the Rangers. James is every bit the partisan Rangers fan, so it was fun needling him. Walt once again declared impartiality, which is fucking shameful. Some chick in there had the dirtiest mouth I've heard on a female, calling Jagr a "fucking pussy." That was the clean part. I laughed very, very hard.

After the game we went to Mother's because Jerry needed to wish a happy birthday to his coworker E-Max. She was having dinner with her visibly annoyed boyfriend. Mother's ain't the best place for a quiet dinner, not to mention it is the favored watering hole for prospective trophy wives and social climbers (see (e:Jenks) post about Ryan Miller and Andrew Peters - it is well known that Sabres visit the place, which explains the overwhelming stench of MHBs). I wouldn't say I hate the place, but it isn't my favorite by a long shot. Whenever I go there I feel a strong impulse to get the hell out of dodge and ritually scrub myself with lava rocks.

As an aside, I laughed until it hurt when I read (e:Jenks) post concerning her coworker who was dating Nick Carter, and had him stolen from her by Paris Hilton. I have to ask, was that a joke? Was she being serious? Because some celebrity threw her a bone (literally and figuratively) she's going to go through life thinking that's basically what she deserves, and nothing less. Truly hilarious. The evil motherfucker in me thoroughly enjoyed reading the post.

Anyhow, we finally, thank God, left Mother's and headed towards Chippewa. I have been trying my ass off to get rid of the flawed notion that the overwhelming majority of women are out for the dollas, and Chippewa is the very best place to test yourself when you have this mindset because you are literally surrounded by it at all times. Well, I don't think the notion is TOTALLY flawed, there is some truth to it, but I tend to overexaggerate it greatly.

Of course I assumed an alias ("Jake McDermott") and went to 67 West with my buddies for some more alcohol and debauchery. Josh "forgot" his ID so he went home. I chatted up many a chick with my married friends. These two cute chicks were there with their mothers, at least I think it was their mothers, either that or some really fuckin weathered 30-somethings. They tried to scam drinks from us, and I laughed out loud in their faces. How about a blow job honey? Walt was his usual charming self - the ladies love him, what can I say? I've always appreciated the runoff however. Jerry not so much so, he has to be the #1 dog at all times. This from a guy who fucks more girls in the span of a couple months than I have in my life. Whatever. We smoked some cigars, laughed it off and headed over to SoHo. You guys know how much I love SoHo.

There was a $3 cover, which is completely inexplicable considering there is never any live entertainment, unless you count everyone inside who is trying way too hard to make an impression. Had a Heineken, met an old friend who I hadn't seen in many a moon, and somehow lost my friends along the way. The place was absolutely crawling with hot ass. My libido is returning with a fury, which is yet another sign that I am coming out of it. Saw a tall, leggy blonde, an amazon woman, who was absolutely amazing. I've always wanted to know what I could get away with armed with nothing but $5 and my wits.

Eventually I found my buddies and we went back to 67, God knows why. Did some cherry bombs, chatted up a few more people, and the NYC guys got us a cab in less than 5 seconds. The cabbie was a cool ass dude. He let us smoke the remainder of our cigars, and he bumped some hip hop for us, loud as all hell. Elmwood looks very odd with no lights. Thankfully I've never been out of power. The guys wanted to partake in an unnamed activity which was met by my swift veto (if I won't do it, you know it's gotta be bad).

I love those guys. I wish I could hang with them more. I had an awesome night! How about you guys?

-Jake McDermott

At first I was going to talk about dating bloopers, after reminiscing over some very funny (and stupid) things I've done in my time. Then something occured to me, a comment (e:Ajay) wrote on my MySpace profile - something denouncing my self-proclaimed flirting glory. It occured to me, and you don't hear me say this often, (e:Ajay), so enjoy it - you are absolutely correct! So I want to encourage everyone to share their stories.

Before I start, if anyone is interested, yes Jerry and I are absolutely rampant in Dart League, after our 0-2 start. We are in top form right now.

The first thing I said to my last girlfriend - "You don't like your nose, do you?"

What I said to a girl last Tuesday, after she told me she didn't talk to me the previous week because she was seeing off a good friend - "Oh, I just thought you were being bitchy."

What I said to 2 girls in Florida who bummed cigs from me, and then asked me what else I was up to that night - "You have your cigs, now leave me alone!"

What I said to a girl who blew me off one night, and on the phone said "We'll go out tomorrow! I want to see you!" - "Screw you, you blew me off, I was embarrassed. Only call if you're actually going to follow through." (Friends of mine will find this highly ironic)

Then there was the time in college I was in my girlfriend's bed, and ripped out a GIANT fart while asleep, as well as a few aftershocks. It woke me up from a stone cold sleep, and I thought "Damn if she can live through that she's a keeper."

Jason

I see my approval rating is 100% - that is very nice to know. Maybe I will consider running for office! Anyway, I found this little nugget and thought it would be fun to make captions. I'll go first!



"Screw the facts! Screw the Constitution! I've made my choice, nudge me in 30 minutes."

"Justice Ginsburg is busy looking for her facial features, which apparently slid off and onto the desk.

My good friend (and former roommate) Walt came from Florida to hang out with us and engage in some debauchery. I can't show you the bad stuff but here are some pics of the guys before we went out.

(e:Jason) and Walt:


(e:Joshua) and Walt:


(e:Jason) and Jerry (OMG Jason lost a finger!):


Walt, (e:Joshua) and Jerry

I smoke sometimes:



Before any of you evil forces out there superimpose a cock on this picture I want to pre-empt that shit right now. It looks like I am exhaling, making a kissy face or doing my fish impression.

Jason