Flirting Bloopers And Other Fun
At first I was going to talk about dating bloopers, after reminiscing over some very funny (and stupid) things I've done in my time. Then something occured to me, a comment @ajay wrote on my MySpace profile - something denouncing my self-proclaimed flirting glory. It occured to me, and you don't hear me say this often, @ajay, so enjoy it - you are absolutely correct! So I want to encourage everyone to share their stories.
Before I start, if anyone is interested, yes Jerry and I are absolutely rampant in Dart League, after our 0-2 start. We are in top form right now.
The first thing I said to my last girlfriend - "You don't like your nose, do you?"
What I said to a girl last Tuesday, after she told me she didn't talk to me the previous week because she was seeing off a good friend - "Oh, I just thought you were being bitchy."
What I said to 2 girls in Florida who bummed cigs from me, and then asked me what else I was up to that night - "You have your cigs, now leave me alone!"
What I said to a girl who blew me off one night, and on the phone said "We'll go out tomorrow! I want to see you!" - "Screw you, you blew me off, I was embarrassed. Only call if you're actually going to follow through." (Friends of mine will find this highly ironic)
Then there was the time in college I was in my girlfriend's bed, and ripped out a GIANT fart while asleep, as well as a few aftershocks. It woke me up from a stone cold sleep, and I thought "Damn if she can live through that she's a keeper."
Jason
Before I start, if anyone is interested, yes Jerry and I are absolutely rampant in Dart League, after our 0-2 start. We are in top form right now.
The first thing I said to my last girlfriend - "You don't like your nose, do you?"
What I said to a girl last Tuesday, after she told me she didn't talk to me the previous week because she was seeing off a good friend - "Oh, I just thought you were being bitchy."
What I said to 2 girls in Florida who bummed cigs from me, and then asked me what else I was up to that night - "You have your cigs, now leave me alone!"
What I said to a girl who blew me off one night, and on the phone said "We'll go out tomorrow! I want to see you!" - "Screw you, you blew me off, I was embarrassed. Only call if you're actually going to follow through." (Friends of mine will find this highly ironic)
Then there was the time in college I was in my girlfriend's bed, and ripped out a GIANT fart while asleep, as well as a few aftershocks. It woke me up from a stone cold sleep, and I thought "Damn if she can live through that she's a keeper."
Jason
Let me see....
Item #1: I was attending a rugby function with a girl I was seeing. She was the type who doesn't go in for some of the shenanigans that often happen at these events (getting naked, excessive drinking/noise, swearing, smoking, vulgar songs...generally a good blue-collar sort of time). Well, of course she wanted to "escape" early (in all fairness, I guess early makes it sound bad...it was 11...we had been there since 7...my plan was to be there until 4am), I didn't want to, and drunk me then "makes the rounds" of all my friends (with girl in tow), announcing, "Yeah..sorry...I know, I wanted to stay too, but she needs to be 'taken care of'. *wink*".
Yeah..stellar...just stellar...lesson learned there when I was sleeping on the couch.
Item #2: I was on the phone, discussing just how much I didn't enjoy receiving oral sex from a particular girl I was dating at the time with a friend. (no..that wasn't the sole purpose of the conversation, but it came up...) and I get a beep on the call-waiting. It's said girl. "Yeah...I had a great time the other night, but I'm on the phone with Frank..can I give you a call right back? Okay..bye......*click*....So, yeah...she's AWFUL...seriously...I've gotten better head from a virgin! *silence* *female voice* WHAT?!!.....*expletives etc*"
Another shining moment.....
Item #3: Short and sweet.... "Listen, 'Lisa' (name changed), you're a really great girl....but you're ugly...seriously...just not attractive at all...please leave me alone." (In my defense: 1) I was drunk and probably high [this was back in college] and 2) She just wouldn't leave me alone...she'd get drunk and call me and get all mopey and weepy and I really didn't like her.....)
There are others...but those are the first that popped into my mind....maybe drop a few more in later...