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Category: rant

07/01/09 09:27 - ID#49137

People Who Annoy Me

It's been a while, and my rants aren't as caliente as they once were. Once in a while Jerry's fiance will make a remark concerning how mellow and even tempered I am. Some may confuse this with being dispassionate. I don't have a certain Swede's hair trigger temper but I still do get pissed off like everyone else. I'm not a saint.

I may have spit on a waitress last night at Fat Bob's. Totally by accident, of course, I'm not an asshole, but I've been getting over this Chronchitis, bringing up phlegm and snot and have had to get it out of my body. We were outside, and I tried to be courteous and dip my head around the corner when getting the shit out of my system yesterday, and sure enough this waitress comes barreling through. She got a little spittle on her leg or something. Let me tell you from experience, no apology is going to satisfy someone in her situation.

I was horrified that she got a lil contact, but I can't feel bad about doing something that is more or less involuntary when you're getting over an illness. I tried my best to apologize, I really did, but she insisted on being a bitch the rest of the evening. Came round and said how disgusting it was. Came around again and called me and my friends pigs. My friends didn't have a fucking thing to do with it!! I don't know her name, but if I did I would publicly call her out. This prickly little tart couldn't accept my apology and move on with life. You know what? Fuck off. The guy thing to do is to say you need some dick in your life. One of my pals ended up getting sick of her and telling her off, which resulted in us moving on to Colter Bay. Next time I see her I'm going to ask her out.

Next - one of my pet peeves is passive aggressive insulting. By pet peeve I mean it makes me very angry. You know what I mean - the kind of bullshit that makes you think "Is this guy actually trying to break my balls?" For some reason or another, people think they're so goddamned smart that as long as they attempt to mask their insult nobody will be able to figure it out. Michael George Hake is one of these people. Yes, pat yourself on the back again, numbskull, and bask in your glory. This is the kind of person who yells their own name while beating off. Michael George Hake, let me give you a piece of advice. Stop being a passive aggressive pussy and say what you mean if you want to insult someone. I didn't find your "joke" funny at all. You don't know me, and don't know the Jasonisms. And Josh actually apologized to him for tearing him an ass! Fuck's sake! I'm gonna remember that, Joshy.

Lastly - Al Franken. I suppose for most people this is "Nuff said" but I look forward to one of the most hateful and bitter people in the world making clowns out of the people who voted him into office. For the life of me I can't figure out what would compel anyone to vote for that guy. It's astonishing. It's like a boozed up Michael Savage getting the confidence of the electorate. I don't think they're mentally fit. The guy in interviews is trying to make himself look like a scholar, JFC it is absolutely revolting. He walks the earth while the blessed Billy Mays is tits up. I am going to get a ton of mileage out of that asshole, so I guess that's the silver lining.
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Category: rant

12/15/08 01:24 - ID#47068

Paterson Announces Various Garbage

Well, allegedly taxes could go up on clothing, gasoline, and in a number of other areas because our state government leadership cannot set real priorities or even understand first grade mathematics. Only in government can a budget be called a values document. We have some real numbskulls in local government.

Tax hikes on clothing, gasoline (indexed to the price of gas), cigarettes sold on reservations, local cash reassessments, SUNY tuition hikes. State and local government do a bang up job giving the working man a break, let alone people on fixed incomes. The talk is about people "paying their fair share" who already get roto-raped by the State. Oh, and how about rules put in place to require new license plates, thus triggering more revenue? They can't fuck you enough.

Any chance we'll get a break if and when we ever pull out of this stinking mess? I'll go ahead and safely guess that they'll do what they've always done - fail to adapt, fail to prioritize, shift blame for an upstate exodus and a shrinking tax base onto someone else. Our deficit is projected to get worse, not better, yet they treat necessary belt tightening as if it is torture. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they are purposefully trying to push people out of the state.

PS - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NYS don't repeat the same lie about a cigarette tax hike being about my health. NYS doesn't want anyone to quit smoking - it is too profitable.
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Category: rant

10/13/08 10:51 - ID#46083

Josh Was Right - People Working

What a beautiful day. Welcome to my vacation. I'd love to get coffee but I can't because there is a line out the door. Does nobody have a fucking job here? I guess if you can get the milk for free there's no reason to buy the cow. Good God.
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Category: rant

07/18/08 04:48 - ID#45065


The good news is I have new front and back brakes on my car, a new left tie rod, and an alignment. Sweet. I also have a fresh dent in my rear passenger side door. The mechanic said they were sorry and they would fix it....but....fucking A!! FUCK!!!
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Category: rant

07/16/08 08:02 - ID#45042

Unbelievable Liars

Out of Control Stress

The stop smoking campaign isn't going very well, I have to admit. I got into an accident a couple of weekends ago, and have been dealing with epic piles of bullshit ever since. You guys have to admit I have come a long way in terms of my volatility, but this has me spitting flames I'm so angry.

The Accident

Josh and I were in the car and stopped at the 4-way stop signs at Forest Avenue and Lincoln Parkway. There were two cars in the opposite direction, ready to cross each other through the intersection. The other party, let's call him "Sparky" started creeping up behind one of the cars, C2.


C1 and C2 cross the intersection, passing each other. As C1 and C2 pass each other, Sparky creeps up to the stop sign at which C2 had just been. We're still stopped at the intersection as C1 and C2 pass, awaiting our turn.


I start going, knowing it's my turn to cross through the intersection and Sparky, apparently not knowing the fucking rules, starts crossing through the intersection as well. I didn't notice in time, and he struck my rear passenger side panel/bumper.


The Aftermath

There was literally no damage to my car. The only evidence of an accident on my car was a streak of paint from Sparky's car. Unfortunately, Sparky was unlucky and had some damage. His plate holder flew off and he had some scrapes on his front bumper. The hood and headlights were all fine, thank goodness. The damage was contained to one piece.

Of course, continuing his questionable judgment, Sparky assumed that he would go through my insurance to pay. We waited for Buffalo's finest to show up so we could file a police report. Everyone was fine and in decent spirits. Things were cordial.

The officer arrived eventually and got all of our information. He gave us both forms with the other person's information on it. We both started getting into what happened for a few seconds when he said that he wasn't going to talk about guilt, and that there would be no police report. We had to go through our insurance companies. Fine, okay, whatever you say.

After this we continued on our way and I started the process of notifying my insurance company of what happened, gave them every piece of information I had, and also asked them a few questions. The next day I got a call from a different guy asking for my statement and other information. I also ended up giving Sparky's insurance company the same statement, and they notified me there was no claim open with them, that Sparky was still trying to get my insurance company to pay for the damages.

The Bullshit

Since then things have gotten incredibly bizarre. After some talks with my insurance guy, I ended up finding out Sparky told a different story, that not only was it my fault, but that I had actually run the 4-way stop!!! The insurance guy ensured me that things were in our favor, and to not worry. He explained what was going to happen from now on, and that it could potentially take weeks or months for it all to get sorted.

Today I got a call from the insurance guy telling me something new, and I have to say I'm shocked. He told me that he had a voice mail from officer so and so saying that I had admitted guilt at the scene, that I had admitted cutting Sparky off (what about me running the 4-way?), and that a notarized memo was coming. There is a problem with this scenario:


I'm so angry right now. I wonder what the motivations are here. The cynical side of me has thinking it is really ugly. We are in a city divided. I don't want to think that way, it is only going to make me a nasty person, so I'm going to assume he made a simple mistake, and that Sparky filled his head with crap.

If I really was guilty, the insurance would have never been fucking involved! I can afford it and would have paid for a fucking bumper with cash! But I did nothing wrong, nothing at all, other than not realizing in time that Sparky was flying through the intersection. This is about me not having to pay for a mistake that was not my own. I'm an honest man and I'm trying to do the right thing here.

Dealing With It

So, as it stands, I am smoking more than ever. I can't believe things have gone this way, but I remain confident that the facts and the evidence will outweigh this heaping, stinking pile of feces currently in my lap. I don't ask for a lot, but this one time I need things to go in my favor. Justice is justice.
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Category: rant

04/20/08 09:44 - ID#44063

Pissed Off - First Time In A While

Friends, tell me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm a pretty easy going guy. Have I not come a long way? It is pretty difficult to get on my nerves, as opposed to some people who let everything affect them. I've read articles on the web and in magazines about how you can affect your health by being quick to anger. I've also read another take on it in Proverbs 14:29.

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

Sometimes though, people test you and make it very difficult for you to keep your cool. It seems like I run into this situation every time I sit down at a card table with Kevin O'Neill. He's a good pal of Jerry's, and for the life of me I don't know why the dude just can't be cool with me when it comes to cards. There always has to be some kind of smart ass, snide comment lobbed my way. To wit:

1) Saying "I can't play with this dealer" and sighing heavily when I made a very simple mistake when dealing Hold Em.

2) Shitting on my ability to play, in a roundabout way, when really I had enough and just wanted to throw the game and go home after Episode #1.

3) Next time around, saying in a smart ass tone "Yeah, that was my strategy, just to be lucky" after I tried to make innocent small talk about how great his cards were the time before.

4) Last night in Kenmore (buddy's house by Consumer's), saying something to the effect of "I don't mind losing a guy" after I suggested a friendly game this time instead of betting cash (seeing as the last couple of times, $10 made people act funny).

Now, this isn't to say he hasn't been awesome off of the card table. We've chilled and had a good time on many previous occasions. I just want to make that clear, and to offer up some balance.

Some people (Jerry included) just don't understand what would stop people from betting their chips foolishly when money isn't involved, as opposed to a meaningless $10. Not that I am unable to defend myself, but I would never EVER let anyone cheap shot him without being swiftly made to look like a jerk. Is there something I don't understand?

I've gotta tell ya, this has had a cumulative effect on me, and especially after half a dozen Spatens I nearly lost my nerve. Even worse, I almost gave in and lost my commitment to completely cease ingesting green things. Oh, but don't worry peeps, I held on and that's about all I want to broadcast about it.

I don't get mad a lot, and don't believe in anger as an appropriate response to most situations. I couldn't tell you when the last time I really got mad was before last night. I told Jerry "You and I are talking tomorrow" via text and I know he likes being cool with the guy, he's KO's pal, but if it happens again I'm not going to get mad - I'm just going to offer up $10 and ask if that's the price for him to not be a shithead. More realistically, I should just avoid ever playing cards with the guy again.

Sometimes it just has to be that way, because people just can't be cool. I'm not going to let it get me down, because the good lord gave us another friggin awesome day, the girls are everywhere, I got some sweet new Ray-Bans, I have visions of taking the backroads with classic rock blaring, and the grill is officially open.

If you see this guy today, offer him Limoncello or Grappa.

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Category: rant

01/25/08 02:02 - ID#43030

Religious Fucking Hypocrites

And you guys know me...I'm the last one to gratuitously bollock Christians or Christianity.......but there are some real winners over on the Evangelical right. I don't really talk about it, but I do a lot of debating with people from all over the political spectrum outside of this site.

Tell me this - when someone quotes the Book of Matthew to determine why he has the right to judge and condemn people:

Matthew 7 (King James Version)

15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

24Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

25And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

26And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

27And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

28And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:

29For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

Why would that person then whine and complain about you being guilty of the sin of omission when you "only" quote parts of Matthew 7 that allude to the exact opposite conclusion?

It is called being a HYPOCRITE, and using the words of Jesus to justify hatred and condemnation of people you don't see eye to eye with. You people already know this, but their version of "faith" is poison.

You know what I think? I think Jesus would share a table with the gays, the junkies, the whores, and everyone else who these assholes condemn. I think Jesus would curse the small-minded fools who pretend to speak on his behalf in this way.

Frankly, I'm done trying to debate them. They are useless. I believe in Social Darwinism to an extent. The radicals on either side can piss off as far as I'm concerned and be relegated to nothing but sideline spectators.

At least for humor, we have the LOLcat Bible!

"At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz."
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Category: rant

01/02/08 02:19 - ID#42725

Landlords Bullshitting You


You know what I really don't love? Being without a refrigerator for an embarrassingly long amount of time. Having to attempt to use a dorm fridge to live out of, which is ridiculous and maddening. I don't want to pay my fucking rent right now.

I mean, I've tried to be nice, to deal with them honestly, I mean the fucking thing is broken and it is their responsibility to fix it or replace it, just as it's my responsibility to pay the rent. Can you imagine the shouting that would occur if I were to lie and say, well, I just can't afford to pay the rent so I'll just give you $500 a month until you bother the living shit out of me to get the rest?

No, when it is time to pay the rent, and if you don't, if you hold it, they are up your fucking ass, and then say, well, we'll have to do something about that fridge. By the way, did I mention that I have no confidence at all that anything is going to get done with it? I'm just going to get strung along again and again and again, because motherfuckers are too greedy and/or lazy to get the god damned job done and do the right thing.

Oh no, now is no longer the time to be cordial and nice, and politely request that they do what they are fucking supposed to do. I am so beyond my limit that I am bound to do or say something so venemous and nasty that it will fracture my relationship with them.

So, it is time to calm down. I've been as polite as I can be, and I can only be strung along and ignored for so long (which is, by the way, a lot longer than most people). Now is the time to just go get a new fridge and deduct it from the rent. Fuck it. I can't wait to savor the indignation that will inevitably come my way.

YOU try living like a fucking stray animal for months and see how YOU like it, asshole!!!

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Category: rant

12/20/07 10:17 - ID#42596

I Hate Shopping

It is definitely the most tedious, annoying, and soul-draining experience possible. You have to battle the most ignorant drivers in the world just to get to the mall, risk life and limb just to get a parking spot, sift through tons of stores that never have exactly what you want, and...oh yeah....wait in lines that average 50 people, with screaming, bratty kids that you want to silence with one of those compound bows from Dick's.

What do you end up with at the end? Some socks and an ass warmer for the Ice Bowl, but nothing for the people you actually wanted to shop for. Best Buy has dick for music DVDs, unless you're one of those people who listens strictly to distasteful, shitty music that I would ban in a New York minute (minus The Who's new documentary, and one or two other things). For fuck's sake!

I went to New World to alleviate the pain, trying to forget the racist and offensive "The Chosen Keyboard" sticker set I saw the last time I went. I took a photo on my cell phone, but really wanted to find the owner and squeeze his throat for allowing this in what I used to consider a great store. Yeah yeah, my keyboard won't work on Saturdays - HAHA, funny, you fucking schmucks. I guess Buffalo hipsters really do want to emulate the Euros.

Anyway, New World is the only store I know of that has a good variety of music DVDs, so I was willing to move on with life. When I got there, I found they don't have a DVD section anymore. They are all scattered among the various artists, so if you don't know exactly what you want and just want to browse the DVDs, you are shit out of luck. No DVD section, but they sure as shit made tons of room for action figures, repackaged gum and candy with various "clever" labels, and said racist sticker set. Needless to say I left empty handed. Who buys that shit?

The last refuge for a frazzled shopper is the Internet. Everything you want is at your fingertips, and you don't have to deal with any of the things I've already bitched about. You can be in your jammies, smoking a cig, drinking a beer, and have a much better experience, right? WROOOOONG. Oh no, you have a whole new set of hurdles and problems to deal with.

For example, what if your brother is a soccer fan? Well, you have damn few options if you want something along the lines of a book or DVD. This sums up the experience:

- Look on Amazon for Book (Book Not Available until July 2008?)
- Call various shops in the area (Book Not Available in the USA!!!)
- Look on Amazon.UK (Available, but shipping is 2x the price of book)
- Look on Amazon for DVD (Not Available)
- Go to Chelsea Megastore (They won't ship to the USA!!!)
- Go to USA Chelsea Megastore (Not Available)
- Look on multiple soccer shop sites (Not Available)
- Look on Amazon for another DVD (Not Available in USA, won't play on USA DVD players anyway)

This is the point when you just throw your hands in the air and give up. Now I know why Gift Cards were invented - if I had just did the thoughtless thing and gotten a Gift Card, I might have avoided all of the stress and blood pressure fluctuations. This is about me now, not you, jerks! Now imagine if I had a girlfriend - everything would only be multiplied. Shopping for women is more sweat-inducing than sex. I don't think I've ever worried more about anything than a girlfriend's reaction to a gift, especially if I tried really, really hard to get something she would like. I tend to want badly for her to love what I get. Thankfully, I avoid that drama this year.

When it's all over, and you just want to sit at home with a friend and decompress, and your phone is in a dead spot so you never get the phone call, you realize things just aren't going your way. I am so done with Christmas shopping. God help me if I have to go out and do it again this weekend. Someone will have to give me a tank and mask (pumping herb into my system), and a wheelchair.
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Category: rant

08/21/07 01:05 - ID#40656

Fucking Hell

For three years, I have been on this site, using rhetoric as a means to an end, sometimes to make a point forcefully, other times to give the soft touch to an issue that commands some delicacy.

By now, anyone who has been reading me, or anyone who has ever met me face to face, should know exactly what the shtick is. I am not so naive or presumptuous as to assume that any of you are like your blog, because we use it in different ways. For me, it's a way to blow off steam and have fun. 85% of it has always been tongue in cheek.

Now, just because some of you don't get the shtick, does not mean that I am open to you policing what I write. You know how I feel about that. I don't feel the pathological need to police what I feel are bullshit, nonsense opinions, otherwise I would quickly suffocate every single post I see that even has a whiff of politics involved. I leave you alone most of the time. I'm a live and let live kind of guy nowadays.

So, please, for God's sake, leave your embarrassing "Grow up" and your assumptions about what kind of women I attract, or comments about what I honestly think and feel locked up in the basement where it belongs. I don't particularly give a shit, respect, or lend any credibility at all to that, for good reason. Most of the time I'm just doing what I always do, use rhetoric as one of the many tools in the bag to get my point across.

I'm trying to be diplomatic here, and not resorting to dropping a 2 ton verbal sledgehammer, which I most certainly will do ad nauseum if this bullshit persists. I have opened myself up completely two times when it comes to women, once with a letter to my friend Janine, which I promptly deleted the day after when I was horrified that I wrote it publicly, and the second time being a recent letter I wrote targeting my ex Nicole, which was dripping with grief, when I addressed my disappearance from her life completely.

I know damn well how women behave during dating - I DATE WOMEN. I know that the generalizations do not apply, and I know that people who don't date women will never get the jokes I make about the dating game. I know that what I write is not technically correct. That's not the point, and it never has been. If I want to blow off steam, just like the rest of you do when you talk about what people are wearing, what they should be driving, what they should be cleaning with, who they should be voting for, why guys keep on disappearing from their lives, then I am going to do it.
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New Site Wide Comments

joe said to flyingdinosaur
Welcome to (e:strip)!...

paul said to joe
oh Jan Magnussen ;)...

paul said to tinypliny
I miss you too!...

tinypliny said to paul
Oh I see the sheep are there too. Is this the entirety of your flock? :D...