(e:Hodown) - Are you okay? You didn't mention what happened.

Being rejected and not wanted by women is just something guys have to deal with. It's part of being a guy - having every little aspect of you scrutinized and judged harshly. If, and mean IF you are lucky enough she'll grace you with her presence. You would think the word "mercy" isn't in the female vocab! Never though have I said that I would swear off women.

I've always wondered about dating in NYC. Most likely I would never survive because the materialism and shallowness are probably much more intense than here in Buffalo. I really don't envy you in that sense - I'm sure there are lots of available singles but the attitude is different. When something is tough, or something isn't going your way why give up on it? Get pissed off, get motivated. Maybe this means we need further explanation.

Jason

I decided yesterday to drink. Man I feel drained.

I went with my best friend to Colter Bay. We got a pint of Guinness. Then we got the Group Therapy (Pitcher of Stella Artois + 5 shots of Crown Royal). Two people are a group, right? Then I said "You know what buddy? I want a martini." So we went to Cecelia's. I really like Cecelia's, plus it is within only a few steps of my apartment. They switched up the martini menu on me so my favorite drink is GONE. That sucks but they have another one now (Orange Sunrise) that is pretty good.

It was pretty empty there but there were four very good looking ladies sitting at the bar. Of course at this point Jerry and I were both WAY in the tank. I sit at his right side and try to be the voice of reason. I know that when he drinks and opens his mouth sometimes the stupidest shit comes out. Then again, he gets way more girls than I do. At any rate, Jerry went to the bathroom, came back and made a line for the two girls closest to us. At that point my mind ceased to function.

Why is it that I wrongly make assumptions about martini girls? I see otherwise normal chicks, cute and dressed up, drinking martinis and my heart goes cold. I then make my assumptions, that they wouldn't want to talk to me, that they are gold diggers, that they have their head up their ass, Jerry is better looking than me so they both will want him....a whole array of things zip in and out of my head. Then I become altogether disinterested in the situation and remove myself from it. I grabbed Jerry's phone, then ran outside to smoke a cig and make a call.

When I got back inside Jerry and the girls were laughing so I engaged in the conversation (though I wouldn't introduce myself). The girls were tipsy and having a good time. They didn't have any boyfriends, or at least that's what they said. It turns out they know and like the guys from Anal Pudding, which let me know they must be cool and down to earth and not easily offended. My heart grew warmer and I felt better about being with them. Instead of observing and looking bored I got comfortable and hung out for a while. I looked the blonde up and down and thought "Wow, this is exactly the type of chick I like. I am messing up so badly! Why haven't I been talking to her the whole time?" I'm not sure how or when our conversation ended but they left, without us. That's when I realized I blew a genuine opportunity. They were both lovely and intelligent.

After we said goodbye, we saw the other two girls again outside and so Jerry again made a line for them. Again my heart went cold and I became severely disinterested. Again I made the same assumptions. These two were knockouts! I thought, "Why would they want to talk to me? They'll just act like I'm beneath them. They will ignore me." I saw a dog walking alone and I went to play with it, deciding that it was better to spend time with him. I talked the dog's owner for a while (he owns the flower shop by Cecelia's, nice guy) and then went back to Cecelia's. Jerry was still there talking to the girls so I walked up and introduced myself. Jerry said "We were just talking about how women only like jerks." I replied "Why would you guys talk about this?" Jerry always brings this up, and to me it's just like saying "I'm bitter and you aren't going to like me." If you're actually trying to get a girl to like you why talk like this? After a while the girls left, again without us.

I did everything wrong last night. Jerry at least believed in himself, and at least he went after something he wanted. I disappeared, I left him alone, I let him down. I couldn't stop kicking my own ass for just a second to think hell yes I deserve to hang out with a cool, intelligent, beautiful chick and hell yes I'm more than good enough for them. I'm good looking, have a decent job, educated, have diverse interests, like to have fun and good conversation, and am undeniably sweet. I have a lot of good in me and even if the girls had their head up their ass it would still remain so. I should never have doubted myself. I should never have let my own insecurity trip myself up that way. I'm so upset at myself. I actually was very interested in that blonde. Maybe I'll see her again someday.

Jason

My sink blew up and spewed forth nasty water, pounding the kitchen floor with wave after wave until I finally woke up and saw the floor flooded. I thought, now what kind of bullshit is this on my birthday? Good things should be happening to me on my birthday, like lots of female attention. I just finished cleaning all this up and now I don't even know if it's worth going to bed. My sink blew up, but hey at least I don't have to go to work!

Jason

The one thing that I know I have in common with everyone on earth is that I don't know where we came from, how we got here, or where we are going. Sure, science has tried for a long time to describe it for us, with some degree of success. Then again, science has historically done a particularly shitty job describing things - ourselves, the world around us, etc. The pattern is to continuously fuck up until we stumble on an answer. We routinely mess up things which are a whole hell of a lot less complicated than the mysteries of life and ourselves.

Lets say for the sake of argument, I believe that we somehow developed from chimps into intelligent civilizations, masters of math, art and architecture, in a relatively short period of time. Presumably I would think that we are not yet at the end of our evolution. When does the evolution stop? Who is to say that we won't develop some kind of telekinetic powers? How will we further develop? Will it take 100,000 years? Or is there something we can do to help ourselves? These are questions nobody, scientific or religious, can answer for us and yet we continue to fake and front like we know everything.

Perhaps next we will become much more evolved spiritually - developing a heightened sense of unconditional love and a very strong sense of unity and oneness with each other. I think this is the kind of thing that needs to happen if we are ever going to end war, disease and poverty - not to mention travel among the stars. Today, realistically, we are incapable of all those things. Our focus is undeniably on the self. Something needs to happen, and does it really matter if it is an act of God or the product of our own evolution, as long as it happens?

Jason

I saw (e:DocC) and (e:Rachel) just a few minutes ago. I shouted "Hey Rachel" to try to get their attention but no luck. This marks two unsuccessful attempts at (e:peep) conversation in a week! Dang people, how scary can a skinny white boy be? lol

I have this horrible feeling today. (e:Joshua) is gone now, off to the DR and I am left on my own for two weeks. Frankly I don't know what my problem is. I don't know if I'm just stressed from work or if it is because it's so unnatural for me to not have my brother around. Sinking feeling go away!!!!

Jason

We likes to party!

I cleaned my living room today and on the back of a piece of sheet music I found the sonnet I wrote for an ex girlfriend! She didn't appreciate it much, which was really humiliating because I had never opened up to someone in that way before. "Last time I write a poem!" I said. I still like it though I never was the best student in english class (zzzz). I didn't find out until AFTER that experience that women don't like poems. Wha? Gramma LIED. Anyway I'll share it with you all because I think if you have something important to tell someone special, you really should do it. Here it goes:


I wandered out into the lonely night
To seek that which I'd never known before
When out of darkness came a blinding light
Which pierced the sky; It I could not ignore

An image shone from where the light had come
Descending from the sky for me to see
An angel I had found; afraid and numb
I asked her why she came that night to me

She smiled gently, touched my face; I wept
Because I found that night what I had sought
A love that knows no limits and is kept
Deep in the soul, the kind that's rarely caught.

You are my angel, love, and you must know
My heart is yours to keep. I love you so.


Obviously I was head over heels for this girl. I'll never write another sonnet again but I felt like I absolutely HAD TO SAY SOMETHING to let her know what was going on in my head. If you have something important to say to someone, do it now because you never know if you will get the opportunity (and I know some of you guys know what I'm talking about).

Jason

I read this on a message board and I thought it was funny. Answer these questions and then see if you have what it takes to get with a hot woman!

Q: What did you make last year in income? under 250k?
A: That's about five times what I make! Holy shit!

Q: How much do you bench press? less than 300 lbs.?
A: Probably half that. lol

Q: What is your bodyfat percentage? Over 8 percent?
A: I have no idea. I'm slender to average build.

Q: What is the average income in your zip code you live in? under 100k?
A: People here are fucking POOR.

Q: What is your height? under 6?
A: I'm six feet! I qualify!

So it sounds like I have a lot of work to do. Luckily men get better with age!

Jason

Just let it be over! Please~!!!

Jason