Well peeps, things have been, eh, so-so. But, I am here and making the best of it. Some happenings:

- Found out my high school sweetie is getting married in July. She is one of the good ones, and I wish only the best for her.

- Went to the Brian Dux Benefit on Saturday. You all should have been there! It was a great event that did a lot of good for a friend. I have to admit, when I saw him I started to tear up. I hate seeing him that way, but it makes you remember that whatever problems or hurdles you have, they are small.

- Spent yesterday bumming it over at Merlin's with some friends, then rolling back to the apartment for a barbecue. Indie rock and good burgers were the theme of the night.

- For the first time ever, I got a spam text today. Freaking A.

Ohhhhhmmmmmmmm

Oh boy, I can still taste the Tyskie on my palate. You know it's going to be a cracking evening of entertainment when the first thing a girl says to you is that you're drinking out of her ex husband's flask. HA! It ain't his anymore - on both accounts. Later she taught me how to Polka.

And Polka I did, the irony being neither of the girls I danced with were Polish. One was Ukrainian, the other was the Buffalo mix of Irish and Italian. Everyone knows my aversion to dancing, but I actually had a great time doing the Polka. This must mean I am getting old. I don't care though, because it was seriously a fun, carefree night.

At the Terminal I saw (e:JBeatty) and his guest. It was nice to see you out and about. I should have mentioned the ice bar with the free vodka shots in it, but I'm sure you found it anyway. I hope your guest wasn't Polish and offended by my little joke concerning how the beer line was thought out. I can't help my sense of humor sometimes.

Adam Miskiewprzxcyt Library and Dramatic Circle was the venue for the Polka, and the floor was shaking up and down, up and down. The band did Polka covers of some AC/DC tunes, and also some real authentic folk music type of shit which I enjoyed. There was beer and food everywhere. On the way Josh and some others got SMOKED in the leg with a pussy willow, which I found very funny when they described the pain. Love hurts, buddy, suck it up!

I am a Dyngus Day virgin no more. Next year I am definitely taking the day after off. Why Monday, Poles? Why why why?

Overall it was a good weekend. Chelsea beat Arsenal, Liverpool lost, I got fed, and my car didn't quit on me.

My bracket is totally screwed right now. I had Georgetown and Duke in the Final 4. I still have Memphis and UNC though, so hopefully I can make a comeback in my little Yahoo bracket competition.

I haven't called that girl back after that birthday date nightmare. You know she called me up during the date when I was signing her birthday card and getting her cake, telling me to go back into the living room because she was bored? I laughed so hard when I heard that message. Ajay, you were right, I should have been trying for Girl #2 instead. Coming to terms with failure is just part of the deal I suppose.

Since everyone is talking about work...well, the mood around here is still really off. It has been exacerbated recently by a pile of issues and the fact that one of the guys has been out on vacation. Everyone's mood is awful. Conditions are not ideal, and I think I'm going to look into moving on. We'll see how it goes.

Today is Dyngus Day. What I've read suggests that many a person have found true love on Dyngus Day, although I don't know if that extends to the non-Polish. I think I'll just go and have fun and be flirty and party and be Polish for a day. That sounds pretty good. I hope that there is food at this shindig.

Ok, got to go, but I hope everyone had a Happy Easter. Be good, peeps, and don't drink and drive today if you're Polish or wannabe Polish!

I'm doing pretty darn well so far in my NCAA bracket. I got 13 of 16 correct, missing only Kansas State, UNLV and Texas A&M.

I got that St. Joseph's/Oklahoma game right, though Josh!

The rest were kindasorta gimmes. I won't win a prize if I do better than my pals, only the satisfaction of victory.

I have to give it to the man, it's f**king brill. He says everything that needs to be said. Not saying I'm ready to come into the fold, but I have a lot of respect for someone who doesn't hide behind their campaign staff, deflect, counterattack, or otherwise avoid difficult moments.

Of course, as usual for me, I worried needlessly.

The other night she met us out at my local to watch the Sabres game (she loves the Sabres probably more than I do) and she heard us talking about the nomenclature we use for all of the Nicoles in our lives (N1, N2, N3, etc...)

I should explain.

Jerry and I know a jillion Nicoles, some of them have been our girlfriends, flings, pals, and everything in between. Most of it of course being on Jerry's end because I have no game whatsoever. We know a lot of Nicoles. So we call my ex-girlfriend Nicole N5, because she is the fifth Nicole we know. It is only a way for us to keep all of these Nicoles straight when in conversation with each other. There is no malice or shady connotation whatsoever.

Of course, the object of my affection heard that and ran off to the bathroom, looking none too pleased. She thought when I said N5 that it was in fact the fifth Nicole I've bread and buttered, and I number them because of some sinister macho male reason, and I do this with all my lovers. Of course it isn't true at all, but that didn't matter.

She said, I thought you were different. She told me how disappointed she was. It was like a dagger to the chest. I would rather get kicked in the balls with spiked boots than hear that come from her mouth. I thought, damn, I got sunk by a negative trait I don't even have!!! Jerry caught wind of this and immediately straightened the situation out, lord knows I tried but couldn't explain so well when I had lumps in my throat.

Anyway....now things are better, and I landed another date. I told her that I might not see her on her birthday, so I wanted to celebrate with her on our own. Gonna take her to dinner, and I had an idea for the Albright Knox but she isn't all that down with the exhibit, not the kind of art she likes. So I'm sort of looking for any helpful ideas about what galleries are cool in the area and where might be a good idea to take a girl to see some stuff. Or, if you have an off the wall idea to help me, please do. I've got part of my plan set, but not all of it!

It's true, what else can I say? The one thing I looked forward to this week sort of didn't turn out like I hoped and my stomach is in knots. But don't worry, I'll be okay. Yes I will.

I'll bite. I am probably as honest about my negatives as my positives on here, and I don't mind answering some things honestly.

1. What pops into your mind when you hear the word "church?"

My childhood. Lessons in the classroom. Lots of pomp and ritual, which I enjoyed. Coffee and sweets. Singing in the choir. Playing my trumpet. Later getting paid to play at weddings and holidays.

2. Has anyone ever invited you to their church? What did you think when they asked you? Did you go? How did it feel? If you didn't go, why not?

Yes. I thought it was a pretty bold gesture, one that had to be respected and appreciated. No, I didn't go and so I can't tell you how it felt. I was pretty hungover that morning I do recall, so if I felt anything that morning it was regret.

But I do have to say that I guard the sovereignty of my relationship with God very intensely. I do not talk about it often, and I do not follow any particular doctrine. I don't even really believe in 100% of the Bible as fact rather than metaphorical teaching tools.

3. Have you ever had a sense of God or Jesus communicating with you? What was it like?

Back when I was deep in my funk, when I was, ahem, being treated, I thought about this stuff a lot, tried communicating, tried asking for help. Eventually I got desperate and asked some people for some prayers, a whole bunch of people, I thought screw it, couldn't hurt. That night I felt so freaking low. Even if I could describe it I wouldn't.

The next morning I woke up and I'm telling you, something was different. I got up, got some coffee, flipped open the news, read about the war and I felt empathy for people, something that hadn't happened for months. I realized that there is a lot in the world to give a damn about, starting with myself. It was like I was awake again.

And from then on things started happening. Two days later I got a new job. Later that month I had a girlfriend. Things have been very good, not perfect, but very good since then. I don't know whether it is coincidence, or I just snapped out of it, whether it was God communicating, or something else that is completely unknown, but it did lead to a lot of questions for me.

One answer that I got, from God or whoever, was that if you remain in isolation and do nothing you will never get any help. You make an effort first, you reach out, then you have a shot at getting what you need, and I don't see why God would be any different. You make the first step. Magic, voodoo or coincidence, I still call it a spiritual awakening, like a detox for the soul.

4. If you had one question you could ask God and knew you would get an answer, what would it be?

Things are really messed up down here, and I know you could find a way to do it, so why don't you directly intervene?

5. Would you like prayer for anything?

Just for the general well being of myself, my friends and family.

I guess I have to admit it.

You guys would be proud, I've tried this time and given a damn about it. I've been a gentleman, done the right thing, haven't acted like a jerk or ignored her. I've actually gotten on the phone and called, and she says she hasn't been feeling well since Thursday. Either I called or she called me over this past weekend, and we talked about how she still wasn't feeling right and wasn't up to hanging out.

There is a little part of me that wonders, am I being gamed or friend zoned here? Is something wrong? We went on the one date. I thought it went great. I caught myself liking spending time with her. I suppose she deserves the benefit of the doubt, but still when you keep on hearing no, no, no, you can't help but lose some enthusiasm. She said to me on Sunday, "Call me soon." I assume that is supposed to buoy my confidence. I suppose all I can do is just call her soon like she said.

We'll see how it shakes out. I'm not going to sweat it too hard.