I saw this on MySpace and I thought it was rather funny.....enjoy!

Peace, Love and Orgasms!

Your homie,
Jason



How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

• birthdays
  
• anniversaries
  
• arrangements she makes

..



..



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

What if the thing I ordered for my GF doesn't come in when it is supposed to? Is it time for Plan B? (Dick in a box)

Finally, thanks to (e:Zobar) I was able to go to O's web site and see what they have to offer. The missus wants to get some grub from there for Valentine's Day. So I roll over to my HSBC Web Banking to ensure I have the funds.

Wait for it.....wait for it.... -32.07

Fuck. How am I supposed to get dinner with negative money? Not to mention this will become -65.07 once they inevitably fee my ass. Trip to TO with girlfriend, new monitor, V-Day gift, parking ticket fees, cell phone bill, and of course normal indulgences = running out of cash.

This is very depressing. I'm not going to sit here and complain about the Government being responsible for my financial status, which would of course be bullshit, as it always is. I just wish I would have planned the month a little better. I probably could have put off paying the parking tickets, which in retrospect would have been worth it because I would be able to get dinner AND be able to do my fucking laundry.

Now I have to figure it out. Do I take out a C-Note from my already negative bank account, and accrue yet another 33 dollar fee so I can do my laundry and have money for dinner tomorrow, plus whatever else I might do between now and the 15th? I don't see much of a choice. I can't go to the missus and say, sorry, you're going to have to pick up dinner. Even though I think gender roles are complete nonsense when it comes to relationships nowadays you still feel something is very wrong if you don't come through on V-Day.

At least I have $2 in my pocket, which will get me a Sparks.

Interesting......makes you wonder what kind of tech the US is secretly working on, even if you don't believe in any kind of UFO mumbo jumbo.

Giuliani Moves Closer To Presidential Run:


Hmm. As far as his politics are concerned, he is without question closer to me than any other politician I can think of. The problem is that supporting him opens me up to hypocrisy because of his, ahem, lack of fidelity and discretion in the past.

Clearly something has to give. I am not ready to simply acknowledge that it is acceptable for people, even the alleged best and brightest of us, to take an oath of fidelity and trust, then turn around and act like it doesn't matter.

To me the ability to cheat exhibits a number of serious character flaws, some of them applicable to how you view your profession. I don't think this applies in all cases, nonetheless it is worrisome when you're talking about someone in the filthiest profession we've invented, and also in the position of potentially leading our nation.

No, I don't think I can give that up because I don't think Rudy G, nor any politician, is worth giving up my principles for. As much as I would like to see someone who thinks like me in office, I don't think I can in good faith support Giuliani.

Looks like it's gonna have to be McCain by default.

Gavin Newsom. I know that many of you are fans of his, after all he did break California law in marrying homosexual couples, an example of what some would call an act of bravery. I call it being an arrogant dickwad, and doing the right thing the wrong way, and setting your cause back somewhat.

He seems to be in the news again, this time for sexing his campaign manager's wife!



I am not going to be like Josh and gratuitously slam San Francisco. There are good and bad things about it, like anywhere else in the world. This is a very sad turn of events. I will wait until they vote him in again before mercilessly ripping them apart with my teeth.

Newsom deserves no sympathy whatsoever. I hope his political career goes straight down the toilet. It's nice that he apologized to the public, but what about the family he ruined? It's the PRC, so if they divorce she will probably clean her husband out anyway. Maybe if there were actual legal consequences for being a cheating whore these things wouldn't happen so frequently.

NAUGHTY!


I feel for the guy in the middle, whose boss (and mayor) fucked his wife. The guy's life is in rags. I can't imagine being in his place, not being able to trust someone who is supposed to be your greatest friend and partner in life.

Say what you want about Byron Brown - he would never embarrass us in this way. In a sense, I've got a greater appreciation for our own mayor today.

For some reason.

Anyhow, I'm not intentionally trying to be harsh to anyone. I drop F-bombs in everyday language, and of course not everyone knows that. Lord knows I've made my glowing opinions of certain people known, so it has nothing to do with any kind of malicious intent.

For me, it's not like Sean is a jerk, or a shitty personality in any way whatsoever, so I do not at all understand the abuse hurled towards him. It gives us a window into one of the darkest aspects of humanity - the need to tear down people with a positive vision. We revel in our negativity, especially here in Buffalo, where we hate who we are, and have very little tolerance for anything different.

We just celebrated MLK Jr. Day - one of the greatest Americans in history, and someone I idolize, was killed in cold blood - and WHY WAS THIS? Because he dared to dream of a future that included a united humanity, little black boys and little white boys playing together side by side. Only after the fact do we understand how terrible our mistakes were, and how foolish we have been. This is not a Sean/MLK comparison, rather an illustration of how we view people who aren't a stick in the mud.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that he's one of (if not the most) positive thinkers we have here at the moment. Not everyone is content to be pissed off or bitter at the world, and frankly I think that Sean has some very practical and useful things to say. Take for example one of his most common themes - Gratitude. We so often focus on how unhappy we are, dwelling on how people have wronged us, or on how empty our wallets are. Woe is me, do I ever have something to be pissed off about. The negative - now THAT'S reality. I say BULLSHIT. It is only half of the reality, which is that there are blessings and curses in life, and how we deal with them will determine whether we are happy or sad, a success or a failure. Duality is human nature, so wake up and recognize it. Be grateful for the blessings in your life, and don't treat the negative like it has a vice grip around your throat, choking you to death.

I think I know the problem, and it is the language and the context used. I guarantee I could take something he wrote, use my own language, and have people nodding in agreement. People react to New Age Spirituality (NAS, lol, I invented an Acro) very negatively, and very sharply, and for good reason. For every useful piece of information, and good contact you can make with another human being, there is someone else waiting to fool you and rip you off. The room is cluttered with mess. Not everyone is equipped to deal with them in a way that will allow us to determine the good from the bad.

There is an easy way to figure this out, and it has to do with motivation. What is the motivation for the person to offer you information? Is he trying to get you to buy something, or to exert some kind of control over you? Is he acting out of fear? Does he simply care about you, and want to see you happy and fulfilled? We don't know what the motivation is in all cases, and that's vitally important.

Anyway, I didn't mean to be so long winded, but what I'm asking for is simple tolerance for a person who seems like a decent enough guy, and doesn't think of it as his mission to shit on what someone else writes. I personally don't give a fuck about fashion, environmentalism, or for that matter most topics people discuss. I don't think people really care about my relationship stories, or in the past my endless droning about my depression and subsequent recovery. However, there is a basic respect that people show me, which I am GRATEFUL for, because we all know that this is a place to express ourselves and learn from one another. I know that I can look at any one of you and see part of myself, past, present, or future.

Be Kind, Please.

Was tired and not feeling all that well Saturday, so I didn't think to call her. We were supposed to hang out. I spent yesterday wondering what to say or how to say it, basically I blew it and blew it worse by freezing up and not saying anything instead of telling her something to the effect of "Well can we hang out tomorrow? I am really tired and not feeling well."

Now she thinks something is up. I am such an idiot.

Gratitude is the foundation.

It's still the best policy when it comes to women. If there is one thing you can almost always bet on, it's that she has some people on the back burner just in case you fuck up. I have to admit that I am very, very uncomfortable with this, almost to the point where I would rather not bother.

No, nothing is "wrong" per se, so don't worry about me folks. I just don't like the idea of a back burner. Before I even bother to commit emotionally to someone I have to know that I'm the only one. When I date I am a one woman kind of guy. I suppose I should get some interesting backups lined up in case I get kicked to the curb for someone more preferable.

I don't even know why I feel this way.