I was thinking.....

Maybe I can turn my suburbanite rant into a funny "commercial" to be used during Larson vs. Larson breaks.

---

Suburban Guy - "OMG! Fags! Time to duct tape my ass like in the frat days!"
Suburban Girl - "OMG! Black ppl! I'm attracted though...better not tell dad!"
Suburban Guy - "Quick baby let's just hurry into Cozumel....."

Announcer - "Do you want to hang out in the city and be trendy without having to deal with blacks, gays and anyone who doesn't look or act like you? Are you bored with Brennan's and Caputi's? Are you looking for that lovely blonde with Fake Louie? Do what I do and hurry that booty over to Cozumel!"

Suburban Girl - "Thank God, there are actually normal people here. Hold my bag?"
Suburban Guy - "Hold on, I gotta pop my collar real quick like."
Suburban Girl - "OMG look at that girl's hair! Someone got a Flow-Bee! LOL"
Suburban Guy - "Jesus, shut up! I just took a bump and you're killing my buzz!"

"Cozumel. Why bring the city home when we bring home to the city?"

---

I know, it needs work. It's a start though.

Jason

And that's all you guys need to know about the car fiasco. I do indeed have my ride back. I had to talk on the phone a hell of a lot more than I ever like to. I am probably one of the most open people on (e:strip) in terms of revealing bits of my personal life and my issues. This one is far too embarrassing for me to reveal. Really this all has to do with one of my issues, but it's resolved and now I just want to relax.

Jason

It's been a while since I've let off a good ol' rant.

I thought about this when reading (e:Paul) discuss the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. The more I think about this the more pissed off I get. When I moved here almost 5 years ago Elmwood was a very different place. I came here and the local business owners on the block made a point to say hello and welcome to the 700 block. For the first time I felt a sense of community and I loved it. Looking at Elmwood now I see it as a playground for suburbanites when they get bored of the ho-hum of suburban existence. I see greedy assholes who want to take advantage of the neighborhood in order to fill their pockets. I'm surrounded by suburbanites now and my neighborhood feels about a million times less cool.

First of all, I have new neighbors next door to me who love to get drunk and start shouting vulgar insults and whatnot to random people on the street from the safety of their third floor balcony. Only an A Grade suburbanite pussy starts doing ridiculous shit like this. Ask (e:Ladycroft), she can testify, I'm beyond sick and tired of these sackless, pussified morons and their trashy girlfriends. I can't wait until the day they try to fuck with me and I make them put up or shut up. In fact I'm looking forward to it eagerly. It would be such a joy for me to bludgeon their faces with brass knucks. Someone needs to teach them a lesson their lazy fucked up parents couldn't be bothered to teach. It reminds me of the day I was walking down the street when two suburbanite cockless bastards drove by and said "You suck, Moulds!" (I was wearing my Moulds jersey, it was game day). I started hurrying my pace and sure enough these pansified pencildicks scooted off down the street.

Secondly, I used to look out over my porch and see such a varied mix of people. The diversity of the neighborhood is what made Elmwood so great. Lately I look over my porch and I see suburbanites infesting my neighborhood as far as the eye can see like cockroaches. Instead of punks, white and blue collar types, grad students, etc...I see bottled blondes and their juiced-up guido boyfriends strolling the hood. Everybody is the same. Jesus Christ, you are making my neighborhood so much less interesting and fun. You are draining the soul and the buzz out of Elmwood. You are turning it into Amherst South which is the most stomach-churning outcome possible. Aren't there people in the 'burbs who sell cocaine as well? I've always said it is the people in the neighborhood who make it great and you are ruining it for everyone else.

Thirdly, I want to re-hash my beef with Brodo. When they came into the neighborhood I thought "Hey, it's nice that there isn't an ugly empty area there now" - little did I know what was to come next. We had the debacle on my birthday where they blatantly disrespected and embarrassed (e:Joshua) and I. We felt like we weren't welcome at a restaurant across the street! I've spoken with other neighborhood residents who feel the same way about that particular establishment. Then came the parking scandal where I went totally apeshit. Now as you may know because of Brodo's incessant bitching and whining about "not being able to give all of their customers a parking space" the lot next to Globe Market is totally off limits to anyone but customers of a few shops, even during the overnight hours when the stores aren't open. I parked there for 4 years, then Brodo came and all of a sudden I can't park there overnight, even during the winter when you can't park on the street at all? Hello you greedy penny-pinching cocksuckers, your customers take up nearly every spot in the lots, on Elmwood and far up Cleveland. You don't even realize it is a neighborhood and a community, do you? You think of it only as a vehicle to exploit our neighborhood's uniqueness for your profit. I noticed there is a Brodo in Williamsville now - THAT is where it belongs, not Elmwood! Keep your fucking pretentious "stomp on your neighbors" attitude in the suburbs where it belongs!!

Lastly, has anyone been to Faherty's lately? That used to be my #1 favorite bar until some idiot decided to turn it into an establishment that is no more than Chippewa-worthy. Now it looks like Brink's. Yippie-kai-yai-fucking-yay. What was wrong with Faherty's pre-bastardization? Absolutely nothing! It was a great neighborhood bar with cool people, good music and good drink! Somewhere along the timeline someone thought it would be brilliant to put up some plasmas and re-do the interior so the suburbanites don't feel like they are dirty by sitting down. Fuck those assholes! Nice job contributing to the yuppie-isation of Elmwood. I'll bet a dollar Baha Men are in the fucking jukebox now.

So thank you everyone involved for turning Elmwood into a suburban miasma of filth and pretentiousness. I hope those dollars are worth it! #@^#@#$%$#

Jason

I'm going to try a new writing style since I have a few things I want to touch on. Last time I ended up writing long paragraphs, and nobody likes to read long paragraphs (including myself). Here it goes:

Left Bank has really good food. I had a great time there. Highly recommended!

The Bills cut Drew Haddad. That sucks, I thought he did a great job during the preseason. I hope another team saw him and signs him soon.

I saw a construction guy with a Bills hardhat on today. I could be wrong about this, but I don't think they are made to wear on the job.

Today I spilled hot coffee all over my genitals while driving to work. Ouch!

Yes, there are people who have the flawed perception that Gov't can answer all of our problems. We don't need huge Gov't, we need SMART Gov't.

Peep Delta! I read that they're selling planes off and cutting flights. They'll go bankrupt anyway because fuel is fucking expensive (not to mention pension costs).

It's become clear to me that the USA has to take a hard look at the role of corporations in our society. More on this one later when I have time.

I've been introduced to the world of Port wine. You only drink a little of it, so I think it would make a good nightcap every now and then.

My spirits are lifting slowly. It is a real struggle for me. I have to find something which gives me a sense of purpose and meaning, so I'm not so bored or unhappy.

Jason

I know that there has been some talk about political and other kinds of "radio" shows that could be a part of our little online community. The other day while smoking a joint a light bulb went off - (e:Joshua) and I can have our own debate program! You all must admit pitting brother versus brother in a political debate could turn out to be a very entertaining adventure. Joshy can be the right winger, and I can play the devil's advocate moderate when it comes to most issues.

I was thinking it could be a weekly program that we record from our apartment, where we address global, national and local issues that we deem important enough to talk about. We could invite guests from any and all parts of the political spectrum to come over and join the debate. We could also have an e-mail address and IM name for the show so anyone can chime in with their comments and questions. We would read some of the e-mails and answer them as a segment of the show. I was also thinking we could make use of some of (e:DrChlorine)'s "commercials" and play them during breaks as well. Maybe we could have some call-ins, depending on the timing, using Skype or something similar.

Obviously nobody here is a professional pundit or politico. Nobody is going to know everything about everything. I think that we could put together a very fun and informative show nevertheless. Josh's abrasiveness, combined with my unique and hilarious sense of humor injected into politics - and with the help of in-house guests and e-mail reaction could turn out to be something that people can enjoy, especially if they are sick of the same old same old.

So who wants to be a guest on Larson vs. Larson? If I could put up audio in various formats would anybody want to check it out?

Jason

I joined MySpace because a friend of mine wanted people to be able to get the latest news about shows and other things related to his band. So I put up a little profile and added the band members to my friends list. I thought, hey this site is great. I found a couple of old friends that I hadn't spoken with in a while and added them on my list as well.

Lately though I have been getting a ton of fake contacts. By fake contacts I mean two messages in two days from girls who want to get to know me. They always say the same thing, "Hey I am new here and want to get to know new people...." and then they always end with "contact me at my e-mail address!!!!" when it is perfectly easy to contact people via MySpace messaging. Basically I think there are a bunch of scumbags out there who are trying to farm e-mail addresses and take advantage of horny men like myself. Luckily I am smart enough to not write back.

The thing is I really have no clue why any woman would want to talk to me after reading my MySpace profile. I make special efforts to be obnoxious, filthy and undesirable. Have any of you read my MySpace profile? That's how I know for sure that the contacts are fake.

Jason

I was lucky enough to score a discounted ticket for the Colplay show at Darien Lake yesterday. A friend of a friend couldn't go so I got a lawn ticket for $20. Sweet! I have to say it was one of the better concerts I've attended. It is obvious that the lads love playing together and love their music. It wasn't like so many shows I've attended where the musicians tend to just go through the motions - like "oh my god do I really have to play this song again" - but Coldplay was spot-on and performed the living daylights out of their music. The lighting and effects were also top-notch, absolutely phenominal. I was very impressed with the quality of the show. I'm telling you guys if you ever get a chance to see Coldplay, take it!! You'll love it!!

Also right now at work I am listening to System of a Down's latest offering, Mezmerize. I've gotta say the album is excellent. I've seen them once live and they also put on a very energetic performance. I'm listening to the song "Question!" right now and man is it ever good. I really believe SOAD is one of the very best rock bands out there right now. They are so tight, and they also play in mixed meter very easily compared to other bands who seem to struggle through it. The guitar player is fucking amazing - he was the guy who got off a "FUUUCKK YOUUUU!" on Saturday Night Live. What a great band. RAAAAAAAAAAHH!HHH!H!!!!!!!!

Jason

There are a few things I want to touch on today. It looks like we are having some lively discussion here on (e:strip) and I'm ready to jump in.

(e:Joshua) says I am too diplomatic in what I said about Media Bias before. Well I really believe part of the problem in discussing it is that the word "liberal" is used in a much broader sense in conservative circles, while in liberal circles the word is used to describe those on the left wing only - there is a difference between Democrats and Liberals to them. Without a doubt the mainstream press is not championing the uber extremist left out there. They do not push the ideas of the Animal Liberation Front or other kooky organizations. I just don't see it, but if someone were to say that they generally tilt to the left I would agree. Does anyone else think this is a valid distinction to make?

About my post concerning ladies - HOLY POOP never did I expect so many responses. In a way I feel bad. It wasn't meant as a serious post at all - in fact I tried to make it as silly as possible. Are you guys telling me you've never had a girl hog all the sheets? Am I the only one? LOL. I really can't believe that everyone took it so seriously - but it is obviously my own lack of comical writing skills that caused such a commotion. I'm better at one-liners and normal jokes. Am I really so jaded when it comes to the ladies? I'll be the first to admit what happened with the last one damaged me badly, perhaps beyond repair. Ever since then I've sworn off girlfriends, and I carry myself and dress in such a way that it will ensure that they ignore me. However there are only a few types of ladies that really turn my stomach - the suburbanite princess, the digger, and those who think they are above most men. I also can't stand when those types ask "where have all the good ones gone?" Hello they are not even on your radar! Anyway am I jaded when it comes to all women? No, absolutely not. I've said before I think (e:Lilho) is an impressive and very cool young lady. And could I chill with (e:Ladycroft) if I thought she were evil? =) But when it comes to relationships and marriage I am incredibly, nearly off the scale jaded. I do not even remotely wish to open up to someone in that way. Nowadays in general we don't treat each other with the kind of compassion, love and respect that makes relationships successful. Maybe someday I'll meet someone who completely changes my mind about this stuff.

New Orleans - I was afraid of this happening but I'm really not surprised - people are using this horrible tragedy as a vehicle to get their political messages across. I know there are legions of people out there who jump on any opportunity to blame Bush for anything and everything that happens in this world. To me this is all in extraordinarily poor taste. I surfed over to The Nation yesterday and predictably David Corn opened his weasel mouth and started spouting this shit. I mean, shit people the bodies are still fresh! There are people killing each other and starving, and the best some people can do is start in with the "Blame Bush" rhetoric? This tragedy is still ongoing! It is wasted energy and wasted time to start arguing about this shit already when we should really be doing everything we can to help. I am so disappointed and disheartened.

There is one thing that makes me so angry that I shake - and that is the fact that our government has dragged their collective ass in getting those poor bastards in New Orleans the help they need. If this were New York or DC or San Francisco you can bet your balls that there would have been NO delay in getting funds and mobilizing the necessary assets to get the relief to people who need it. This makes me believe that the elites in DC and NY don't give a shit about the South - they're just ignorant rednecks and inferior to us northerners, right? Oh my God this shit is so ridiculously inexcusable. We all should be ENRAGED at how the relief effort has gone down so far. Whoo, whoooooo....breathe Jason.....

Why not have an (e:strip) relief drive? If we really wanted to we could organize a relief effort and collect money, food, clothes, blankets, whatever - and send it to the proper organizations. I don't know if this is feasible or if anyone is interested. I just feel like as a group we could do a lot of good.

Jason

PS - (e:Paul), (e:Ajay), (e:Uncutsaniflush) - seriously your guys' comments cracked me up so much. LOLBOMB!!!!! Hehehe. (e:Ajay) is the Ric Flair of (e:strip) - because when the ladies think of him...they think "alllll niiiiight loooooong" Hahaha

There are literally BILLIONS of reasons why guys shouldn't waste their money or their time getting involved in the modern dating game. It is a losing proposition for all men except for the very best looking and the richest of us. Why put the women on a pedestal like you do? Why kiss their ass and jump through hoops just to MAYBE find out if she's interested in you? There are so many things that are annoying about dealing with women in relationships. I'll give you one of my faves.

You know what really bugs me? When they want to sleep over. Oh, great! you think as you ponder the bedroom acrobatics. No no no! It's a trap! Before you know it, she'll have stolen all your sheets and 95% of the bed space, leaving you freezing and with one ass check on the bed, one ass cheek off the bed. And then in the morning you won't even get any head, but she'll be all like "Jason get me a glass of water." What? A favor for a favor!

And then after you've gone and gotten her breakfast and coffee, you'll come back home and she will give you some shit like "So Jason do you like my looks better than my personality, or my personality better than my looks?" This is a loaded question, and the only appropriate answer is "Jeezus!! Stop reading Cosmo!!! If I liked quizzes I would be taking night classes!!"

And then she'll start bugging you about spending the entire next day with her. What? Maybe I have other things going on that day, or maybe I just want to hang out by myself. No I do not want to go see a movie. No I do not want to go shopping, good lord. All I want is peace, quiet, good food and no hassles!

Do the right thing - save your cash, your time, and your precious sleeping hours. Just rub one off and go to sleep. You'll be glad you did!!!!

Jason

I wanted to continue this discussion, but instead of having the comments fade into obscurity as I write more entries I decided to create a new journal entry to continue the discussion. I think this stuff is worthy of discussion, so let's do this! I'll start with the last comment:

(e:Ajay) writes:

[size=s](Jason), I do come from a long line of soldiers, so being a soldier is not an unknown for me. I was objecting to the standard "liberal media" and other BS. The media is most definitely NOT liberal. Just because an occasional anti-war story creeps through it does not make them "liberal". If you really care to understand what this "war" is about (and it is/was NOT about defending America, just to make it clear. It was NOT about installing democracy there either; if democracy was that important, why are the 3 closest US allies (KSA, Kuwait and Pakistan) non-democratic? In Kuwait and KSA women have minimal rights. But I digress), then you should be open to other views, and make your own mind up instead of blindly believing whatever National Review (there's a "liberal media" rag for you :) ) tells you. How come you never criticise the war? I think it was Roosevelt who said, "dissent is patriotic".

Coming to the issue of the solidiers being harassed, of course it is wrong. I will take issue with anybody who thinks harassing a uniformed service member is OK. It is not. By linking (in your mind) the harassment and the "liberal media" or "liberal professors", you are just as bad as the jackasses who harass the soldiers.[/size]

Well first of all I am relieved to hear that you are against soldier harassment. In this manner you agree with the basic premise of the article. The point of the article wasn't to say "lib media this, lib media that" - it was to highlight the treatment some of these guys and gals are getting on campus. What can I say, other than some people enjoy being misanthropes?

Whether the media is "liberal" or not depends on who you are talking to. A lot of liberals object to it being called the liberal media because it is not pushing the opinions of the far left wing. The mainstream media does not read like The Nation, so how could it be liberal? I understand this point of view, and put that way I definitely agree. Many people in conservative circles tend to lump everyone left of center into the "liberal" category. They don't realize how fractured the left really is. No, I wouldn't say that the mainstream media is far left wing but I would say that it is without a doubt tilted to the left more often than not. This manifests itself in a few ways, such as the headlines that are printed, how the articles frame a subject, what information is omitted, the language that is used, and misinformation. This stuff is self evident - you do not need to read conservative rags to see the situation for what it is.

Cherry picking the odd right-leaning quote from a mainstream media outlet is a very weak strategy - if I had to make a post every time the mainstream media shapes a story in favor of the left I likely would not post about much of anything other than the media. So if you say to me that the media isn't liberal because it doesn't carry the torch of the left wing I would agree, but don't make the mistake so many other people do in ignoring or denying very basic truths about how the press shapes their "product". The exploding success of Fox and other right wing media outlets is only a result of having a product that is unique - they differentiate themselves by airing scoops that nobody else on TV or radio will cover, and providing different angles than other news media. It is SOSDD from everybody else.

Someone please tell me who else besides the right-leaning media will cover soldier harrassment on campus? The only time soldiers are any good to the left is when they are in a casket or when they beat up a poor, helpless insurgent. Nobody on the left wants to shed positive light on our soldiers or anything they do. These people have titanium plated, diamond encrusted testicles and the left absolutely refuses to tell their stories. Why is this? Political reasons? Without a doubt. Saying that I should not believe NR because it's a conservative rag is silly - someone on the left or the mainstream media should be covering this stuff as well if they want to shed the labels they have been given and retain credibility.

Of course, when someone is a right-leaning person, they can't possibly think for themselves! Nobody who can actually form coherent, logical thoughts could POSSIBLY come to a different conclusion than what the left offers! If they do, no it is not because of careful consideration or life experience, it is because of brainwashing and weak minds! There is not a conservative alive who thinks for themselves! Personally attack them at all costs! They're drinking the Kool-Aid of course! What a shallow, silly thing to say - especially when there isn't an effective counter argument to the article I posted about soldier harrassment on campus. If people here really want to know what I read on a regular basis, I will offer it up honestly:

National Review
The Nation
The New Republic (although you have to pay to read their full articles, wtf)
Town Hall
Huffington Post on Yahoo
Talking Points Memo (I learned of this one passively through you, (e:Ajay))
Washington Monthly
Fox News
New York Times

I check out a variety of media sources. The reason for this is because you can learn different angles dealing with the same story, and you can read about different subjects each side champions. Although I lean to the right I'm interested in all points of view. I've said I don't know how many times on this very journal that I'm open minded and willing to listen. I've asked the lefties on this site for their opinions. I'm the only political person on (e:strip) who is willing and humble enough to challenge what they think. This whole kool-aid, think for yourself nonsense will never stick. Partisanship is not useful - it is groupthink. Ultimately what I want isn't to take sides, but to learn the truth. If I'm wrong about something I will admit it. In this way I am light years beyond most people.

About the Iraq war - (e:Ajay) is correct, I do not criticize the war. I do not say much about the war at all. I have family fighting in it so I keep quiet in general. In my journal I have said that I think it was a mistake to go into Iraq, and that our focus should have been squarely on Afghanistan - it seems to me that we left one mission half-finished before we started another one. I do not make a connection between 9/11 and Iraq - a more accurate connection would be 9/11, Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. I'm not like other people and I will not speculate on the reasons for the war and pass it off as fact. The most interesting theory I have heard is that there are numerous ancient artifacts in Iraq that Saddam had control of which could possibly give us much more information as to the origins of humanity. It is allegedly very shocking information - too dangerous to be let out into the public. Now obviously it sounds far-fetched, and it is - but it is much more interesting than the blood for oil argument - yep that petrol we're stealing from Iraq should be arriving here any day now. Is this enough criticism, or is there something specific that someone wants to ask me about? Ask away and I'll give you my honest opinion. I don't always toe the line like everybody else.

Jason